I have tried some pretty wacky treatments in the name of beauty. There was the vampire facial - in which my own blood was suctioned out and then re-injected into my face; the laughter yoga in California (don't you know how anti-ageing laughing is? There are whole books about it); the placenta facial (Russian apparently, they don't eat them over there) and the Rodial snake mask, to name but a few.
Just as I would, most women I know would go through just about anything on offer if they thought it would make them look younger or more beautiful. Even just a day younger would inspire most of us to the most stupid things.
I have rarely questioned my own judgement when it comes to beauty treatments, although there was a moment during the vampire facial as the facialist was sticking needles of blood into my face when I thought:"Oh, maybe this was a just a tiny bit mad. I will feel silly if I come out looking like a pincushion."
A brief look around at what's on offer out there, though, makes me feel smugly sane.
My favourite is the Aberdeen Organic Bull Semen Treatment at a salon in London. Don't panic, it's for your hair, the idea being that, as hair is made up of protein, some proteins can help form a protective layer around the strands and increase its health and lustre. Yeah, right, so why not just crack an egg on your head?
Moving on to the body, the weirdest thing I have ever heard of has got to be the snake massage. Call me old-fashioned, but I thought the point of a massage was to relax. How on earth can you relax with a load of snakes slithering around on your back? Apparently the larger snakes work out your tough knots. I'd rather have a hunky massage-man do that job.
Staying with the theme of hideous creatures, a tank of tiny carp is, they say, the most effective way to get rid of dead skin on your feet. My sources tell me it doesn't hurt, it just "tickles". And as for the snake massage, well I don't know anyone that stupid.
There are many more, such as leech therapy and snail slime cream, which I will leave you to discover yourselves. Meanwhile I am going to try Victoria Beckham's favourite wacky treatment, the Japanese nightingale poo facial at a spa in New York. Why the nightingales have to be Japanese I do not know, but I am told this is a treatment that "unlocks the secrets of geisha beauty".
Watch this space, dear reader; your Beauty Spy will soon be as unblemished as a camelia blossom, according to the blurb. Either that or I will just look like I had a bad aviary day.
3 of the best
Latest innovations in beauty hit the UAE shelves
RODIAL ARM SCULPT, DH340 The most exciting product launch since Rodial's awarding-winning Boob Job cream, this sculpting lotion, new this month, is packed with fruit acids, caffeine and coenzyme A. Upper arms as toned as Michelle Obama's may be just a slather away.
SKINCEUTICALS PHLORETIN CF, DH710 Forget creams: the new thing for anti-ageing is serums. This natural extract is one of the latest topical antioxidants available. The serum defends against lines, brown spots and the start of some skin cancers.
3LAB SUPER EYE TREATMENT DH1,375 The latest eye treatment to trickle over from New York, 3Lab promises to conceal wrinkles, bags and puffiness while lifting and firming the eye area.
M Loves
Honour from the House of Amouage
Since we've been wearing Honour, people keep asking us who it's by. Inspired by Puccini's Madame Butterfly, it features florals symbolising the progress of unrequited love such as jasmine, tuberose, gardenia, lily of the valley and carnation. It's a beautiful, summery scent but with base notes of frankincense, amber and pepper to prevent it from being too sweet. The packaging screams decadence with its crystal bottle adorned with a delicate butterfly motif and white Swarovski crystal. Delicious.
Honour from the House of Amouage, Dh662, Amouage, Dubai Mall, 04 330 8184, and Paris Gallery branches across the UAE
UAE v IRELAND
All matches start at 10am, and will be played in Abu Dhabi
1st ODI, Friday, January 8
2nd ODI, Sunday, January 10
3rd ODI, Tuesday, January 12
4th ODI, Thursday, January 14
Tuesday's fixtures
Kyrgyzstan v Qatar, 5.45pm
Election pledges on migration
CDU: "Now is the time to control the German borders and enforce strict border rejections"
SPD: "Border closures and blanket rejections at internal borders contradict the spirit of a common area of freedom"
ETFs explained
Exhchange traded funds are bought and sold like shares, but operate as index-tracking funds, passively following their chosen indices, such as the S&P 500, FTSE 100 and the FTSE All World, plus a vast range of smaller exchanges and commodities, such as gold, silver, copper sugar, coffee and oil.
ETFs have zero upfront fees and annual charges as low as 0.07 per cent a year, which means you get to keep more of your returns, as actively managed funds can charge as much as 1.5 per cent a year.
There are thousands to choose from, with the five biggest providers BlackRock’s iShares range, Vanguard, State Street Global Advisors SPDR ETFs, Deutsche Bank AWM X-trackers and Invesco PowerShares.
Gender pay parity on track in the UAE
The UAE has a good record on gender pay parity, according to Mercer's Total Remuneration Study.
"In some of the lower levels of jobs women tend to be paid more than men, primarily because men are employed in blue collar jobs and women tend to be employed in white collar jobs which pay better," said Ted Raffoul, career products leader, Mena at Mercer. "I am yet to see a company in the UAE – particularly when you are looking at a blue chip multinationals or some of the bigger local companies – that actively discriminates when it comes to gender on pay."
Mr Raffoul said most gender issues are actually due to the cultural class, as the population is dominated by Asian and Arab cultures where men are generally expected to work and earn whereas women are meant to start a family.
"For that reason, we see a different gender gap. There are less women in senior roles because women tend to focus less on this but that’s not due to any companies having a policy penalising women for any reasons – it’s a cultural thing," he said.
As a result, Mr Raffoul said many companies in the UAE are coming up with benefit package programmes to help working mothers and the career development of women in general.
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Skewed figures
In the village of Mevagissey in southwest England the housing stock has doubled in the last century while the number of residents is half the historic high. The village's Neighbourhood Development Plan states that 26% of homes are holiday retreats. Prices are high, averaging around £300,000, £50,000 more than the Cornish average of £250,000. The local average wage is £15,458.
Dr Afridi's warning signs of digital addiction
Spending an excessive amount of time on the phone.
Neglecting personal, social, or academic responsibilities.
Losing interest in other activities or hobbies that were once enjoyed.
Having withdrawal symptoms like feeling anxious, restless, or upset when the technology is not available.
Experiencing sleep disturbances or changes in sleep patterns.
What are the guidelines?
Under 18 months: Avoid screen time altogether, except for video chatting with family.
Aged 18-24 months: If screens are introduced, it should be high-quality content watched with a caregiver to help the child understand what they are seeing.
Aged 2-5 years: Limit to one-hour per day of high-quality programming, with co-viewing whenever possible.
Aged 6-12 years: Set consistent limits on screen time to ensure it does not interfere with sleep, physical activity, or social interactions.
Teenagers: Encourage a balanced approach – screens should not replace sleep, exercise, or face-to-face socialisation.
Source: American Paediatric Association