Four months after giving birth, I found myself walking alone on a cold Scottish December night. Pulling my hood tightly over my head to protect me from the rain, I took a bite from a cold wrap I’d just purchased in M&S, the only store open at that time of night during the hazy period between Christmas and New Year's Eve.
It was a far cry from the family-filled festive season I’d imagined for my first trip home with my newborn daughter. Exhausted and cold, I returned to my in-laws' house, where my absence went unacknowledged. I felt lost, and I knew this wasn’t me. But I also knew I'd had enough.
That moment – one my therapist would later tell me was a cry for help – would turn out to be exactly what propelled me to take my first step towards finding help as a new mum. Back in the UAE, I began to research support groups and came across Mama Tribe UAE. Hosting regular meetups, coffee mornings and socials, the group also had a WhatsApp chat, where new mothers could connect.
As I stared into the darkness nursing my daughter, and feeling alone, I posted my first message on the group. Within a few minutes, I had a reply. Ten minutes later, I had another. It was 3am on a Tuesday, but for the first time in months I realised I wasn’t the only one in the country who was exhausted and wide awake. That alone gave me strength.
A few weeks later, and after attending a few Mama Tribe UAE events where I shared my story with other mums, I found the courage to make a doctor’s appointment. As soon as the doctor asked how I was, I burst into tears. An hour later, I left the clinic with a medical prescription for postpartum anxiety and a new sense of enthusiasm for my life as a mum.
Social media mum myth
My prescription would help me to navigate the next few months of motherhood. But it’s hard to escape the pressures of being a new mum, with or without postpartum issues, in a world that’s flooded with Instagram, TikTok and Facebook posts that paint the post-birth stage of motherhood as a rainbow-filled time, consisting purely of baby cuddles and lullabies.
For many new mums, that’s far from the reality of postpartum life. And in countries like the UAE, where more than 80 per cent of the population are foreign residents, often far from family and familiar support systems, the situation can feel isolating, with social media offering the main daily contact for many mums.
That’s exactly what Juliane Landelle, now a mum of three in Abu Dhabi, felt after moving to the country with her firstborn, who was two months old at the time.
“I was living in a new country and stuck in a hotel while my husband spent long days at work,” she says.
After her husband told her she should go to “meet people”, Landelle posted on Facebook seeking connections with others who might understand the issues she faced.
She posted about the fact it isn’t so easy to simply “meet people” when you’re exhausted, caring for a newborn and just trying to get through each day. Her post was welcomed by many other mums in Abu Dhabi and that reaction led her to create the Mama Tribe UAE community, which became a lifeline for many, myself included.
“We are mums from everywhere, from lots of different cultures and countries, but we are all travelling the same journey here in the UAE,” Landelle says. “And we can learn from each other.”
For Victoria Alhajeri, a Latvian citizen married to an Emirati man, the group offered essential support. “I met Juliane at my lowest point,” Alhajeri says.
“Mama Tribe UAE saved me. We laughed, cried and reminded each other we weren’t failing, we were just human.”
For Elizabeth Cooper, a Canadian citizen with a 20-month-old daughter, her dreams of a South Korean-style postpartum recovery encompassing nourishing broths, structured rest and family support were scuppered after a traumatic birth and a disappointing experience with the doula she hired to support her.
With no extended family nearby, the Abu Dhabi resident struggled. “Everyone focuses on the baby, but many people forget about the mum,” she says.
“I wish I’d lined up more help beforehand, things like having a nanny in place or someone to cook or help look after me. That would be my advice to any soon to be new mums.”
The length of maternity leave varies around the world and depending on family circumstances. Reflecting on maternity leave and postpartum care, Cooper says: “Some mums must be back at work in a few weeks or months, and I don’t believe that’s enough of a recovery period, or enough time with your baby.”
Singaporean mum-of-two Cynthia Goh lives in the UAE, but gave birth in her homeland. She said that most “Singaporean women observe some form of confinement or postpartum care”, which means “really focusing on restoring your body and bonding with the baby”.
After returning to Abu Dhabi, Goh built her own support network using online groups, including Mama Tribe UAE, Mama Hub, Dubai Mums Meet and Eklektik Mama. “It’s not quite the same as my village back home, but it’s something,” she says.
Mental health and postpartum concerns
Dr Nilusha Vadhwania, a specialist in obstetrics and gynaecology at Aster Clinics in Dubai, believes expat mums are especially vulnerable during the postpartum phase.
“Globally, one in five women face postpartum mental health struggles,” she says. “In the UAE, factors like isolation, cultural adjustment and lack of family support push that number higher.”
Cultural differences can play a part. “Some cultures see mood swings as ‘normal’ after birth,” she says, adding that it can lead mums to face their battles in silence.
There has been progress as hospitals across the country offer mental health screenings and insurance companies begin to cover therapy. Online communities have also helped to fill the gaps.
New mums in the UAE have learnt to forge their own connections and, when they do, the bonds run deep. For Landelle, an even stronger tribe awaits. Inspired by postpartum retreats in Australia and bolstered by her background in luxury hospitality, she is launching a postpartum sanctuary.
It is part of an initiative called the Om Journey. She hosted a successful one-day retreat in Abu Dhabi. Some of the mums who attended called it “the day they didn’t know they needed”.
The Om Sanctuary will allow mums to check-in to a luxury hotel with their babies to be looked after by a host of experts in a setting designed to foster connection, support and wellness. Those are all the elements needed for a strong tribe.
“I want every new mum here to know she’s not alone,” Landelle says. “Whether it’s via an online community, a coffee date or by checking in at a postpartum retreat to meet other new mums, connection is everything.”
