There are too many celebrity podcasts.
You can’t throw a Kylie Jenner lip kit without hitting a dozen or so famous folk who bought a microphone and a pair of headphones off Amazon and decided that what the world needed was more of them.
The pandemic still has a lot to answer for.
Temporarily relieved of their ability to make films, TV shows or music, and while the masses turned to sourdough starters and memes, celebrities turned to themselves.
Drinks brands, newsletters, make-up lines, skin care, clothing, baby food, vitamins, homeware … anything the rich and famous could slap their names on to encourage fans to part with their cash, they did. And yet, it still wasn’t enough.
Sure, they had snuck into people’s wallets, but wouldn’t it be better to be relentlessly wedged into their ears with a podcast instead?
Well, pass me a cotton bud. It’s time for a clear-out.
Back in the day, podcasting wasn’t a thing famous people did. When the first podcasts started appearing in the early 2000s, under the slightly clunkier title of “audioblogs”, they were put together by people who had actual information to share.
The first podcasts were mainly tech-based, providing something of an echo chamber for hosts to talk about IT, BitTorrents and coding, which were largely listened to by those tech-savvy enough to be in on the ground floor of this fun new development.
IT Conversations by Doug Kaye, which ran from 2003 to 2012, is widely credited as the first podcast, while another early adopter was Adam Curry's Daily Source Code, which also began in 2003 and is still running. Proof, if it were needed, that one person’s idea (mine) of podcasting tedium is another's must-listen.
And now, 20 years later, anyone with a half-baked thought or opinion and an overwhelming urge to share can waffle on for an hour, then press upload.
But when it comes to entering the supremely crowded marketplace of the 4.7 million podcasts Spotify says it has and the 2.5 million Apple claims, there’s only one way to make your podcast stand out, and that’s to attach a celebrity name to it.
So, if there is anything you still wanted to know about Kate Hudson and her less famous brother Oliver, their Sibling Revelry podcast is for you.
The celebrity podcast can be divided into two categories: ones hosted by A-listers and ones by the B, C, D and so forth crowd.
And within those two categories are three subdivisions: celebrities interviewing other celebrities (Hollywood or otherwise); celebrities recapping their TV shows; and celebrity hot air waffle where no one has much to say.
The first category is awash with household names: Meghan, Duchess of Sussex; Michelle Obama; Emily Ratajkowski; Alec Baldwin; Oprah Winfrey; Seth Rogen and, of course, Gwyneth Paltrow.
Here’s The Thing with Alec Baldwin “takes listeners into the lives of artists, policymakers and performers”, with the actor chatting to the likes of Barbra Streisand and Chris Rock.
The Duchess of Sussex’s Archetypes, the goal of which was to “investigate, dissect, and subvert the labels that try to hold women back”, welcomed stars such as Mariah Carey and Serena Williams.
On her Goop podcast, Paltrow has spoken to fellow mega A-listers such as Julia Roberts and Scarlett Johansson.
But, to borrow momentarily from Baldwin, here’s the thing: at the heart of all these cosy chats – A-lister to A-lister – is merely the time-honoured celebrity flex of showcasing the names in their little black book.
Because if you can get the Pretty Woman herself round for a cup of tea and chat about her favourite lip balm, then the rest of us nobodies may as well just pack up and go home.
In the B and lower list celebrity podcast arena, Dax Shepard has become a stand-out with Armchair Expert in which he self-professedly attempts to “discover human truths”.
“What qualifies me for such an endeavour?” he asks. “More than a decade of sobriety, a degree in anthropology and four years of improv training.”
Shepard might have welcomed the likes of Jada Pinkett Smith, Dr Vivek Murthy and Monica Lewinsky on his show, and yet, I have to ask myself if the person who willingly signed on to star in Chips and Employee of the Month is the man I trust to uncover “human truths”.
The celebrity TV show recap podcast I don’t have a problem with.
Who am I to begrudge a way for slightly fading or in-danger-of-being-forgotten stars to stay relevant? Occupying this space we have Office Ladies hosted by Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey, who played Pam and Angela in the US version of The Office; 9021OMG with Kelly Taylor and Donna Martin (aka Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling), who are still mining vignettes from the show a full 23 years after it ended; and XOXO, dedicated to Gossip Girl and hosted by Jessica Szohr, who played Vanessa Abrams.
These podcasts couldn’t be made by anyone else because they’re hosted by the people who were there at the time and have the receipts to back it up. So, if it’s insights and human truths I want, I’ll take Pam and Angela over Goop or the Armchair Expert any day.
The biog
Favourite colour: Brown
Favourite Movie: Resident Evil
Hobbies: Painting, Cooking, Imitating Voices
Favourite food: Pizza
Trivia: Was the voice of three characters in the Emirati animation, Shaabiyat Al Cartoon
Mane points for safe home colouring
- Natural and grey hair takes colour differently than chemically treated hair
- Taking hair from a dark to a light colour should involve a slow transition through warmer stages of colour
- When choosing a colour (especially a lighter tone), allow for a natural lift of warmth
- Most modern hair colours are technique-based, in that they require a confident hand and taught skills
- If you decide to be brave and go for it, seek professional advice and use a semi-permanent colour
Tuesday's fixtures
Kyrgyzstan v Qatar, 5.45pm
Difference between fractional ownership and timeshare
Although similar in its appearance, the concept of a fractional title deed is unlike that of a timeshare, which usually involves multiple investors buying “time” in a property whereby the owner has the right to occupation for a specified period of time in any year, as opposed to the actual real estate, said John Peacock, Head of Indirect Tax and Conveyancing, BSA Ahmad Bin Hezeem & Associates, a law firm.
David Haye record
Total fights: 32
Wins: 28
Wins by KO: 26
Losses: 4
Why does a queen bee feast only on royal jelly?
Some facts about bees:
The queen bee eats only royal jelly, an extraordinary food created by worker bees so she lives much longer
The life cycle of a worker bee is from 40-60 days
A queen bee lives for 3-5 years
This allows her to lay millions of eggs and allows the continuity of the bee colony
About 20,000 honey bees and one queen populate each hive
Honey is packed with vital vitamins, minerals, enzymes, water and anti-oxidants.
Apart from honey, five other products are royal jelly, the special food bees feed their queen
Pollen is their protein source, a super food that is nutritious, rich in amino acids
Beewax is used to construct the combs. Due to its anti-fungal, anti-bacterial elements, it is used in skin treatments
Propolis, a resin-like material produced by bees is used to make hives. It has natural antibiotic qualities so works to sterilize hive, protects from disease, keeps their home free from germs. Also used to treat sores, infection, warts
Bee venom is used by bees to protect themselves. Has anti-inflammatory properties, sometimes used to relieve conditions such as rheumatoid arthritis, nerve and muscle pain
Honey, royal jelly, pollen have health enhancing qualities
The other three products are used for therapeutic purposes
Is beekeeping dangerous?
As long as you deal with bees gently, you will be safe, says Mohammed Al Najeh, who has worked with bees since he was a boy.
“The biggest mistake people make is they panic when they see a bee. They are small but smart creatures. If you move your hand quickly to hit the bees, this is an aggressive action and bees will defend themselves. They can sense the adrenalin in our body. But if we are calm, they are move away.”
Fixtures
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EWednesday%2C%20April%203%3C%2Fstrong%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EArsenal%20v%20Luton%20Town%2C%2010.30pm%20(UAE)%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EManchester%20City%20v%20Aston%20Villa%2C%2011.15pm%20(UAE)%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EThursday%2C%20April%204%3C%2Fstrong%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3ELiverpool%20v%20Sheffield%20United%2C%2010.30pm%20(UAE)%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
CONFIRMED%20LINE-UP
%3Cp%3E%0DElena%20Rybakina%20(Kazakhstan)%20%20%0D%3Cbr%3EOns%20Jabeur%20(Tunisia)%20%20%0D%3Cbr%3EMaria%20Sakkari%20(Greece)%20%20%0D%3Cbr%3EBarbora%20Krej%C4%8D%C3%ADkov%C3%A1%20(Czech%20Republic)%20%20%0D%3Cbr%3EBeatriz%20Haddad%20Maia%20(Brazil)%20%20%0D%3Cbr%3EJe%C4%BCena%20Ostapenko%20(Latvia)%20%20%0D%3Cbr%3ELiudmila%20Samsonova%20%20%0D%3Cbr%3EDaria%20Kasatkina%E2%80%AF%20%0D%3Cbr%3EVeronika%20Kudermetova%E2%80%AF%20%0D%3Cbr%3ECaroline%20Garcia%20(France)%E2%80%AF%20%0D%3Cbr%3EMagda%20Linette%20(Poland)%E2%80%AF%20%0D%3Cbr%3ESorana%20C%C3%AErstea%20(Romania)%E2%80%AF%20%0D%3Cbr%3EAnastasia%20Potapova%E2%80%AF%20%0D%3Cbr%3EAnhelina%20Kalinina%20(Ukraine)%E2%80%AF%E2%80%AF%20%0D%3Cbr%3EJasmine%20Paolini%20(Italy)%E2%80%AF%20%0D%3Cbr%3EEmma%20Navarro%20(USA)%E2%80%AF%20%0D%3Cbr%3ELesia%20Tsurenko%20(Ukraine)%3Cbr%3ENaomi%20Osaka%20(Japan)%20-%20wildcard%3Cbr%3EEmma%20Raducanu%20(Great%20Britain)%20-%20wildcard%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
TOURNAMENT INFO
Fixtures
Sunday January 5 - Oman v UAE
Monday January 6 - UAE v Namibia
Wednesday January 8 - Oman v Namibia
Thursday January 9 - Oman v UAE
Saturday January 11 - UAE v Namibia
Sunday January 12 – Oman v Namibia
UAE squad
Ahmed Raza (captain), Rohan Mustafa, Mohammed Usman, CP Rizwan, Waheed Ahmed, Zawar Farid, Darius D’Silva, Karthik Meiyappan, Jonathan Figy, Vriitya Aravind, Zahoor Khan, Junaid Siddique, Basil Hameed, Chirag Suri
BOSH!'s pantry essentials
Nutritional yeast
This is Firth's pick and an ingredient he says, "gives you an instant cheesy flavour". He advises making your own cream cheese with it or simply using it to whip up a mac and cheese or wholesome lasagne. It's available in organic and specialist grocery stores across the UAE.
Seeds
"We've got a big jar of mixed seeds in our kitchen," Theasby explains. "That's what you use to make a bolognese or pie or salad: just grab a handful of seeds and sprinkle them over the top. It's a really good way to make sure you're getting your omegas."
Umami flavours
"I could say soya sauce, but I'll say all umami-makers and have them in the same batch," says Firth. He suggests having items such as Marmite, balsamic vinegar and other general, dark, umami-tasting products in your cupboard "to make your bolognese a little bit more 'umptious'".
Onions and garlic
"If you've got them, you can cook basically anything from that base," says Theasby. "These ingredients are so prevalent in every world cuisine and if you've got them in your cupboard, then you know you've got the foundation of a really nice meal."
Your grain of choice
Whether rice, quinoa, pasta or buckwheat, Firth advises always having a stock of your favourite grains in the cupboard. "That you, you have an instant meal and all you have to do is just chuck a bit of veg in."
The specs
Engine: 3.0-litre 6-cyl turbo
Power: 435hp at 5,900rpm
Torque: 520Nm at 1,800-5,500rpm
Transmission: 9-speed auto
Price: from Dh498,542
On sale: now
