The challenge of parenting while fasting in a country that's 'always open for business'

Fasting during Ramadan means practising self-restraint while trying to be a kinder and more patient person.

But that can be a tall order when you are working and parenting in a country with little understanding of the holy month.

For parents in the US, things can be especially challenging. The "always open for business" work ethic that dominates professional life here can make things especially difficult during Ramadan.

Many mums and dads already struggle to keep up with the stresses of America's gruelling work ethic, where family time is often interrupted by the ping of a boss's email and labour laws in many states mean workers have no right to a holiday.

Add fasting to the mix and things can get intense.

Mubeen Khumawala, a vice president at an educational non-profit group from Texas — and a father of two — says he tries to set boundaries in his work so colleagues understand he needs to "slow it down a little".

At home, Mr Khumawala tries to include his kids as much as possible in any Ramadan activity, including reading and sharing food with family and friends, and attending the masjid for iftar so they can get a sense of the larger Muslim community and make friends.

"Raising children in the best manner possible is also an act of worship," he says.

“Beyond that, focus on the essentials and don’t over exert yourself in a manner that burns you out and also prevents you from enjoying your kids."

Ammar Khan, a YouTube programme manager from California with two children, says his company is open-minded and inclusive.

While it helps him to balance fasting, working and parenting, being the only Muslim on his team means juggling cultural priorities. During Ramadan, he has to head home early, about 4pm.

“I do log back on after taraweeh and reply to messages, but I don’t prefer meetings after that time,” Mr Khan tells The National.

“I am very up front about Ramadan at work," he says, noting that not everyone understands the spiritual and physical rigours of the holy month.

"I have calendar blocks telling people when Ramadan starts and ends, invite them to company iftars, provide links to where they can learn more."

Despite the challenges involved in working, fasting and parenting, many Muslims find the spiritual benefits, such as increased mindfulness and self-discipline, outweigh any negatives.

Faizan Ahmed, head of a Californian startiup, rearranged his schedule so that he can set up iftar and suhoor meals every day for his two children and family.

“I try my best to prioritise worship over my work," Mr Ahmed says.

"That does not mean I totally cut off, but it mostly means I don’t spend as much time as I would otherwise at work."

Muslim parents in America face the same challenges as other parents when it comes to balancing work and family responsibilities.

But they may face more challenges in the workplace, particularly during Ramadan, where colleagues might not understand how hard it can be to maintain focus and energy while fasting.

Shahbaaz Hasan, a technical support engineer at Datassential from Illinois, has twin babies. He has a different struggle as he works remotely while helping his wife.

His day includes regular feedings, naps, and "many, many diaper changes", he says.

“It’s tough, especially while managing babies, which means no more naps during lunch," Mr Hasan says.

"But it’s a great opportunity to reset from our regular day to day and start a new and better routine."

Parental actions speak louder than words, Mr Khan says. So during Ramadan, he makes an effort to read the Quran and pray in front of his children.

But he misses out at bedtime.

"I cannot put them to bed due to the taraweeh schedule, but I do help them memorise Quran, duas, how to be extra gentle and caring,” Mr Khan says.

For Mr Ahmed, one of Islam's most important value systems is the focus on intentions.

“Even though one may not be able to put in many hours in worship due to other obligations they may have, yet if they had the intention to do so they get rewarded accordingly,” he says.

With this concept in mind, Mr Ahmed believes he is engaged in worship while taking care of his fatherly duties, as long as his intentions are sincere.

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