Pee-wee Herman, the bow tie-wearing man child created by comic icon Paul Reubens, delighted in silly catchphrases including his most famous retort: “I know you are, but what am I?”
Mr Reubens, who died this week, would perhaps have been surprised to see his nonsensical comeback become the cornerstone of Donald Trump's defence following his latest criminal indictment.
The former US president will on Thursday be arraigned in Washington on federal charges of trying to overturn the 2020 presidential election and of sowing the seeds of insurrection by pushing lies about having won, when in real life Democrat Joe Biden trounced him by securing seven million more votes.
For anyone who cares to read it – and didn't already know – the 45-page indictment lays bare Mr Trump's desperate attempts to cling to power and his determination to shred the US Constitution to achieve his goal.
Special counsel Jack Smith and his team of federal prosecutors have accused Mr Trump of repeatedly lying about the election results and engaging in a conspiracy to “disenfranchise millions of voters” by installing puppet representatives to support his bogus election claims in Congress. Many of those fake electors are also charged with felonies.
READ MORE FROM THOMAS WATKINS
Mr Trump's response, and that of his Republican Party, to the new accusations of election interference has been to mount a Pee-wee Herman-esque defence: I know you are, but what am I?
On his Truth Social platform, Mr Trump accused prosecutors of “election interference”, arguing that Mr Smith and the Department of Justice had only filed charges in a bid to derail his campaign to reclaim the White House in 2024.
It's classic Trump, who responds to criticism and lawsuits by throwing accusations back at his accusers.
Why did prosecutors “wait two and a half years to bring these fake charges, right in the middle of President Trump’s winning campaign for 2024?” the Trump campaign said in a statement.
“The answer is, election interference! The lawlessness of these persecutions of President Trump and his supporters is reminiscent of Nazi Germany in the 1930s, the former Soviet Union, and other authoritarian, dictatorial regimes.”
If irony isn't dead already, it's definitely in intensive care.
Here is the man who has repeatedly bragged of his contempt for US democracy, saying in 2016 that he would gladly accept the election results “if I win”.
He lied repeatedly after his humiliating defeat to Mr Biden and tried to overturn the results on January 6 by telling his enraged supporters to “fight like hell” and trying to strong-arm his vice president, Mike Pence, into refusing to certify the election results in Congress.
Mr Pence, who is also running for president, ultimately refused the order, causing the pro-Trump mob to call for his public execution by erecting a gallows outside the Capitol and braying for him to be hanged.
Following Tuesday's indictment against his former boss, Mr Pence finally found the courage to speak out.
“Today’s indictment serves as an important reminder: Anyone who puts himself over the Constitution should never be President of the United States,” he said in a statement.
“Our country is more important than one man. Our Constitution is more important than any one man’s career.”
But such criticism from a Republican is rare these days, and the conservative establishment has largely moved as a bloc to regurgitate Mr Trump's claims that the three (at last count) indictments he faces are all political hit jobs.
His talking points are being repeated verbatim on Fox News and other right-wing media, and most of Mr Trump's rivals to seek the Republican Party nomination are too afraid of his base to criticise him.
Republicans' blind loyalty to Mr Trump even as the probability of him going to prison mounts reminds me of another of Pee-wee Herman's classic lines: “If you love (insert random object here) so much, why don't you marry it?”
In one episode of Pee-wee’s Playhouse, he married a bowl of fruit salad.
UAE%20athletes%20heading%20to%20Paris%202024
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EEquestrian%3C%2Fstrong%3E%3Cbr%3EAbdullah%20Humaid%20Al%20Muhairi%2C%20Abdullah%20Al%20Marri%2C%20Omar%20Al%20Marzooqi%2C%20Salem%20Al%20Suwaidi%2C%20and%20Ali%20Al%20Karbi%20(four%20to%20be%20selected).%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EJudo%3C%2Fstrong%3E%3Cbr%3EMen%3A%20Narmandakh%20Bayanmunkh%20(66kg)%2C%20Nugzari%20Tatalashvili%20(81kg)%2C%20Aram%20Grigorian%20(90kg)%2C%20Dzhafar%20Kostoev%20(100kg)%2C%20Magomedomar%20Magomedomarov%20(%2B100kg)%3B%20women's%20Khorloodoi%20Bishrelt%20(52kg).%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ECycling%3C%2Fstrong%3E%3Cbr%3ESafia%20Al%20Sayegh%20(women's%20road%20race).%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ESwimming%3C%2Fstrong%3E%3Cbr%3EMen%3A%20Yousef%20Rashid%20Al%20Matroushi%20(100m%20freestyle)%3B%20women%3A%20Maha%20Abdullah%20Al%20Shehi%20(200m%20freestyle).%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EAthletics%3C%2Fstrong%3E%3Cbr%3EMaryam%20Mohammed%20Al%20Farsi%20(women's%20100%20metres).%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
French Touch
Carla Bruni
(Verve)
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
How it works
1) The liquid nanoclay is a mixture of water and clay that aims to convert desert land to fertile ground
2) Instead of water draining straight through the sand, it apparently helps the soil retain water
3) One application is said to last five years
4) The cost of treatment per hectare (2.4 acres) of desert varies from $7,000 to $10,000 per hectare
RESULTS
West Asia Premiership
Thursday
Jebel Ali Dragons 13-34 Dubai Exiles
Friday
Dubai Knights Eagles 16-27 Dubai Tigers
WHAT IS GRAPHENE?
It was discovered in 2004, when Russian-born Manchester scientists Andrei Geim and Kostya Novoselov were experimenting with sticky tape and graphite, the material used as lead in pencils.
Placing the tape on the graphite and peeling it, they managed to rip off thin flakes of carbon. In the beginning they got flakes consisting of many layers of graphene. But when they repeated the process many times, the flakes got thinner.
By separating the graphite fragments repeatedly, they managed to create flakes that were just one atom thick. Their experiment led to graphene being isolated for the very first time.
In 2010, Geim and Novoselov were awarded the Nobel Prize for Physics.
The specs
Engine: 3.0-litre 6-cyl turbo
Power: 435hp at 5,900rpm
Torque: 520Nm at 1,800-5,500rpm
Transmission: 9-speed auto
Price: from Dh498,542
On sale: now
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
F1 The Movie
Starring: Brad Pitt, Damson Idris, Kerry Condon, Javier Bardem
Director: Joseph Kosinski
Rating: 4/5
More coverage from the Future Forum
Mohammed bin Zayed Majlis
The specs
Engine: Dual 180kW and 300kW front and rear motors
Power: 480kW
Torque: 850Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Price: From Dh359,900 ($98,000)
On sale: Now
World%20Cup%202023%20ticket%20sales
%3Cp%3EAugust%2025%20%E2%80%93%20Non-India%20warm-up%20matches%20and%20all%20non-India%20event%20matches%0D%3Cbr%3EAugust%2030%20%E2%80%93%20India%20matches%20at%20Guwahati%20and%20Trivandrum%0D%3Cbr%3EAugust%2031%20%E2%80%93%20India%20matches%20at%20Chennai%2C%20Delhi%20and%20Pune%0D%3Cbr%3ESeptember%201%20%E2%80%93%20India%20matches%20at%20Dharamsala%2C%20Lucknow%20and%20Mumbai%0D%3Cbr%3ESeptember%202%20%E2%80%93%20India%20matches%20at%20Bengaluru%20and%20Kolkata%0D%3Cbr%3ESeptember%203%20%E2%80%93%20India%20matches%20at%20Ahmedabad%0D%3Cbr%3ESeptember%2015%20%E2%80%93%20Semi-finals%20and%20Final%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
How to wear a kandura
Dos
- Wear the right fabric for the right season and occasion
- Always ask for the dress code if you don’t know
- Wear a white kandura, white ghutra / shemagh (headwear) and black shoes for work
- Wear 100 per cent cotton under the kandura as most fabrics are polyester
Don’ts
- Wear hamdania for work, always wear a ghutra and agal
- Buy a kandura only based on how it feels; ask questions about the fabric and understand what you are buying
more from Janine di Giovanni
More Iraq election coverage:
Learn more about Qasr Al Hosn
In 2013, The National's History Project went beyond the walls to see what life was like living in Abu Dhabi's fabled fort:
BABYLON
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COMPANY%20PROFILE
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EName%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ESmartCrowd%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarted%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E2018%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounder%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ESiddiq%20Farid%20and%20Musfique%20Ahmed%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EDubai%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ESector%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EFinTech%20%2F%20PropTech%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInitial%20investment%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E%24650%2C000%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ECurrent%20number%20of%20staff%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%2035%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestment%20stage%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ESeries%20A%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestors%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EVarious%20institutional%20investors%20and%20notable%20angel%20investors%20(500%20MENA%2C%20Shurooq%2C%20Mada%2C%20Seedstar%2C%20Tricap)%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
The bio
Favourite book: Peter Rabbit. I used to read it to my three children and still read it myself. If I am feeling down it brings back good memories.
Best thing about your job: Getting to help people. My mum always told me never to pass up an opportunity to do a good deed.
Best part of life in the UAE: The weather. The constant sunshine is amazing and there is always something to do, you have so many options when it comes to how to spend your day.
Favourite holiday destination: Malaysia. I went there for my honeymoon and ended up volunteering to teach local children for a few hours each day. It is such a special place and I plan to retire there one day.
Jumanji: The Next Level
Director: Jake Kasdan
Stars: Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Karen Gillan, Jack Black, Nick Jonas
Two out of five stars
No more lice
Defining head lice
Pediculus humanus capitis are tiny wingless insects that feed on blood from the human scalp. The adult head louse is up to 3mm long, has six legs, and is tan to greyish-white in colour. The female lives up to four weeks and, once mature, can lay up to 10 eggs per day. These tiny nits firmly attach to the base of the hair shaft, get incubated by body heat and hatch in eight days or so.
Identifying lice
Lice can be identified by itching or a tickling sensation of something moving within the hair. One can confirm that a person has lice by looking closely through the hair and scalp for nits, nymphs or lice. Head lice are most frequently located behind the ears and near the neckline.
Treating lice at home
Head lice must be treated as soon as they are spotted. Start by checking everyone in the family for them, then follow these steps. Remove and wash all clothing and bedding with hot water. Apply medicine according to the label instructions. If some live lice are still found eight to 12 hours after treatment, but are moving more slowly than before, do not re-treat. Comb dead and remaining live lice out of the hair using a fine-toothed comb.
After the initial treatment, check for, comb and remove nits and lice from hair every two to three days. Soak combs and brushes in hot water for 10 minutes.Vacuum the floor and furniture, particularly where the infested person sat or lay.
Courtesy Dr Vishal Rajmal Mehta, specialist paediatrics, RAK Hospital
MATCH INFO
Fixture: Thailand v UAE, Tuesday, 4pm (UAE)
TV: Abu Dhabi Sports
Scoreline
Al Wasl 1 (Caio Canedo 90 1')
Al Ain 2 (Ismail Ahmed 3', Marcus Berg 50')
Red cards: Ismail Ahmed (Al Ain) 77'
Moon Music
Artist: Coldplay
Label: Parlophone/Atlantic
Number of tracks: 10
Rating: 3/5
'Ghostbusters: From Beyond'
Director: Jason Reitman
Starring: Paul Rudd, Carrie Coon, Finn Wolfhard, Mckenna Grace
Rating: 2/5
From Zero
Artist: Linkin Park
Label: Warner Records
Number of tracks: 11
Rating: 4/5
The specs
Engine: 4.0-litre V8
Power: 503hp at 6,000rpm
Torque: 685Nm at 2,000rpm
Transmission: 8-speed auto
Price: from Dh850,000
On sale: now
Countries offering golden visas
UK
Innovator Founder Visa is aimed at those who can demonstrate relevant experience in business and sufficient investment funds to set up and scale up a new business in the UK. It offers permanent residence after three years.
Germany
Investing or establishing a business in Germany offers you a residence permit, which eventually leads to citizenship. The investment must meet an economic need and you have to have lived in Germany for five years to become a citizen.
Italy
The scheme is designed for foreign investors committed to making a significant contribution to the economy. Requires a minimum investment of €250,000 which can rise to €2 million.
Switzerland
Residence Programme offers residence to applicants and their families through economic contributions. The applicant must agree to pay an annual lump sum in tax.
Canada
Start-Up Visa Programme allows foreign entrepreneurs the opportunity to create a business in Canada and apply for permanent residence.
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Specs
Engine: Duel electric motors
Power: 659hp
Torque: 1075Nm
On sale: Available for pre-order now
Price: On request
'HIJRAH%3A%20IN%20THE%20FOOTSTEPS%20OF%20THE%20PROPHET'
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EEdited%20by%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Idries%20Trevathan%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EPages%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20240%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EPublisher%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Hirmer%20Publishers%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EAvailable%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Now%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Manchester City transfers:
OUTS
Pablo Zabaleta, Bacary Sagna, Gael Clichy, Willy Caballero and Jesus Navas (all released)
INS
Ederson (Benfica) £34.7m, Bernardo Silva (Monaco) £43m
ON THEIR WAY OUT?
Joe Hart, Eliaquim Mangala, Samir Nasri, Wilfried Bony, Fabian Delph, Nolito and Kelechi Iheanacho
ON THEIR WAY IN?
Dani Alves (Juventus), Alexis Sanchez (Arsenal)
The biog
Name: Dhabia Khalifa AlQubaisi
Age: 23
How she spends spare time: Playing with cats at the clinic and feeding them
Inspiration: My father. He’s a hard working man who has been through a lot to provide us with everything we need
Favourite book: Attitude, emotions and the psychology of cats by Dr Nicholes Dodman
Favourit film: 101 Dalmatians - it remind me of my childhood and began my love of dogs
Word of advice: By being patient, good things will come and by staying positive you’ll have the will to continue to love what you're doing
Read more from Aya Iskandarani
if you go
The flights
Etihad, Emirates and Singapore Airlines fly direct from the UAE to Singapore from Dh2,265 return including taxes. The flight takes about 7 hours.
The hotel
Rooms at the M Social Singapore cost from SG $179 (Dh488) per night including taxes.
The tour
Makan Makan Walking group tours costs from SG $90 (Dh245) per person for about three hours. Tailor-made tours can be arranged. For details go to www.woknstroll.com.sg
