Everyone warns tourists not to attempt driving in Sri Lanka; naturally, I had to try.
So when my eye caught the bungalow owner's father's set of wheels - a sorry-looking 50cc auto-gear Honda scooter - I reckoned I could work out a deal. I offered brand-new tyres and an oil change and soon we had a rental agreement.
An avid biker, I have ridden on three continents, and so I quickly got comfortable with the bike - zero acceleration when needed, brakes requiring assistance from the soles of my shoes, and a wobble like its main components were held together with twisted wire … oh, wait: they were.
It might be helpful if I learnt the local traffic rules first. So, I found a strategically placed cafe and proceeded to analyse total mayhem.
Imagine a monkey staring at a chessboard and trying to deduce the rules of play. He scratches his chin, sighs, nibbles a banana, blinks intently once or twice … but I already know how to play chess. So I jump onto the bike and I'm soon swallowed into the stream of traffic.
The street is a single lane - a single lane both ways. On this single strip of tarmac, there were several parrot-coloured trucks, a handful of buses with people hanging off the doors, an occasional car, a dozen or so three-wheeled tuk-tuks filled with entire classes of schoolchildren, an angry swarm of motorcycles and half the town population on their bicycles. The other half of the town was walking, gawking, or selling fruit, on the rough edges that serve as the pavement.
Everyone was beeping their horn. Possibly at me. I think even the pedestrians carried horns.
I realised I was playing by the wrong rules. I was trying to play chess, but the game was more like the 3D chess that Mr Spock played on Star Trek, where pieces can move 360° at any time with no prior notice. Eventually, it makes sense.
So, forget lanes. Here are the rules to 3D traffic. The goal is to stay in the very centre of the street; unless there is a bigger vehicle already there or on its way to taking that position. Then you move aside towards the road edge just enough for it to temporarily occupy the centre in your place. Simple.
As a motorbike, one of the lesser vehicles but still more powerful than bicycles, carts, and pedestrians - let's say ranking as knight or bishop - we are nudged from behind by the horns of trucks, buses, cars and three-wheelers. It is normally a gentle toot; and you do if there's room, or they run you over.
To be able to move aside, the motorcyclist, in turn, beeps the bicyclist, who can only move over as much as the carts and pedestrians allow; and so each vehicle waiting behind follows the ebb of traffic and the craggy coastline of potholes at the side of the street.
So instead of rigid lanes, with silly painted lines, the space on the street is fluidly allocated according to vehicle size and the available border of tarmac.
Now, since naturally not all these pieces can fit on the 3D chess board at the same time side by side, there has to be a system of timeshare to regulate movement.
Logically, the largest vehicles are the meanest, and they occupy centre position, so they nuzzle up to the lesser vehicle in front of them until the smaller one moves over enough for them to squeeze past.
Repeat ad infinitum, and it works like clockwork, if you just learn the rules of the game.
A MINECRAFT MOVIE
Director: Jared Hess
Starring: Jack Black, Jennifer Coolidge, Jason Momoa
Rating: 3/5
2025 Fifa Club World Cup groups
Group A: Palmeiras, Porto, Al Ahly, Inter Miami.
Group B: Paris Saint-Germain, Atletico Madrid, Botafogo, Seattle.
Group C: Bayern Munich, Auckland City, Boca Juniors, Benfica.
Group D: Flamengo, ES Tunis, Chelsea, (Leon banned).
Group E: River Plate, Urawa, Monterrey, Inter Milan.
Group F: Fluminense, Borussia Dortmund, Ulsan, Mamelodi Sundowns.
Group G: Manchester City, Wydad, Al Ain, Juventus.
Group H: Real Madrid, Al Hilal, Pachuca, Salzburg.
NO OTHER LAND
Director: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham, Rachel Szor, Hamdan Ballal
Stars: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham
Rating: 3.5/5
Formula Middle East Calendar (Formula Regional and Formula 4)
Round 1: January 17-19, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 2: January 22-23, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 3: February 7-9, Dubai Autodrome – Dubai
Round 4: February 14-16, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 5: February 25-27, Jeddah Corniche Circuit – Saudi Arabia
In numbers: PKK’s money network in Europe
Germany: PKK collectors typically bring in $18 million in cash a year – amount has trebled since 2010
Revolutionary tax: Investigators say about $2 million a year raised from ‘tax collection’ around Marseille
Extortion: Gunman convicted in 2023 of demanding $10,000 from Kurdish businessman in Stockholm
Drug trade: PKK income claimed by Turkish anti-drugs force in 2024 to be as high as $500 million a year
Denmark: PKK one of two terrorist groups along with Iranian separatists ASMLA to raise “two-digit million amounts”
Contributions: Hundreds of euros expected from typical Kurdish families and thousands from business owners
TV channel: Kurdish Roj TV accounts frozen and went bankrupt after Denmark fined it more than $1 million over PKK links in 2013
The specs
Engine: 3.0-litre six-cylinder turbo
Power: 398hp from 5,250rpm
Torque: 580Nm at 1,900-4,800rpm
Transmission: Eight-speed auto
Fuel economy, combined: 6.5L/100km
On sale: December
Price: From Dh330,000 (estimate)
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Company%20Profile
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COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Lamsa
Founder: Badr Ward
Launched: 2014
Employees: 60
Based: Abu Dhabi
Sector: EdTech
Funding to date: $15 million
Name: Brendalle Belaza
From: Crossing Rubber, Philippines
Arrived in the UAE: 2007
Favourite place in Abu Dhabi: NYUAD campus
Favourite photography style: Street photography
Favourite book: Harry Potter
Nepotism is the name of the game
Salman Khan’s father, Salim Khan, is one of Bollywood’s most legendary screenwriters. Through his partnership with co-writer Javed Akhtar, Salim is credited with having paved the path for the Indian film industry’s blockbuster format in the 1970s. Something his son now rules the roost of. More importantly, the Salim-Javed duo also created the persona of the “angry young man” for Bollywood megastar Amitabh Bachchan in the 1970s, reflecting the angst of the average Indian. In choosing to be the ordinary man’s “hero” as opposed to a thespian in new Bollywood, Salman Khan remains tightly linked to his father’s oeuvre. Thanks dad.
SPECS
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The bio
Favourite food: Japanese
Favourite car: Lamborghini
Favourite hobby: Football
Favourite quote: If your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough
Favourite country: UAE
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre 4-cylinder petrol
Power: 154bhp
Torque: 250Nm
Transmission: 7-speed automatic with 8-speed sports option
Price: From Dh79,600
On sale: Now
What can you do?
Document everything immediately; including dates, times, locations and witnesses
Seek professional advice from a legal expert
You can report an incident to HR or an immediate supervisor
You can use the Ministry of Human Resources and Emiratisation’s dedicated hotline
In criminal cases, you can contact the police for additional support
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Ms Yang's top tips for parents new to the UAE
- Join parent networks
- Look beyond school fees
- Keep an open mind
Tips for job-seekers
- Do not submit your application through the Easy Apply button on LinkedIn. Employers receive between 600 and 800 replies for each job advert on the platform. If you are the right fit for a job, connect to a relevant person in the company on LinkedIn and send them a direct message.
- Make sure you are an exact fit for the job advertised. If you are an HR manager with five years’ experience in retail and the job requires a similar candidate with five years’ experience in consumer, you should apply. But if you have no experience in HR, do not apply for the job.
David Mackenzie, founder of recruitment agency Mackenzie Jones Middle East
The biog
Age: 59
From: Giza Governorate, Egypt
Family: A daughter, two sons and wife
Favourite tree: Ghaf
Runner up favourite tree: Frankincense
Favourite place on Sir Bani Yas Island: “I love all of Sir Bani Yas. Every spot of Sir Bani Yas, I love it.”
Jumanji: The Next Level
Director: Jake Kasdan
Stars: Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Karen Gillan, Jack Black, Nick Jonas
Two out of five stars
The specs
Engine: Direct injection 4-cylinder 1.4-litre
Power: 150hp
Torque: 250Nm
Price: From Dh139,000
On sale: Now
The years Ramadan fell in May
At a glance
Global events: Much of the UK’s economic woes were blamed on “increased global uncertainty”, which can be interpreted as the economic impact of the Ukraine war and the uncertainty over Donald Trump’s tariffs.
Growth forecasts: Cut for 2025 from 2 per cent to 1 per cent. The OBR watchdog also estimated inflation will average 3.2 per cent this year
Welfare: Universal credit health element cut by 50 per cent and frozen for new claimants, building on cuts to the disability and incapacity bill set out earlier this month
Spending cuts: Overall day-to day-spending across government cut by £6.1bn in 2029-30
Tax evasion: Steps to crack down on tax evasion to raise “£6.5bn per year” for the public purse
Defence: New high-tech weaponry, upgrading HM Naval Base in Portsmouth
Housing: Housebuilding to reach its highest in 40 years, with planning reforms helping generate an extra £3.4bn for public finances