In a series that might well mark the nadir of England’s Ashes history it has been difficult to pinpoint the actual lowest point, such is the glut of choice.
The second day of the Sydney Test, with the series already long since lost, threw up a variety of contenders all on its own.
Maybe the moment when Joe Root, the tormented touring captain, shelled a simple chance to catch Usman Khawaja at slip off the similarly afflicted spin-bowler Jack Leach. Or when, moments later, the wearying allrounder Ben Stokes went off the field to nurse a side injury.
Or perhaps, with England’s players now fully wilted, tailender Nathan Lyon launched Stuart Broad for six way back into the members’ seats and promptly scurried off in the same direction. Pat Cummins, Australia’s captain, had declared his side – with 416 for eight – had plenty enough in the bank.
Yet maybe none of those summed up the mess England are in quite so acutely as when Khawaja had been within a single of a stirring century on his comeback to the Australia side.
It was at that point at which Root deigned it time for Dawid Malan to have a bowl. Malan, a part-time leg-spinner with two Test wickets to his name, and a mere 63 in total across a 15-year first-class career.
This in a week when Bangladesh turned Test cricket upside down by toppling world champions New Zealand in their own backyard for the first time.
And while, simultaneously, India and South Africa are playing out a compelling Test at the “Bullring” in Johannesburg.
Then in the series that supposedly means the most, between the format’s oldest rivals, there was a bit-part spinner doling down some friendly lobs while a player – who was, it should be pointed out, at the non-striker’s end - was within reach of a ton.
Imagine if the roles were reversed. Cummins would have had the ball in the hand himself rather than tossing it to Steve Smith or David Warner, and tried to bomb the batter out.
As it was, Khawaja did not get on strike against Malan, but he did make it to three figures shortly after. It was the ninth time he has done so in Tests.
Those who witnessed his brilliant 141 for Australia to save the Dubai Test against Pakistan in 2018 must be wondering where he has been for much of the time since. This is his first Test since the 2019 Ashes.
As emotional as his century was on his return to the side, he will score far more taxing runs. For much of it, it appeared as though England had all but given up.
The Ashes claims to the pinnacle of Test cricket. At the moment it feels like an apology.
It is supposedly the only bilateral encounter with enough interest to regularly sustain a five-match series in the format. And, true, there were 25,000 in attendance for the second day running. But the way things are going, they would be better served dropping the fixture altogether, such is the mismatch.
At least Broad proved a point. The seam-bowler, who has cut a frustrated figure after being omitted twice in this series on pitches which would surely have suited him, took five for 101. It was his eighth Ashes five-wicket haul, which is the most by an Englishman in over 100 years. And yet he was overlooked twice in the series. Sigh.
Australia’s first innings tally was not a mammoth one by Test standards. Given what has gone before in this series, though, they probably feel capable of bowling out their opposition twice, or perhaps even three times, given the chance, before they have to bat again.
At least England were afforded at least one morsel of mercy late on when Zak Crawley was spared being dismissed for a duck. He was caught at slip off the bowling of Mitchell Starc, but the TV cameras picked up the fact the fast bowler had faintly overstepped.
Between Crawley and Haseeb Hameed, England made it through to stumps on 13 for no loss after five overs.
Bareilly Ki Barfi
Directed by: Ashwiny Iyer Tiwari
Starring: Kriti Sanon, Ayushmann Khurrana, Rajkummar Rao
Three and a half stars
THE SPECS
Engine: six-litre W12 twin-turbo
Transmission: eight-speed dual clutch auto
Power: 626bhp
Torque: 900Nm
Price: Dh940,160 (plus VAT)
On sale: Q1 2020
A State of Passion
Directors: Carol Mansour and Muna Khalidi
Stars: Dr Ghassan Abu-Sittah
Rating: 4/5
Islamophobia definition
A widely accepted definition was made by the All Party Parliamentary Group on British Muslims in 2019: “Islamophobia is rooted in racism and is a type of racism that targets expressions of Muslimness or perceived Muslimness.” It further defines it as “inciting hatred or violence against Muslims”.
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
Polarised public
31% in UK say BBC is biased to left-wing views
19% in UK say BBC is biased to right-wing views
19% in UK say BBC is not biased at all
Source: YouGov
Most wanted allegations
- Benjamin Macann, 32: involvement in cocaine smuggling gang.
- Jack Mayle, 30: sold drugs from a phone line called the Flavour Quest.
- Callum Halpin, 27: over the 2018 murder of a rival drug dealer.
- Asim Naveed, 29: accused of being the leader of a gang that imported cocaine.
- Calvin Parris, 32: accused of buying cocaine from Naveed and selling it on.
- John James Jones, 31: allegedly stabbed two people causing serious injuries.
- Callum Michael Allan, 23: alleged drug dealing and assaulting an emergency worker.
- Dean Garforth, 29: part of a crime gang that sold drugs and guns.
- Joshua Dillon Hendry, 30: accused of trafficking heroin and crack cocain.
- Mark Francis Roberts, 28: grievous bodily harm after a bungled attempt to steal a £60,000 watch.
- James ‘Jamie’ Stevenson, 56: for arson and over the seizure of a tonne of cocaine.
- Nana Oppong, 41: shot a man eight times in a suspected gangland reprisal attack.
Super Bowl LIII schedule
What Super Bowl LIII
Who is playing New England Patriots v Los Angeles Rams
Where Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, United States
When Sunday (start time is 3.30am on Monday UAE time)
Yahya Al Ghassani's bio
Date of birth: April 18, 1998
Playing position: Winger
Clubs: 2015-2017 – Al Ahli Dubai; March-June 2018 – Paris FC; August – Al Wahda
Milestones on the road to union
1970
October 26: Bahrain withdraws from a proposal to create a federation of nine with the seven Trucial States and Qatar.
December: Ahmed Al Suwaidi visits New York to discuss potential UN membership.
1971
March 1: Alex Douglas Hume, Conservative foreign secretary confirms that Britain will leave the Gulf and “strongly supports” the creation of a Union of Arab Emirates.
July 12: Historic meeting at which Sheikh Zayed and Sheikh Rashid make a binding agreement to create what will become the UAE.
July 18: It is announced that the UAE will be formed from six emirates, with a proposed constitution signed. RAK is not yet part of the agreement.
August 6: The fifth anniversary of Sheikh Zayed becoming Ruler of Abu Dhabi, with official celebrations deferred until later in the year.
August 15: Bahrain becomes independent.
September 3: Qatar becomes independent.
November 23-25: Meeting with Sheikh Zayed and Sheikh Rashid and senior British officials to fix December 2 as date of creation of the UAE.
November 29: At 5.30pm Iranian forces seize the Greater and Lesser Tunbs by force.
November 30: Despite a power sharing agreement, Tehran takes full control of Abu Musa.
November 31: UK officials visit all six participating Emirates to formally end the Trucial States treaties
December 2: 11am, Dubai. New Supreme Council formally elects Sheikh Zayed as President. Treaty of Friendship signed with the UK. 11.30am. Flag raising ceremony at Union House and Al Manhal Palace in Abu Dhabi witnessed by Sheikh Khalifa, then Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi.
December 6: Arab League formally admits the UAE. The first British Ambassador presents his credentials to Sheikh Zayed.
December 9: UAE joins the United Nations.
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TECH%20SPECS%3A%20APPLE%20WATCH%20SERIES%209
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'O'
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THE BIO
Bio Box
Role Model: Sheikh Zayed, God bless his soul
Favorite book: Zayed Biography of the leader
Favorite quote: To be or not to be, that is the question, from William Shakespeare's Hamlet
Favorite food: seafood
Favorite place to travel: Lebanon
Favorite movie: Braveheart
Frankenstein in Baghdad
Ahmed Saadawi
Penguin Press
White hydrogen: Naturally occurring hydrogen
Chromite: Hard, metallic mineral containing iron oxide and chromium oxide
Ultramafic rocks: Dark-coloured rocks rich in magnesium or iron with very low silica content
Ophiolite: A section of the earth’s crust, which is oceanic in nature that has since been uplifted and exposed on land
Olivine: A commonly occurring magnesium iron silicate mineral that derives its name for its olive-green yellow-green colour
