If denim were a person he would be a no-nonsense, straight-talking kind of chap. One that would have no qualms telling you there are a few extra pounds hanging around your waistline than normal. Denim will tell you long before your mother does that you have gained those dreaded kilos. Not like the good old smock dress that lets us both bask in mutual contentment: “Enjoy that (second piece) of cake,” it will say, cheerfully. “Who is going to notice under this old sack, anyway?”
The thing is, as honest as it appears, I don’t fully trust denim. It pretends to be comfortable, an old favourite we know and love, when really it involves a tremendous amount of deliberation.
They say that the average woman owns no less than (drum roll, please) seven pairs of jeans – wearing no more, if I dare to be so presumptuous, than two of them.
But where are we going so wrong? Well, firstly we are often caught up with the gimmick. The skinny, low-rise, not so low-rise, double-seamed, skinny-legged, popper-pressed, straight leg, wide leg, distressed, the boyfriend. There is such a colossal number of differing styles on the market we tend to hedge our bets and start throwing around the credit card buying blindly – silly, really, considering we all have vastly differing shapes.
Secondly, we cling to old jeans like a sail to the wind. They slump sadly with a defeated tone in our wardrobes, often next to the other items of clothing that perhaps don’t fit anymore, or are now hopelessly off trend. Yet they are seemingly impossible to throw out, as if by holding onto them we are holding onto the promise of a different you – slimmer, taller, smaller-bottomed.
I hear it all the time. Oh, how skinny jeans make our thighs look dreadful, that we are too short for boyfriend jeans, don’t have enough bottom for high-waisted, or the low-rise pair of jeans that used to sit so well now has a bit of, for want of a better phrase, too much bottom.
So lets be truthful here: when in doubt, toss them out. Be brutal. Unless you are going to go hell for leather and work on achieving the shape that you wish to be, it’s time to get rid of the pesky hecklers. Forget about trends. You need to find out what makes your body type look better no matter its shape or size. The less gimmicky, the better. Forget rhinestones, flashier colours, “crazy” washes, excessive distressing or low-rise hipsters. Hip slicers are never going to be long-term friends.
Start with assessing your basic shape. For a boyish figure (straight) go for slim fit but not skintight. A higher waist will add much-needed curves, and make sure the bottom of your (waisted) top doesn’t fall below the tops of your jeans pockets. Aim to have something hit the midpoint between there and the hip. For a curvy shape, go for a fit that has a slight flare to the bottom half to help even things out. Make sure the legs, crotch and waist areas are not too tight. You must also remember to check if they look good from behind.
Try to walk around the store in the jeans first; sit, stand and even do a few squats if you can (just be sure to check who is around first) and remember that most jeans stretch and then shrink back once washed. If you feel overwhelmed, just ask a sales associate for the fit you’re after.
Lets face it, most of us would rather have some tricky dental work done than spending the wrong side of an hour in a hot changing room wrestling with denim, but it’s imperative in getting things right.
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