Hold the front page: a series between India and England has got all spiteful.
It didn’t take long, of course. There was the finger wagging and verbals when Zak Crawley staged his late evening go-slow at Lord’s.
Mohammed Siraj talked and nudged his way on to the naughty step in the same game. Now the captains and coaches are having a pop with the series on the line. You love to see it.
Lacking grace
Seeing your team take four wickets in 143 overs – or just two in 142, as it turned out – is enough to make even the most mild-mannered cricketer tired and emotional. And Ben Stokes could never be accused of being that.
His decision to try to guilt trip Washington Sundar out of a maiden Test century at the end of the fourth Test was misguided.
It also meant he ended the game under a cloud despite having scored a century, taken a five-for, and won the player of the match award. Milestones, eh?
But, over and above the debate about Sundar and Ravindra Jadeja hanging on till they made tons, there was merit in India staying out to bat the duration.
Both teams are weary, and there is a short turnaround till the final Test. Why not stay out there and put even more miles into the legs of England’s bowlers?
Enter Gambhir
After the Stokes handshake shenanigans, India had assumed the moral high ground. Then, in blundered Gautam Gambhir in the race to the bottom.
The India coach might be one of the spikiest figures in the recent history of cricket, but he was absolutely within his rights to defend his players at the end of the game at Old Trafford.
What was less palatable was his fall out with the Oval groundsman as soon as prep started for the next game.
Lee Fortis, a giant of a man who definitely plays the heavy roller to Gambhir’s light one, threatened to report India to the match referee as their players swarmed all over his lovely wicket at training.
"Groundsman in wanting people to stay off his grass shock" the headline might well have read.
“You have no right to tell us what to do,” Gambhir stropped. “You are just a groundsman, nothing beyond that. You are just a groundsman.”
Lack of Grace Cup final: England 1-1 India.
Both barrels
“I just want him to sort of take a chill pill sometimes”, Sanjay Manjrekar said of Gambhir, India’s Captain Grumpy, after the coach’s tetchiness in Manchester.
Not all would agree. Another former Indian opener, whose punchiness similarly supersedes his own physical stature, reckons India should keep going full bore.
Sunil Gavaskar was always going to be box office after the Old Trafford controversies. The India great-turned-commentator urged Shubman Gill to ask a question himself at the press conference. He said he would have queried why Stokes batted on so long before declaring England’s innings.
“I know he will not, he is too nice a guy,” Gavaskar said of Gill. “He is not like this SG [Gavaskar himself.] That SG [Gill] is different.”
The actual cricket
Pain might just be an emotion, as Stokes claimed after the last Test. But it can point to something underlying, of course.
England’s captain bowled through the pain in that game, yet has succumbed to it now. A shoulder injury has ruled him out of the final Test, necessitating a major reshuffle in the home side as they look to close out the series win.
Ollie Pope will take over the captaincy. There are four personnel changes besides.
Jacob Bethell has the all-but-impossible role of replacing Stokes in the all-rounder role.
Four of the five-man bowling attack England had in the previous game will be absent. Stokes is one, while Brydon Carse, Liam Dawson and Jofra Archer will also all miss out at The Oval.
In their place come Jamie Overton, Gus Atkinson and Josh Tongue.
The hosts are not the only ones running on fumes ahead of the series finale. Unless there is a last-minute switcheroo, it seems likely India will be without their own pace spearhead.
Jasprit Bumrah has been nursing a back complaint all through the series, and is unlikely to be risked.
