It's a little-known fashion fact but January and February are the months when the majority of us buy swimwear. In the case of celebrities, many are "gifted" styles to road test (beach test?) just before the new-season ranges hit department stores. Since finding this out I've harboured a theory. Is it swimwear giants - the men and women behind vast Lycra empires - who block-book celebrity "hideaways" that are anything but during the holiday season? Take St Barts, one of the most luxurious and expensive islands in the Caribbean, which seems to attract a ridiculous number of A-list vacationistas.
Are they lured simply by the prospect of a freebie holiday in the sunshine and a suitcase full of fancy frilly cossies? Why else migrate to a location where paparazzi lurk behind every pot plant in the resort nicknamed "Hollywood South". You only need to look at the highly orchestrated "holiday snaps" filtering onto celebrity websites to realise that these guys have been shaping up for months to show off their toned bodies and beach chic?
Yes, I know everyone likes to plan their holiday wardrobe but compare Gwen Stefani (who has been holidaying aboard a yacht that belongs to the Chelsea Football Club owner Roman Abramovich), in her panto-style harem pants and billowing blouse accessorised to the max, with your last set of holiday pictures and you'll see what I mean. And, yes, she does wear a black ruched bikini top with clunking silver armlets, jaunty trilby hats, ubiquitous sunnies and statement chokers (at the seaside? Really?).
This is not just extreme glamour. This is desperation. I suspect there is no such thing as a holiday for someone as crucially trendy as Stefani, who even bleached her toddler's fringe for his debut appearance at her fashion show. As for Kate Moss, life is just one big photo opportunity, especially during holidays when she puts into practice the trends she's gleaned during the year. But hang on a second. There are two reasons why I am not entirely convinced the recent images of Kate aboard a yacht in Thailand, wearing a tasselled bikini by the Australian label, Sea Folly, were staged, not as she'd like us to believe, 'snatched'.
Firstly, the speed it took for the public-relations team to alert the online community that it was indeed a Sea Folly style, from the label's Fringe Benefits line. Secondly, laid back Kate, whose signature look, as we all know is "bed-head hair", on this occasion seemed to be wearing hers styled into an up-to-the-minute quiff: the same high-maintenance hairdo that is explained in step-by-step detail in every fashion magazine this month.
Could a fashion stylist be behind Lindsay Lohan's holiday ensemble in St Barts? If so, the image of her wearing what looked like a man's black T-shirt and a tiny satchel will earn her the same style points as her recent outing as a designer (zero). Call that a beach bag? It's barely big enough to contain her floppy Panama, choker, wooden six-inch platforms, sunglasses and hippy sarong. Kate Moss, on the other hand, brought new meaning to the word, "cover up" with her giant black-fringed monster beach bag, which hid her entire torso (and much of boyfriend, Jamie Hince).
Talking of bags, Marc Jacobs, the designer of Louis Vuitton, on his recent trips to Saline Beach or the Prickly Pear Cays, was seen stashing a logo-laden Stephen Sprouse Louis Vuitton towel inside his supersized leather Hermès Birkin (in this season's nude shade, naturally). I was thrilled to get an invitation to a private screening of what promises to be the fashion movie of the year, Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. The invite, which arrived on a pastel cupcake, said, "dress wonderful". Having watched the trailer on YouTube I didn't fancy Helena Bonham Carter's Queen of Hearts get-up much or, for that matter, Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter. Where on earth was I to find stylish Alice-type paraphernalia? Online, of course. Mad Hatter's tea party-inspired jewellery is the next big thing. I can't stop wearing my pretty pink enamel cupcake earrings, (by Diva from Miss Selfridge), which have faux diamonds sprinkled on top. I could, of course, have splashed out on a floaty tulle fairy-tale frock. Alice, it seems, is very on-trend. She could have wafted off the spring/summer 2010 catwalk at Fendi, Givenchy, Chanel or Marchesa.
