Philippa Kennedy with her daughters Katy, left, and Holly during a holiday in West Cork, Ireland.
Philippa Kennedy with her daughters Katy, left, and Holly during a holiday in West Cork, Ireland.

From a distance: the problems of expat parenting



It's 1am and I can't sleep. I'm tucked up in bed at my home in Dubai, eyes wide open, wondering what's going on at my daughter's 30th birthday party back home in the UK. Around about now they'll be running the video clips Katy's friends have put together for her. I wonder if she's having a little sob. I'm getting a little weepy myself. It's part of the life of a long-distance expat mother and it doesn't get any easier as we all get older.

I got a call from my elder daughter two months ago, asking me to film a short message on my phone or camera for the big night. I'm a bit technically challenged so it was quite an ordeal to upload my Happy Birthday wishes to a Facebook website from which Holly could download it again and feed it into the montage of clips. I also spent a whole day watching cricket, about which I know next to nothing and care even less, in order to waylay the British television presenter Chris Tarrant (he hosts the British version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?) and get him to send Katy a message, which he very sweetly did. As usual I was overcompensating for not being able to get home for the party.

My Dubai adventure started when my husband's work brought him over here and I felt that I should be there to support him. We've been apart before when he was working in Africa and, at that time, I felt I had to stay in the UK to see Katy through her A-levels. This time the girls are grown up with lives of their own. I love my life in the sunshine, but it just isn't possible to be at home for every big milestone such as the 30th birthday. To make up for it I made a big effort with presents, all bought well in advance and lovingly wrapped and left in a pile on a home trip. I spent far more than I should have done and several days on the phone tracking down a pair of mock croc Jimmy Choo wellies. You have to develop a wheedling charm on the telephone so that some shop assistant you've never met back in London will be persuaded to help you. I'm developing skills I never knew I had.

I find myself flying home more in my third year as an expat than I did in the first. At the beginning, when it was all new and exciting, the girls came out three times. The trouble is that they don't always want to come to Dubai during their precious holiday time and it's too hot in July and August when they both like to go away. It's not always convenient for them to take time off work when I fly home. That has an upside as well as a down, because it means I have to be better organised. I try to do special things with both daughters, such as going to a musical with Holly (a mutual love) or driving down to Dorset where Katy has bought a home with her fiancé, Fred.

My husband and I are thrilled that they're getting married, but now the guilt at being so far away is kicking in big-time. On the plus side, it has meant that Katy has a completely free hand at arranging the wedding. On the minus side, I'm overcompensating again with just about everything from who's coming to the wedding, to how much is being spent. Thankfully, Katy is insisting on a modest wedding and talking about having blue hydrangeas in Ikea buckets instead of expensive flower arrangements, but I find myself insisting right back that her wedding must look and smell beautiful.

On the last trip home we visited the venue and it was perfect. All I had to do was write a cheque for the deposit and we spent a lovely mother-and-daughter afternoon in a bridal shop picking out a dress. Back in Dubai, I find myself wandering around Satwa on my days off, looking for material for bridesmaids' dresses or searching Dragonmart for fairy-lights and star cloth to dress up the barn where the wedding will be held. I'm dangling a pair of air tickets in the hope of a visit in the autumn, and although I can't bear the thought of travelling at Christmas time - battling through hordes of people at airports - I think we're going to have to grit our teeth and do it because the girls have been so good with my elderly mother-in-law and there's no way she'll get on a plane at the age of 91.

People always say you're only a few hours' flying time away if there's a problem, but every expat parent will know the way the heart leaps when the phone rings at an unusual time. You think there's been a car crash, somebody's ill, or there's been another disaster. It's something you just have to live with. Several friends say they don't mention illnesses to sons and daughters away at university until they've been given the all-clear. It's a dilemma, though, and you have to consider how your kids would feel if something went wrong and they didn't know a thing about it. "Keeping your voice cheery on the phone when you're just about to go under the knife is quite an art," said one.

Big phone bills go with the territory and most long-distance expat mothers don't begrudge the money spent. Youngsters who grow up in Dubai tend to have a network of friends all over the world, so the phone bills make fascinating reading. My Australian friend Annie says it's one of the joys of expat motherhood. "As my son grew older, the joy was in meeting his expat friends and seeing them all grow and thrive in everything from academics to music to sports. The friendships matured into life-long associations which scattered into many countries, with lifestyle decisions and careers based on an expat upbringing in Dubai. As a mum though, one of my significant memories was developing viral pneumonia on holiday in Australia, and feeling very down and a long way from 'home'. My son rang from Dubai and spoke to me in such a way that I could feel that big warm hug right down the phone."

Not being there for their minor dramas is horrible but often you feel worse about it than they do. My girls laugh at me when I mention the guilt trips and Katy reminded me of something she said in the days when I was "on the road" as a reporter and frequently travelling abroad. I had asked anxiously if they minded and she said: "Oh stop worrying, Mummy. We think it's cool. Anna's mother only ever goes to Sainsbury's."

These days, being so far from home does seem to be a reversal of the natural order of things. At this stage in our lives it should be the kids leaving home to go off and see the world and not the parents, but it does keep life interesting for all of us.

COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Kumulus Water
 
Started: 2021
 
Founders: Iheb Triki and Mohamed Ali Abid
 
Based: Tunisia 
 
Sector: Water technology 
 
Number of staff: 22 
 
Investment raised: $4 million 
Last 10 NBA champions

2017: Golden State bt Cleveland 4-1
2016: Cleveland bt Golden State 4-3
2015: Golden State bt Cleveland 4-2
2014: San Antonio bt Miami 4-1
2013: Miami bt San Antonio 4-3
2012: Miami bt Oklahoma City 4-1
2011: Dallas bt Miami 4-2
2010: Los Angeles Lakers bt Boston 4-3
2009: Los Angeles Lakers bt Orlando 4-1
2008: Boston bt Los Angeles Lakers 4-2

Haircare resolutions 2021

From Beirut and Amman to London and now Dubai, hairstylist George Massoud has seen the same mistakes made by customers all over the world. In the chair or at-home hair care, here are the resolutions he wishes his customers would make for the year ahead.

1. 'I will seek consultation from professionals'

You may know what you want, but are you sure it’s going to suit you? Haircare professionals can tell you what will work best with your skin tone, hair texture and lifestyle.

2. 'I will tell my hairdresser when I’m not happy'

Massoud says it’s better to offer constructive criticism to work on in the future. Your hairdresser will learn, and you may discover how to communicate exactly what you want more effectively the next time.

3. ‘I will treat my hair better out of the chair’

Damage control is a big part of most hairstylists’ work right now, but it can be avoided. Steer clear of over-colouring at home, try and pursue one hair brand at a time and never, ever use a straightener on still drying hair, pleads Massoud.

A MINECRAFT MOVIE

Director: Jared Hess

Starring: Jack Black, Jennifer Coolidge, Jason Momoa

Rating: 3/5

Company profile

Name: Infinite8

Based: Dubai

Launch year: 2017

Number of employees: 90

Sector: Online gaming industry

Funding: $1.2m from a UAE angel investor

The specs

Engine: Four electric motors, one at each wheel

Power: 579hp

Torque: 859Nm

Transmission: Single-speed automatic

Price: From Dh825,900

On sale: Now

While you're here
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Airev
Started: September 2023
Founder: Muhammad Khalid
Based: Abu Dhabi
Sector: Generative AI
Initial investment: Undisclosed
Investment stage: Series A
Investors: Core42
Current number of staff: 47
 
From Zero

Artist: Linkin Park

Label: Warner Records

Number of tracks: 11

Rating: 4/5

West Indies v England ODI series:

West Indies squad: Jason Holder (c), Fabian Allen, Devendra Bishoo, Darren Bravo, Chris Gayle, Shimron Hetmyer, Shai Hope, Evin Lewis, Ashley Nurse, Keemo Paul, Nicholas Pooran, Rovman Powell, Kemar Roach, Oshane Thomas.

Fixtures:

1st ODI - February 20, Bridgetown

2nd ODI - February 22, Bridgetown

3rd ODI - February 25, St George's

4th ODI - February 27, St George's

5th ODI - March 2, Gros Islet

At a glance

Global events: Much of the UK’s economic woes were blamed on “increased global uncertainty”, which can be interpreted as the economic impact of the Ukraine war and the uncertainty over Donald Trump’s tariffs.

 

Growth forecasts: Cut for 2025 from 2 per cent to 1 per cent. The OBR watchdog also estimated inflation will average 3.2 per cent this year

 

Welfare: Universal credit health element cut by 50 per cent and frozen for new claimants, building on cuts to the disability and incapacity bill set out earlier this month

 

Spending cuts: Overall day-to day-spending across government cut by £6.1bn in 2029-30 

 

Tax evasion: Steps to crack down on tax evasion to raise “£6.5bn per year” for the public purse

 

Defence: New high-tech weaponry, upgrading HM Naval Base in Portsmouth

 

Housing: Housebuilding to reach its highest in 40 years, with planning reforms helping generate an extra £3.4bn for public finances

US PGA Championship in numbers

Joost Luiten produced a memorable hole in one at the par-three fourth in the first round.

To date, the only two players to win the PGA Championship after winning the week before are Rory McIlroy (2014 WGC-Bridgestone Invitational) and Tiger Woods (2007, WGC-Bridgestone Invitational). Hideki Matsuyama or Chris Stroud could have made it three.

Number of seasons without a major for McIlroy, who finished in a tie for 22nd.

4 Louis Oosthuizen has now finished second in all four of the game's major championships.

In the fifth hole of the final round, McIlroy holed his longest putt of the week - from 16ft 8in - for birdie.

For the sixth successive year, play was disrupted by bad weather with a delay of one hour and 43 minutes on Friday.

Seven under par (64) was the best round of the week, shot by Matsuyama and Francesco Molinari on Day 2.

Number of shots taken by Jason Day on the 18th hole in round three after a risky recovery shot backfired.

Jon Rahm's age in months the last time Phil Mickelson missed the cut in the US PGA, in 1995.

10 Jimmy Walker's opening round as defending champion was a 10-over-par 81.

11 The par-four 11th coincidentally ranked as the 11th hardest hole overall with a scoring average of 4.192.

12 Paul Casey was a combined 12 under par for his first round in this year's majors.

13 The average world ranking of the last 13 PGA winners before this week was 25. Kevin Kisner began the week ranked 25th.

14 The world ranking of Justin Thomas before his victory.

15 Of the top 15 players after 54 holes, only Oosthuizen had previously won a major.

16 The par-four 16th marks the start of Quail Hollow's so-called "Green Mile" of finishing holes, some of the toughest in golf.

17 The first round scoring average of the last 17 major champions was 67.2. Kisner and Thorbjorn Olesen shot 67 on day one at Quail Hollow.

18 For the first time in 18 majors, the eventual winner was over par after round one (Thomas shot 73).

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Our legal consultant

Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais

Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.

MATCH INFO

Uefa Champions League semi-finals, second leg:

Liverpool (0) v Barcelona (3), Tuesday, 11pm UAE

Game is on BeIN Sports

Key facilities
  • Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
  • Premier League-standard football pitch
  • 400m Olympic running track
  • NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
  • 600-seat auditorium
  • Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
  • An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
  • Specialist robotics and science laboratories
  • AR and VR-enabled learning centres
  • Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
Specs

Engine: Dual-motor all-wheel-drive electric

Range: Up to 610km

Power: 905hp

Torque: 985Nm

Price: From Dh439,000

Available: Now

The years Ramadan fell in May

1987

1954

1921

1888

Skewed figures

In the village of Mevagissey in southwest England the housing stock has doubled in the last century while the number of residents is half the historic high. The village's Neighbourhood Development Plan states that 26% of homes are holiday retreats. Prices are high, averaging around £300,000, £50,000 more than the Cornish average of £250,000. The local average wage is £15,458. 

Indoor cricket in a nutshell

Indoor Cricket World Cup – Sep 16-20, Insportz, Dubai

16 Indoor cricket matches are 16 overs per side

8 There are eight players per team

There have been nine Indoor Cricket World Cups for men. Australia have won every one.

5 Five runs are deducted from the score when a wickets falls

Batsmen bat in pairs, facing four overs per partnership

Scoring In indoor cricket, runs are scored by way of both physical and bonus runs. Physical runs are scored by both batsmen completing a run from one crease to the other. Bonus runs are scored when the ball hits a net in different zones, but only when at least one physical run is score.

Zones

A Front net, behind the striker and wicketkeeper: 0 runs

B Side nets, between the striker and halfway down the pitch: 1 run

Side nets between halfway and the bowlers end: 2 runs

Back net: 4 runs on the bounce, 6 runs on the full

Greatest Royal Rumble match listing

50-man Royal Rumble - names entered so far include Braun Strowman, Daniel Bryan, Kurt Angle, Big Show, Kane, Chris Jericho, The New Day and Elias

Universal Championship Brock Lesnar (champion) v Roman Reigns in a steel cage match

WWE World Heavyweight ChampionshipAJ Styles (champion) v Shinsuke Nakamura

Intercontinental Championship Seth Rollins (champion) v The Miz v Finn Balor v Samoa Joe

United States Championship Jeff Hardy (champion) v Jinder Mahal

SmackDown Tag Team Championship The Bludgeon Brothers (champions) v The Usos

Raw Tag Team Championship (currently vacant) Cesaro and Sheamus v Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt

Casket match The Undertaker v Rusev

Singles match John Cena v Triple H

Cruiserweight Championship Cedric Alexander v Kalisto

The National's picks

4.35pm: Tilal Al Khalediah
5.10pm: Continous
5.45pm: Raging Torrent
6.20pm: West Acre
7pm: Flood Zone
7.40pm: Straight No Chaser
8.15pm: Romantic Warrior
8.50pm: Calandogan
9.30pm: Forever Young

MATCH INFO

Uefa Champions League final:

Who: Real Madrid v Liverpool
Where: NSC Olimpiyskiy Stadium, Kiev, Ukraine
When: Saturday, May 26, 10.45pm (UAE)
TV: Match on BeIN Sports

Russia's Muslim Heartlands

Dominic Rubin, Oxford

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FIXTURES

Saturday, November 3
Japan v New Zealand
Wales v Scotland
England v South Africa
Ireland v Italy

Saturday, November 10
Italy v Georgia
Scotland v Fiji
England v New Zealand
Wales v Australia
Ireland v Argentina
France v South Africa

Saturday, November 17
Italy v Australia
Wales v Tonga
England v Japan
Scotland v South Africa
Ireland v New Zealand

Saturday, November 24
|Italy v New Zealand
Scotland v Argentina
England v Australia
Wales v South Africa
Ireland v United States
France v Fiji

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The White Lotus: Season three

Creator: Mike White

Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell

Rating: 4.5/5

How to protect yourself when air quality drops

Install an air filter in your home.

Close your windows and turn on the AC.

Shower or bath after being outside.

Wear a face mask.

Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.

If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.

South and West: From a Notebook
Joan Didion
Fourth Estate 

COMPANY PROFILE
Name: HyperSpace
 
Started: 2020
 
Founders: Alexander Heller, Rama Allen and Desi Gonzalez
 
Based: Dubai, UAE
 
Sector: Entertainment 
 
Number of staff: 210 
 
Investment raised: $75 million from investors including Galaxy Interactive, Riyadh Season, Sega Ventures and Apis Venture Partners
The Melbourne Mercer Global Pension Index

The Melbourne Mercer Global Pension Index

Mazen Abukhater, principal and actuary at global consultancy Mercer, Middle East, says the company’s Melbourne Mercer Global Pension Index - which benchmarks 34 pension schemes across the globe to assess their adequacy, sustainability and integrity - included Saudi Arabia for the first time this year to offer a glimpse into the region.

The index highlighted fundamental issues for all 34 countries, such as a rapid ageing population and a low growth / low interest environment putting pressure on expected returns. It also highlighted the increasing popularity around the world of defined contribution schemes.

“Average life expectancy has been increasing by about three years every 10 years. Someone born in 1947 is expected to live until 85 whereas someone born in 2007 is expected to live to 103,” Mr Abukhater told the Mena Pensions Conference.

“Are our systems equipped to handle these kind of life expectancies in the future? If so many people retire at 60, they are going to be in retirement for 43 years – so we need to adapt our retirement age to our changing life expectancy.”

Saudi Arabia came in the middle of Mercer’s ranking with a score of 58.9. The report said the country's index could be raised by improving the minimum level of support for the poorest aged individuals and increasing the labour force participation rate at older ages as life expectancies rise.

Mr Abukhater said the challenges of an ageing population, increased life expectancy and some individuals relying solely on their government for financial support in their retirement years will put the system under strain.

“To relieve that pressure, governments need to consider whether it is time to switch to a defined contribution scheme so that individuals can supplement their own future with the help of government support,” he said.

The burning issue

The internal combustion engine is facing a watershed moment – major manufacturer Volvo is to stop producing petroleum-powered vehicles by 2021 and countries in Europe, including the UK, have vowed to ban their sale before 2040. The National takes a look at the story of one of the most successful technologies of the last 100 years and how it has impacted life in the UAE. 

Read part four: an affection for classic cars lives on

Read part three: the age of the electric vehicle begins

Read part two: how climate change drove the race for an alternative 

How they line up for Sunday's Australian Grand Prix

1 Lewis Hamilton, Mercedes

2 Kimi Raikkonen, Ferrari

3 Sebastian Vettel, Ferrari

4 Max Verstappen, Red Bull

5 Kevin Magnussen, Haas

6 Romain Grosjean, Haas

7 Nico Hulkenberg, Renault

*8 Daniel Ricciardo, Red Bull

9 Carlos Sainz, Renault

10 Valtteri Bottas, Mercedes

11 Fernando Alonso, McLaren

12 Stoffel Vandoorne, McLaren

13 Sergio Perez, Force India

14 Lance Stroll, Williams

15 Esteban Ocon, Force India

16 Brendon Hartley, Toro Rosso

17 Marcus Ericsson, Sauber

18 Charles Leclerc, Sauber

19 Sergey Sirotkin, Williams

20 Pierre Gasly, Toro Rosso

* Daniel Ricciardo qualified fifth but had a three-place grid penalty for speeding in red flag conditions during practice

Living in...

This article is part of a guide on where to live in the UAE. Our reporters will profile some of the country’s most desirable districts, provide an estimate of rental prices and introduce you to some of the residents who call each area home.

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Test

Director: S Sashikanth

Cast: Nayanthara, Siddharth, Meera Jasmine, R Madhavan

Star rating: 2/5

MATCH INFO

Manchester City 3 (Silva 8' &15, Foden 33')

Birmginahm City 0

Man of the match Bernado Silva (Manchester City)

The five types of long-term residential visas

Obed Suhail of ServiceMarket, an online home services marketplace, outlines the five types of long-term residential visas:

Investors:

A 10-year residency visa can be obtained by investors who invest Dh10 million, out of which 60 per cent should not be in real estate. It can be a public investment through a deposit or in a business. Those who invest Dh5 million or more in property are eligible for a five-year residency visa. The invested amount should be completely owned by the investors, not loaned, and retained for at least three years.

Entrepreneurs:

A five-year multiple entry visa is available to entrepreneurs with a previous project worth Dh0.5m or those with the approval of an accredited business incubator in the UAE.  

Specialists

Expats with specialised talents, including doctors, specialists, scientists, inventors, and creative individuals working in the field of culture and art are eligible for a 10-year visa, given that they have a valid employment contract in one of these fields in the country.

Outstanding students:

A five-year visa will be granted to outstanding students who have a grade of 95 per cent or higher in a secondary school, or those who graduate with a GPA of 3.75 from a university. 

Retirees:

Expats who are at least 55 years old can obtain a five-year retirement visa if they invest Dh2m in property, have savings of Dh1m or more, or have a monthly income of at least Dh20,000.

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