Can we choose happiness? Why you need to give positive emotions as much attention as negative ones

Choose happiness. It’s a phrase we will have all likely come across, printed jovially on slogan T-shirts or weaved into motivational quotes mounted proudly on living room walls. But is it really as easy as a simple choice?

Human emotions are a complex thing. They are at once deeply personal and shared with millions of strangers. Happiness, sadness, fear, anxiety – they’re all universal. Experienced the world over, regardless of background.

But as humans, have we been conditioned to pay more attention to the negative emotions we feel? That was the topic of conversation for the first in a series of online lectures organised by the Sea of Culture Foundation.

The foundation is the brainchild of Sheikha Rowda bint Mohammed bin Khalid Al Nahyan, who launched the cultural organisation to promote the development of knowledge and skills through an integrated literary and artistic programme.

As the UAE continues to encourage its residents to stay home, the Sea of Culture Foundation is supporting this message by taking its programme online. Part of its digital offering includes a weekly lecture on a diverse range of topics, the first of which took place on Monday night.

Led by Pernille Kloeverpris, instructor in happiness and positive psychology at Abu Dhabi University, the virtual session explored why humans naturally allow negative emotions to take up more space.

“Fifty thousand years ago, our ancestors were living in caves or in the jungle. The only way they could survive was by staying attuned to their negative emotions, such as fear,” Kloeverpris explained.

As humans have evolved, so, too, has that instinct to stay in touch with our emotions – particularly the negative ones – although the modern day threats most people face are very different. “When we feel fear, we feel it just as intensely as we did back then,” she said. “But we don’t need these emotions in the same way.”

As a result, Kloeverpris says, experiencing negative emotions can be overwhelming, and they can often drown out the positives we feel, leading to an overall imbalance.

“Wellbeing is not about suppressing the negative, rather, it’s about paying more attention to the positive,” she said.

Take, for example, your day yesterday. Did something bad happen? Something as small as burning your dinner or failing to get a task done at work? Now try to think of something good that happened. The five minutes of peace you had as you drank your morning coffee, or the phone call you had with a distant loved one. Chances are, Kloeverpris says, the negative experience came to you more easily.

“If we start to pay attention to the small positives in every day, we will start to feel happier,” she said. “Try making a note of three things that happen each day.”

While suggesting you can simply choose happiness is simplifying a hugely complex issue, mindfulness exercises can help us identify moments of joy and feel grateful for them, which can help us to rebalance our emotions and in turn, feel less overwhelmed by any negative feeling.

“Gratitude is very important,” she said. “Try thinking of someone who has changed your life in a positive way. Have you ever told them?”

Kloeverpris suggests writing a short letter to that person, telling them the effect they had on your life, and finding the time to meet and share it with them. “Imagine the amount of positive feeling that will come, the emotions you will share.”

Forgiveness, she says, can also play a huge role in our overall happiness. “Forgiveness doesn’t mean we forget. It is a long process that you must commit yourself to, but holding on to anger takes from your own wellbeing.”

With a pandemic spreading across the globe, leaving no corner untouched, the world is experiencing a wave of shared emotion unlike any felt before. And while many self-isolate at home, away from their loved ones, that shared emotion can be of huge comfort.

It offers the perfect opportunity, Kloeverpris says, to be in touch with your own feelings, taking a small portion of your ample time to tune in to yourself, and make note of how you feel each day. You might not always be able to choose happy, but you can find ways to feel joy in every day.

The Sea of Culture Foundation online lectures take place each Monday in June at 8pm. Next week’s topic is “How to be smarter?: A powerful approach to improve your brain skills".

For additional information, contact sarah.seaofculture@gmail.com

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