Alia Agha is taking no chances with her wedding day. She is meticulously planning everything: the ceremony, celebrations and her trousseau. And with five months to go until the big day she has been shopping for something else - marriage counselling.
The 27-year-old marketing manager from Dubai is determined not to become just another divorce statistic. She scoured the UAE for a pre-marital advisory course, but unable to find anything suitable on home turf, paid US$500 (Dh1,840) for four sessions in the US during a recent trip. Shopping for her trousseau at the Bride Show Dubai, which opened yesterday, she said: "When my sister got married, she faced some real problems with ups and downs and warned me the fairytale does not come true.
"Her marriage is now back on track after she did a similar course but I thought it was important to gain as much knowledge as possible about the experience of marriage beforehand." Alia may be the exception to the rule: latest figures from the UN show with nearly 13,000 break-ups a year, the UAE has one of the highest rates of divorce in the Muslim world. Additional statistics from the Tawasel Centre for Training and Family - which began offering marriage counselling sessions in Abu Dhabi two months after Alia was searching for them - highlight one in four marriages among the population breaks down, with 42 per cent of divorcing couples in their twenties.
Earlier this week Mariam Mohammed Khalfan al Roumi, the Minister of Social Affairs, said the rise in divorces was "alarming" after the Federal National Council discovered the divorce rate in Sharjah was 31 per cent, of which 60 per cent are Emirati couples. Coupled with the fact more than half of all Emirati women over the age of 30 are still unmarried, officials are becoming concerned one of the most sacred institutions of the Arab and Muslim world is under threat.
That was belied by the crowds at yesterday's bustling launch of the bride show, where more than 30,000 visitors are expected over the next three days. Hundreds of prospective brides spent the afternoon poring over dresses, bouquets and table decorations. Yet behind the frills and frivolity of the extravaganza, which showcases the most lavish ways to stage one's big day, a more sombre thought was preoccupying some of the young brides-to-be: would they be among the lucky ones who made it or fall victim to the soaring divorce rate? They have their own theories as to why fairytale romances can sometimes turn into nightmares.
Alia, who was born in the UAE to Lebanese parents, took her time to decide about her fiance, 31-year-old Fadi Hashem, and said the downfall of many couples was their failure to get to know each other before marrying. "There is no communication between a lot of couples," she said. "In some Arab cultures, the guy goes out to work and gets bored of his wife, who sits at home doing nothing. "Arranged marriages have a lot to answer for, too. I think they are the worst thing anyone can do. When a man and a woman are being introduced to one another formally like that, they only show their very best side.
"Then as soon as they get married, the phone calls, the flowers, all the sweet nothings and the acting stop. I believe it is those people getting divorced." Candidly, she admitted: "I was working with my fiance when I first met him and thought he was the worst person in the world. That is definitely the best way as there are no surprises." Alia was gradually won over by the charm of Fadi, a mechanical engineering manager. They have been together for nearly four years and became engaged last September, with an August wedding on the cards.
While her fiance could not attend the pre-marital course, Alia took him some books so he could prepare for the uncertain path ahead. "There was no pressure to get married. We just wanted to make sure nothing like redundancies or running out of money could separate us or stop us getting married," she said. "I think pre-marital counselling is a good idea but it could be hard here with so many different nationalities as various cultures conduct themselves in marriage in different ways.
"For myself, I will always find a solution. I have already told Fadi I will never divorce him." The couple are planning a wedding in Lebanon with 300 guests. While Alia insisted it would be an understated affair, their budget has already stretched to Dh128,500 with a Dh12,000 dress on top. She said the global economic crisis had not dented couples' enthusiasm for taking the plunge: "When people are depressed and the situation is not changing, they want to be happy in whatever way they can.
"A wedding is a chance to let all that emotion explode. It is a release from the stress." Zeina Zakar, 25, originally from Lebanon but living in Dubai, had known Palestinian-born Moutaz al Deek, 28, for only three months before getting engaged last July. "It was not arranged. I was introduced to him by his brother and liked his character immediately," she said. "Families here make it difficult to date so we got engaged quickly. I think problems arise when people do not choose their partner. They do not fall in love with the person their parents pick for them.
"I believe the Emirati divorce rate is high as women are becoming more independent and want their freedom but the men still have an old-fashioned way of thinking and are not willing to let go of their control. "Personally, we did not need a pre-marital course as Moutaz is very open-minded. I run my own accessories shop and he knows I have my own career." Ahmed al Reyaysa, 31, an Emirati wedding dress designer exhibiting at the show, said his countrymen often had their heads turned by attractive women of other nationalities.
"Life is very easy here now, not like before. In the old days, women got married at 15 but now they want to experience life to the full and are choosing not to get married. "In addition, we have more than 200 nationalities here in the UAE so that is affecting traditional partnerships." According to Maha Nesnas, founder of Royal Weddings, a Dubai-based firm that organises nuptials, the soaring divorce rate and credit crunch have not curbed a national appetite for large-scale, lavish affairs.
The newly established company organises themed weddings that range from The Thousand and One Nights to the Wild West all with accompanying decor. It charges a minimum Dh25,000; one recent Arabian Nights-themed wedding in Abu Dhabi cost Dh90,000 for the decorations alone. Maha, 44, a divorcee from Jordan, said: "While my marriage did not work out, my mother was married at 14 and is still with my father.
"I do not think Dubai is the right place to find your lifelong companion. People are here to have fun - and most start when they hit 40. "I think there are similar problems across the Arab world. Culture plays a part: before women did not have the choice of going out to work or finishing their education but not all men today want to marry an educated woman. Perhaps that is why there are so many unmarried women."
But she said when couples did take the life-changing step, they did not do things by halves. "Every bride and groom want their day to be the very best. While some people might be spending less, most still want to celebrate in style and some never even question the cost." Ankur Batra, owner of the Indian fashion label Ecru, chose the bride show to unveil his most opulent creation yet: a Dh150,000 silk bridal lengha studded with 270,000 Swarovski crystals.
"During the Second World War, weddings were still happening," he declared in defiance of the credit crunch. "Brides still want the best quality and to stand out." He believed couples could avoid a break-up by tying the knot at a young age and having a courtship period of at least six months. "Young people are more adaptable. They are not hard-edged. When you get to a certain age, you get to know too much and become sceptical and suspicious about the relationship.
"Ego and immaturity are the problem in most cases. No one is willing to compromise." Araxi Keoshgerian,of Dubai Ladies Club, said: "I do not think marriage has become less popular but when you have a mixture of different cultures and different ways of thinking coming into a conservative society, there is a clash. "Men from the Arab world are experiencing the same freedom and relationships as westerners so it is difficult for them to then accept girls from their own background.
"It is not the case that women are choosing not to marry. Every woman of a certain age wants to feel secure and settle down but Arab men are turning their backs on women from their own culture. "The Arab community needs to change and to allow men and women to interact more and have the freedom to socialise so they can get to know each other before marriage." tyaqoob@thenational.ae