Everyone thinks they have a novel in them. Most people don't. They have an excruciating set of semi-autobiographical musings which, thankfully, will never see the light of day.
For the would-be authors among us, though, there is encouragement in a website that has taken the internet by storm. Copy in the first few paragraphs of your opus and I Write Like (www.iwritelike.com) will carefully analyse your prose and tell you which published author it most resembles.
Thus, it was an epochal moment to learn the first two paragraphs of my story on Tom Jones's new album, published in The National last week, were akin to the iconic literature of Charles Dickens. It's now a fact: I write in the style of one of English writing's greatest figures. Of course I do.
There are hours of fun to be had here, simply because any form of writing can be compared by the I Write Like website. A particularly lengthy e-mail I sent to the Liverpool Arabic Arts Festival was apparently reminiscent of the celebrated postmodern writer of Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace. I was only asking for a press release.
Of course, it's not long before you end up doubting the veracity of the site and pasting in excerpts from the classics to see if I Write Like's algorithms can actually pick them out. My first attempt at this was genuinely impressive. I pasted in the classic opening paragraphs from 1984, with its indelible opening line "It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen." And sure enough, the answer came back George Orwell. Impressive stuff - although the last sentence, with its momentous warning "Big Brother is watching you" surely gave I Write Like a huge helping hand. And admittedly, the harder you test the site, the more varied (and hilarious) the results. The winner of the Booker Prize last year was Hilary Mantel, for one of the most cleanly written and enjoyable historical novels in years. But paste an excerpt of Wolf Hall into the engine, and it's attributed to one of the most baffling and convoluted authors of all time, James Joyce. Vladimir Nabokov's final book The Original Of Laura was one of the publishing sensations of last year, despite the fact that he'd been dead 32 years and it was incomplete. No wonder the author of Lolita had left instructions for The Original Of Laura to be destroyed, though: it reads, according to I Write Like, remarkably similarly to the clunking prose of Dan Brown.
So yes, there are huge limitations - most succinctly observed in a tweet from possibly the most famous film critic in the world, Roger Ebert. "I Write Like thinks I write like Margaret Atwood, she writes like HP Lovecraft and he writes like James Joyce," he said. Margaret Atwood herself heard of this, pasted in some of her own work, and found she resembled Stephen King. As she tweeted, "who knew?", the literary set tried desperately to find a link between her brilliantly complex Booker Prize-winning novel The Blind Assassin and King's seminal horror tale Pet Sematary.
So, in the end, it's best to take any results with a huge pinch of salt. Essentially, I Write Like is a work-in-progress online game by a 27-year-old software developer, Dmitry Chestnykh, whose first language isn't even English. His website admits there were originally only 50 authors in the database, including some from the bestsellers list on Wikipedia and the most downloaded books from the out-of-copyright library The Gutenburg Project.
And an interview posted on the I Write Like site admits that he'd spent only three days writing the program, which essentially works like a spam filter. As Chestnykh said himself: "I feed it with Frankenstein and tell it, 'This is Mary Shelley. Recognise works similar to this as Mary Shelley'." Viral internet crazes are usually simple ideas such as these, but he couldn't possibly have known he would rack up one million unique users in a matter of weeks and suddenly find himself under worldwide scrutiny. But perhaps I Write Like does have a benefit. Despite Chestnykh admitting himself that he didn't think there was "a big point" in the idea before launching it, the amount of comments he's since received saying that users would now read books by the authors they've discovered they "write like" has genuinely amazed him.
Cheering stuff, which is why I'm off to read Little Brother by the impossibly cool science fiction writer Cory Doctorow. Apparently the first paragraph of this very story could have been written by him.
'Dark Waters'
Directed by: Todd Haynes
Starring: Mark Ruffalo, Anne Hathaway, William Jackson Harper
Rating: ****
more from Janine di Giovanni
LUKA CHUPPI
Director: Laxman Utekar
Producer: Maddock Films, Jio Cinema
Cast: Kartik Aaryan, Kriti Sanon, Pankaj Tripathi, Vinay Pathak, Aparshakti Khurana
Rating: 3/5
What the law says
Micro-retirement is not a recognised concept or employment status under Federal Decree Law No. 33 of 2021 on the Regulation of Labour Relations (as amended) (UAE Labour Law). As such, it reflects a voluntary work-life balance practice, rather than a recognised legal employment category, according to Dilini Loku, senior associate for law firm Gateley Middle East.
“Some companies may offer formal sabbatical policies or career break programmes; however, beyond such arrangements, there is no automatic right or statutory entitlement to extended breaks,” she explains.
“Any leave taken beyond statutory entitlements, such as annual leave, is typically regarded as unpaid leave in accordance with Article 33 of the UAE Labour Law. While employees may legally take unpaid leave, such requests are subject to the employer’s discretion and require approval.”
If an employee resigns to pursue micro-retirement, the employment contract is terminated, and the employer is under no legal obligation to rehire the employee in the future unless specific contractual agreements are in place (such as return-to-work arrangements), which are generally uncommon, Ms Loku adds.
The specs
AT4 Ultimate, as tested
Engine: 6.2-litre V8
Power: 420hp
Torque: 623Nm
Transmission: 10-speed automatic
Price: From Dh330,800 (Elevation: Dh236,400; AT4: Dh286,800; Denali: Dh345,800)
On sale: Now
Volvo ES90 Specs
Engine: Electric single motor (96kW), twin motor (106kW) and twin motor performance (106kW)
Power: 333hp, 449hp, 680hp
Torque: 480Nm, 670Nm, 870Nm
On sale: Later in 2025 or early 2026, depending on region
Price: Exact regional pricing TBA
Other ways to buy used products in the UAE
UAE insurance firm Al Wathba National Insurance Company (AWNIC) last year launched an e-commerce website with a facility enabling users to buy car wrecks.
Bidders and potential buyers register on the online salvage car auction portal to view vehicles, review condition reports, or arrange physical surveys, and then start bidding for motors they plan to restore or harvest for parts.
Physical salvage car auctions are a common method for insurers around the world to move on heavily damaged vehicles, but AWNIC is one of the few UAE insurers to offer such services online.
For cars and less sizeable items such as bicycles and furniture, Dubizzle is arguably the best-known marketplace for pre-loved.
Founded in 2005, in recent years it has been joined by a plethora of Facebook community pages for shifting used goods, including Abu Dhabi Marketplace, Flea Market UAE and Arabian Ranches Souq Market while sites such as The Luxury Closet and Riot deal largely in second-hand fashion.
At the high-end of the pre-used spectrum, resellers such as Timepiece360.ae, WatchBox Middle East and Watches Market Dubai deal in authenticated second-hand luxury timepieces from brands such as Rolex, Hublot and Tag Heuer, with a warranty.
THE CLOWN OF GAZA
Director: Abdulrahman Sabbah
Starring: Alaa Meqdad
Rating: 4/5
Armies of Sand
By Kenneth Pollack (Oxford University Press)
Abu Dhabi GP schedule
Friday: First practice - 1pm; Second practice - 5pm
Saturday: Final practice - 2pm; Qualifying - 5pm
Sunday: Etihad Airways Abu Dhabi Grand Prix (55 laps) - 5.10pm
DUNE%3A%20PART%20TWO
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EDirector%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Denis%20Villeneuve%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarring%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Timothee%20Chamalet%2C%20Zendaya%2C%20Austin%20Butler%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%205%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
A list of the animal rescue organisations in the UAE
Company Fact Box
Company name/date started: Abwaab Technologies / September 2019
Founders: Hamdi Tabbaa, co-founder and CEO. Hussein Alsarabi, co-founder and CTO
Based: Amman, Jordan
Sector: Education Technology
Size (employees/revenue): Total team size: 65. Full-time employees: 25. Revenue undisclosed
Stage: early-stage startup
Investors: Adam Tech Ventures, Endure Capital, Equitrust, the World Bank-backed Innovative Startups SMEs Fund, a London investment fund, a number of former and current executives from Uber and Netflix, among others.
THE BIO
BIO:
Born in RAK on December 9, 1983
Lives in Abu Dhabi with her family
She graduated from Emirates University in 2007 with a BA in architectural engineering
Her motto in life is her grandmother’s saying “That who created you will not have you get lost”
Her ambition is to spread UAE’s culture of love and acceptance through serving coffee, the country’s traditional coffee in particular.
Benefits of first-time home buyers' scheme
- Priority access to new homes from participating developers
- Discounts on sales price of off-plan units
- Flexible payment plans from developers
- Mortgages with better interest rates, faster approval times and reduced fees
- DLD registration fee can be paid through banks or credit cards at zero interest rates
Company%20profile
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EName%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Yabi%20by%20Souqalmal%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarted%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EMay%202022%2C%20launched%20June%202023%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounder%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EAmbareen%20Musa%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EDubai%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ESector%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EFinTech%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EInitial%20investment%3A%20u%3C%2Fstrong%3Endisclosed%20but%20soon%20to%20be%20announced%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ENumber%20of%20staff%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E12%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestment%20stage%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3Eseed%C2%A0%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestors%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EShuaa%20Capital%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Know before you go
- Jebel Akhdar is a two-hour drive from Muscat airport or a six-hour drive from Dubai. It’s impossible to visit by car unless you have a 4x4. Phone ahead to the hotel to arrange a transfer.
- If you’re driving, make sure your insurance covers Oman.
- By air: Budget airlines Air Arabia, Flydubai and SalamAir offer direct routes to Muscat from the UAE.
- Tourists from the Emirates (UAE nationals not included) must apply for an Omani visa online before arrival at evisa.rop.gov.om. The process typically takes several days.
- Flash floods are probable due to the terrain and a lack of drainage. Always check the weather before venturing into any canyons or other remote areas and identify a plan of escape that includes high ground, shelter and parking where your car won’t be overtaken by sudden downpours.
More from Neighbourhood Watch:
Overall head-to-head
Federer 6-1 Cilic
Head-to-head at Wimbledon
Federer 1-0 Cilic
Grand Slams titles
Federer 18-1 Cilic
Best Wimbledon performance
Federer: Winner (2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2012)
Cilic: Final (2017*)
Where%20the%20Crawdads%20Sing
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EDirector%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EOlivia%20Newman%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EStars%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Daisy%20Edgar-Jones%2C%20Taylor%20John%20Smith%2C%20Harris%20Dickinson%2C%20David%20Strathairn%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%202%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
THE BIO
Occupation: Specialised chief medical laboratory technologist
Age: 78
Favourite destination: Always Al Ain “Dar Al Zain”
Hobbies: his work - “ the thing which I am most passionate for and which occupied all my time in the morning and evening from 1963 to 2019”
Other hobbies: football
Favorite football club: Al Ain Sports Club
Match info
Karnataka Tuskers 110-3
J Charles 35, M Pretorius 1-19, Z Khan 0-16
Deccan Gladiators 111-5 in 8.3 overs
K Pollard 45*, S Zadran 2-18
The specs
Engine: 3.0-litre six-cylinder turbo
Power: 398hp from 5,250rpm
Torque: 580Nm at 1,900-4,800rpm
Transmission: Eight-speed auto
Fuel economy, combined: 6.5L/100km
On sale: December
Price: From Dh330,000 (estimate)
The specs: 2018 Nissan Altima
Price, base / as tested: Dh78,000 / Dh97,650
Engine: 2.5-litre in-line four-cylinder
Power: 182hp @ 6,000rpm
Torque: 244Nm @ 4,000rpm
Transmission: Continuously variable tranmission
Fuel consumption, combined: 7.6L / 100km
Read more about the coronavirus
Central%20Bank's%20push%20for%20a%20robust%20financial%20infrastructure
%3Cul%3E%0A%3Cli%3ECBDC%20real-value%20pilot%20held%20with%20three%20partner%20institutions%26nbsp%3B%3C%2Fli%3E%0A%3Cli%3EPreparing%20buy%20now%2C%20pay%20later%20regulations%26nbsp%3B%3C%2Fli%3E%0A%3Cli%3EPreparing%20for%20the%202023%20launch%20of%20the%20domestic%20card%20initiative%26nbsp%3B%3C%2Fli%3E%0A%3Cli%3EPhase%20one%20of%20the%20Financial%20Infrastructure%20Transformation%20(FiT)%20completed%3C%2Fli%3E%0A%3C%2Ful%3E%0A
COMPANY%20PROFILE
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EName%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ESmartCrowd%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarted%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E2018%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounder%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ESiddiq%20Farid%20and%20Musfique%20Ahmed%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EDubai%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ESector%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EFinTech%20%2F%20PropTech%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInitial%20investment%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E%24650%2C000%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ECurrent%20number%20of%20staff%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%2035%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestment%20stage%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ESeries%20A%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestors%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EVarious%20institutional%20investors%20and%20notable%20angel%20investors%20(500%20MENA%2C%20Shurooq%2C%20Mada%2C%20Seedstar%2C%20Tricap)%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Moon Music
Artist: Coldplay
Label: Parlophone/Atlantic
Number of tracks: 10
Rating: 3/5
MATCH INFO
Syria v Australia
2018 World Cup qualifying: Asia fourth round play-off first leg
Venue: Hang Jebat Stadium, Malayisa
Kick-off: Thursday, 4.30pm (UAE)
Watch: beIN Sports HD
* Second leg in Australia on October 10
The drill
Recharge as needed, says Mat Dryden: “We try to make it a rule that every two to three months, even if it’s for four days, we get away, get some time together, recharge, refresh.” The couple take an hour a day to check into their businesses and that’s it.
Stick to the schedule, says Mike Addo: “We have an entire wall known as ‘The Lab,’ covered with colour-coded Post-it notes dedicated to our joint weekly planner, content board, marketing strategy, trends, ideas and upcoming meetings.”
Be a team, suggests Addo: “When training together, you have to trust in each other’s abilities. Otherwise working out together very quickly becomes one person training the other.”
Pull your weight, says Thuymi Do: “To do what we do, there definitely can be no lazy member of the team.”
More from Rashmee Roshan Lall
More on animal trafficking
Formula Middle East Calendar (Formula Regional and Formula 4)
Round 1: January 17-19, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 2: January 22-23, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 3: February 7-9, Dubai Autodrome – Dubai
Round 4: February 14-16, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 5: February 25-27, Jeddah Corniche Circuit – Saudi Arabia
