More women are prioritising their education, careers and partner compatibility before taking the plunge into motherhood, says photographer Khushboo Soni who specialises in pregnancy photo shoots. Courtesy Mother of Reinvention Photography
More women are prioritising their education, careers and partner compatibility before taking the plunge into motherhood, says photographer Khushboo Soni who specialises in pregnancy photo shoots. Courtesy Mother of Reinvention Photography
More women are prioritising their education, careers and partner compatibility before taking the plunge into motherhood, says photographer Khushboo Soni who specialises in pregnancy photo shoots. Cour
Shelina Janmohamed is an author and a culture columnist for The National
October 21, 2021
A top University of Cambridge official recently caused a stir by announcing plans to organise seminars on fertility with the purpose of "empowering" female students. Dorothy Byrne, who heads the Murray Edwards College, said young women were being taught to do everything in life – get a degree, succeed in their careers and be beautiful – except having babies.
Predictably, Ms Byrne received harsh criticism for her remarks, with one comment reading: "The 19th century called – and they want their curriculum back."
It does seem an odd hill upon which to stake progress for women, especially given Ms Byrne's own successful career in television and journalism. Moreover, the Murray Edwards College was founded in 1954 precisely to increase the proportion of women at the university, which began admitting female undergraduates about 150 years earlier.
The controversy reminded me of the pressure I faced to get married before I became "too old", even though I was only in my 20s then. My parents were asked why they let me go to university at all. Wasn’t I going to just get married and have children, they rhetorically said. The objective for all women, according to some of these people, is ultimately child bearing. Once married, women like me are asked when we are going to have our first child. At the next stage, the demand is to bear another child, because the first child needs a sibling. Common, too, is the call to have sons, if one has had "only" daughters.
Undated photo of Dorothy Byrne, president of Murray Edwards College. University of Cambridge
While the blowback against Ms Byrne's remarks is understandable, she has raised an important issue: which is that women should be able to raise a family while having a successful career – if that is what they want – and that society must do its bit to help.
Often, women delay having children or not have any, not because they don't want to become mothers, but due to their personal and financial circumstances. And yet, women are usually blamed for not having children. And when women do end up bearing them, they are told not to complain about the challenges they face in balancing life and work, because, after all, it was their choice to do so.
It can be hard for those who can't afford child care. Sometimes, women have to work, even if they want to spend time with their children, to support their families. Yet, they are castigated as bad mothers. The reverse is true, too: being labelled lazy if they don't have a job. It is, often, also difficult to choose when to have children. If women get pregnant early in their lives, they struggle to find work later. If, on the other hand, they choose employment and financial security over marriage and child bearing, dropping fertility rate becomes a problem and one more reason to be criticised for their so-called misplaced priorities.
Rather than shining the spotlight only on women over the issue of child bearing, it makes more sense for society to reflect on the conditions it has created that push women into these difficult situations, for which women then get the blame.
Are men stable enough, on the various metrics, to support their families? How can workplaces ensure that men step into paternity roles with minimum fuss and without losing pay? These are pertinent questions.
Maternity benefits are undoubtedly important, too, as they have historically paved the way for more women to enter the workforce. Inadequate paternity support, pay stagnation for mothers, and the lack of suitable child care or flexible policies are all factors that adversely affect women's incomes when they have children. This is unfair, as is the still prevailing attitude that women should prioritise having a family over pursuing personal ambitions. The result is that this makes women disproportionately poorer.
When people claim women want to 'have it all', they are saying society expects women to do it all
Gender balance in this regard is key, for, just as women have the right to seek personal fulfilment in the public space, the notion that men might find fulfilment in looking after their children should be entertained by society.
Changing circumstances and attitudes on the part of women and men to not bear children are having an impact on the fertility rate across the globe.
At the end of the first quarter in 2021, it stood at 1.53 in the UK – the lowest in 80 years. In the UAE, meanwhile, the rate has declined year-on-year from 4.45 in 1990 to 2.4 in 2000 and 1.82 in 2010. In 2019, it dropped to 1.39. According to the UN Population Division, the replacement fertility rate to keep population stable is 2.1. These figures are inversely proportional to the average maternal age. Thirty years ago in the UK, it was 27.7. By 2019, it had risen to 30.7.
Whether one agrees with Ms Byrne or not, an important issue has been raised. Because, when people criticise women by claiming that they want to "have it all" – including a career and a family – what they are really saying is that society expects women to do it all. But when, inevitably, women need input and support, the blame gets laid at their door. It is time to put an end to this blame game and find constructive ways for society to help.
A conversation in this regard may well have begun.
Family: I am happily married to my wife Liz and we have two children together.
Favourite music: Rock music. I started at a young age due to my father’s influence. He played in an Indian rock band The Flintstones who were once asked by Apple Records to fly over to England to perform there.
Favourite book: I constantly find myself reading The Bible.
Favourite film: The Greatest Showman.
Favourite holiday destination: I love visiting Melbourne as I have family there and it’s a wonderful place. New York at Christmas is also magical.
Favourite food: I went to boarding school so I like any cuisine really.
Our family matters legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
Bert van Marwijk factfile
Born: May 19 1952 Place of birth: Deventer, Netherlands Playing position: Midfielder
Teams managed:
1998-2000 Fortuna Sittard
2000-2004 Feyenoord
2004-2006 Borussia Dortmund
2007-2008 Feyenoord
2008-2012 Netherlands
2013-2014 Hamburg
2015-2017 Saudi Arabia
2018 Australia
Major honours (manager):
2001/02 Uefa Cup, Feyenoord
2007/08 KNVB Cup, Feyenoord
World Cup runner-up, Netherlands
SCHEDULE
Saturday, April 20: 11am to 7pm - Abu Dhabi World Jiu-Jitsu Festival and Para jiu-jitsu.
Sunday, April 21: 11am to 6pm - Abu Dhabi World Youth (female) Jiu-Jitsu Championship.
Monday, April 22: 11am to 6pm - Abu Dhabi World Youth (male) Jiu-Jitsu Championship.
Tuesday, April 23: 11am-6pm Abu Dhabi World Masters Jiu-Jitsu Championship.
Wednesday, April 24: 11am-6pm Abu Dhabi World Professional Jiu-Jitsu Championship.
Thursday, April 25: 11am-5pm Abu Dhabi World Professional Jiu-Jitsu Championship.
Friday, April 26: 3pm to 6pm Finals of the Abu Dhabi World Professional Jiu-Jitsu Championship.
Saturday, April 27: 4pm and 8pm awards ceremony.
The alternatives
• Founded in 2014, Telr is a payment aggregator and gateway with an office in Silicon Oasis. It’s e-commerce entry plan costs Dh349 monthly (plus VAT). QR codes direct customers to an online payment page and merchants can generate payments through messaging apps.
• Business Bay’s Pallapay claims 40,000-plus active merchants who can invoice customers and receive payment by card. Fees range from 1.99 per cent plus Dh1 per transaction depending on payment method and location, such as online or via UAE mobile.
• Tap started in May 2013 in Kuwait, allowing Middle East businesses to bill, accept, receive and make payments online “easier, faster and smoother” via goSell and goCollect. It supports more than 10,000 merchants. Monthly fees range from US$65-100, plus card charges of 2.75-3.75 per cent and Dh1.2 per sale.
• 2checkout’s “all-in-one payment gateway and merchant account” accepts payments in 200-plus markets for 2.4-3.9 per cent, plus a Dh1.2-Dh1.8 currency conversion charge. The US provider processes online shop and mobile transactions and has 17,000-plus active digital commerce users.
• PayPal is probably the best-known online goods payment method - usually used for eBay purchases - but can be used to receive funds, providing everyone’s signed up. Costs from 2.9 per cent plus Dh1.2 per transaction.
UAE SQUAD
UAE team
1. Chris Jones-Griffiths 2. Gio Fourie 3. Craig Nutt 4. Daniel Perry 5. Isaac Porter 6. Matt Mills 7. Hamish Anderson 8. Jaen Botes 9. Barry Dwyer 10. Luke Stevenson (captain) 11. Sean Carey 12. Andrew Powell 13. Saki Naisau 14. Thinus Steyn 15. Matt Richards
Replacements
16. Lukas Waddington 17. Murray Reason 18. Ahmed Moosa 19. Stephen Ferguson 20. Sean Stevens 21. Ed Armitage 22. Kini Natuna 23. Majid Al Balooshi
Why seagrass matters
Carbon sink: Seagrass sequesters carbon up to 35X faster than tropical rainforests
Marine nursery: Crucial habitat for juvenile fish, crustations, and invertebrates
Biodiversity: Support species like sea turtles, dugongs, and seabirds
Coastal protection: Reduce erosion and improve water quality
yallacompare profile
Date of launch: 2014
Founder: Jon Richards, founder and chief executive; Samer Chebab, co-founder and chief operating officer, and Jonathan Rawlings, co-founder and chief financial officer
Based: Media City, Dubai
Sector: Financial services
Size: 120 employees
Investors: 2014: $500,000 in a seed round led by Mulverhill Associates; 2015: $3m in Series A funding led by STC Ventures (managed by Iris Capital), Wamda and Dubai Silicon Oasis Authority; 2019: $8m in Series B funding with the same investors as Series A along with Precinct Partners, Saned and Argo Ventures (the VC arm of multinational insurer Argo Group)
Skoda Superb Specs
Engine: 2-litre TSI petrol
Power: 190hp
Torque: 320Nm
Price: From Dh147,000
Available: Now
How to watch Ireland v Pakistan in UAE
When: The one-off Test starts on Friday, May 11 What time: Each day’s play is scheduled to start at 2pm UAE time. TV: The match will be broadcast on OSN Sports Cricket HD. Subscribers to the channel can also stream the action live on OSN Play.
How being social media savvy can improve your well being
Next time when procastinating online remember that you can save thousands on paying for a personal trainer and a gym membership simply by watching YouTube videos and keeping up with the latest health tips and trends.
As social media apps are becoming more and more consumed by health experts and nutritionists who are using it to awareness and encourage patients to engage in physical activity.
Elizabeth Watson, a personal trainer from Stay Fit gym in Abu Dhabi suggests that “individuals can use social media as a means of keeping fit, there are a lot of great exercises you can do and train from experts at home just by watching videos on YouTube”.
Norlyn Torrena, a clinical nutritionist from Burjeel Hospital advises her clients to be more technologically active “most of my clients are so engaged with their phones that I advise them to download applications that offer health related services”.
Torrena said that “most people believe that dieting and keeping fit is boring”.
However, by using social media apps keeping fit means that people are “modern and are kept up to date with the latest heath tips and trends”.
“It can be a guide to a healthy lifestyle and exercise if used in the correct way, so I really encourage my clients to download health applications” said Mrs Torrena.
People can also connect with each other and exchange “tips and notes, it’s extremely healthy and fun”.
Our legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
