There’s an old joke about a guy who goes to the doctor because his hand hurts when he moves it. “It hurts when I do this,” he says to the doctor.
“Then don’t do this,” the doctor answers. Which is, when you think about it, excellent advice for a lot of things.
It’s traditional, at this time of year, to make plans for the next 11 months, to lock your eyes onto the future.
“Never look back,” is what some people say as they set New Year’s goals and plan for a rich and lucky new year. That’s a very smart and emotionally healthy way to prepare for what’s to come, which is probably why I don’t do it.
I like looking back. I get a certain unhealthy pleasure in totalling up the (many) things I did in the previous 12 months that may have been foolish and which I intend never to do again. Some people have a “To Do” list. I have a “To Don’t” list.
For me, the trick to living well is following the joke doctor’s rule: if something hurts, stop doing it.
Aside from a few hilariously stupid things I did in 2014 – like climbing a ladder in my socks to change a light bulb, then slipping at the top and thumping to the floor while hitting each rung with my head – most of my most idiotic feats of the past year are best kept to myself.
There have been, on the other hand, some spectacular mistakes committed within the entertainment industry that may be useful to review.
For instance, many famous young leading men refused to consider portraying Peter Quill in Marvel Studios’ summertime smash hit Guardians of the Galaxy.
Near-unknown Chris Pratt got the role and turned it into a career-making moment. Why did so many bigger stars turn the part down? Maybe because the movie is a little bit silly and a little bit light, or because the budget didn’t allow for a mega-star’s salary. Either way, there are a few famous young actors who are kicking themselves now, and one more actor now in the upper levels of movie stardom for them to compete with.
The executives at Marvel Studios are probably swanning carefree into their new year without any regrets. The executives at the Warner Bros-owned DC Comics studio aren’t so lucky.
Last year, it was revealed that the studio had issued a creative edict for all of its comic-based and superhero movies: no jokes allowed.
When the DC executives gather in screening rooms to review their upcoming pictures, there will presumably be some kind of “funny alarm” that goes off whenever a joke or joke-adjacent piece of dialogue is uttered. But following the smashing success of their rival’s Guardians of the Galaxy, this is a rule they’re going to regret.
Of course, there are lots of people in Hollywood reflecting on their biggest mistakes of 2014.
If, that is, people in Hollywood were the reflective type. We’re not, which is why the 2014 television season was a baffling and disaster-filled event.
Shows that everyone knew would fail did, in fact, fail – shows about rich young people having romantic entanglements in New York city managed, somehow, to fail on three separate networks, and a couple of dark and depressing dramas also died quick deaths.
This may have been a surprise to the executives and marketers who decide which shows to put on and which to cancel, but anyone paying attention would remember that shows about rich young people in Manhattan and depressing dramas also failed last year. And the year before that. As the doctor in the joke says, if it hurts when you do something, stop doing it.
That’s probably no comfort to the executives at Sony Pictures Entertainment, whose free-spirited and blunt emails were hacked out of company servers and released publicly.
But the person who should be consumed by regret is North Korean dictator Kim Jung-Un.
For weeks it was assumed by everyone that the cyber-raid was orchestrated by the North Korean intelligence services, in retaliation for the anti-Kim spoof The Interview.
Kim Jong-Un and his North Korean henchmen, however, denied having any part of the hacking.
Whether they did or didn’t is irrelevant. This is Hollywood. And the first rule of surviving here is, always take the credit. Always.
Mr Kim and his ruling clan should have appeared together in hipster tech outfits – something along the lines of Steve Jobs’ iconic blue jeans and turtleneck uniform, though for the young Kim perhaps something more slimming – arms folded across their chests, smirks firmly in place. You can’t, as we say in this business, buy that kind of publicity.
Probably the biggest entertainment industry blunder of 2014 was committed by a North Korean dictator, proving once again that we’re living in interesting times.
Rob Long is a writer and producer based in Hollywood
On Twitter: @rcbl
NO OTHER LAND
Director: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham, Rachel Szor, Hamdan Ballal
Stars: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham
Rating: 3.5/5
Champions League Last 16
Red Bull Salzburg (AUT) v Bayern Munich (GER)
Sporting Lisbon (POR) v Manchester City (ENG)
Benfica (POR) v Ajax (NED)
Chelsea (ENG) v Lille (FRA)
Atletico Madrid (ESP) v Manchester United (ENG)
Villarreal (ESP) v Juventus (ITA)
Inter Milan (ITA) v Liverpool (ENG)
Paris Saint-Germain v Real Madrid (ESP)
Tuesday's fixtures
Kyrgyzstan v Qatar, 5.45pm
2025 Fifa Club World Cup groups
Group A: Palmeiras, Porto, Al Ahly, Inter Miami.
Group B: Paris Saint-Germain, Atletico Madrid, Botafogo, Seattle.
Group C: Bayern Munich, Auckland City, Boca Juniors, Benfica.
Group D: Flamengo, ES Tunis, Chelsea, (Leon banned).
Group E: River Plate, Urawa, Monterrey, Inter Milan.
Group F: Fluminense, Borussia Dortmund, Ulsan, Mamelodi Sundowns.
Group G: Manchester City, Wydad, Al Ain, Juventus.
Group H: Real Madrid, Al Hilal, Pachuca, Salzburg.
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Points to remember
- Debate the issue, don't attack the person
- Build the relationship and dialogue by seeking to find common ground
- Express passion for the issue but be aware of when you're losing control or when there's anger. If there is, pause and take some time out.
- Listen actively without interrupting
- Avoid assumptions, seek understanding, ask questions
Liverpool 4-1 Shrewsbury
Liverpool
Gordon (34'), Fabinho (44' pen, 90' 3), Firmino (78')
Shrewsbury
Udoh (27'minutes)
Man of the Match: Kaide Gordon (Liverpool)
David Haye record
Total fights: 32
Wins: 28
Wins by KO: 26
Losses: 4
Biog
Mr Kandhari is legally authorised to conduct marriages in the gurdwara
He has officiated weddings of Sikhs and people of different faiths from Malaysia, Sri Lanka, Russia, the US and Canada
Father of two sons, grandfather of six
Plays golf once a week
Enjoys trying new holiday destinations with his wife and family
Walks for an hour every morning
Completed a Bachelor of Commerce degree in Loyola College, Chennai, India
2019 is a milestone because he completes 50 years in business
In numbers: PKK’s money network in Europe
Germany: PKK collectors typically bring in $18 million in cash a year – amount has trebled since 2010
Revolutionary tax: Investigators say about $2 million a year raised from ‘tax collection’ around Marseille
Extortion: Gunman convicted in 2023 of demanding $10,000 from Kurdish businessman in Stockholm
Drug trade: PKK income claimed by Turkish anti-drugs force in 2024 to be as high as $500 million a year
Denmark: PKK one of two terrorist groups along with Iranian separatists ASMLA to raise “two-digit million amounts”
Contributions: Hundreds of euros expected from typical Kurdish families and thousands from business owners
TV channel: Kurdish Roj TV accounts frozen and went bankrupt after Denmark fined it more than $1 million over PKK links in 2013
A MINECRAFT MOVIE
Director: Jared Hess
Starring: Jack Black, Jennifer Coolidge, Jason Momoa
Rating: 3/5
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre turbo
Power: 181hp
Torque: 230Nm
Transmission: 6-speed automatic
Starting price: Dh79,000
On sale: Now
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
The rules on fostering in the UAE
A foster couple or family must:
- be Muslim, Emirati and be residing in the UAE
- not be younger than 25 years old
- not have been convicted of offences or crimes involving moral turpitude
- be free of infectious diseases or psychological and mental disorders
- have the ability to support its members and the foster child financially
- undertake to treat and raise the child in a proper manner and take care of his or her health and well-being
- A single, divorced or widowed Muslim Emirati female, residing in the UAE may apply to foster a child if she is at least 30 years old and able to support the child financially
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How to help
Send “thenational” to the following numbers or call the hotline on: 0502955999
2289 – Dh10
2252 – Dh 50
6025 – Dh20
6027 – Dh 100
6026 – Dh 200
The specs: 2019 Cadillac XT4
Price, base: Dh145,000
Engine: 2.0-litre turbocharged in-line four-cylinder engine
Transmission: Nine-speed automatic
Power: 237hp @ 5,000rpm
Torque: 350Nm @ 1,500rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 8.7L / 100km
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COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Lamsa
Founder: Badr Ward
Launched: 2014
Employees: 60
Based: Abu Dhabi
Sector: EdTech
Funding to date: $15 million
Series result
1st ODI Zimbabwe won by 6 wickets
2nd ODI Sri Lanka won by 7 wickets
3rd ODI Sri Lanka won by 8 wickets
4th ODI Zimbabwe won by 4 wickets
5th ODI Zimbabwe won by 3 wickets
The specs
Engine: 2-litre 4-cylinder and 3.6-litre 6-cylinder
Power: 220 and 280 horsepower
Torque: 350 and 360Nm
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Price: from Dh136,521 VAT and Dh166,464 VAT
On sale: now
Skewed figures
In the village of Mevagissey in southwest England the housing stock has doubled in the last century while the number of residents is half the historic high. The village's Neighbourhood Development Plan states that 26% of homes are holiday retreats. Prices are high, averaging around £300,000, £50,000 more than the Cornish average of £250,000. The local average wage is £15,458.
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%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ECompany%20name%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Revibe%20%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarted%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%202022%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounders%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Hamza%20Iraqui%20and%20Abdessamad%20Ben%20Zakour%20%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20UAE%20%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EIndustry%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Refurbished%20electronics%20%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFunds%20raised%20so%20far%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20%2410m%20%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestors%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EFlat6Labs%2C%20Resonance%20and%20various%20others%0D%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Specs
Engine: Duel electric motors
Power: 659hp
Torque: 1075Nm
On sale: Available for pre-order now
Price: On request
ICC Awards for 2021
MEN
Cricketer of the Year – Shaheen Afridi (Pakistan)
T20 Cricketer of the Year – Mohammad Rizwan (Pakistan)
ODI Cricketer of the Year – Babar Azam (Pakistan)
Test Cricketer of the Year – Joe Root (England)
WOMEN
Cricketer of the Year – Smriti Mandhana (India)
ODI Cricketer of the Year – Lizelle Lee (South Africa)
T20 Cricketer of the Year – Tammy Beaumont (England)
MATCH INFO
Europa League semi-final, second leg
Atletico Madrid (1) v Arsenal (1)
Where: Wanda Metropolitano
When: Thursday, kick-off 10.45pm
Live: On BeIN Sports HD
Match info
Uefa Champions League Group B
Barcelona v Tottenham Hotspur, midnight