Whenever I think of my school days, I always recall my old art master, "Killer" Reeve.
His nickname was well earned. Teacher, ex-Olympic swimmer and gold-medal martinet, lessons with him were events to be feared. With a face set in a permanent scowl, gelled, black hair and a bristling moustache and demeanour to boot, he ruled by a mixture of shock and awe.
I once saw him staple a boy to his desk by his school blazer, and it was rumoured that if you enraged him sufficiently, he would produce a curved scimitar from his desk and force the miscreant to run their index finger along the blade in front of his trembling classmates. Having dismissed this urban legend for some years, I eventually witnessed the ceremony for myself.
I've been wondering this week how the UK's current crop of politicians might have coped with a double lesson from the Killer. But of course, nowadays they wouldn't have to: they'd merely phone the National Bullying Helpline and await the arrival of the authorities.
This exotically named charity has been much in the news recently, after a new book by the political journalist Andrew Rawnsley claimed that prime minister Gordon Brown runs his fiefdom within 10 Downing Street by a culture of terror similar to that espoused by my old art teacher.
Mr Rawnsley's book describes a volatile, ill-tempered and increasingly querulous prime minister, given to throwing both tantrums and expletives at quailing subordinates. Although the accusations have been dismissed by Downing Street as "without foundation", his book poses the obvious question: is this individual fit to be in charge?
In the wake of this exposé, suddenly everyone seemed to be a bully. When Mr Rawnsley appeared on the BBC current affairs programme Newsnight, the interviewer attempted to bully him into admitting his claims were no more than hearsay and tittle-tattle put about by disaffected minions.
After, the ex-deputy prime minister John Prescott (whose own political stock rose sharply after he felled an egg-throwing demonstrator with a well-judged right hook) tried to bully Mr Rawnsley into revealing his sources.
By the following day the founder of the aforementioned National Bullying Helpline, Christine Pratt, had waded in, confirming that staff in 10 Downing Street had indeed contacted her organisation for help.
But then it transpired many of the calls had not been about the PM at all (in fact, some had been about Mr Prescott). Worse still, it later transpired that back in 2003, Mrs Pratt herself had lost an employment tribunal after being accused of - yes, you guessed it.
Among all this bullying and counter-bullying, the question of what qualities we should demand from our political leaders remains at the heart of the debate. Should we seek probity and calm, or someone who gets things achieved at whatever cost? Is it best to have a leader who understands a problem from every angle, or one who asserts his views quickly and firmly?
"I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure" may be a popular motto for hanging on office walls, but if espoused by political leaders, such sentiments can prove catastrophic.
Whatever Mr Rawnsley's motives in writing his book, it's difficult to see what the fuss is about. As Oscar Wilde famously said: "Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people," and the revelation that Mr Brown isn't eating cucumber sandwiches and plumping cushions but getting up close and personal with the issues of the day hardly seems much of a scoop.
Tellingly, Mr Brown's political popularity has fallen not one jot in the wake of this furore. For if nothing else, it proves that blood is coursing through his veins rather than weak tea.
And while no one yearns a return to the sort of decisive leadership espoused by Hitler or Stalin, there is a fine line between bullying and assertiveness. Ask any Manchester United footballer who has endured one of Sir Alec Ferguson's half-time "hairdryer" tirades what they think of their boss. There's no need, though: a record of 11 Premierships titles speaks for itself.
So perhaps Mr Brown is correct to follow in the footsteps of my old art master, even if he risks being branded as a bully in the process. And while it may be too much to suggest chastened cabinet colleagues run their fingers along the edge of a scimitar, Mr Brown would certainly win popular support if he proposed it as a way of punishing the UK's discredited financial supremos.
Come to think of it, if he substituted their throats for their fingers, he'd surely win the forthcoming general election by a landslide.
Michael Simkins is an actor and writer based in London.
More from Rashmee Roshan Lall
More on Quran memorisation:
THE BIO
Favourite book: ‘Purpose Driven Life’ by Rick Warren
Favourite travel destination: Switzerland
Hobbies: Travelling and following motivational speeches and speakers
Favourite place in UAE: Dubai Museum
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
The%20specs
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EPowertrain%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ESingle%20electric%20motor%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EPower%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E201hp%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ETorque%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E310Nm%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ETransmission%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ESingle-speed%20auto%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBattery%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E53kWh%20lithium-ion%20battery%20pack%20(GS%20base%20model)%3B%2070kWh%20battery%20pack%20(GF)%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ETouring%20range%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E350km%20(GS)%3B%20480km%20(GF)%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EPrice%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EFrom%20Dh129%2C900%20(GS)%3B%20Dh149%2C000%20(GF)%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EOn%20sale%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Now%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Company profile
Name: Infinite8
Based: Dubai
Launch year: 2017
Number of employees: 90
Sector: Online gaming industry
Funding: $1.2m from a UAE angel investor
The%20Afghan%20connection
%3Cp%3EThe%20influx%20of%20talented%20young%20Afghan%20players%20to%20UAE%20cricket%20could%20have%20a%20big%20impact%20on%20the%20fortunes%20of%20both%20countries.%20Here%20are%20three%20Emirates-based%20players%20to%20watch%20out%20for.%0D%3Cbr%3E%20%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EHassan%20Khan%20Eisakhil%3C%2Fstrong%3E%0D%3Cbr%3EMohammed%20Nabi%20is%20still%20proving%20his%20worth%20at%20the%20top%20level%20but%20there%20is%20another%20reason%20he%20is%20raging%20against%20the%20idea%20of%20retirement.%20If%20the%20allrounder%20hangs%20on%20a%20little%20bit%20longer%2C%20he%20might%20be%20able%20to%20play%20in%20the%20same%20team%20as%20his%20son%2C%20Hassan%20Khan.%20The%20family%20live%20in%20Ajman%20and%20train%20in%20Sharjah.%0D%3Cbr%3E%20%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EMasood%20Gurbaz%3C%2Fstrong%3E%0D%3Cbr%3EThe%20opening%20batter%2C%20who%20trains%20at%20Sharjah%20Cricket%20Academy%2C%20is%20another%20player%20who%20is%20a%20part%20of%20a%20famous%20family.%20His%20brother%2C%20Rahmanullah%2C%20was%20an%20IPL%20winner%20with%20Kolkata%20Knight%20Riders%2C%20and%20opens%20the%20batting%20with%20distinction%20for%20Afghanistan.%0D%3Cbr%3E%20%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EOmid%20Rahman%3C%2Fstrong%3E%0D%3Cbr%3EThe%20fast%20bowler%20became%20a%20pioneer%20earlier%20this%20year%20when%20he%20became%20the%20first%20Afghan%20to%20represent%20the%20UAE.%20He%20showed%20great%20promise%20in%20doing%20so%2C%20too%2C%20playing%20a%20key%20role%20in%20the%20senior%20team%E2%80%99s%20qualification%20for%20the%20Asia%20Cup%20in%20Muscat%20recently.%0D%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Specs
Engine: Electric motor generating 54.2kWh (Cooper SE and Aceman SE), 64.6kW (Countryman All4 SE)
Power: 218hp (Cooper and Aceman), 313hp (Countryman)
Torque: 330Nm (Cooper and Aceman), 494Nm (Countryman)
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh158,000 (Cooper), Dh168,000 (Aceman), Dh190,000 (Countryman)
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Upcoming games
SUNDAY
Brighton and Hove Albion v Southampton (5.30pm)
Leicester City v Everton (8pm)
MONDAY
Burnley v Newcastle United (midnight)
The biog
Name: Fareed Lafta
Age: 40
From: Baghdad, Iraq
Mission: Promote world peace
Favourite poet: Al Mutanabbi
Role models: His parents
Global state-owned investor ranking by size
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Essentials
The flights
Emirates and Etihad fly direct from the UAE to Los Angeles, from Dh4,975 return, including taxes. The flight time is 16 hours. Alaska Airlines, United Airlines, Delta Air Lines, Aeromexico and Southwest all fly direct from Los Angeles to San Jose del Cabo from Dh1,243 return, including taxes. The flight time is two-and-a-half hours.
The trip
Lindblad Expeditions National Geographic’s eight-day Whales Wilderness itinerary costs from US$6,190 (Dh22,736) per person, twin share, including meals, accommodation and excursions, with departures in March and April 2018.
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
Benefits of first-time home buyers' scheme
- Priority access to new homes from participating developers
- Discounts on sales price of off-plan units
- Flexible payment plans from developers
- Mortgages with better interest rates, faster approval times and reduced fees
- DLD registration fee can be paid through banks or credit cards at zero interest rates
Name: Peter Dicce
Title: Assistant dean of students and director of athletics
Favourite sport: soccer
Favourite team: Bayern Munich
Favourite player: Franz Beckenbauer
Favourite activity in Abu Dhabi: scuba diving in the Northern Emirates
Specs
Engine: Duel electric motors
Power: 659hp
Torque: 1075Nm
On sale: Available for pre-order now
Price: On request
Nepotism is the name of the game
Salman Khan’s father, Salim Khan, is one of Bollywood’s most legendary screenwriters. Through his partnership with co-writer Javed Akhtar, Salim is credited with having paved the path for the Indian film industry’s blockbuster format in the 1970s. Something his son now rules the roost of. More importantly, the Salim-Javed duo also created the persona of the “angry young man” for Bollywood megastar Amitabh Bachchan in the 1970s, reflecting the angst of the average Indian. In choosing to be the ordinary man’s “hero” as opposed to a thespian in new Bollywood, Salman Khan remains tightly linked to his father’s oeuvre. Thanks dad.
Tour de France Stage 16:
165km run from Le Puy-en-Velay to Romans-sur-Isère
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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COMPANY%20PROFILE
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match details
Wales v Hungary
Cardiff City Stadium, kick-off 11.45pm
Defined benefit and defined contribution schemes explained
Defined Benefit Plan (DB)
A defined benefit plan is where the benefit is defined by a formula, typically length of service to and salary at date of leaving.
Defined Contribution Plan (DC)
A defined contribution plan is where the benefit depends on the amount of money put into the plan for an employee, and how much investment return is earned on those contributions.
The full list of 2020 Brit Award nominees (winners in bold):
British group
Coldplay
Foals
Bring me the Horizon
D-Block Europe
Bastille
British Female
Mabel
Freya Ridings
FKA Twigs
Charli xcx
Mahalia
British male
Harry Styles
Lewis Capaldi
Dave
Michael Kiwanuka
Stormzy
Best new artist
Aitch
Lewis Capaldi
Dave
Mabel
Sam Fender
Best song
Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber - I Don’t Care
Mabel - Don’t Call Me Up
Calvin Harrison and Rag’n’Bone Man - Giant
Dave - Location
Mark Ronson feat. Miley Cyrus - Nothing Breaks Like A Heart
AJ Tracey - Ladbroke Grove
Lewis Capaldi - Someone you Loved
Tom Walker - Just You and I
Sam Smith and Normani - Dancing with a Stranger
Stormzy - Vossi Bop
International female
Ariana Grande
Billie Eilish
Camila Cabello
Lana Del Rey
Lizzo
International male
Bruce Springsteen
Burna Boy
Tyler, The Creator
Dermot Kennedy
Post Malone
Best album
Stormzy - Heavy is the Head
Michael Kiwanuka - Kiwanuka
Lewis Capaldi - Divinely Uninspired to a Hellish Extent
Dave - Psychodrama
Harry Styles - Fine Line
Rising star
Celeste
Joy Crookes
beabadoobee
THE SPECS
Engine: 1.5-litre, four-cylinder turbo
Transmission: seven-speed dual clutch automatic
Power: 169bhp
Torque: 250Nm
Price: Dh54,500
On sale: now
MATCH INFO
Wales 1 (Bale 45 3')
Croatia 1 (Vlasic 09')
