Life isn’t meant to be easy. Yet we strive for it daily; trying to achieve an ease that will finally make us happy.
My simple but big decision to move from India to the UAE started with a random message from a recruiter on LinkedIn. Fast forward six months and I was sitting in a plush hotel in Abu Dhabi, gleeful about my move.
The first two months were a whirlwind. It always is. A new job, a new home, a new city, new crowd. I was on a high — a newness adorned my life.
However, the newness wasn’t new to me. Coming from a family in the army, I had spent most of my life settling and uprooting and settling all over again in different states of India, a country so diverse every state feels like a new nation.
While the human tendency is to resist change, there are moments when we fall into a rut and look for change. I was in a rut when this change presented itself, and it was therefore an easy decision to move.
My friends told me they envied me. My Instagram followers shared their desire to do the same.
For a while, I even showed off the "happy pictures", so content was I with my choice.
Everything was perfect. Everything was right. What could possibly go wrong?
I was in a vacuum
It started with a long holiday for Ramadan. It was too soon to travel back home and too soon to travel elsewhere. (I had spent a lot on new furnishings, after all.)
And so, I planned nothing. Big mistake, in hindsight.
A few days into the holiday and it hit me like an earthquake, jolting me out of my bubble.
The newness was lost to loneliness, the control to anxiety, and before I knew it I found myself in a vacuum.
Suddenly, I had nothing to buy, nothing to do, no one to meet, nowhere to go.
A colleague told me to get out and explore. But the idea of venturing out into the unknown (alone) did not appeal to me in the slightest possible way.
Maybe I am not an explorer. Maybe I am not strong. Maybe I can’t be alone.
'Nothing to be ashamed of'
Shocked by what I was feeling — it was a new feeling to me and I did not like it — I took to the global go-to guide: Google.
I searched "homesick in a new country".
Was I homesick? Yes. I was so homesick that I was ready to fly to Delhi to just breathe in its polluted air.
I missed the multitude of scents. The brewing chai, the frying samosas, the incense stick from a nearby temple, talcum powder, cheap perfume, expensive perfume, sweat, smoke — a mixture of aroma and stench.
I missed the sights. The cloudy-dusty sky, the rickshaw driver scanning for customers, the beggar looking for his next messiah, the scrawny dog shaking its head to ward off fleas, the chaat-wala chopping onions with his grimy hands, a cyclist whipping up a tiny dust storm, the walls splattered with paan (betel juice).
I missed the walas. The sabzi-wala, the kacchhda-wala, the pani-wala, the kabadi-wala, the kinara-wala, the chai-wala, the chaat-wala.
I guess what I missed most was the comfort of familiarity.
Meanwhile, Google responded to my query. "It is part of the expatriation process. It lasts for a week for some, a month for many and sometimes up to a year."
As if sensing what I was feeling, articles even told me: "It is nothing to be ashamed of."
There were also plenty of tips on how to overcome this feeling.
Back to work
Soon, but not soon enough, I was back at work. And while it helped getting back to being busy, the weekends brought back the unease.
I just couldn’t get rid of the feeling.
I joined Meetup (but did not go anywhere), hung out with a friend, met my cousin and shopped a bit more. Yet there was no escaping the emptiness.
I spoke to my family about how I was feeling, but I think they, who see this as a great opportunity (not that I don’t), couldn’t fully comprehend my emotions.
So, I filled my spare time with my favourite source of comfort: food. One day I would feel like I have lost my appetite, and another I would binge eat. But dozens of takeaways and a (mostly) sedentary lifestyle meant an undesirable weight gain (let’s call it the “Abu Dhabi stone”). This led only to increased anxiety.
The thought of wrapping up everything and running away has occurred to me more often than not.
But in the middle of all these escapist thoughts, you realise the days have grown into weeks and weeks into months.
Can you ever prepare?
The truth is nothing prepares you for uprooting your life, no matter how many times you've done it before.
It doesn’t matter how many people warn you, moving to a new country all by yourself is not easy.
The culture can be similar, the work familiar, the people friendly, but at the end of the day, you must face "you" in an otherwise empty home.
I am not even going to delve into the effect of the pandemic and consequent hybrid work models on mental health. It is a given and most of us have survived lockdowns.
You just wade through.
This too shall pass
Our surroundings affect us and mostly make us. And so, with a new beginning comes a new you.
It is a hard and long journey to feeling at home again. At home with a new self.
Ultimately, it is hope that keeps you going.
For anyone looking to make this big decision, all I want to say is, it is not always rosy, but you can pluck out the thorns.
This too shall pass, as it has for me. It is a wave you will ride and overcome.
Very soon, I will write about life on the other side.
The side where the beautiful Abu Dhabi, with its green parks and soothing water bodies, has grown on me. The side where a workplace feels like home, and you wake up one day, realising that you are not alone.
PS. I have opted for weekly dinner tiffins. So I am going to go ahead and call the delivery guy my tiffin-wala (tiny steps, friends).
Scroll through the gallery below to see some of Abu Dhabi's best tourist attractions
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Three ways to boost your credit score
Marwan Lutfi says the core fundamentals that drive better payment behaviour and can improve your credit score are:
1. Make sure you make your payments on time;
2. Limit the number of products you borrow on: the more loans and credit cards you have, the more it will affect your credit score;
3. Don't max out all your debts: how much you maximise those credit facilities will have an impact. If you have five credit cards and utilise 90 per cent of that credit, it will negatively affect your score.
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OPINIONS ON PALESTINE & ISRAEL
Tell-tale signs of burnout
- loss of confidence and appetite
- irritability and emotional outbursts
- sadness
- persistent physical ailments such as headaches, frequent infections and fatigue
- substance abuse, such as smoking or drinking more
- impaired judgement
- excessive and continuous worrying
- irregular sleep patterns
Tips to help overcome burnout
Acknowledge how you are feeling by listening to your warning signs. Set boundaries and learn to say ‘no’
Do activities that you want to do as well as things you have to do
Undertake at least 30 minutes of exercise per day. It releases an abundance of feel-good hormones
Find your form of relaxation and make time for it each day e.g. soothing music, reading or mindful meditation
Sleep and wake at the same time every day, even if your sleep pattern was disrupted. Without enough sleep condition such as stress, anxiety and depression can thrive.
The National in Davos
We are bringing you the inside story from the World Economic Forum's Annual Meeting in Davos, a gathering of hundreds of world leaders, top executives and billionaires.
Benefits of first-time home buyers' scheme
- Priority access to new homes from participating developers
- Discounts on sales price of off-plan units
- Flexible payment plans from developers
- Mortgages with better interest rates, faster approval times and reduced fees
- DLD registration fee can be paid through banks or credit cards at zero interest rates
More from Rashmee Roshan Lall
Lexus LX700h specs
Engine: 3.4-litre twin-turbo V6 plus supplementary electric motor
Power: 464hp at 5,200rpm
Torque: 790Nm from 2,000-3,600rpm
Transmission: 10-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 11.7L/100km
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Our legal consultant
Name: Dr Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
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Day 5, Abu Dhabi Test: At a glance
Moment of the day When Dilruwan Perera dismissed Yasir Shah to end Pakistan’s limp resistance, the Sri Lankans charged around the field with the fevered delirium of a side not used to winning. Trouble was, they had not. The delivery was deemed a no ball. Sri Lanka had a nervy wait, but it was merely a stay of execution for the beleaguered hosts.
Stat of the day – 5 Pakistan have lost all 10 wickets on the fifth day of a Test five times since the start of 2016. It is an alarming departure for a side who had apparently erased regular collapses from their resume. “The only thing I can say, it’s not a mitigating excuse at all, but that’s a young batting line up, obviously trying to find their way,” said Mickey Arthur, Pakistan’s coach.
The verdict Test matches in the UAE are known for speeding up on the last two days, but this was extreme. The first two innings of this Test took 11 sessions to complete. The remaining two were done in less than four. The nature of Pakistan’s capitulation at the end showed just how difficult the transition is going to be in the post Misbah-ul-Haq era.
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Married Malala
Malala Yousafzai is enjoying married life, her father said.
The 24-year-old married Pakistan cricket executive Asser Malik last year in a small ceremony in the UK.
Ziauddin Yousafzai told The National his daughter was ‘very happy’ with her husband.
The specs
Engine: 2.2-litre, turbodiesel
Transmission: 6-speed auto
Power: 160hp
Torque: 385Nm
Price: Dh116,900
On sale: now
Defence review at a glance
• Increase defence spending to 2.5% of GDP by 2027 but given “turbulent times it may be necessary to go faster”
• Prioritise a shift towards working with AI and autonomous systems
• Invest in the resilience of military space systems.
• Number of active reserves should be increased by 20%
• More F-35 fighter jets required in the next decade
• New “hybrid Navy” with AUKUS submarines and autonomous vessels
Dubai Creek Open in numbers
- The Dubai Creek Open is the 10th tournament on this year's Mena Tour
- It is the first of five events before the season-concluding Mena Tour Championship
- This week's field comprises 120 players, 21 of which are amateurs
- 15 previous Mena Tour winners are competing at Dubai Creek Golf and Yacht Club
Specs
Engine: Dual-motor all-wheel-drive electric
Range: Up to 610km
Power: 905hp
Torque: 985Nm
Price: From Dh439,000
Available: Now
TEACHERS' PAY - WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
Pay varies significantly depending on the school, its rating and the curriculum. Here's a rough guide as of January 2021:
- top end schools tend to pay Dh16,000-17,000 a month - plus a monthly housing allowance of up to Dh6,000. These tend to be British curriculum schools rated 'outstanding' or 'very good', followed by American schools
- average salary across curriculums and skill levels is about Dh10,000, recruiters say
- it is becoming more common for schools to provide accommodation, sometimes in an apartment block with other teachers, rather than hand teachers a cash housing allowance
- some strong performing schools have cut back on salaries since the pandemic began, sometimes offering Dh16,000 including the housing allowance, which reflects the slump in rental costs, and sheer demand for jobs
- maths and science teachers are most in demand and some schools will pay up to Dh3,000 more than other teachers in recognition of their technical skills
- at the other end of the market, teachers in some Indian schools, where fees are lower and competition among applicants is intense, can be paid as low as Dh3,000 per month
- in Indian schools, it has also become common for teachers to share residential accommodation, living in a block with colleagues
Quick pearls of wisdom
Focus on gratitude: And do so deeply, he says. “Think of one to three things a day that you’re grateful for. It needs to be specific, too, don’t just say ‘air.’ Really think about it. If you’re grateful for, say, what your parents have done for you, that will motivate you to do more for the world.”
Know how to fight: Shetty married his wife, Radhi, three years ago (he met her in a meditation class before he went off and became a monk). He says they’ve had to learn to respect each other’s “fighting styles” – he’s a talk it-out-immediately person, while she needs space to think. “When you’re having an argument, remember, it’s not you against each other. It’s both of you against the problem. When you win, they lose. If you’re on a team you have to win together.”
The specs
Engine: 4.0-litre flat-six
Torque: 450Nm at 6,100rpm
Transmission: 7-speed PDK auto or 6-speed manual
Fuel economy, combined: 13.8L/100km
On sale: Available to order now
The burning issue
The internal combustion engine is facing a watershed moment – major manufacturer Volvo is to stop producing petroleum-powered vehicles by 2021 and countries in Europe, including the UK, have vowed to ban their sale before 2040. The National takes a look at the story of one of the most successful technologies of the last 100 years and how it has impacted life in the UAE.
Read part four: an affection for classic cars lives on
Read part three: the age of the electric vehicle begins
Read part one: how cars came to the UAE
The specs
Engine: Four electric motors, one at each wheel
Power: 579hp
Torque: 859Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Price: From Dh825,900
On sale: Now
SPECS
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