On my first day at boarding school a girl I'd never met before came bouncing up to me and asked me if I would be her best friend. I said I didn't know and that I didn't think it worked like that. She went off with a trembling lip and I later saw her asking some other new girl the same question. I was always nice to her, but she never did become my BF. You can't force friendship.
Friendships are developed over a period of time, often through mutual interests. Many long-lasting friendships are forged during childhood and teenage years, surviving early rivalries and break-ups at a time when you don't understand how such bonds need to be carefully nurtured.
Medical science is now making the connection between health and having a close-knit circle of friends. With a little help from your friends it seems you can live longer. In fact, close ties with friends and family can boost a person's health more than all the sensible things, such as keeping control of your weight, giving up cigarettes and getting regular exercise, according to a recent survey.
Researchers from Brigham Young University in Utah looked at 148 studies with a total of 300,000 participants from North America, Europe, Asia and Australia, tracking their social relationships and whether they survived to the end of their particular study, which averaged about seven years. The results, published in the Public Library of Science Medicine journal, found a strong link between having lots of friends and strong social relationships and living a long life. The report also says that isolating ourselves can be as unhealthy as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or not exercising.
"Those who scored higher on those measures of social relationships were 50 per cent more likely to be alive at that follow-up than people who scored low on those measures," says Professor Julianne Holt-Lunstad, who led the study.
The report indicates several ways relationships can affect our health, from childhood to later life. Friends can help us cope with stress. They can help us maintain healthy habits, such as eating well, exercising or seeing a doctor.
"The idea that a lack of social relationships is a risk factor for death is still not widely recognised by health organisations and the public," says Holt-Lunstad. "When someone is connected to a group and feels responsibility for other people, that sense of purpose and meaning translates to taking better care of themselves and taking fewer risks."
In fact, the benefits of social relationships are so pronounced that doctors are being urged to take loneliness much more seriously. Another report, by the Mental Health Foundation, published in May, blamed technology and the pressures of modern life for widespread feelings of loneliness in all age groups in the UK. These are worrying findings.
One of my dearest friends once told me very firmly that you "have to make time for people". She always did, from the great big smile she greeted me with, to the fresh flowers in my bedroom when I visited, homemade cakes and, most of all, her complete attention. I didn't realise how special that was until she died suddenly, at an early age, leaving a huge gap in the lives of all her friends. It's too late to tell her how much her friendship meant to me and my family, and I regret that.
Too often, you have someone in your mind and intend to ring them, but you're busy and put it off until later. Then you forget altogether and the moment has passed. As you get older and are separated by distances that can become more difficult, but it's important to make the effort. If you don't nurture them, friendships fizzle out. Some you can reignite, but others just fade away, and there's very little you can do about that except move on.
People who have served in the armed forces understand the "two-year friendships" that you make on military bases. Some of them stick, but many drift away at the end of the posting. The expat life in the UAE is a bit like that. You meet people from such diverse backgrounds but many are so focused on their working lives that they just don't have time to make proper lasting friendships.
The Utah report found that men and women of all ages benefited from close relationships, and though modern conveniences and technology have led some to think that old-fashioned friendships are no longer necessary, there are plenty of disadvantages with high-tech friendships - nothing quite lives up to seeing your friends in person.
Some friends can stay on the phone for hours, and if you're not into lengthy chit-chats it's easy to put off picking up the phone. Phone calls can be stressful, too - girlfriends who don't work inevitably phone you at the office to say not very much, and I'm constantly phoning back in the evening to explain yet again that I work in an open-plan office where everybody can hear your business
E-mail can be wonderful, but also very irritating. Not everybody has the skill to sound chummy on e-mail. It's one of my favourite forms of communication - and I will happily dash off reams to faraway friends - but if they don't write for a living, their replies are often disappointingly short. They don't mean to shortchange me; it's just that their e-mails often sound stilted and unlike the warm, funny people I know and love. They'll give me the bald facts without the sort of gossipy embellishment that brings news alive, and when they run out of incidents to describe they just stop. I like to read all the frills, the thought processes and lots of colourful asides. (Maybe there's a gap in the market to teach people how to sound like themselves in e-mails).
I have a very close friend who writes me proper pen-and-ink letters once or twice a year. I treasure them, they make me laugh, and seeing her familiar handwriting pulls me back in an instant. Even at Christmas, when her card arrives I usually put the kettle on because I know it's going to take some time to read it. She lives in what is often described as "leafy" Surrey and writes about the goings-on in the village, the forthcoming fete and how a bossy neighbour is marshalling her jam-making troops; not to mention the tensions in the church choir caused by an illicit romance and fury at a local developer who is building a block of flats overlooking her lovely garden.
While your old friends will always be special, it's a pleasure to make new ones when you don't expect it - and as you get older this is often the case. I joined a women's chorus called Dubai Harmony last year and it's turned out to be the most incredibly supportive network of friends that you could wish for. When someone needs help there's a wide range of skills at hand. There's always someone to pop round when you're ill or phone when she knows your husband is away and you might be lonely. They include you at their supper parties even as a "single" rather than saying "Oh, we must get together when John gets back," as if you don't exist without your other half.
Friendships live and die naturally, and there's no point stressing over some that are simply too high-maintenance. The joy of true friendship is being able to say "No" to things. No, I don't want to go and see the exhibition of Mongolian art, or listen to whale music or climb Kilimanjaro.
And of course there's that old chestnut from the 1970 movie Love Story when Ali MacGraw says to Ryan O'Neal: "Love means never having to say you're sorry." That goes for friendship, too.
The National's picks
4.35pm: Tilal Al Khalediah
5.10pm: Continous
5.45pm: Raging Torrent
6.20pm: West Acre
7pm: Flood Zone
7.40pm: Straight No Chaser
8.15pm: Romantic Warrior
8.50pm: Calandogan
9.30pm: Forever Young
In numbers: PKK’s money network in Europe
Germany: PKK collectors typically bring in $18 million in cash a year – amount has trebled since 2010
Revolutionary tax: Investigators say about $2 million a year raised from ‘tax collection’ around Marseille
Extortion: Gunman convicted in 2023 of demanding $10,000 from Kurdish businessman in Stockholm
Drug trade: PKK income claimed by Turkish anti-drugs force in 2024 to be as high as $500 million a year
Denmark: PKK one of two terrorist groups along with Iranian separatists ASMLA to raise “two-digit million amounts”
Contributions: Hundreds of euros expected from typical Kurdish families and thousands from business owners
TV channel: Kurdish Roj TV accounts frozen and went bankrupt after Denmark fined it more than $1 million over PKK links in 2013
Real estate tokenisation project
Dubai launched the pilot phase of its real estate tokenisation project last month.
The initiative focuses on converting real estate assets into digital tokens recorded on blockchain technology and helps in streamlining the process of buying, selling and investing, the Dubai Land Department said.
Dubai’s real estate tokenisation market is projected to reach Dh60 billion ($16.33 billion) by 2033, representing 7 per cent of the emirate’s total property transactions, according to the DLD.
Skewed figures
In the village of Mevagissey in southwest England the housing stock has doubled in the last century while the number of residents is half the historic high. The village's Neighbourhood Development Plan states that 26% of homes are holiday retreats. Prices are high, averaging around £300,000, £50,000 more than the Cornish average of £250,000. The local average wage is £15,458.
2025 Fifa Club World Cup groups
Group A: Palmeiras, Porto, Al Ahly, Inter Miami.
Group B: Paris Saint-Germain, Atletico Madrid, Botafogo, Seattle.
Group C: Bayern Munich, Auckland City, Boca Juniors, Benfica.
Group D: Flamengo, ES Tunis, Chelsea, (Leon banned).
Group E: River Plate, Urawa, Monterrey, Inter Milan.
Group F: Fluminense, Borussia Dortmund, Ulsan, Mamelodi Sundowns.
Group G: Manchester City, Wydad, Al Ain, Juventus.
Group H: Real Madrid, Al Hilal, Pachuca, Salzburg.
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
Mercer, the investment consulting arm of US services company Marsh & McLennan, expects its wealth division to at least double its assets under management (AUM) in the Middle East as wealth in the region continues to grow despite economic headwinds, a company official said.
Mercer Wealth, which globally has $160 billion in AUM, plans to boost its AUM in the region to $2-$3bn in the next 2-3 years from the present $1bn, said Yasir AbuShaban, a Dubai-based principal with Mercer Wealth.
“Within the next two to three years, we are looking at reaching $2 to $3 billion as a conservative estimate and we do see an opportunity to do so,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Mercer does not directly make investments, but allocates clients’ money they have discretion to, to professional asset managers. They also provide advice to clients.
“We have buying power. We can negotiate on their (client’s) behalf with asset managers to provide them lower fees than they otherwise would have to get on their own,” he added.
Mercer Wealth’s clients include sovereign wealth funds, family offices, and insurance companies among others.
From its office in Dubai, Mercer also looks after Africa, India and Turkey, where they also see opportunity for growth.
Wealth creation in Middle East and Africa (MEA) grew 8.5 per cent to $8.1 trillion last year from $7.5tn in 2015, higher than last year’s global average of 6 per cent and the second-highest growth in a region after Asia-Pacific which grew 9.9 per cent, according to consultancy Boston Consulting Group (BCG). In the region, where wealth grew just 1.9 per cent in 2015 compared with 2014, a pickup in oil prices has helped in wealth generation.
BCG is forecasting MEA wealth will rise to $12tn by 2021, growing at an annual average of 8 per cent.
Drivers of wealth generation in the region will be split evenly between new wealth creation and growth of performance of existing assets, according to BCG.
Another general trend in the region is clients’ looking for a comprehensive approach to investing, according to Mr AbuShaban.
“Institutional investors or some of the families are seeing a slowdown in the available capital they have to invest and in that sense they are looking at optimizing the way they manage their portfolios and making sure they are not investing haphazardly and different parts of their investment are working together,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Some clients also have a higher appetite for risk, given the low interest-rate environment that does not provide enough yield for some institutional investors. These clients are keen to invest in illiquid assets, such as private equity and infrastructure.
“What we have seen is a desire for higher returns in what has been a low-return environment specifically in various fixed income or bonds,” he said.
“In this environment, we have seen a de facto increase in the risk that clients are taking in things like illiquid investments, private equity investments, infrastructure and private debt, those kind of investments were higher illiquidity results in incrementally higher returns.”
The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, one of the largest sovereign wealth funds, said in its 2016 report that has gradually increased its exposure in direct private equity and private credit transactions, mainly in Asian markets and especially in China and India. The authority’s private equity department focused on structured equities owing to “their defensive characteristics.”
Kanguva
Director: Siva
Stars: Suriya, Bobby Deol, Disha Patani, Yogi Babu, Redin Kingsley
A MINECRAFT MOVIE
Director: Jared Hess
Starring: Jack Black, Jennifer Coolidge, Jason Momoa
Rating: 3/5
We Weren’t Supposed to Survive But We Did
We weren’t supposed to survive but we did.
We weren’t supposed to remember but we did.
We weren’t supposed to write but we did.
We weren’t supposed to fight but we did.
We weren’t supposed to organise but we did.
We weren’t supposed to rap but we did.
We weren’t supposed to find allies but we did.
We weren’t supposed to grow communities but we did.
We weren’t supposed to return but WE ARE.
Amira Sakalla
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
Specs
Engine: Dual-motor all-wheel-drive electric
Range: Up to 610km
Power: 905hp
Torque: 985Nm
Price: From Dh439,000
Available: Now
NEW%20UTILITY%20POLICY%3A%20WHAT%20DOES%20IT%20REGULATE%3F
%3Cp%3E%E2%80%A2%20Agreements%20on%20energy%20and%20water%20supply%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%E2%80%A2%20Applied%20service%20fees%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%E2%80%A2%20Customer%20data%20and%20information%20privacy%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%E2%80%A2%20Prohibition%20of%20service%20disconnections%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%E2%80%A2%20Customer%20complaint%20process%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%E2%80%A2%20Management%20of%20debts%20and%20customers%20in%20default%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%E2%80%A2%20Services%20provided%20to%20people%20of%20determination%20and%20home%20care%20customers%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
MATCH INFO
Uefa Champions League, last-16. first leg
Atletico Madrid v Juventus, midnight (Thursday), BeIN Sports
Britain's travel restrictions
- A negative test 2 days before flying
- Complete passenger locator form
- Book a post-arrival PCR test
- Double-vaccinated must self-isolate
- 11 countries on red list quarantine
How Sputnik V works
