For a long part of my adult life, I had avoided crying. I had a turning point around two years ago, when I experienced immense grief and personal turmoil, with the pandemic being the cherry on top. This is when I began to confront my more intense emotions.
As a 24-year-old Emirati, I am aware of the social dynamics that have long dictated what gender norms had traditionally been welcome, and those that had been frowned upon. But the fact that men do not always have access to the right avenues for emotional expression is a global dilemma. Many times, it results in destructive tendencies, such as addictive behaviour and self-harm. But why do so many men feel so constricted emotionally?
Research shows that boys and girls cry with similar regularity as toddlers, and well into their mid-childhood. But as grown men, they cry less frequently, less intensely and for a shorter period of time than women. These findings have been replicated in 35 countries across four continents.
One researcher has found that, in their desire to conform to masculine gender expectations, some boys mask their emotions to such an extent that their own mothers aren’t able to identify what emotions their sons are truly experiencing. This is definitely food for thought, considering that this can start as early as the age of four.
Findings that support the idea that men are more susceptible to emotional repression are concerning. Research conducted on 18 Australian men who experienced suicidal thoughts, for example, found that these men have experienced a multitude of emotions in their lifetime. They reported having learnt during their childhoods that expressing emotions reduces their masculinity.
Research shows that boys and girls cry with similar regularity as toddlers
This phenomenon may be facilitated further by parents and peers contributing to the emotional constriction of boys to conform to social gender norms. These are well-known factors, and they bear out in anecdotal evidence I have collected for my own research.
One 27-year-old professional, Ahmed, recently expressed that while his mother was more understanding of his emotional expression than his father, he was still discouraged from these expressions for the sake of his father.
Khalifa, 20, and Sultan, 21, both undergraduate students, have expressed that while they are generally comfortable with being raw and vulnerable, for them it has been more of a learned trait. As children, they were discouraged from crying. The fact that children are only just developing attributes such as consciousness and self-awareness may reinforce the power of these learned traits.
Interestingly, friendship, research shows, can be a powerful antidote to this fear of vulnerability for men. Friendships act as a safe space wherein people reflect upon their inner worlds, through their inter-subjective, dialogical and intimate nature. In essence, friendships of a deep and intimate nature increase one’s awareness of their emotions, which in turn become more readily available for one to examine, analyse, critique and validate.
In a conversation with Fatma, 26, a strategy officer, she states: “We girls have each other to process our emotions, our programming and our trauma. I don’t think guys are encouraged to do the same with their emotions.”
Ahmed considers himself lucky to have a safe space among his school friends to freely express his emotions, as he doesn’t share that safety with his university and work peers, and acknowledges that many other men don’t share the same safety as he does.
These sentiments are unfortunately not shared by Hamad, 31, a business officer. He recounts crying at the funeral of his late uncle, and while mourners would offer condolences, they would whisper in his ear that he should toughen up and get it together. All of this while at the cemetery, with the sand used to bury his late uncle fresh in his hands. Hamad’s experience is not an isolated one; when your emotions are invalidated frequently, you begin to believe that they don’t matter. So, why bother?
Speaking from personal experience, I have been in social circles similar to those of Ahmed and Hamad. Today, I am blessed to find a safe environment in my friends, to express my feelings, be they positive or negative. But I acknowledge that reaching this level of comfort has not been easy, especially since for myself and my close peers, it is in our second nature to keep things to ourselves.
In the Emirati context, there is a lot of room for research to be conducted on a larger scale as to how much of this is a gendered phenomenon versus a cultural one. The cultural norm of "sitr", synonymous with privacy, for example, is often considered a factor in why men find it difficult to express their emotions. It is worth noting, however, that emotional expression does not have to contradict sitr. Whatever the root cause of the gap between men and women in emotional communication, it is time that we find ways to encourage more men to trust those around them, but also to trust themselves, and to reassure them that asking for and accepting help is a favour to oneself.
The goal isn’t to radically shift from what it means to be a man, but to inspire a shift in perspective against the gendering of emotions. Emotions are, after all, part of the human experience. It’s time we embrace them as they come.
I hope that the next time we see a baby boy cry, we validate his emotions and offer him a safe space for expression that will last him a lifetime. I hope as men, we are better to one another, for our own sake.
THE BIO
Born: Mukalla, Yemen, 1979
Education: UAE University, Al Ain
Family: Married with two daughters: Asayel, 7, and Sara, 6
Favourite piece of music: Horse Dance by Naseer Shamma
Favourite book: Science and geology
Favourite place to travel to: Washington DC
Best advice you’ve ever been given: If you have a dream, you have to believe it, then you will see it.
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Rajasthan Royals 158-8 (20 ovs)
Kings XI Punjab 143/7 (20 ovs)
Rajasthan Royals won by 15 runs
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Chelsea 1
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Man of the match: Eden Hazard (Chelsea)
Another way to earn air miles
In addition to the Emirates and Etihad programmes, there is the Air Miles Middle East card, which offers members the ability to choose any airline, has no black-out dates and no restrictions on seat availability. Air Miles is linked up to HSBC credit cards and can also be earned through retail partners such as Spinneys, Sharaf DG and The Toy Store.
An Emirates Dubai-London round-trip ticket costs 180,000 miles on the Air Miles website. But customers earn these ‘miles’ at a much faster rate than airline miles. Adidas offers two air miles per Dh1 spent. Air Miles has partnerships with websites as well, so booking.com and agoda.com offer three miles per Dh1 spent.
“If you use your HSBC credit card when shopping at our partners, you are able to earn Air Miles twice which will mean you can get that flight reward faster and for less spend,” says Paul Lacey, the managing director for Europe, Middle East and India for Aimia, which owns and operates Air Miles Middle East.
How much do leading UAE’s UK curriculum schools charge for Year 6?
- Nord Anglia International School (Dubai) – Dh85,032
- Kings School Al Barsha (Dubai) – Dh71,905
- Brighton College Abu Dhabi - Dh68,560
- Jumeirah English Speaking School (Dubai) – Dh59,728
- Gems Wellington International School – Dubai Branch – Dh58,488
- The British School Al Khubairat (Abu Dhabi) - Dh54,170
- Dubai English Speaking School – Dh51,269
*Annual tuition fees covering the 2024/2025 academic year
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Our legal columnist
Name: Yousef Al Bahar
Advocate at Al Bahar & Associate Advocates and Legal Consultants, established in 1994
Education: Mr Al Bahar was born in 1979 and graduated in 2008 from the Judicial Institute. He took after his father, who was one of the first Emirati lawyers
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Scotland 220
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Date of launch: November 2016
Founder: David Tobias
Based: Jumeirah Lake Towers
Sector: Technology
Size: 18 employees
Stage: Embarking on a Series A round to raise $5 million in the first quarter of 2019 with a 20 per cent stake
Investors: Seed round was self-funded with “millions of dollars”
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Agreement aims to boost trade by £25.5bn a year in the long run, compared with a total of £42.6bn in 2024
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Mia Man’s tips for fermentation
- Start with a simple recipe such as yogurt or sauerkraut
- Keep your hands and kitchen tools clean. Sanitize knives, cutting boards, tongs and storage jars with boiling water before you start.
- Mold is bad: the colour pink is a sign of mold. If yogurt turns pink as it ferments, you need to discard it and start again. For kraut, if you remove the top leaves and see any sign of mold, you should discard the batch.
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What can victims do?
Always use only regulated platforms
Stop all transactions and communication on suspicion
Save all evidence (screenshots, chat logs, transaction IDs)
Report to local authorities
Warn others to prevent further harm
Courtesy: Crystal Intelligence
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- Stay hydrated: Drink plenty of fluids, especially water. Avoid alcohol and caffeine, which can increase dehydration.
- Seek cool environments: Use air conditioning, fans, or visit community spaces with climate control.
- Limit outdoor activities: Avoid strenuous activity during peak heat. If outside, seek shade and wear a wide-brimmed hat.
- Dress appropriately: Wear lightweight, loose and light-coloured clothing to facilitate heat loss.
- Check on vulnerable people: Regularly check in on elderly neighbours, young children and those with health conditions.
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TV: The match will be broadcast on OSN Sports Cricket HD. Subscribers to the channel can also stream the action live on OSN Play.
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Will the pound fall to parity with the dollar?
The idea of pound parity now seems less far-fetched as the risk grows that Britain may split away from the European Union without a deal.
Rupert Harrison, a fund manager at BlackRock, sees the risk of it falling to trade level with the dollar on a no-deal Brexit. The view echoes Morgan Stanley’s recent forecast that the currency can plunge toward $1 (Dh3.67) on such an outcome. That isn’t the majority view yet – a Bloomberg survey this month estimated the pound will slide to $1.10 should the UK exit the bloc without an agreement.
New Prime Minister Boris Johnson has repeatedly said that Britain will leave the EU on the October 31 deadline with or without an agreement, fuelling concern the nation is headed for a disorderly departure and fanning pessimism toward the pound. Sterling has fallen more than 7 per cent in the past three months, the worst performance among major developed-market currencies.
“The pound is at a much lower level now but I still think a no-deal exit would lead to significant volatility and we could be testing parity on a really bad outcome,” said Mr Harrison, who manages more than $10 billion in assets at BlackRock. “We will see this game of chicken continue through August and that’s likely negative for sterling,” he said about the deadlocked Brexit talks.
The pound fell 0.8 per cent to $1.2033 on Friday, its weakest closing level since the 1980s, after a report on the second quarter showed the UK economy shrank for the first time in six years. The data means it is likely the Bank of England will cut interest rates, according to Mizuho Bank.
The BOE said in November that the currency could fall even below $1 in an analysis on possible worst-case Brexit scenarios. Options-based calculations showed around a 6.4 per cent chance of pound-dollar parity in the next one year, markedly higher than 0.2 per cent in early March when prospects of a no-deal outcome were seemingly off the table.
Bloomberg
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Director: Siddharth Anand
Cast: Hrithik Roshan, Tiger Shroff, Ashutosh Rana, Vaani Kapoor
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