A young Prince Harry with this mother, Princess Diana, and brother Prince William looking out from the balcony of Buckingham Palace in London. Diana is perhaps a modern day example of what happens when family cultures don't evolve. Tim Graham Photo Library via Getty Images
A young Prince Harry with this mother, Princess Diana, and brother Prince William looking out from the balcony of Buckingham Palace in London. Diana is perhaps a modern day example of what happens when family cultures don't evolve. Tim Graham Photo Library via Getty Images
A young Prince Harry with this mother, Princess Diana, and brother Prince William looking out from the balcony of Buckingham Palace in London. Diana is perhaps a modern day example of what happens whe
Shelina Janmohamed is an author and a culture columnist for The National
September 01, 2023
In our household, once the children were born, I renamed our wedding anniversary the "family birthday". When they were little and whenever my husband and I were lucky enough to have my in-laws look after them, we would head outside to remind ourselves of what it was like just to be a couple for a few hours. As the children have grown older, it has seemed ever sadder to leave them behind. After all, they are a celebration of our married life as much as the two of us and we wanted them to share the day too.
As someone who works in marketing and branding, the solution was obvious: a rebrand of the event. Which means our marriage anniversary is now also the day that our family was born. And the celebration is one of the new unit that we created: a family birthday.
I’ve mentioned this in passing to friends and colleagues who have children and to my unexpected pleasure, they have reacted with delight. It is somehow so obvious yet there is a big gap. It seems unusual in society to celebrate the family. We have so many individual days – and for good reason – mother’s day, father’s day, birthdays – but the family as more than the sum of its parts, and a foundational component of societal structure, seems neglected.
Last month, we celebrated our eighteenth anniversary, making our marriage now a grown up too, and our children were involved in planning the day and being together.
Perhaps not many of us stop to think about how each family has its own ways. Two people start a household and create a whole new culture. And when children arrive, and as they grow up and bring their personalities into the mix, that culture evolves. Think about how when you step into someone’s home, you see their own methods, interactions and structures at play. It is a culture in microcosm. When we don’t acknowledge that different families have their own cultures we can run into challenges.
Often times, parents, in-laws, or even the people who go on to become parents can feel like they need to keep alive the culture that they were taught and grew up in. This is made up of habits, traditions, memories and stories told to us and about us. Some of these traditions are inherited, some develop subconsciously and others we make and institute.
But as times change, society changes and more importantly, if and when people marry and have children, a new culture is born. Those who don't understand this can cause tension, unhappiness and in some cases, the breakdown of a family. Like in-laws who insist that the new bride should be "moulded" or made to fit in with in-law customs. Or if the bride moves into the husband's house, that her opinions don't count. To avoid this, at the beginning of a marriage, there has to be an understanding – perhaps even an excitement – that a new culture is being created.
Not acknowledging this is a denial of the sanctity of the new family emerging, and a blindness to the fact that not only is the new culture a natural thing, it is a good thing. It brings freshness and dynamism to an ever-changing society. It also builds resilience to the social shifts across so many cultures, and an acceptance and respect that there are different kinds of families and that they all have their ways of functioning – whether those are extended families, nuclear, single-parent, blended or any other family unit. There ought to be space for new members and grace granted for new ways of doing things.
Harry, Meghan and their son Archie Mountbatten-Windsor in Cape Town, South Africa. They're in a situation similar to Diana's – of inflexible family structures. Pool/Getty Images
Earlier this week was the death anniversary of Diana, formerly the Princess of Wales. She is perhaps a modern symbol of what happens when family cultures don’t evolve, are not flexible and do not accommodate new personalities and new ways.
A similar situation has happened again with Harry and Meghan. A culture needs to change bearing in mind two wider parameters: the members who arrive – through marrying or children being born, but also in the context of societal changes. When either is lacking, people can become unhappy and the family structure can collapse. Just ask the Windsors.
An evolving unit plays an important part in allowing people to understand who they are and giving them a sense of belonging. Being aware that families have different cultures, and in particular that new families will create their own, is not something to be resisted. It should be celebrated.
Where: All main sessions are held in the InterContinental Dubai Festival City
Price: Sessions range from free entry to Dh125 tickets, with the exception of special events.
Hot Tip: If waiting for your book to be signed looks like it will be timeconsuming, ask the festival’s bookstore if they have pre-signed copies of the book you’re looking for. They should have a bunch from some of the festival’s biggest guest authors.
Moment of the day When Dilruwan Perera dismissed Yasir Shah to end Pakistan’s limp resistance, the Sri Lankans charged around the field with the fevered delirium of a side not used to winning. Trouble was, they had not. The delivery was deemed a no ball. Sri Lanka had a nervy wait, but it was merely a stay of execution for the beleaguered hosts.
Stat of the day – 5 Pakistan have lost all 10 wickets on the fifth day of a Test five times since the start of 2016. It is an alarming departure for a side who had apparently erased regular collapses from their resume. “The only thing I can say, it’s not a mitigating excuse at all, but that’s a young batting line up, obviously trying to find their way,” said Mickey Arthur, Pakistan’s coach.
The verdict Test matches in the UAE are known for speeding up on the last two days, but this was extreme. The first two innings of this Test took 11 sessions to complete. The remaining two were done in less than four. The nature of Pakistan’s capitulation at the end showed just how difficult the transition is going to be in the post Misbah-ul-Haq era.
MATCH INFO
Inter Milan 1 (Martinez 18' pen)
Juventus 2 (Dybala 4', Higuain 80')
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Araminta Robertson, of the Financially Mint blog, shares her financial advice for university leavers:
1. Build digital or technical skills: After graduation, people can find it extremely hard to find jobs. From programming to digital marketing, your early twenties are for building skills. Future employers will want people with tech skills.
2. Side hustle: At 16, I lived in a village and started teaching online, as well as doing work as a virtual assistant and marketer. There are six skills you can use online: translation; teaching; programming; digital marketing; design and writing. If you master two, you’ll always be able to make money.
3. Networking: Knowing how to make connections is extremely useful. Use LinkedIn to find people who have the job you want, connect and ask to meet for coffee. Ask how they did it and if they know anyone who can help you. I secured quite a few clients this way.
4. Pay yourself first: The minute you receive any income, put about 15 per cent aside into a savings account you won’t touch, to go towards your emergency fund or to start investing. I do 20 per cent. It helped me start saving immediately.
