ABU DHABI // Matchmaking businesses are no longer supervised by the Government, which experts say poses a big risk to Emirati society.
After last year’s Cabinet reshuffle, the Ministry of Social Affairs became the Ministry of Community Development, and its responsibility for overseeing matchmakers was dropped.
“Matchmaking offices must be under a government and a social entity,” said Fatima Al Dhaheri, who has more than 30 years’ experience working in social services and family development for the Government.
“They cannot be left unregulated because many have turned into a prostitution business. The matchmaker asks the girl for her picture and then shows it to a man, and if he likes the girl she gives him her number in exchange for money. This is completely against our religion and culture.
“I have heard horror stories that happened to my daughters and friends of mine.
“Matchmaking offices should be non-profit and run by a UAE national with experience. They should be used to help solve the growing problem of divorce and unmarried Emirati women, instead of being used for profit.”
Umm Ahmed has been a matchmaker for eight years and said she did not ask for money for her services.
“There are so many of us online. They keep increasing every day and it’s become a problem because many of them are unethical,” said Umm Ahmed, 60.
“I never show the men pictures and if they are interested, I give them the father’s or mother’s number. Why should he talk to the girl directly? If he is serious he can talk to her male relatives and they can set a date to meet.
“I have daughters and I would not want this for them, so why do it to others?”
Umm Ahmed said it was preferable for clients and matchmakers to be Emiratis.
“Emirati matchmakers will care about the reputation of other Emirati women but other nationalities don’t,” she said. “They give out the pictures of the girls and their personal details. This is something that no Muslim in a country in the world would accept.”
The Ministry of Social Affairs had clamped down on matchmakers after receiving many complaints from Emiratis that they had been duped by those claiming they could find their perfect match.
It issued strict guidelines, including that business owners had to be locals, have a relevant degree and at least five years’ experience, and a letter of good conduct.
The guidelines also set out where clients were to meet and the amount of money matchmakers charged for their services, which used to range between Dh5,000 and Dh30,000.
One matchmaking service operating legally in Dubai is run by a Norwegian woman, who said that arranged marriages and cultural segregation drives dozens of Emiratis and expatriates to her business in search of “the one”.
“Almost all the time, we have the one for them,” said Vanessa Jensen, owner and manager of Matchmaking Marriage Bureaux Services, who started her business after finding out about the high number of divorces and singles in the UAE.
“Emiratis come to me because this is a clean, intellectual and good way to find someone with whom they are compatible. They have tried family marriages one or a few times already and they don’t want to be married based on their family’s wishes.
“This time around they want to try to find someone that they are compatible with, and who shares their interests.”
Ms Jensen, who charges between Dh16,000 and Dh105,000 for her services, said she had successfully matched dozens of couples and now had up to three new clients a day.
“I don’t accept clients who are not committed and who are not serious,” she said. “I’m very strict and I’m very old fashioned. I believe in marriage and its sanctity. I don’t believe in casual relations.”
Part of her process is to visit clients in their homes first.
“It’s very important because this is the only way I can verify these people,” Ms Jensen said. “Your home definitely says a lot about you. I only meet people that have residence here so they have to show me their Emirates ID.”
She does not accept clients who want second wives without informing the first wife.
Khalifa Al Mehrezi, a Dubai Courts counsellor, said that matchmakers “play a negative role in our society” because their services are ultimately about profit.
Mr Al Mehrezi said authorities such as the Marriage Fund or the Women’s Foundation must take on the matchmaking role and make it a regulated social service. Left unregulated, it could become a disaster for society in the long run.
Umm Mohammed said she resorted to a matchmaker after her daughter turned 30 and all her younger siblings married.
“Her father and I were getting worried. No one was asking for her hand and she was a spinster,” said the mother.
The matchmaker asked for Dh5,000 for guaranteeing that she would find her daughter a suitor.
“The first suitor came to our house alone and saw my daughter,” Umm Mohammed said. “When he left, the matchmaker said he would come again with his father.
“My daughter dressed up and we prepared a feast and we all waited – her brothers and father and I.”
The suitor never showed up. “He sent a message saying that he was looking for a thinner wife. My daughter was devastated.”
The same thing happened with the second suitor, only he claimed that his first wife found out and took his car keys so he could not leave.
Her daughter married a third suitor, but it turned out he was abusive and a criminal, so the daughter divorced him and remarried a year later.
“This time it was without a matchmaker and she is very happy,” the mother said. “I advise everyone to never resort to a matchmaker.
“Everyone will tell you that they know someone who went through a matchmaker and is very happy. I’ve never seen it and we tried them first hand.”
The Ministry of Community Development said it could not comment.
salnuwais@thenational.ae