"We've got a prima donna on board," Roger says, referring to a big African lady flaunting a manicure featuring fake pearls encircled by rhinestones affixed to each of her 10 fingernails. We've waded through mud to clamber onto a boat to cross the mouth of the Congo River into Angola only to find her on board.
I don't know what she's shouting. It might have something to do with several extra men that have jumped aboard a vessel meant for six passengers. They are also shouting; the boat's pilot, too. In a fit of impatience, I join in, yelling in English, "Come on, let's go!" The entreaty is lost in the din as the boat rocks in the shallow water.
Simple things tend to become complicated in Africa, like crossing a river. But then, this isn't just any river. The Congo has arguably seen more bloodshed than any other waterway on Earth. Long before the Second Congo War along its banks killed more than five million from 1998 to 2008, the river's figurative darkness, deep in the continent, had been a matter of historical and literary record.
Macabre connections aside, the Congo is also a mighty tap, discharging an average of 40,000 cubic metres of water into the Atlantic every second. Its course actually extends miles out to sea, visible on Google Earth like the jet of a jacuzzi. Only the Amazon exceeds its flow, and the Congo basin of four million square kilometres makes it the world's third largest river catchment.
It's already been a long day and it's not half over. We'd woken this morning at an immigration post of the Democratic Republic of Congo, having spent the night sleeping on the floor in front of the passport collection window. It was already late morning when the station chief, who insisted on approving our entry in person, finally appeared and stamped us into the country.
While waiting, we'd struck up a conversation with Blaise, the only DRC immigration officer who spoke decent English. "Do tourists pass through here very often?" we asked.
"Sometimes," Blaise replied. "There were a couple of Germans. I think that was two months ago."
On tracks of thick sand, through verdant grasslands with stalks tall as a man, a shared 4x4 took us from the border to the sun-baked city of Muanda, occupying a tiny strip of DRC coastline facing the Atlantic. At Banana, a point overlooking the Congo mouth, we went through another round of customs and immigration.
Summoned to a wooden shack to pay for the tickets (US$25 each; Dh92) for the 30-minute crossing, I saw something that both perplexed and repulsed. "You'd better go take a look at the pictures on the wall," I said to Roger, whom I'd left watching our bags near the boat launch.
Two photographs showed something resembling an old mannequin with paint bubbling and peeling from its surface, floating in a reedy pool of water - obviously the corpse of human being. Unable to translate the French written above the snapshots or coax a discernible explanation from the ticket seller, I sent Roger back to investigate. The body, he ascertained, was that of the captain of one of the boat company's vessels who'd been killed - the word they used was "killed", not "died", Roger said - and found in this state months later. I gathered it was a tribal or gang-related killing. Cripes.
So, here we are with the prima donna. The shouting finally stops and the pilot yanks the outboard motor into action. At a midway point in the journey, the interlopers disembark and a non-uniformed man demands an inexplicable payment of about $2 (Dh7) from each of the passengers. Everyone obliges except Roger and I, who respond with our customary refusal when faced with demands for small bribes: "Non, c'est pas possible."
"We all have to pay, so why shouldn't you?" the lady says to Roger.
"But you also don't have to pay," Roger corrects her. I'm not sure she understood his point: what would happen if one day, everyone in Africa refused to play along with petty corruption?
We move out of the river estuary. Reduced to six passengers, the engine starts to roar as we pick up speed, the hull hitting the waves repeatedly with the force of a spade slamming into an anvil, soaking us head to toe. The woman's bling-encrusted hands hold on for dear life.
It seems like we're out on the open sea now, but the water doesn't taste like it.
I shout across to Roger: "There's no salt!"
"What?" He can't hear me.
"I said the water's not salty!" I lick my lips again. Not a trace on the tongue - just the plain-tasting detritus of the whole suffering continent, its blood, filth and tragedy diffused and washed out to sea in the Congo's never-ending gush.
Scott MacMillan is blogging about his journey on his website, www.wanderingsavage.com.
Formula Middle East Calendar (Formula Regional and Formula 4)
Round 1: January 17-19, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 2: January 22-23, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 3: February 7-9, Dubai Autodrome – Dubai
Round 4: February 14-16, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 5: February 25-27, Jeddah Corniche Circuit – Saudi Arabia
In numbers: PKK’s money network in Europe
Germany: PKK collectors typically bring in $18 million in cash a year – amount has trebled since 2010
Revolutionary tax: Investigators say about $2 million a year raised from ‘tax collection’ around Marseille
Extortion: Gunman convicted in 2023 of demanding $10,000 from Kurdish businessman in Stockholm
Drug trade: PKK income claimed by Turkish anti-drugs force in 2024 to be as high as $500 million a year
Denmark: PKK one of two terrorist groups along with Iranian separatists ASMLA to raise “two-digit million amounts”
Contributions: Hundreds of euros expected from typical Kurdish families and thousands from business owners
TV channel: Kurdish Roj TV accounts frozen and went bankrupt after Denmark fined it more than $1 million over PKK links in 2013
2025 Fifa Club World Cup groups
Group A: Palmeiras, Porto, Al Ahly, Inter Miami.
Group B: Paris Saint-Germain, Atletico Madrid, Botafogo, Seattle.
Group C: Bayern Munich, Auckland City, Boca Juniors, Benfica.
Group D: Flamengo, ES Tunis, Chelsea, (Leon banned).
Group E: River Plate, Urawa, Monterrey, Inter Milan.
Group F: Fluminense, Borussia Dortmund, Ulsan, Mamelodi Sundowns.
Group G: Manchester City, Wydad, Al Ain, Juventus.
Group H: Real Madrid, Al Hilal, Pachuca, Salzburg.
If you go…
Emirates launched a new daily service to Mexico City this week, flying via Barcelona from Dh3,995.
Emirati citizens are among 67 nationalities who do not require a visa to Mexico. Entry is granted on arrival for stays of up to 180 days.
Specs
Engine: Dual-motor all-wheel-drive electric
Range: Up to 610km
Power: 905hp
Torque: 985Nm
Price: From Dh439,000
Available: Now
THE BIO
Favourite author - Paulo Coelho
Favourite holiday destination - Cuba
New York Times or Jordan Times? NYT is a school and JT was my practice field
Role model - My Grandfather
Dream interviewee - Che Guevara
MATCH INFO
Syria v Australia
2018 World Cup qualifying: Asia fourth round play-off first leg
Venue: Hang Jebat Stadium, Malayisa
Kick-off: Thursday, 4.30pm (UAE)
Watch: beIN Sports HD
* Second leg in Australia on October 10
Our family matters legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
The specs
AT4 Ultimate, as tested
Engine: 6.2-litre V8
Power: 420hp
Torque: 623Nm
Transmission: 10-speed automatic
Price: From Dh330,800 (Elevation: Dh236,400; AT4: Dh286,800; Denali: Dh345,800)
On sale: Now
'Hocus%20Pocus%202'
%3Cp%3EDirector%3A%20Anne%20Fletcher%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3EStars%3A%20Bette%20Midler%2C%20Sarah%20Jessica%20Parker%2C%20Kathy%20Najimy%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3ERating%3A%203.5%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
INVESTMENT PLEDGES
Cartlow: $13.4m
Rabbitmart: $14m
Smileneo: $5.8m
Soum: $4m
imVentures: $100m
Plug and Play: $25m
COMPANY%20PROFILE
%3Cp%3ECompany%20name%3A%20CarbonSifr%3Cbr%3EStarted%3A%202022%3Cbr%3EBased%3A%20Dubai%3Cbr%3EFounders%3A%20Onur%20Elgun%2C%20Mustafa%20Bosca%20and%20Muhammed%20Yildirim%3Cbr%3ESector%3A%20Climate%20tech%3Cbr%3EInvestment%20stage%3A%20%241%20million%20raised%20in%20seed%20funding%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
How to watch Ireland v Pakistan in UAE
When: The one-off Test starts on Friday, May 11
What time: Each day’s play is scheduled to start at 2pm UAE time.
TV: The match will be broadcast on OSN Sports Cricket HD. Subscribers to the channel can also stream the action live on OSN Play.
The specs: 2018 Bentley Bentayga V8
Price, base: Dh853,226
Engine: 4.0-litre twin-turbo V8
Transmission: Eight-speed automatic
Power: 550hp @ 6,000pm
Torque: 770Nm @ 1,960rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 11.4L / 100km
Company: Instabug
Founded: 2013
Based: Egypt, Cairo
Sector: IT
Employees: 100
Stage: Series A
Investors: Flat6Labs, Accel, Y Combinator and angel investors
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Kumulus Water
Started: 2021
Founders: Iheb Triki and Mohamed Ali Abid
Based: Tunisia
Sector: Water technology
Number of staff: 22
Investment raised: $4 million
What are NFTs?
Are non-fungible tokens a currency, asset, or a licensing instrument? Arnab Das, global market strategist EMEA at Invesco, says they are mix of all of three.
You can buy, hold and use NFTs just like US dollars and Bitcoins. “They can appreciate in value and even produce cash flows.”
However, while money is fungible, NFTs are not. “One Bitcoin, dollar, euro or dirham is largely indistinguishable from the next. Nothing ties a dollar bill to a particular owner, for example. Nor does it tie you to to any goods, services or assets you bought with that currency. In contrast, NFTs confer specific ownership,” Mr Das says.
This makes NFTs closer to a piece of intellectual property such as a work of art or licence, as you can claim royalties or profit by exchanging it at a higher value later, Mr Das says. “They could provide a sustainable income stream.”
This income will depend on future demand and use, which makes NFTs difficult to value. “However, there is a credible use case for many forms of intellectual property, notably art, songs, videos,” Mr Das says.
if you go
The flights
Direct flights from the UAE to the Nepalese capital, Kathmandu, are available with Air Arabia, (www.airarabia.com) Fly Dubai (www.flydubai.com) or Etihad (www.etihad.com) from Dh1,200 return including taxes. The trek described here started from Jomson, but there are many other start and end point variations depending on how you tailor your trek. To get to Jomson from Kathmandu you must first fly to the lake-side resort town of Pokhara with either Buddha Air (www.buddhaair.com) or Yeti Airlines (www.yetiairlines.com). Both charge around US$240 (Dh880) return. From Pokhara there are early morning flights to Jomson with Yeti Airlines or Simrik Airlines (www.simrikairlines.com) for around US$220 (Dh800) return.
The trek
Restricted area permits (US$500 per person) are required for trekking in the Upper Mustang area. The challenging Meso Kanto pass between Tilcho Lake and Jomson should not be attempted by those without a lot of mountain experience and a good support team. An excellent trekking company with good knowledge of Upper Mustang, the Annaurpuna Circuit and Tilcho Lake area and who can help organise a version of the trek described here is the Nepal-UK run Snow Cat Travel (www.snowcattravel.com). Prices vary widely depending on accommodation types and the level of assistance required.
Our family matters legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
