When I knew I wanted to turn a lifelong obsession with food into a career, I decided that I needed to start by learning more about the restaurant industry from the inside out. So I began working in them.
At my first kitchen job, after my nightly shift had ended, most of my co-workers would go out in search of food and drink. Exhausted, I usually went home to nurse my wounds and my ego. After a shower, which was never quite enough to get my cuticles to stop smelling of fried shallots, I often found myself fully awake, my mind and body humming from the evening's work.
To cope, to vent and to help wind myself down, I started a blog whose raison d'être was "to serve as a forum for rants, raves and the general documentation of my transition into the restaurant industry. Gratuitous quantities of cathartic self-flagellation and the announcement of minor kitchen victories with sophomoric gusto can be expected (Look, Ma: No stitches!)."
With no small amount of tongue-in-cheek geniality, I referred to the first two restaurants in which I worked as Equinox and Fling (as in "spring equinox" and "spring fling"). Both were established and esteemed institutions vying for the position of the ultimate fine dining experience in town.
The names of the restaurants and their staff were changed to protect everyone involved, and all details involving my identity and location were altered.
On my second day at Equinox, I was given the task of transforming 15 pounds of shallots into translucent slices. The thing about this thankless task is that mandolins are sharp, and shallots are small and awkward to grasp. Personally, I prefer knives to mandolins, but I wanted to keep the peace. I should have been more worried about keeping my fingertips.
About 10 pounds in, I tried to get one more swipe out of a pretty pink sliver of shallot that turned out to be a part of my hand. This was a huge nuisance, since the Equinox version of a First Aid kit featured a drawer in a filing cabinet containing 11 alcohol swabs and a few paper clips. I settled for duct tape and a sponge.
Though not always painful, knife cuts can bleed like it's going out of style. And whereas most bleeding wounds can be assuaged by pressure, the same treatment only exacerbates cuts in precarious locations such as these, causing the tender skin to split forth and flow. Not that this is an excuse to stop working.
That night, the restaurant was hosting a dinner attended by notable members of the media and the local culinary cognoscenti. At one point, after delivering a dish to a table, I instinctively picked up bottle of water, refilled a diner's glass, and returned to the kitchen. Moments later, I sailed back into the dining room to find the occupants of the same table staring at me, mouths agape. My stomach flip-flopped. I immediately glanced down at my bandaged hand, and realised what had happened. Balling it into a fist, I headed towards the table to survey the damage. Evidently, as I had been pouring, a steady stream of blood had been lapping through the duct tape and trickling down the palm of my hand, directly into the water glass, staining it a painfully unmistakable shade of red. As I had moved my hand away, more blood had dripped onto the table's bread service.
Needless, to say, it was an unlovely sight. On the bright side, at least I didn't spill on the tablecloth.
Here is some of what I learnt from my experiences:
? Well-fed staff are happy staff. Feed your staff.
? As with acting or modelling, a disproportionate number of people think they would be able to handle running a restaurant. But the odds of being a successful restaurateur are just as low as the chances of making it big in Hollywood, only auditioning for parts won't leave you a bankrupt, divorced insomniac.
* When you work in a restaurant, your schedule is reversed from those around you. You're on the job while they are at play. If this seems like too much to grasp, get a desk job.
* If you own a restaurant and you're on holiday, you're not working hard enough.
* If you think there's any task involved in running a restaurant that you're too good to do - and that includes cleaning grease traps, plunging toilets, and expediting food - you're in the wrong industry.
* A love of food is not a good reason to open a restaurant. Misguided idealists do that. That said, if you don't love food, don't open a restaurant.
* Serving good food is not enough to make a restaurant thrive.
* If you think the customer is always right, consider how you'll cope with someone calling in and claiming to have contracted food poisoning at your establishment. Restaurants are lawsuit landmines, and litigious people are everywhere.
* If your restaurant is staffed with people who share your vision, genuinely like the food and feel good about serving it, are interested in providing great service and don't steal from you you're very lucky.
* A chef-owned restaurant is not necessarily in better shape, though the kitchen may be a tighter-run ship. Far more important is good communication between the "front" and "back" of house - the kitchen and the dining room.
* A negative or unpleasant kitchen environment will be reflected in the food. Even if the kitchen itself is spotless.
There is nothing glamorous about the mechanics of running a restaurant. Still, some people choose to swallow terrible hours and demoralising wages in return for an education that is unlike any other, and if you're cut out for the work, it can be one of the most rewarding feelings imaginable.
Fuelled by testosterone, elbow grease and adrenalin, the kitchen is, for me, an improbable nirvana. But despite how much I love food, dining, restaurants, and the restaurant industry, for now, I also like my life just the way it is.
Emirates Cricket Board Women’s T10
ECB Hawks v ECB Falcons
Monday, April 6, 7.30pm, Sharjah Cricket Stadium
The match will be broadcast live on the My Sports Eye Facebook page
Hawks
Coach: Chaitrali Kalgutkar
Squad: Chaya Mughal (captain), Archara Supriya, Chamani Senevirathne, Chathurika Anand, Geethika Jyothis, Indhuja Nandakumar, Kashish Loungani, Khushi Sharma, Khushi Tanwar, Rinitha Rajith, Siddhi Pagarani, Siya Gokhale, Subha Srinivasan, Suraksha Kotte, Theertha Satish
Falcons
Coach: Najeeb Amar
Squad: Kavisha Kumari (captain), Almaseera Jahangir, Annika Shivpuri, Archisha Mukherjee, Judit Cleetus, Ishani Senavirathne, Lavanya Keny, Mahika Gaur, Malavika Unnithan, Rishitha Rajith, Rithika Rajith, Samaira Dharnidharka, Shashini Kaluarachchi, Udeni Kuruppuarachchi, Vaishnave Mahesh
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%3Cp%3ECory%20Sandhagen%20v%20Umar%20Nurmagomedov%0D%3Cbr%3ENick%20Diaz%20v%20Vicente%20Luque%0D%3Cbr%3EMichael%20Chiesa%20v%20Tony%20Ferguson%0D%3Cbr%3EDeiveson%20Figueiredo%20v%20Marlon%20Vera%0D%3Cbr%3EMackenzie%20Dern%20v%20Loopy%20Godinez%0D%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3ETickets%20for%20the%20August%203%20Fight%20Night%2C%20held%20in%20partnership%20with%20the%20Department%20of%20Culture%20and%20Tourism%20Abu%20Dhabi%2C%20went%20on%20sale%20earlier%20this%20month%2C%20through%20www.etihadarena.ae%20and%20www.ticketmaster.ae.%0D%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
More from Neighbourhood Watch:
Specs
Engine: 51.5kW electric motor
Range: 400km
Power: 134bhp
Torque: 175Nm
Price: From Dh98,800
Available: Now
The National's picks
4.35pm: Tilal Al Khalediah
5.10pm: Continous
5.45pm: Raging Torrent
6.20pm: West Acre
7pm: Flood Zone
7.40pm: Straight No Chaser
8.15pm: Romantic Warrior
8.50pm: Calandogan
9.30pm: Forever Young
A MINECRAFT MOVIE
Director: Jared Hess
Starring: Jack Black, Jennifer Coolidge, Jason Momoa
Rating: 3/5
The burning issue
The internal combustion engine is facing a watershed moment – major manufacturer Volvo is to stop producing petroleum-powered vehicles by 2021 and countries in Europe, including the UK, have vowed to ban their sale before 2040. The National takes a look at the story of one of the most successful technologies of the last 100 years and how it has impacted life in the UAE.
Read part four: an affection for classic cars lives on
Read part three: the age of the electric vehicle begins
Read part one: how cars came to the UAE
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Kumulus Water
Started: 2021
Founders: Iheb Triki and Mohamed Ali Abid
Based: Tunisia
Sector: Water technology
Number of staff: 22
Investment raised: $4 million
Results
5.30pm Maiden (TB) Dh82,500 (Turf) 1,400m
Winner Spirit Of Light, Clement Lecoeuvre (jockey), Erwan Charpy (trainer)
6.05pm Maiden (TB) Dh82,500 (Dirt) 1,900m
Winner Bright Start, Pat Cosgrave, Saeed bin Suroor
6.40pm Handicap (TB) Dh92,500 (D) 2,000m
Winner Twelfthofneverland, Nathan Crosse, Satish Seemar
7.15pm Handicap (TB) Dh85,000 (T) 1,600m
Winner Imperial Empire, Tadhg O’Shea, Satish Seemar
7.50pm Handicap (TB) Dh92,500 (T) 2,000m
Winner Record Man, Tadhg O’Shea, Satish Seemar
8.25pm Handicap (TB) Dh92,500 (D) 1,600m
Winner Celtic Prince, Fabrice Veron, Rashed Bouresly
Real estate tokenisation project
Dubai launched the pilot phase of its real estate tokenisation project last month.
The initiative focuses on converting real estate assets into digital tokens recorded on blockchain technology and helps in streamlining the process of buying, selling and investing, the Dubai Land Department said.
Dubai’s real estate tokenisation market is projected to reach Dh60 billion ($16.33 billion) by 2033, representing 7 per cent of the emirate’s total property transactions, according to the DLD.
MATCH INFO
Inter Milan 2 (Vecino 65', Barella 83')
Verona 1 (Verre 19' pen)
KLOPP%20AT%20LIVERPOOL
%3Cp%3EYears%3A%20October%202015%20-%20June%202024%3Cbr%3ETotal%20games%3A%20491%3Cbr%3EWin%20percentage%3A%2060.9%25%3Cbr%3EMajor%20trophies%3A%206%20(Premier%20League%20x%201%2C%20Champions%20League%20x%201%2C%20FA%20Cup%20x%201%2C%20League%20Cup%20x%202%2C%20Fifa%20Club%20World%20Cup%20x1)%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Abu Dhabi Card
5pm: Maiden (PA) Dh 80,000 1,400m
National selection: AF Mohanak
5.30pm: Handicap (PA) Dh 90,000 1,400m
National selection: Jayide Al Boraq
6pm: Handicap (TB) Dh 100,000 1,400m
National selection: Rocket Power
6.30pm: Abu Dhabi Championship Listed (PA) Dh 180,000 1,600m
National selection: Ihtesham
7pm: Wathba Stallions Cup Handicap (PA) Dh 70,000 1,600m
National selection: Noof KB
7.30pm: Maiden (PA) Dh 80,000 2.200m
National selection: EL Faust
Brief scores:
Toss: Northern Warriors, elected to field first
Bengal Tigers 130-1 (10 ov)
Roy 60 not out, Rutherford 47 not out
Northern Warriors 94-7 (10 ov)
Simmons 44; Yamin 4-4
In numbers: PKK’s money network in Europe
Germany: PKK collectors typically bring in $18 million in cash a year – amount has trebled since 2010
Revolutionary tax: Investigators say about $2 million a year raised from ‘tax collection’ around Marseille
Extortion: Gunman convicted in 2023 of demanding $10,000 from Kurdish businessman in Stockholm
Drug trade: PKK income claimed by Turkish anti-drugs force in 2024 to be as high as $500 million a year
Denmark: PKK one of two terrorist groups along with Iranian separatists ASMLA to raise “two-digit million amounts”
Contributions: Hundreds of euros expected from typical Kurdish families and thousands from business owners
TV channel: Kurdish Roj TV accounts frozen and went bankrupt after Denmark fined it more than $1 million over PKK links in 2013
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%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ERooh%20Afza%3C%2Fstrong%3E%0D%3Cbr%3E100ml%20contains%20414%20calories%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ETang%20orange%20drink%3C%2Fstrong%3E%0D%3Cbr%3E100ml%20serving%20contains%20300%20calories%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ECarob%20beverage%20mix%3C%2Fstrong%3E%0D%3Cbr%3E100ml%20serving%20contains%20about%20300%20calories%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EQamar%20Al%20Din%20apricot%20drink%3C%2Fstrong%3E%0D%3Cbr%3E100ml%20saving%20contains%2061%20calories%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EVimto%20fruit%20squash%3C%2Fstrong%3E%0D%3Cbr%3E100ml%20serving%20contains%2030%20calories%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
The smuggler
Eldarir had arrived at JFK in January 2020 with three suitcases, containing goods he valued at $300, when he was directed to a search area.
Officers found 41 gold artefacts among the bags, including amulets from a funerary set which prepared the deceased for the afterlife.
Also found was a cartouche of a Ptolemaic king on a relief that was originally part of a royal building or temple.
The largest single group of items found in Eldarir’s cases were 400 shabtis, or figurines.
Khouli conviction
Khouli smuggled items into the US by making false declarations to customs about the country of origin and value of the items.
According to Immigration and Customs Enforcement, he provided “false provenances which stated that [two] Egyptian antiquities were part of a collection assembled by Khouli's father in Israel in the 1960s” when in fact “Khouli acquired the Egyptian antiquities from other dealers”.
He was sentenced to one year of probation, six months of home confinement and 200 hours of community service in 2012 after admitting buying and smuggling Egyptian antiquities, including coffins, funerary boats and limestone figures.
For sale
A number of other items said to come from the collection of Ezeldeen Taha Eldarir are currently or recently for sale.
Their provenance is described in near identical terms as the British Museum shabti: bought from Salahaddin Sirmali, "authenticated and appraised" by Hossen Rashed, then imported to the US in 1948.
- An Egyptian Mummy mask dating from 700BC-30BC, is on offer for £11,807 ($15,275) online by a seller in Mexico
- A coffin lid dating back to 664BC-332BC was offered for sale by a Colorado-based art dealer, with a starting price of $65,000
- A shabti that was on sale through a Chicago-based coin dealer, dating from 1567BC-1085BC, is up for $1,950
Company profile
Name: Infinite8
Based: Dubai
Launch year: 2017
Number of employees: 90
Sector: Online gaming industry
Funding: $1.2m from a UAE angel investor
The five pillars of Islam
1. Fasting
2. Prayer
3. Hajj
4. Shahada
5. Zakat
