There are too many celebrity podcasts.
You can’t throw a Kylie Jenner lip kit without hitting a dozen or so famous folk who bought a microphone and a pair of headphones off Amazon and decided that what the world needed was more of them.
The pandemic still has a lot to answer for.
Temporarily relieved of their ability to make films, TV shows or music, and while the masses turned to sourdough starters and memes, celebrities turned to themselves.
Drinks brands, newsletters, make-up lines, skin care, clothing, baby food, vitamins, homeware … anything the rich and famous could slap their names on to encourage fans to part with their cash, they did. And yet, it still wasn’t enough.
Sure, they had snuck into people’s wallets, but wouldn’t it be better to be relentlessly wedged into their ears with a podcast instead?
Well, pass me a cotton bud. It’s time for a clear-out.
Back in the day, podcasting wasn’t a thing famous people did. When the first podcasts started appearing in the early 2000s, under the slightly clunkier title of “audioblogs”, they were put together by people who had actual information to share.
The first podcasts were mainly tech-based, providing something of an echo chamber for hosts to talk about IT, BitTorrents and coding, which were largely listened to by those tech-savvy enough to be in on the ground floor of this fun new development.
IT Conversations by Doug Kaye, which ran from 2003 to 2012, is widely credited as the first podcast, while another early adopter was Adam Curry's Daily Source Code, which also began in 2003 and is still running. Proof, if it were needed, that one person’s idea (mine) of podcasting tedium is another's must-listen.
And now, 20 years later, anyone with a half-baked thought or opinion and an overwhelming urge to share can waffle on for an hour, then press upload.
But when it comes to entering the supremely crowded marketplace of the 4.7 million podcasts Spotify says it has and the 2.5 million Apple claims, there’s only one way to make your podcast stand out, and that’s to attach a celebrity name to it.
So, if there is anything you still wanted to know about Kate Hudson and her less famous brother Oliver, their Sibling Revelry podcast is for you.
The celebrity podcast can be divided into two categories: ones hosted by A-listers and ones by the B, C, D and so forth crowd.
And within those two categories are three subdivisions: celebrities interviewing other celebrities (Hollywood or otherwise); celebrities recapping their TV shows; and celebrity hot air waffle where no one has much to say.
The first category is awash with household names: Meghan, Duchess of Sussex; Michelle Obama; Emily Ratajkowski; Alec Baldwin; Oprah Winfrey; Seth Rogen and, of course, Gwyneth Paltrow.
Here’s The Thing with Alec Baldwin “takes listeners into the lives of artists, policymakers and performers”, with the actor chatting to the likes of Barbra Streisand and Chris Rock.
The Duchess of Sussex’s Archetypes, the goal of which was to “investigate, dissect, and subvert the labels that try to hold women back”, welcomed stars such as Mariah Carey and Serena Williams.
On her Goop podcast, Paltrow has spoken to fellow mega A-listers such as Julia Roberts and Scarlett Johansson.
But, to borrow momentarily from Baldwin, here’s the thing: at the heart of all these cosy chats – A-lister to A-lister – is merely the time-honoured celebrity flex of showcasing the names in their little black book.
Because if you can get the Pretty Woman herself round for a cup of tea and chat about her favourite lip balm, then the rest of us nobodies may as well just pack up and go home.
In the B and lower list celebrity podcast arena, Dax Shepard has become a stand-out with Armchair Expert in which he self-professedly attempts to “discover human truths”.
“What qualifies me for such an endeavour?” he asks. “More than a decade of sobriety, a degree in anthropology and four years of improv training.”
Shepard might have welcomed the likes of Jada Pinkett Smith, Dr Vivek Murthy and Monica Lewinsky on his show, and yet, I have to ask myself if the person who willingly signed on to star in Chips and Employee of the Month is the man I trust to uncover “human truths”.
The celebrity TV show recap podcast I don’t have a problem with.
Who am I to begrudge a way for slightly fading or in-danger-of-being-forgotten stars to stay relevant? Occupying this space we have Office Ladies hosted by Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey, who played Pam and Angela in the US version of The Office; 9021OMG with Kelly Taylor and Donna Martin (aka Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling), who are still mining vignettes from the show a full 23 years after it ended; and XOXO, dedicated to Gossip Girl and hosted by Jessica Szohr, who played Vanessa Abrams.
These podcasts couldn’t be made by anyone else because they’re hosted by the people who were there at the time and have the receipts to back it up. So, if it’s insights and human truths I want, I’ll take Pam and Angela over Goop or the Armchair Expert any day.
Tamkeen's offering
- Option 1: 70% in year 1, 50% in year 2, 30% in year 3
- Option 2: 50% across three years
- Option 3: 30% across five years
GULF MEN'S LEAGUE
Pool A Dubai Hurricanes, Bahrain, Dubai Exiles, Dubai Tigers 2
Pool B Abu Dhabi Harlequins, Jebel Ali Dragons, Dubai Knights Eagles, Dubai Tigers
Opening fixtures
Thursday, December 5
6.40pm, Pitch 8, Abu Dhabi Harlequins v Dubai Knights Eagles
7pm, Pitch 2, Jebel Ali Dragons v Dubai Tigers
7pm, Pitch 4, Dubai Hurricanes v Dubai Exiles
7pm, Pitch 5, Bahrain v Dubai Eagles 2
Recent winners
2018 Dubai Hurricanes
2017 Dubai Exiles
2016 Abu Dhabi Harlequins
2015 Abu Dhabi Harlequins
2014 Abu Dhabi Harlequins
THE LOWDOWN
Photograph
Rating: 4/5
Produced by: Poetic License Motion Pictures; RSVP Movies
Director: Ritesh Batra
Cast: Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Sanya Malhotra, Farrukh Jaffar, Deepak Chauhan, Vijay Raaz
Terror attacks in Paris, November 13, 2015
- At 9.16pm, three suicide attackers killed one person outside the Atade de France during a foootball match between France and Germany
- At 9.25pm, three attackers opened fire on restaurants and cafes over 20 minutes, killing 39 people
- Shortly after 9.40pm, three other attackers launched a three-hour raid on the Bataclan, in which 1,500 people had gathered to watch a rock concert. In total, 90 people were killed
- Salah Abdeslam, the only survivor of the terrorists, did not directly participate in the attacks, thought to be due to a technical glitch in his suicide vest
- He fled to Belgium and was involved in attacks on Brussels in March 2016. He is serving a life sentence in France
Red flags
- Promises of high, fixed or 'guaranteed' returns.
- Unregulated structured products or complex investments often used to bypass traditional safeguards.
- Lack of clear information, vague language, no access to audited financials.
- Overseas companies targeting investors in other jurisdictions - this can make legal recovery difficult.
- Hard-selling tactics - creating urgency, offering 'exclusive' deals.
Courtesy: Carol Glynn, founder of Conscious Finance Coaching
Company name: Play:Date
Launched: March 2017 on UAE Mother’s Day
Founder: Shamim Kassibawi
Based: Dubai with operations in the UAE and US
Sector: Tech
Size: 20 employees
Stage of funding: Seed
Investors: Three founders (two silent co-founders) and one venture capital fund
Groom and Two Brides
Director: Elie Semaan
Starring: Abdullah Boushehri, Laila Abdallah, Lulwa Almulla
Rating: 3/5
Dhadak 2
Director: Shazia Iqbal
Starring: Siddhant Chaturvedi, Triptii Dimri
Rating: 1/5
Company Profile
Founder: Omar Onsi
Launched: 2018
Employees: 35
Financing stage: Seed round ($12 million)
Investors: B&Y, Phoenician Funds, M1 Group, Shorooq Partners
Our family matters legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
The Lowdown
Kesari
Rating: 2.5/5 stars
Produced by: Dharma Productions, Azure Entertainment
Directed by: Anubhav Singh
Cast: Akshay Kumar, Parineeti Chopra
Notable salonnières of the Middle East through history
Al Khasan (Okaz, Saudi Arabia)
Tamadir bint Amr Al Harith, known simply as Al Khasan, was a poet from Najd famed for elegies, earning great renown for the eulogy of her brothers Mu’awiyah and Sakhr, both killed in tribal wars. Although not a salonnière, this prestigious 7th century poet fostered a culture of literary criticism and could be found standing in the souq of Okaz and reciting her poetry, publicly pronouncing her views and inviting others to join in the debate on scholarship. She later converted to Islam.
Maryana Marrash (Aleppo)
A poet and writer, Marrash helped revive the tradition of the salon and was an active part of the Nadha movement, or Arab Renaissance. Born to an established family in Aleppo in Ottoman Syria in 1848, Marrash was educated at missionary schools in Aleppo and Beirut at a time when many women did not receive an education. After touring Europe, she began to host salons where writers played chess and cards, competed in the art of poetry, and discussed literature and politics. An accomplished singer and canon player, music and dancing were a part of these evenings.
Princess Nazil Fadil (Cairo)
Princess Nazil Fadil gathered religious, literary and political elite together at her Cairo palace, although she stopped short of inviting women. The princess, a niece of Khedive Ismail, believed that Egypt’s situation could only be solved through education and she donated her own property to help fund the first modern Egyptian University in Cairo.
Mayy Ziyadah (Cairo)
Ziyadah was the first to entertain both men and women at her Cairo salon, founded in 1913. The writer, poet, public speaker and critic, her writing explored language, religious identity, language, nationalism and hierarchy. Born in Nazareth, Palestine, to a Lebanese father and Palestinian mother, her salon was open to different social classes and earned comparisons with souq of where Al Khansa herself once recited.
Pari
Produced by: Clean Slate Films (Anushka Sharma, Karnesh Sharma) & KriArj Entertainment
Director: Prosit Roy
Starring: Anushka Sharma, Parambrata Chattopadhyay, Ritabhari Chakraborty, Rajat Kapoor, Mansi Multani
Three stars
The Two Popes
Director: Fernando Meirelles
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Jonathan Pryce
Four out of five stars
ONCE UPON A TIME IN GAZA
Starring: Nader Abd Alhay, Majd Eid, Ramzi Maqdisi
Directors: Tarzan and Arab Nasser
Rating: 4.5/5
Armies of Sand
By Kenneth Pollack (Oxford University Press)
Three ways to boost your credit score
Marwan Lutfi says the core fundamentals that drive better payment behaviour and can improve your credit score are:
1. Make sure you make your payments on time;
2. Limit the number of products you borrow on: the more loans and credit cards you have, the more it will affect your credit score;
3. Don't max out all your debts: how much you maximise those credit facilities will have an impact. If you have five credit cards and utilise 90 per cent of that credit, it will negatively affect your score.
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