With only one chance at a first impression, how does Abu Dhabi fare?

Did you know that you can access Lulu Island's restaurants and coffee shops by taking a train? Or that there are two bridges linking Abu Dhabi island to the mainland? Or that the branches of the Guggenheim and Louvre museums are both due to open this year?

You would if you listened to the advice being given to the tourists arriving in the capital. But you'd be wrong.

It's one thing for Abu Dhabi to create a host of attractions ranging from cultural stimulation to sybaritic pampering, but it doesn't count for much if those who arrive fail to get good advice about what to see.

Resisting the urge to don Bermuda shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, I spent a couple of days posing as a clueless tourist in my own city, relying on advice both official and unofficial to experience Abu Dhabi the way newcomers would. The end result was an eye-opening one that, while mostly positive, was tempered by a string of errors that left me thinking we could do a better job in presenting our city to the world.

I began, as most tourists might, at the arrivals hall of Abu Dhabi airport. Within a few paces, there's an official tourist information counter staffed by an Emirati in a traditional kandura and gutra. And within a few seconds, a free map has been unfurled before me with the attendant explaining in faultless English the tourist highlights of the capital: Ferrari World, the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque, Maqta Fort, Saadiyat Island, Marina Mall, Emirates Palace, the Cultural Foundation, the Souq at the Central Market and the Corniche.

Wait a minute ... Marina Mall? An unmissable Abu Dhabi sight? And hasn't the Cultural Foundation been closed for months for reconstruction?

As well as the map, I'm handed a copy of the pocket-sized Official Visitors' Guide, which provides a comprehensive and intelligently written introduction to Abu Dhabi and the UAE, going beyond just the sights and also including suggested single- and multi-day itineraries, history and cultural tips.

Of course, many visitors would be more interested in checking into their hotel and rehumanising themselves than getting tourist advice at the airport, so I'm off to a couple of hotels to pose as a guest to get the concierges' picks about what to see.

The advice from the first is similar: Ferrari World, the Grand Mosque ("very beautiful mosque"), Abu Dhabi Mall and Marina Mall ("very beautiful, nice malls"), Emirates Palace ("very beautiful") and the Yas Viceroy Hotel.

The second is better. "What time are you flying out? 10pm? You can do everything. You can go on a desert safari. It's from 3 or 4pm to 9pm."

Before then, he recommends the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque and knows by heart the timing of the three free tours given daily, gives a lukewarm appraisal of Ferrari World ("It's a theme park but it's more for kids and it's expensive") and recommends the souqs at Qaryat Al Beri and at the Central Market, Emirates Palace, Heritage Village and, seemingly inescapably, Marina Mall.

I get further tips by emulating tech-savvy travellers who rely on crowdsourcing websites such as TripAdvisor.com, which has used more than 1,500 appraisals from real-life tourists to rank Abu Dhabi's attractions.

But crowdsourcing is only as smart as the crowd and, as recently as a couple of months ago, TripAdvisor's top two attractions were the Grand Mosque and the Sheikh Zayed Mosque, which raised the prospect of befuddled tourists asking taxi drivers to take them from one to the other when they are, of course, two names for the same place.

Now TripAdvisor has merged the two but beating Emirates Palace for the number two spot is a martial arts gym. Equally mystifyingly, Abu Dhabi Golf Club is rated above sites such as the Heritage Village, the Corniche and the Abu Dhabi Falcon Hospital (Marina Mall, of course, makes the top 10).

Spurning all those suggestions, I join the Big Bus tour to see if it fulfils its promise of "all the sights of Abu Dhabi".

Starting at, of course, Marina Mall ("More than 300 stores ..." the on-board recorded commentary warbles), it begins well, with the commentary mixing a combination of details of the tourist sites we are passing and general tips about Abu Dhabi's culture.

The company started operations in late 2009, and it's apparent its information has not been updated since. Some mistakes are small, but some are enormous, such as the news - repeated twice during the tour - that Abu Dhabi island is connected to the mainland by Musaffah and Maqta bridges, which must perplex those who wonder what the striking structure is just to the north, known to us residents as Sheikh Zayed Bridge.

It gets worse as the tour heads over Sheikh Khalifa Bridge to Saadiyat Island, passing the wasteland which will one day be the cultural district but with the passengers being told that the Guggenheim and Louvre museums are both scheduled to open this year.

Even more likely to cause an impact between face and palm is going past Lulu Island and being told it can be reached by boat (technically true, although you need your own since the ferry service ended in early 2009) and there are a series of restaurants and cafes that can be reached by using the island's train. All those facilities have long since closed and the beach is ringed by signs warning against going inland, which is patrolled by security staff to prevent access.

The final moment in the tour is going past Heritage Village on the breakwater and being told it's closed on Sundays. As we drive past, the village is humming with tour buses and tourists going in and out of the village designed to depict life in the days before oil.

"What day is it?" asks the perplexed Australian couple sitting beside me. "Sunday," I reply.

I exited the Big Bus tour thinking I could find a source of tourist information with higher veracity:  the drivers of Abu Dhabi's fleet of silver taxis.

This is a much maligned resource, spoiled by the cluelessness of new arrivals who are yet to learn their way around the city. But three of the four I encounter are excellent. Without realising I know the city, they always take the shortest route rather than a fare-boosting detour.

I even set a challenge I fully expected them to fail: asking to be taken to the Falcon Hospital on the outskirts of Abu Dhabi, with the expectation that I'd spend the next hour driving in a series of random peregrinations between Bani Yas to Shahama.

But that would be to underestimate my Nepalese taxi driver. He not only knows exactly where the Falcon Hospital is but also knows the details of visiting.

"I think maybe the Falcon Hospital closes at 2pm," he says. "Do you have an appointment?"

It turns out he's right and an appointment is needed but I manage to blag a place on the tour.

Meanwhile, the driver waits "because there are no taxis out here".

That's not to say everything is perfect. When asked for a restaurant recommendation to "eat where the locals eat", he seems flummoxed.

"Where do you eat?" I ask.

"Oh, sir, I eat at Musaffah industrial. I don't think you want that. Even I don't like it."

A few minutes later, we pull off the motorway and into, of all places, an Adnoc service station in Khalifa City A with a KFC franchise inside.

After being pleasantly surprised by the first three taxi drivers, the fourth - from Pakistani Kashmir - is not so helpful when asked about what to do in the city.

"Abu Dhabi Mall, Marina Mall," he replies. Long pause. "Al Wahda Mall?"

More silence. "You want go Abu Dhabi Mall?"

Ah, no thanks.

And finally I called on the ultimate source of information: other travellers.

Predictably, they are a mixed bunch. There was a Chinese tour guide who said Abu Dhabi is always added as a day trip to all but the shortest visits to Dubai and is increasingly popular as the UAE capital becomes better known in the People's Republic. The Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque, Emirates Palace and Heritage Village are important but if they have the time, Marina Mall is added to the mix.

Ferrari World attracts a unique kind of tourist. I meet couples from Kazakhstan, the Netherlands and Singapore who are each only in Abu Dhabi for one day, either on a stopover or as part of a Dubai-based holiday. Each couple is visiting the theme park and nothing else in the capital.

A pair of young German women at Heritage Village obtained a copy of the Big Bus tour map and are doing the tour by taxi instead, probably cutting their cost by half. But one thing they wanted to know that wasn't in the tourist literature was where they should go clubbing.

"Ah," I reply. "Are you familiar with ladies' nights?" There's some information about Abu Dhabi you just need to get from a local.