Question: When is champagne not champagne? Answer: When it is not produced in the Champagne region of France, under strictly specified conditions.
That rather boring answer is not wine snobbery - it is the law. Specifically, it falls under European Union laws enshrined since 1992 to protect high-quality produce from cheap, inferior imitations.
Well, if it's good enough for champagne, why not football?
The term "local derby", like the term "champagne", is a benchmark of quality and should therefore only apply to matches which meet the strictest criteria. Yet it is sprayed around with impunity by the sports media.
This weekend, for example, saw two alleged "derbies" in English football: Sheffield United versus Sheffield Wednesday and Manchester United versus Manchester City. Under my proposed laws, only one of those matches could correctly be called a "derby". So which was the Tattinger ... and which was the tat?
The first derby law is that both clubs must lie in the same town, or at least within sensible walking distance. This slight leniency enables Newcastle versus Sunderland (13 miles) to boast the "derby" tag, for example, but not Newcastle verus Middlesbrough (40 miles), as apologists for this season's Coca-Cola Championship will try to claim. Both the Manchester and Sheffield matches pass this first test with ease. Secondly, a true derby match should really contain at least one local player per side. Ideally it would be 11 but this would be unworkable, and English soccer fans have long since reconciled themselves to their local "bragging rights" lying in the hands of men from Togo, Scandinavia and even Scotland.
However, if a team cannot field just one local lad - someone who genuinely understands what the result means to the supporters - then the term "derby" should not apply.
Both Sheffield teams on Friday night contained certified Yorkshiremen (United captain Chris Morgan is from Barnsley, Wednesday defender Tommy Spurr from Leeds) so its derby status remains intact.
As for the Manchester match, United ticked the local box with Ryan Giggs and while City did not field a local player, manager Mark Hughes is a naturalised Mancunian.
My final rule, however, is the litmus test. Is the alleged "derby" match the very first date that supporters check when the fixture list is released? For both Sheffield teams this would undoubtedly be the case. As indeed it is for the other true derby in English football: Aston Villa v Birmingham. Would the Manchester "derby" pass this third test? Categorically not. Yes, the City fans will immediately seek out the Reds ..... but so will United supporters. The first two dates in any United fan's diary are Liverpool home and away, because that rivalry means more to them.
Sunday's match between the two Manchester teams had everything: drama, controversy, some awesome talent and a feast of seven goals. It was champagne football, yes, but it fails the Champagne Test for the title of "local derby". The city of Manchester boasts many fine assets but it will not have a true local derby until the United fans get as excited about the five-mile trip to Eastlands as they are about the 35-mile trip to Anfield.
sports@thenational.ae
Roll%20of%20Honour%2C%20men%E2%80%99s%20domestic%20rugby%20season
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Company%20profile%20
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UPI facts
More than 2.2 million Indian tourists arrived in UAE in 2023
More than 3.5 million Indians reside in UAE
Indian tourists can make purchases in UAE using rupee accounts in India through QR-code-based UPI real-time payment systems
Indian residents in UAE can use their non-resident NRO and NRE accounts held in Indian banks linked to a UAE mobile number for UPI transactions
In numbers: PKK’s money network in Europe
Germany: PKK collectors typically bring in $18 million in cash a year – amount has trebled since 2010
Revolutionary tax: Investigators say about $2 million a year raised from ‘tax collection’ around Marseille
Extortion: Gunman convicted in 2023 of demanding $10,000 from Kurdish businessman in Stockholm
Drug trade: PKK income claimed by Turkish anti-drugs force in 2024 to be as high as $500 million a year
Denmark: PKK one of two terrorist groups along with Iranian separatists ASMLA to raise “two-digit million amounts”
Contributions: Hundreds of euros expected from typical Kurdish families and thousands from business owners
TV channel: Kurdish Roj TV accounts frozen and went bankrupt after Denmark fined it more than $1 million over PKK links in 2013
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A list of the animal rescue organisations in the UAE
INDIA'S%20TOP%20INFLUENCERS
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Test
Director: S Sashikanth
Cast: Nayanthara, Siddharth, Meera Jasmine, R Madhavan
Star rating: 2/5
How to apply for a drone permit
- Individuals must register on UAE Drone app or website using their UAE Pass
- Add all their personal details, including name, nationality, passport number, Emiratis ID, email and phone number
- Upload the training certificate from a centre accredited by the GCAA
- Submit their request
What are the regulations?
- Fly it within visual line of sight
- Never over populated areas
- Ensure maximum flying height of 400 feet (122 metres) above ground level is not crossed
- Users must avoid flying over restricted areas listed on the UAE Drone app
- Only fly the drone during the day, and never at night
- Should have a live feed of the drone flight
- Drones must weigh 5 kg or less
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
Results
Stage 7:
1. Caleb Ewan (AUS) Lotto Soudal - 3:18:29
2. Sam Bennett (IRL) Deceuninck-QuickStep - same time
3. Phil Bauhaus (GER) Bahrain Victorious
4. Michael Morkov (DEN) Deceuninck-QuickStep
5. Cees Bol (NED) Team DSM
General Classification:
1. Tadej Pogacar (SLO) UAE Team Emirates - 24:00:28
2. Adam Yates (GBR) Ineos Grenadiers - 0:00:35
3. Joao Almeida (POR) Deceuninck-QuickStep - 0:01:02
4. Chris Harper (AUS) Jumbo-Visma - 0:01:42
5. Neilson Powless (USA) EF Education-Nippo - 0:01:45
Company%C2%A0profile
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The smuggler
Eldarir had arrived at JFK in January 2020 with three suitcases, containing goods he valued at $300, when he was directed to a search area.
Officers found 41 gold artefacts among the bags, including amulets from a funerary set which prepared the deceased for the afterlife.
Also found was a cartouche of a Ptolemaic king on a relief that was originally part of a royal building or temple.
The largest single group of items found in Eldarir’s cases were 400 shabtis, or figurines.
Khouli conviction
Khouli smuggled items into the US by making false declarations to customs about the country of origin and value of the items.
According to Immigration and Customs Enforcement, he provided “false provenances which stated that [two] Egyptian antiquities were part of a collection assembled by Khouli's father in Israel in the 1960s” when in fact “Khouli acquired the Egyptian antiquities from other dealers”.
He was sentenced to one year of probation, six months of home confinement and 200 hours of community service in 2012 after admitting buying and smuggling Egyptian antiquities, including coffins, funerary boats and limestone figures.
For sale
A number of other items said to come from the collection of Ezeldeen Taha Eldarir are currently or recently for sale.
Their provenance is described in near identical terms as the British Museum shabti: bought from Salahaddin Sirmali, "authenticated and appraised" by Hossen Rashed, then imported to the US in 1948.
- An Egyptian Mummy mask dating from 700BC-30BC, is on offer for £11,807 ($15,275) online by a seller in Mexico
- A coffin lid dating back to 664BC-332BC was offered for sale by a Colorado-based art dealer, with a starting price of $65,000
- A shabti that was on sale through a Chicago-based coin dealer, dating from 1567BC-1085BC, is up for $1,950
The National Archives, Abu Dhabi
Founded over 50 years ago, the National Archives collects valuable historical material relating to the UAE, and is the oldest and richest archive relating to the Arabian Gulf.
Much of the material can be viewed on line at the Arabian Gulf Digital Archive - https://www.agda.ae/en
Apple product price list
iPad Pro
11" - $799 (64GB)
12.9" - $999 (64GB)
MacBook Air
$1,199
Mac Mini
$799
The specs
Engine: 4.0-litre flat-six
Torque: 450Nm at 6,100rpm
Transmission: 7-speed PDK auto or 6-speed manual
Fuel economy, combined: 13.8L/100km
On sale: Available to order now
The specs
Engine: 3.8-litre, twin-turbo V8
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Power: 582bhp
Torque: 730Nm
Price: Dh649,000
On sale: now
Nancy 9 (Hassa Beek)
Nancy Ajram
(In2Musica)
The National's picks
4.35pm: Tilal Al Khalediah
5.10pm: Continous
5.45pm: Raging Torrent
6.20pm: West Acre
7pm: Flood Zone
7.40pm: Straight No Chaser
8.15pm: Romantic Warrior
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9.30pm: Forever Young