Ice cream for breakfast. TV before bedtime. Blowing bubbles in the living room. These are all things that are absolutely not allowed in my household, where my husband and I are raising two young children aged two and five. Yet, contrary to popular belief, these rules are absolutely in keeping with the whole gentle parenting philosophy we choose to follow.
I’ve read a few articles in big-name publications recently about how Millennials and Gen Z parents are turning their back on the movement. But, instead of changing my mind, it’s made me realise that not many people actually understand what gentle parenting is all about. That belief has been compounded by outward criticism of my parenting style by seemingly well-meaning relatives who tend to assume I’m being “soft” or “need to say 'no' more” when I decide to try to cheer up my crying toddler with a cuddle instead of telling them off.
So, what exactly is gentle parenting? Well, I refer to it as somewhere “in between”. There’s authoritarian parenting, which revolves around punishments and more traditional behaviour modification, particularly when children are acting up or having meltdowns.
On the other end of the spectrum, there’s permissive parenting, where you essentially let your kids get away with whatever they want because you don’t have the energy to say no or you prefer to avoid conflict. And, so it seems, many have confused the latter with gentle parenting – but that’s exactly what it’s not.
“Gentle parenting’s philosophy centres around empathy, respect and healthy boundaries,” says Jasmine Collin, a parenting coach who created an online course on the subject I took when my now five-year-old daughter turned two. “It’s a relationship-centred approach that encourages co-operation over compliance, and connection over control. At its heart, gentle parenting is built on the belief that children are whole human beings – not future adults in training, but people worthy of respect right now.”
That doesn’t mean letting my daughter dictate that she’ll have Oreos whenever she wants them – but it might mean allowing her to decide whether she wants toast or a pre-approved type of cereal in the morning.
It doesn’t mean there are no consequences to her negative actions, either. But that won’t look like sitting on the “naughty step” or demanding she go to her room in a fit of rage; it’ll look more like holding space for her emotions and telling her it’s OK to feel her feelings, but that what she did still wasn’t right. Unless I lose my cool, of course – and that's OK, too, but I'll also apologise to them for that later.
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“Gentle parenting can feel threatening to traditional parenting models that emphasise obedience, control or ‘tough love’,” says Collin. “For many, it challenges the way they were raised or how they’ve been told children should behave. It asks parents to examine their own reactions, regulate their emotions and lead with connection – which isn’t always easy or comfortable. So instead of being seen as a balanced and intentional approach, it can be dismissed or criticised, simply because it invites a shift away from what’s long been accepted as ‘normal’.”
Another UAE-based mum who sees the benefit is Rhiannon Downie, who grew up in a household where physical discipline was the norm. “I’ve noticed that when I react with aggression or lose my temper, it only fuels my son’s temper,” she tells The National. “It also sends the wrong message. If I can’t regulate my own emotions, how can I expect him to?”
Again, Downie is quick to clarify that doesn’t mean her son is allowed to do whatever he wants. “My husband and I try to be as gentle as possible in our parenting, but that doesn’t mean there’s no discipline. We have rules, there are consequences for actions, and I’ve definitely lost my cool on more than one occasion,” she admits. “I’m only human and I do get triggered easily. But, I’d much rather communicate calmly with my child than scream, shout or resort to violence. That approach helps no one, including me.”
No one’s perfect all the time, but people also seem to believe gentle parenting is about always staying calm, says Collin. “This myth puts a lot of pressure on parents and is totally unrealistic. Gentle parenting doesn’t expect perfection – it encourages repair when we mess up and models emotional honesty. It’s about progress, not perfection and role modelling what it is to be human, flaws and all.”
As for discipline, it prioritises teaching over punishing. It’s not a permanent “yes day”, as many critics might believe. “Permissive parenting can look similar, but it tends to lack boundaries,” Collin explains. “It often comes from a loving place, but it avoids conflict and lacks consistency. A permissive parent may struggle to say ‘no' because they don’t know how to deal with the children’s reaction. They often lack the tools and ability to stay calm and respond positively or they believe kindness means giving in to the child’s demands.”
But giving in to a child’s every demand is not kind. Setting clear, consistent boundaries is how kids thrive – as long as they’re delivered with empathy and respect rather than fear and shame, adds Collin. And these boundaries can look different from family to family, depending on their values.
For example, my husband values tidiness, so our kids are often reminded to clear up after themselves. There might be tears at first, and it might take a bit longer when dealing with subsequent tantrums calmly instead of demanding it happen immediately, “or else”, but the results are undeniable – and they have a far more long-term impact.
Deeper trust and communication, healing dysfunctional generational patterns, a stronger internal sense of identity and self-worth – these are all proven benefits of gentle parenting, according to the research, adds Collins.
At the end of the day, children learn by watching. “When we manage our emotions, apologise when we mess up and treat others with kindness, we’re teaching powerful life lessons,” says Collin. “I wish all parents knew that they only have to behave in ways they want their children to behave to raise kind and considerate grown-ups.”
