The two best known British spies – in popular fiction at least – are James Bond and Johnny English. Bond is the dashing patriotic hero who risks all for Queen and country and gets the job done. Johnny English is the good-hearted but bumbling idiot played for laughs by Rowan Atkinson, the actor who is also famous as Mr Bean. Unfortunately in the real world of oversight of British intelligence services, in the past few days Mr Bean came perilously close to overseeing Mr Bond.
It is a strange story, which sheds light on why party politics means democracies across the world sometimes end up with unqualified and unskilled people in important positions.
The real life Mr Bean is Chris Grayling. He is a Conservative former government minister who achieved notoriety in Europe and the US as Britain’s transport secretary, after botching preparations for Brexit.
The New York Times reported his reputation as "Failing Grayling" after a litany of costly errors.
Mr Bean-like, Mr Grayling actually awarded an expensive ferry contract to a company that had no ferries. Taxpayers ended up paying millions in compensation to another company as part of the scandal. Then, Mr Grayling’s transport department tried to organise a traffic jam of lorries near the key English port of Dover to practise coping with Brexit traffic chaos. It wasn’t a success. Comedians joked Chris Grayling wasn’t even capable of organising a traffic jam.
As justice minister his “reform” of the British probation service was a fiasco, as was his decision to stop books being sent to prisoners in jail. Mr Grayling – said to be a decent bloke – was, just like Mr Bean, also a bit of a joke. His reputation meant that over the past year when I have been speaking at literary festivals and public meetings about why so many people are disenchanted with politics, his name often came up.
For some leaders, usually the weaker ones, unquestioning loyalty matters above everything – above ability, imagination and expertise
“How does Grayling survive?” people would ask. The answer to that has relevance to governments all over the world, from Japan, India and Australia to north America, South Africa and all over Europe. We’ll get an answer in a moment, but first we need to note that Mr Grayling has hit the headlines once more. British Prime Minister Boris Johnson pushed hard for him to chair Britain’s secretive Intelligence and Security Committee.
These are the trusted people who function as the independent oversight body for British intelligence, MI6, GCHQ, the whole James Bond crowd. The idea of putting Mr Bean in charge of Mr Bond led to plenty of amusing newspaper commentary but there is a twist to the tale, which turned into a very British coup.
Another Conservative MP, the well regarded Julian Lewis, secretly secured support from members of the Intelligence and Security Committee and snatched the top job of committee chairman from Mr Grayling’s grasp. MPs clearly had enough of the prime minister rewarding unqualified people for loyalty rather than competence. Privately many Conservative MPs were angry and dismayed.
As if to emphasise Mr Grayling’s unsuitability for a post supervising British intelligence, according to one source, when he failed to get the votes he needed, he “didn’t see it coming.”
This semi-comic saga has a serious point. Some politicians survive and even thrive after repeated failures. The reason goes to the heart of party politics. For some leaders, usually the weaker ones, unquestioning loyalty matters above everything – above ability, imagination and expertise. Chris Grayling has spent years being loyal to whomever happens to be leader of the Conservative party and was repeatedly rewarded with important jobs, even if the British public had to pay the cost.
In 2005 the eminent American historian Doris Kearns Goodwin wrote the Pulitzer prize-winning “Team of Rivals”, which showed how the statesman and former US president Abraham Lincoln filled his government during the US Civil War with the best brains in America, even if it meant there were frequent disagreements.
The British government of Boris Johnson and the Trump administration are among those governments which have done the opposite. In their administrations dissent is not tolerated, loyalty is all. But superficial unity, as a British commentator put it, can turn into a government of “nodding dogs,” unwilling or scared to disagree with the leader.
"Nodding dog" syndrome has contributed to the British government's poor record on handling coronavirus, the Johnson government being forced into a humiliating U-turn on working with the Chinese telecommunications company Huawei, and the likelihood that Britain is blundering towards a nasty version of a no-deal exit from the EU. In this saga it is not Mr Grayling himself who comes out looking worst. It is the Prime Minister himself.
Boris Johnson has become the hapless Mr Bean, bluffing his way on major policy decisions without listening to the views of experts and inevitably not getting things right and being forced to change course. Mr Bean is definitely fun on television, it is just a shame that Mr Bond is unavailable in real life.
Gavin Esler is a journalist, author and presenter
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About Takalam
Date started: early 2020
Founders: Khawla Hammad and Inas Abu Shashieh
Based: Abu Dhabi
Sector: HealthTech and wellness
Number of staff: 4
Funding to date: Bootstrapped
The specs: 2019 Cadillac XT4
Price, base: Dh145,000
Engine: 2.0-litre turbocharged in-line four-cylinder engine
Transmission: Nine-speed automatic
Power: 237hp @ 5,000rpm
Torque: 350Nm @ 1,500rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 8.7L / 100km
Quick pearls of wisdom
Focus on gratitude: And do so deeply, he says. “Think of one to three things a day that you’re grateful for. It needs to be specific, too, don’t just say ‘air.’ Really think about it. If you’re grateful for, say, what your parents have done for you, that will motivate you to do more for the world.”
Know how to fight: Shetty married his wife, Radhi, three years ago (he met her in a meditation class before he went off and became a monk). He says they’ve had to learn to respect each other’s “fighting styles” – he’s a talk it-out-immediately person, while she needs space to think. “When you’re having an argument, remember, it’s not you against each other. It’s both of you against the problem. When you win, they lose. If you’re on a team you have to win together.”
WHAT IS GRAPHENE?
It was discovered in 2004, when Russian-born Manchester scientists Andrei Geim and Kostya Novoselov were experimenting with sticky tape and graphite, the material used as lead in pencils.
Placing the tape on the graphite and peeling it, they managed to rip off thin flakes of carbon. In the beginning they got flakes consisting of many layers of graphene. But when they repeated the process many times, the flakes got thinner.
By separating the graphite fragments repeatedly, they managed to create flakes that were just one atom thick. Their experiment led to graphene being isolated for the very first time.
In 2010, Geim and Novoselov were awarded the Nobel Prize for Physics.
Soldier F
“I was in complete disgust at the fact that only one person was to be charged for Bloody Sunday.
“Somebody later said to me, 'you just watch - they'll drop the charge against him'. And sure enough, the charges against Soldier F would go on to be dropped.
“It's pretty hard to think that 50 years on, the State is still covering up for what happened on Bloody Sunday.”
Jimmy Duddy, nephew of John Johnson
Day 5, Abu Dhabi Test: At a glance
Moment of the day When Dilruwan Perera dismissed Yasir Shah to end Pakistan’s limp resistance, the Sri Lankans charged around the field with the fevered delirium of a side not used to winning. Trouble was, they had not. The delivery was deemed a no ball. Sri Lanka had a nervy wait, but it was merely a stay of execution for the beleaguered hosts.
Stat of the day – 5 Pakistan have lost all 10 wickets on the fifth day of a Test five times since the start of 2016. It is an alarming departure for a side who had apparently erased regular collapses from their resume. “The only thing I can say, it’s not a mitigating excuse at all, but that’s a young batting line up, obviously trying to find their way,” said Mickey Arthur, Pakistan’s coach.
The verdict Test matches in the UAE are known for speeding up on the last two days, but this was extreme. The first two innings of this Test took 11 sessions to complete. The remaining two were done in less than four. The nature of Pakistan’s capitulation at the end showed just how difficult the transition is going to be in the post Misbah-ul-Haq era.
Benefits of first-time home buyers' scheme
- Priority access to new homes from participating developers
- Discounts on sales price of off-plan units
- Flexible payment plans from developers
- Mortgages with better interest rates, faster approval times and reduced fees
- DLD registration fee can be paid through banks or credit cards at zero interest rates
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
Favourite book: ‘The Art of Learning’ by Josh Waitzkin
Favourite film: Marvel movies
Favourite parkour spot in Dubai: Residence towers in Jumeirah Beach Residence
Global state-owned investor ranking by size
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China
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UAE
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Japan
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Norway
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Canada
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Singapore
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Australia
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Saudi Arabia
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South Korea
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TO A LAND UNKNOWN
Director: Mahdi Fleifel
Starring: Mahmoud Bakri, Aram Sabbah, Mohammad Alsurafa
Rating: 4.5/5
UPI facts
More than 2.2 million Indian tourists arrived in UAE in 2023
More than 3.5 million Indians reside in UAE
Indian tourists can make purchases in UAE using rupee accounts in India through QR-code-based UPI real-time payment systems
Indian residents in UAE can use their non-resident NRO and NRE accounts held in Indian banks linked to a UAE mobile number for UPI transactions
Ferrari 12Cilindri specs
Engine: naturally aspirated 6.5-liter V12
Power: 819hp
Torque: 678Nm at 7,250rpm
Price: From Dh1,700,000
Available: Now
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The 12 Syrian entities delisted by UK
Ministry of Interior
Ministry of Defence
General Intelligence Directorate
Air Force Intelligence Agency
Political Security Directorate
Syrian National Security Bureau
Military Intelligence Directorate
Army Supply Bureau
General Organisation of Radio and TV
Al Watan newspaper
Cham Press TV
Sama TV
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RESULTS
5pm: Rated Conditions (PA) Dh85,000 (Turf) 1,600m
Winner: AF Mouthirah, Tadhg O’Shea (jockey), Ernst Oertel (trainer)
5.30pm: Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 (T) 1,400m
Winner: AF Alajaj, Tadhg O’Shea, Ernst Oertel
6pm: Wathba Stallions Cup Handicap (PA) Dh70,000 (T) 1,400m
Winner: Hawafez, Connor Beasley, Abubakar Daud
6.30pm: Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 (T) 2,200m
Winner: Tair, Fabrice Veron, Eric Lemartinel
7pm: Handicap (PA) Dh80,000 (T) 2,200m
Winner: Wakeel W’Rsan, Richard Mullen, Jaci Wickham
7.30pm: Handicap (PA) Dh100,000 (T) 2,400m
Winner: Son Of Normandy, Fernando Jara, Ahmad bin Harmash
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Dust and sand storms compared
Sand storm
- Particle size: Larger, heavier sand grains
- Visibility: Often dramatic with thick "walls" of sand
- Duration: Short-lived, typically localised
- Travel distance: Limited
- Source: Open desert areas with strong winds
Dust storm
- Particle size: Much finer, lightweight particles
- Visibility: Hazy skies but less intense
- Duration: Can linger for days
- Travel distance: Long-range, up to thousands of kilometres
- Source: Can be carried from distant regions
more from Janine di Giovanni
Sole survivors
- Cecelia Crocker was on board Northwest Airlines Flight 255 in 1987 when it crashed in Detroit, killing 154 people, including her parents and brother. The plane had hit a light pole on take off
- George Lamson Jr, from Minnesota, was on a Galaxy Airlines flight that crashed in Reno in 1985, killing 68 people. His entire seat was launched out of the plane
- Bahia Bakari, then 12, survived when a Yemenia Airways flight crashed near the Comoros in 2009, killing 152. She was found clinging to wreckage after floating in the ocean for 13 hours.
- Jim Polehinke was the co-pilot and sole survivor of a 2006 Comair flight that crashed in Lexington, Kentucky, killing 49.
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Married Malala
Malala Yousafzai is enjoying married life, her father said.
The 24-year-old married Pakistan cricket executive Asser Malik last year in a small ceremony in the UK.
Ziauddin Yousafzai told The National his daughter was ‘very happy’ with her husband.
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
