I have long held the belief that most post-match interviews would be improved immeasurably by gagging the participants, thus forcing them to communicate the usual dull cliches via facial expression and gesticulation alone.
So imagine my delight when Mark Allen emerged from a UK Snooker Championship match last week in precisely that state, with his mouth sealed by a four-inch strip of black gaffer tape.
"At last" I thought, "they have started reading my letters!"
Sadly, it turned out to be temporary. Allen, who went on to make the final, which he lost 10-8 against Judd Trump, was making a visual protest at what he perceives as the censoring of players by the sport's governing body, World Snooker.
The Northern Irishman is unhappy at recent changes designed to jazz up the sport - notably the shortening of matches from a best of 17 frames to a best of 11 - and he said so in a foul-mouthed attack on Barry Hearn, the World Snooker chairman. He now faces disciplinary action for swearing, although he believes he is being targeted for speaking out.
Call me cynical, but my immediate reaction is to smell a rat.
Hearn is one of the canniest men in sport, with a long record of innovative public relations stunts. He was a driving force behind the 1986 Chas and Dave single Snooker Loopy, which was a record approximately three minutes and 20 seconds too long.
Hearn is a professional sports promoter. By definition, he knows how to drum up a crowd.
And for all of his tinkering with snooker - shortening matches, grandiose player entrances, the sheer lunacy of Power Snooker - Hearn surely knows that nothing sells sport like a bit of friction.
Fans love friction, whatever the sport. From John McEnroe to Muhammad Ali and Michael Schumacher to Eric Cantona, our most prized sporting icons were those who provided both artistry and argy-bargy in equal measure.
Even last week, as Fifa sought votes for its Puskas Award, which recognises the most beautiful goal of the year, far more media attention was devoted to Sir Alex Ferguson's amusing spat with Roy Keane, post-Champions League humiliation, and to Luis Suarez's offensive gesture towards home fans at the Fulham-Liverpool match.
Beauty is boring. All you can do is admire it. Friction, however, has far more to go at. Friction enables us to take sides, to spit venom, to shout at the radio. Friction is the gift which keeps on giving, and it is far easier to manufacture.
I have no idea if Allen's row with Hearn was cooked up from scratch, pre-planned like the traditional pantomime violence of a boxing weigh-in (another sport, coincidentally, which Hearn promotes, having represented spiky characters including Chris Eubank, Steve Collins and Prince Naseem Hamed).
But even if its origins are genuine, Hearn has done little to quell troubled waters. Even his apparent refusal to discuss the issue - "I am far too busy to worry about silly little boys making silly little comments" - seems designed to inflame, while his vow to sue for slander was a certain headline generator.
I have no problem with any of this, by the way, having long since made peace with my baser appetites. I just wish other athletes would follow Allen's lead in saying something interesting.
Otherwise, maybe they could borrow his gaffer tape?
LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!
Enoch Powell, a late and not particularly lamented British MP, once remarked that a politician complaining about the media was like “a sailor complaining about the weather”.
But what about when a sailor complains about the media? Is that like a politician complaining about the weather?
Maybe we should ask Ben Ainslie, the triple Olympic gold medallist, who had a spectacular bust-up with a media boat at the Sailing World Championships off Fremantle in Australia on Saturday.
The British sailor had just finished the ninth Finn class fleet race when he dived off his own boat and climbed aboard a media vessel which he felt had impeded him, with a cutlass clenched between his teeth.
OK, there was no cutlass, but you suspect he would have liked one as he remonstrated with the driver and appeared to shove a cameraman.
His team denied any assault took place, but Ainslie was nonetheless disqualified for gross misconduct and effectively forfeited his chance of a medal.
Good. Professional athletes love to slate the media – and I fully support their right to fire back at snarky writers, pundits and armchair critics.
Film crews, however, should be strictly off-limits. Every time we marvel at a beautiful action photograph, insightful camera angle or the resonant crunch of bodies colliding, we should be thankful to the skilful souls who produce them, often in the face of hostility from fans and contempt or aggression from players.
The fact that they nearly always manage to achieve such quality while staying out of the way is a testament to their craft, so we should be a little more forgiving if they occasionally get it wrong.
“I’ve worked extremely hard over the past six weeks and have trained incredibly hard to get to this position,” Ainslie later fumed. He probably did but, without television crews, would that “position” have existed in the first place?
sports@thenational.ae
Real estate tokenisation project
Dubai launched the pilot phase of its real estate tokenisation project last month.
The initiative focuses on converting real estate assets into digital tokens recorded on blockchain technology and helps in streamlining the process of buying, selling and investing, the Dubai Land Department said.
Dubai’s real estate tokenisation market is projected to reach Dh60 billion ($16.33 billion) by 2033, representing 7 per cent of the emirate’s total property transactions, according to the DLD.
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
EU's%2020-point%20migration%20plan
%3Cp%3E1.%20Send%20EU%20border%20guards%20to%20Balkans%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E2.%20%E2%82%AC40%20million%20for%20training%20and%20surveillance%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E3.%20Review%20EU%20border%20protection%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E4.%20Reward%20countries%20that%20fund%20Balkans%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E5.%20Help%20Balkans%20improve%20asylum%20system%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E6.%20Improve%20migrant%20reception%20facilities%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E7.%20Close%20gaps%20in%20EU%20registration%20system%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E8.%20Run%20pilots%20of%20faster%20asylum%20system%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E9.%20Improve%20relocation%20of%20migrants%20within%20EU%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E10.%20Bolster%20migration%20unit%20in%20Greece%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E11.%20Tackle%20smuggling%20at%20Serbia%2FHungary%20border%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E12.%20Implement%20%E2%82%AC30%20million%20anti-smuggling%20plan%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E13.%20Sanctions%20on%20transport%20linked%20to%20smuggling%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E14.%20Expand%20pilot%20deportation%20scheme%20in%20Bosnia%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E15.%20Training%20for%20Balkans%20to%20deport%20migrants%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E16.%20Joint%20task%20forces%20with%20Balkans%20and%20countries%20of%20origin%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E17.%20Close%20loopholes%20in%20Balkan%20visa%20policy%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E18.%20Monitor%20migration%20laws%20passed%20in%20Balkans%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E19.%20Use%20visa-free%20travel%20as%20leverage%20over%20Balkans%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E20.%20Joint%20EU%20messages%20to%20Balkans%20and%20countries%20of%20origin%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
The specs
Engine: Dual 180kW and 300kW front and rear motors
Power: 480kW
Torque: 850Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Price: From Dh359,900 ($98,000)
On sale: Now
In-demand jobs and monthly salaries
- Technology expert in robotics and automation: Dh20,000 to Dh40,000
- Energy engineer: Dh25,000 to Dh30,000
- Production engineer: Dh30,000 to Dh40,000
- Data-driven supply chain management professional: Dh30,000 to Dh50,000
- HR leader: Dh40,000 to Dh60,000
- Engineering leader: Dh30,000 to Dh55,000
- Project manager: Dh55,000 to Dh65,000
- Senior reservoir engineer: Dh40,000 to Dh55,000
- Senior drilling engineer: Dh38,000 to Dh46,000
- Senior process engineer: Dh28,000 to Dh38,000
- Senior maintenance engineer: Dh22,000 to Dh34,000
- Field engineer: Dh6,500 to Dh7,500
- Field supervisor: Dh9,000 to Dh12,000
- Field operator: Dh5,000 to Dh7,000
Specs
Engine: Dual-motor all-wheel-drive electric
Range: Up to 610km
Power: 905hp
Torque: 985Nm
Price: From Dh439,000
Available: Now
More coverage from the Future Forum
Electric scooters: some rules to remember
- Riders must be 14-years-old or over
- Wear a protective helmet
- Park the electric scooter in designated parking lots (if any)
- Do not leave electric scooter in locations that obstruct traffic or pedestrians
- Solo riders only, no passengers allowed
- Do not drive outside designated lanes
More from Neighbourhood Watch:
Tips from the expert
Dobromir Radichkov, chief data officer at dubizzle and Bayut, offers a few tips for UAE residents looking to earn some cash from pre-loved items.
- Sellers should focus on providing high-quality used goods at attractive prices to buyers.
- It’s important to use clear and appealing photos, with catchy titles and detailed descriptions to capture the attention of prospective buyers.
- Try to advertise a realistic price to attract buyers looking for good deals, especially in the current environment where consumers are significantly more price-sensitive.
- Be creative and look around your home for valuable items that you no longer need but might be useful to others.
Expo details
Expo 2020 Dubai will be the first World Expo to be held in the Middle East, Africa and South Asia
The world fair will run for six months from October 20, 2020 to April 10, 2021.
It is expected to attract 25 million visits
Some 70 per cent visitors are projected to come from outside the UAE, the largest proportion of international visitors in the 167-year history of World Expos.
More than 30,000 volunteers are required for Expo 2020
The site covers a total of 4.38 sqkm, including a 2 sqkm gated area
It is located adjacent to Al Maktoum International Airport in Dubai South
A MINECRAFT MOVIE
Director: Jared Hess
Starring: Jack Black, Jennifer Coolidge, Jason Momoa
Rating: 3/5
The specs
Engine: Four electric motors, one at each wheel
Power: 579hp
Torque: 859Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Price: From Dh825,900
On sale: Now
THE SPECS
Engine: 6.75-litre twin-turbocharged V12 petrol engine
Power: 420kW
Torque: 780Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Price: From Dh1,350,000
On sale: Available for preorder now
The specs
Engine: Long-range single or dual motor with 200kW or 400kW battery
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Max touring range: 620km / 590km
Price: From Dh250,000 (estimated)
Starring: Jamie Foxx, Angela Bassett, Tina Fey
Directed by: Pete Doctor
Rating: 4 stars
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Kumulus Water
Started: 2021
Founders: Iheb Triki and Mohamed Ali Abid
Based: Tunisia
Sector: Water technology
Number of staff: 22
Investment raised: $4 million
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre 4-cyl turbo
Power: 194hp at 5,600rpm
Torque: 275Nm from 2,000-4,000rpm
Transmission: 6-speed auto
Price: from Dh155,000
On sale: now
Formula Middle East Calendar (Formula Regional and Formula 4)
Round 1: January 17-19, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 2: January 22-23, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 3: February 7-9, Dubai Autodrome – Dubai
Round 4: February 14-16, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 5: February 25-27, Jeddah Corniche Circuit – Saudi Arabia
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
Pox that threatens the Middle East's native species
Camelpox
Caused by a virus related to the one that causes human smallpox, camelpox typically causes fever, swelling of lymph nodes and skin lesions in camels aged over three, but the animal usually recovers after a month or so. Younger animals may develop a more acute form that causes internal lesions and diarrhoea, and is often fatal, especially when secondary infections result. It is found across the Middle East as well as in parts of Asia, Africa, Russia and India.
Falconpox
Falconpox can cause a variety of types of lesions, which can affect, for example, the eyelids, feet and the areas above and below the beak. It is a problem among captive falcons and is one of many types of avian pox or avipox diseases that together affect dozens of bird species across the world. Among the other forms are pigeonpox, turkeypox, starlingpox and canarypox. Avipox viruses are spread by mosquitoes and direct bird-to-bird contact.
Houbarapox
Houbarapox is, like falconpox, one of the many forms of avipox diseases. It exists in various forms, with a type that causes skin lesions being least likely to result in death. Other forms cause more severe lesions, including internal lesions, and are more likely to kill the bird, often because secondary infections develop. This summer the CVRL reported an outbreak of pox in houbaras after rains in spring led to an increase in mosquito numbers.
Ain Dubai in numbers
126: The length in metres of the legs supporting the structure
1 football pitch: The length of each permanent spoke is longer than a professional soccer pitch
16 A380 Airbuses: The equivalent weight of the wheel rim.
9,000 tonnes: The amount of steel used to construct the project.
5 tonnes: The weight of each permanent spoke that is holding the wheel rim in place
192: The amount of cable wires used to create the wheel. They measure a distance of 2,4000km in total, the equivalent of the distance between Dubai and Cairo.
Profile Box
Company/date started: 2015
Founder/CEO: Mohammed Toraif
Based: Manama, Bahrain
Sector: Sales, Technology, Conservation
Size: (employees/revenue) 4/ 5,000 downloads
Stage: 1 ($100,000)
Investors: Two first-round investors including, 500 Startups, Fawaz Al Gosaibi Holding (Saudi Arabia)
Tuesday's fixtures
Kyrgyzstan v Qatar, 5.45pm
Greatest of All Time
Starring: Vijay, Sneha, Prashanth, Prabhu Deva, Mohan
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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Mia Man’s tips for fermentation
- Start with a simple recipe such as yogurt or sauerkraut
- Keep your hands and kitchen tools clean. Sanitize knives, cutting boards, tongs and storage jars with boiling water before you start.
- Mold is bad: the colour pink is a sign of mold. If yogurt turns pink as it ferments, you need to discard it and start again. For kraut, if you remove the top leaves and see any sign of mold, you should discard the batch.
- Always use clean, closed, airtight lids and containers such as mason jars when fermenting yogurt and kraut. Keep the lid closed to prevent insects and contaminants from getting in.
Empty Words
By Mario Levrero
(Coffee House Press)
CHINESE GRAND PRIX STARTING GRID
1st row
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari)
Kimi Raikkonen (Ferrari)
2nd row
Valtteri Bottas (Mercedes-GP)
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes-GP)
3rd row
Max Verstappen (Red Bull Racing)
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull Racing)
4th row
Nico Hulkenberg (Renault)
Sergio Perez (Force India)
5th row
Carlos Sainz Jr (Renault)
Romain Grosjean (Haas)
6th row
Kevin Magnussen (Haas)
Esteban Ocon (Force India)
7th row
Fernando Alonso (McLaren)
Stoffel Vandoorne (McLaren)
8th row
Brendon Hartley (Toro Rosso)
Sergey Sirotkin (Williams)
9th row
Pierre Gasly (Toro Rosso)
Lance Stroll (Williams)
10th row
Charles Leclerc (Sauber)
arcus Ericsson (Sauber)
The specs
AT4 Ultimate, as tested
Engine: 6.2-litre V8
Power: 420hp
Torque: 623Nm
Transmission: 10-speed automatic
Price: From Dh330,800 (Elevation: Dh236,400; AT4: Dh286,800; Denali: Dh345,800)
On sale: Now
UAE v Gibraltar
What: International friendly
When: 7pm kick off
Where: Rugby Park, Dubai Sports City
Admission: Free
Online: The match will be broadcast live on Dubai Exiles’ Facebook page
UAE squad: Lucas Waddington (Dubai Exiles), Gio Fourie (Exiles), Craig Nutt (Abu Dhabi Harlequins), Phil Brady (Harlequins), Daniel Perry (Dubai Hurricanes), Esekaia Dranibota (Harlequins), Matt Mills (Exiles), Jaen Botes (Exiles), Kristian Stinson (Exiles), Murray Reason (Abu Dhabi Saracens), Dave Knight (Hurricanes), Ross Samson (Jebel Ali Dragons), DuRandt Gerber (Exiles), Saki Naisau (Dragons), Andrew Powell (Hurricanes), Emosi Vacanau (Harlequins), Niko Volavola (Dragons), Matt Richards (Dragons), Luke Stevenson (Harlequins), Josh Ives (Dubai Sports City Eagles), Sean Stevens (Saracens), Thinus Steyn (Exiles)
NO OTHER LAND
Director: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham, Rachel Szor, Hamdan Ballal
Stars: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham
Rating: 3.5/5
In numbers: China in Dubai
The number of Chinese people living in Dubai: An estimated 200,000
Number of Chinese people in International City: Almost 50,000
Daily visitors to Dragon Mart in 2018/19: 120,000
Daily visitors to Dragon Mart in 2010: 20,000
Percentage increase in visitors in eight years: 500 per cent
The specs
Engine: 4.0-litre flat-six
Torque: 450Nm at 6,100rpm
Transmission: 7-speed PDK auto or 6-speed manual
Fuel economy, combined: 13.8L/100km
On sale: Available to order now
EMIRATES'S%20REVISED%20A350%20DEPLOYMENT%20SCHEDULE
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EEdinburgh%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20November%204%20%3Cem%3E(unchanged)%3C%2Fem%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EBahrain%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20November%2015%20%3Cem%3E(from%20September%2015)%3C%2Fem%3E%3B%20second%20daily%20service%20from%20January%201%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EKuwait%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20November%2015%20%3Cem%3E(from%20September%2016)%3C%2Fem%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EMumbai%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20January%201%20%3Cem%3E(from%20October%2027)%3C%2Fem%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EAhmedabad%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20January%201%20%3Cem%3E(from%20October%2027)%3C%2Fem%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EColombo%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20January%202%20%3Cem%3E(from%20January%201)%3C%2Fem%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EMuscat%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%3Cem%3E%20%3C%2Fem%3EMarch%201%3Cem%3E%20(from%20December%201)%3C%2Fem%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ELyon%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20March%201%20%3Cem%3E(from%20December%201)%3C%2Fem%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EBologna%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20March%201%20%3Cem%3E(from%20December%201)%3C%2Fem%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cem%3ESource%3A%20Emirates%3C%2Fem%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
2025 Fifa Club World Cup groups
Group A: Palmeiras, Porto, Al Ahly, Inter Miami.
Group B: Paris Saint-Germain, Atletico Madrid, Botafogo, Seattle.
Group C: Bayern Munich, Auckland City, Boca Juniors, Benfica.
Group D: Flamengo, ES Tunis, Chelsea, (Leon banned).
Group E: River Plate, Urawa, Monterrey, Inter Milan.
Group F: Fluminense, Borussia Dortmund, Ulsan, Mamelodi Sundowns.
Group G: Manchester City, Wydad, Al Ain, Juventus.
Group H: Real Madrid, Al Hilal, Pachuca, Salzburg.
