There is a tradition at Chelsea FC which requires new players to stand on a chair and sing for their assembled teammates.
The choice of song is entirely up to the new boy, although you might think there are some obvious pitfalls to avoid. (I Don't Want To Go To) Chelsea by Elvis Costello and the Attractions springs to mind, as do any tracks closely associated with rival clubs.
So it was a surprise to learn that Yossi Benayoun, the former Liverpool player, sang the Anfield anthem You'll Never Walk Alone on his first day at Stamford Bridge.
According to Didier Drogba, who told this anecdote, the rest of the players "threw towels at him" for his impertinence. (Perhaps this was pre-season training, as they appear to have got rather good at throwing towels, at least in the boxing sense, having capitulated in their last two matches to lowly opponents Sunderland and Birmingham City.)
Drogba reveals that he sang an Ivory Coast folk song on his initiation, although non-Chelsea fans may suggest a more suitable track for the easily felled striker would be the Chumbawumba classic Tubthumping, with its rousing chorus: "I get knocked down, but I get up again."
He also revealed that Alexi Smertin performed a Russian love song, which seems apt. Chelsea fans have good reasons to love Russians. As for the song choices of Drogba's other teammates, we can only hazard educated guesses.
For John Terry, My Best Friend's Girl by The Cars would have been a prescient clue to his tangled love-life.
Ashley Cole, newly freed from the outrageous "slavery" (his lawyer's term, not mine) of a £55,000-per-week contract with Arsenal, would surely have chosen something to celebrate his emancipation. Redemption Song by Bob Marley, perhaps, or I'm Free by The Rolling Stones.
Frank Lampard was out of shape when he arrived from West Ham United, so Sir Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back would have been a crowd-pleaser. As for Petr Cech, who knows? Anything by Helmet, probably.
To be fair, I rather like the image of Chelsea players making each other stand on a chair and sing. It has a wonderful whiff of the old-school about it, although the reality is no doubt different to my romanticised image, with teams of physios helping players on to the chair and agents demanding 20 per cent of any subsequent recording deal. Perhaps for the same romanticised reasons, I was saddened by the abrupt sacking of Chelsea's assistant coach, Ray Wilkins, 10 days ago.
To some in the club hierarchy, Wilkins probably seemed as crusty and outdated as the forced singing initiation: an old-school throwback with little relevance to their thrusting, professionalised, multi-million-pound operation. How important could an overpaid bibs-and-cones man be to such a brave new world?
Since his departure, however, Chelsea have lost those two matches to Sunderland and Birmingham, which must have surely been marked as six points in the bag before the start of the season.
The players loved Wilkins, and are reportedly displeased with his replacement, Michael Emenalo, a former Nigeria international who has previously been a scout and the coach of a girls' football team in the US.
Not the most impressive CV, some might say, but at least it gives Emenalo an obvious choice for his initiation song - anything by Scouting For Girls.
Altogether now: He's so luvverly, He's so luvverly, He's so luvverly ... Ancelotti!"
Cameron vs Murray would have made for a much-anticipated draw
If, as a child, you ever played illicit ball games inside your house, you will remember that nauseous feeling which quickly followed the sound of breaking glass.
Now imagine how much worse that feeling would be if your home was 10 Downing Street and the shattering glass was not an Ikea fruit bowl but an antique crystal chandelier originally gifted to the nation by King Louis XIV of France.
This was the fate which nearly befell Andy Murray, the British tennis player, and David Cameron, his prime minister, last week.
Murray was visiting 10 Downing Street in advance of the ATP World Tour Finals in London. He was surprised when Cameron borrowed a racket from Rafa Nadal – who must have surely been thinking the Spanish equivalent of “It’ll all end in tears!” – and challenged the young Scot to a knockabout.
“He began to hit the ball really hard and he missed the chandelier by a couple of inches,” said Murray. “It was scary. I wouldn’t call it embarrassing or even difficult, the only word for it was downright frightening.” Never mind “scary”, it could have caused a constitutional crisis. Who is entitled to tell the PM off for such behaviour? Would the Queen have to send him to his room, with an ominous warning like: “Just you wait until the speaker of parliament gets home!”
Still, in an age of increasingly soulless new stadia, the staging of sporting matches in historic seats of power could be quite a draw.
Who would not fancy watching some ping pong in the Politburo, some soccer in the Senate, or, ladies and gentlemen, live from the Oval Office, the world heavyweight title fight, to be contested over 15 rounds, or as many as we can get away with before Mrs Obama gets home.
sports@thenational.ae
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Results
5pm: Wadi Nagab – Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 (Turf) 1,200m; Winner: Al Falaq, Antonio Fresu (jockey), Ahmed Al Shemaili (trainer)
5.30pm: Wadi Sidr – Handicap (PA) Dh80,000 (T) 1,200m; Winner: AF Majalis, Tadhg O’Shea, Ernst Oertel
6pm: Wathba Stallions Cup – Handicap (PA) Dh70,000 (T) 2,200m; Winner: AF Fakhama, Fernando Jara, Mohamed Daggash
6.30pm: Wadi Shees – Handicap (PA) Dh80,000 (T) 2,200m; Winner: Mutaqadim, Antonio Fresu, Ibrahim Al Hadhrami
7pm: Arabian Triple Crown Round-1 – Listed (PA) Dh230,000 (T) 1,600m; Winner: Bahar Muscat, Antonio Fresu, Ibrahim Al Hadhrami
7.30pm: Wadi Tayyibah – Maiden (TB) Dh80,000 (T) 1,600m; Winner: Poster Paint, Patrick Cosgrave, Bhupat Seemar
Fighter profiles
Gabrieli Pessanha (Brazil)
Reigning Abu Dhabi World Pro champion in the 95kg division, virtually unbeatable in her weight class. Known for her pressure game but also dangerous with her back on the mat.
Nathiely de Jesus, 23, (Brazil)
Two-time World Pro champion renowned for her aggressive game. She is tall and most feared by her opponents for both her triangles and arm-bar attacks.
Thamara Ferreira, 24, (Brazil)
Since her brown belt days, Ferreira has been dominating the 70kg, in both the World Pro and the Grand Slams. With a very aggressive game.
Samantha Cook, 32, (Britain)
One of the biggest talents coming out of Europe in recent times. She is known for a highly technical game and bringing her A game to the table as always.
Kendall Reusing, 22, (USA)
Another young gun ready to explode in the big leagues. The Californian resident is a powerhouse in the -95kg division. Her duels with Pessanha have been highlights in the Grand Slams.
Martina Gramenius, 32, (Sweden)
Already a two-time Grand Slam champion in the current season. Gramenius won golds in the 70kg, in both in Moscow and Tokyo, to earn a spot in the inaugural Queen of Mats.
Nick's journey in numbers
Countries so far: 85
Flights: 149
Steps: 3.78 million
Calories: 220,000
Floors climbed: 2,000
Donations: GPB37,300
Prostate checks: 5
Blisters: 15
Bumps on the head: 2
Dog bites: 1
The rules on fostering in the UAE
A foster couple or family must:
- be Muslim, Emirati and be residing in the UAE
- not be younger than 25 years old
- not have been convicted of offences or crimes involving moral turpitude
- be free of infectious diseases or psychological and mental disorders
- have the ability to support its members and the foster child financially
- undertake to treat and raise the child in a proper manner and take care of his or her health and well-being
- A single, divorced or widowed Muslim Emirati female, residing in the UAE may apply to foster a child if she is at least 30 years old and able to support the child financially
The National's picks
4.35pm: Tilal Al Khalediah
5.10pm: Continous
5.45pm: Raging Torrent
6.20pm: West Acre
7pm: Flood Zone
7.40pm: Straight No Chaser
8.15pm: Romantic Warrior
8.50pm: Calandogan
9.30pm: Forever Young
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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FIGHT CARD
Sara El Bakkali v Anisha Kadka (Lightweight, female)
Mohammed Adil Al Debi v Moaz Abdelgawad (Bantamweight)
Amir Boureslan v Mahmoud Zanouny (Welterweight)
Abrorbek Madaminbekov v Mohammed Al Katheeri (Featherweight)
Ibrahem Bilal v Emad Arafa (Super featherweight)
Ahmed Abdolaziz v Imad Essassi (Middleweight)
Milena Martinou v Ilham Bourakkadi (Bantamweight, female)
Noureddine El Agouti v Mohamed Mardi (Welterweight)
Nabil Ouach v Ymad Atrous (Middleweight)
Nouredin Samir v Zainalabid Dadachev (Lightweight)
Marlon Ribeiro v Mehdi Oubahammou (Welterweight)
Brad Stanton v Mohamed El Boukhari (Super welterweight
Formula Middle East Calendar (Formula Regional and Formula 4)
Round 1: January 17-19, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 2: January 22-23, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 3: February 7-9, Dubai Autodrome – Dubai
Round 4: February 14-16, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 5: February 25-27, Jeddah Corniche Circuit – Saudi Arabia
From Zero
Artist: Linkin Park
Label: Warner Records
Number of tracks: 11
Rating: 4/5
The specs: 2018 BMW R nineT Scrambler
Price, base / as tested Dh57,000
Engine 1,170cc air/oil-cooled flat twin four-stroke engine
Transmission Six-speed gearbox
Power 110hp) @ 7,750rpm
Torque 116Nm @ 6,000rpm
Fuel economy, combined 5.3L / 100km
RESULTS
5pm: Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 1,200m
Winner: Shafaf, Sam Hitchcott (jockey), Ahmed Al Mehairbi (trainer)
5,30pm: Wathba Stallions Cup Handicap (PA) Dh70,000 1,200m
Winner: Noof KB, Tadhg O’Shea, Ernst Oertel
6pm: The President’s Cup Listed (TB) Dh380,000 1,400m
Winner: Taamol, Jim Crowley, Ali Rashid Al Raihe
6.30pm: The President’s Cup Group One (PA) Dh2,500,000 2,200m
Winner: Rmmas, Tadhg O’Shea, Jean de Roualle
7pm: Arabian Triple Crown Listed (PA) Dh230,000 1,600m
Winner: Ihtesham, Szczepan Mazur, Ibrahim Al Hadhrami
7.30pm: Handicap (PA) Dh80,000 1,400m
Winner: AF Mekhbat, Antonio Fresu, Ernst Oertel
The specs: 2017 Lotus Evora Sport 410
Price, base / as tested Dh395,000 / Dh420,000
Engine 3.5L V6
Transmission Six-speed manual
Power 410hp @ 7,000rpm
Torque 420Nm @ 3,500rpm
Fuel economy, combined 9.7L / 100km
NO OTHER LAND
Director: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham, Rachel Szor, Hamdan Ballal
Stars: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham
Rating: 3.5/5
Day 3 stumps
New Zealand 153 & 249
Pakistan 227 & 37-0 (target 176)
Pakistan require another 139 runs with 10 wickets remaining
In numbers: PKK’s money network in Europe
Germany: PKK collectors typically bring in $18 million in cash a year – amount has trebled since 2010
Revolutionary tax: Investigators say about $2 million a year raised from ‘tax collection’ around Marseille
Extortion: Gunman convicted in 2023 of demanding $10,000 from Kurdish businessman in Stockholm
Drug trade: PKK income claimed by Turkish anti-drugs force in 2024 to be as high as $500 million a year
Denmark: PKK one of two terrorist groups along with Iranian separatists ASMLA to raise “two-digit million amounts”
Contributions: Hundreds of euros expected from typical Kurdish families and thousands from business owners
TV channel: Kurdish Roj TV accounts frozen and went bankrupt after Denmark fined it more than $1 million over PKK links in 2013
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
A MINECRAFT MOVIE
Director: Jared Hess
Starring: Jack Black, Jennifer Coolidge, Jason Momoa
Rating: 3/5
RESULTS
Bantamweight
Victor Nunes (BRA) beat Siyovush Gulmamadov (TJK)
(Split decision)
Featherweight
Hussein Salim (IRQ) beat Shakhriyor Juraev (UZB)
(Round 1 submission, armbar)
Catchweight 80kg
Rashed Dawood (UAE) beat Otabek Kadirov (UZB)
(Round-1 submission, rear naked choke)
Lightweight
Ho Taek-oh (KOR) beat Ronald Girones (CUB)
(Round 3 submission, triangle choke)
Lightweight
Arthur Zaynukov (RUS) beat Damien Lapilus (FRA)
(Unanimous points)
Bantamweight
Vinicius de Oliveira (BRA) beat Furkatbek Yokubov (RUS)
(Round 1 TKO)
Featherweight
Movlid Khaybulaev (RUS) v Zaka Fatullazade (AZE)
(Round 1 rear naked choke)
Flyweight
Shannon Ross (TUR) beat Donovon Freelow (USA)
(Unanimous decision)
Lightweight
Dan Collins (GBR) beat Mohammad Yahya (UAE)
(Round 2 submission D’arce choke)
Catchweight 73kg
Martun Mezhulmyan (ARM) beat Islam Mamedov (RUS)
(Round 3 submission, kneebar)
Bantamweight world title
Xavier Alaoui (MAR) beat Jaures Dea (CAM)
(Unanimous points 48-46, 49-45, 49-45)
Flyweight world title
Manon Fiorot (FRA) v Gabriela Campo (ARG)
(Round 1 RSC)
COMPANY PROFILE
Initial investment: Undisclosed
Investment stage: Series A
Investors: Core42
Current number of staff: 47
WITHIN%20SAND
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The specs
Engine: 2.0-litre 4-cylturbo
Transmission: seven-speed DSG automatic
Power: 242bhp
Torque: 370Nm
Price: Dh136,814
Anghami
Started: December 2011
Co-founders: Elie Habib, Eddy Maroun
Based: Beirut and Dubai
Sector: Entertainment
Size: 85 employees
Stage: Series C
Investors: MEVP, du, Mobily, MBC, Samena Capital
Getting%20there%20and%20where%20to%20stay
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Election pledges on migration
CDU: "Now is the time to control the German borders and enforce strict border rejections"
SPD: "Border closures and blanket rejections at internal borders contradict the spirit of a common area of freedom"
