There's often no sensory rhyme or reason to the attachments we forge, nor any satisfying explanation for why tastes develop or remain fixed as they do. Most of us are too busy stumbling into adulthood to be too nostalgic about the days of yore.
In The Bell Jar, the protagonist Esther Greenwood described her favourite way to eat an avocado: "Avocados are my favourite fruit. Every Sunday my grandfather used to bring me an avocado pear hidden at the bottom of his briefcase under six soiled shirts and the Sunday comics. He taught me how to eat avocados by melting grape jelly and French dressing together in a saucepan and filling the cup of the pear with the garnet sauce. I felt homesick for that sauce."
Unlike Esther, I don't have a grandparent to blame for my personal degeneracy. A lifelong obsession with old-fashioned, greasy, grilled cheese sandwiches - processed American cheese and all - was something I'd acquired on my own. Then, last week, while scrolling through my morning newsfeed, I stumbled upon an America's Test Kitchen Feed "Do It Yourself" feature by Yvonne Ruperti about making an additive-free American cheese from scratch. An obsession I'd kept at bay for a decade came raging back.
But I wasn't about to jump on the DIY bandwagon just yet. For starters, my food processor blade was under repair. And then, making one's own American cheese seemed a bit like making one's own hand soap: just because you can doesn't mean you should. Like Billy Idol, wasn't American cheese just born to be bad?
I discovered Grilled Cheese Academy (www.grilledcheeseacademy.com) for promoting Wisconsin cheese, and spent 30 minutes browsing the "Gallery of Deliciousness", a collection of photos and recipes submitted by readers. Many of the sandwiches looked outrageously good, with thick slabs of home-baked bread, artisanal cheeses and elaborate condiments. But they weren't what I was after. What I wanted was diner-style, warm and buttered manna that was pressed into a hot pan foaming with butter, then flipped and flattened with a spatula into a golden, crispy square, sealed at the edges with gooey melted cheese. Nothing else: no tomatoes, no onions, nada. Just a pickle spear on the side and a fat stack of napkins.
Processed cheese was invented 100 years ago in Switzerland, however it was James L Kraft who patented it in 1916. Because I needed to consult with a veteran of this esteemed institution, I called a friend who grew up on grilled cheese sandwiches. She told me it was imperative to shun packaged singles of cheese in favour of having it sliced fresh at a deli counter. Determined not to make a wrong thing even more wrong, I followed her instructions. "The crème de la crème of all-American cheese," she said, "is the Land O'Lakes white, sliced extra thin." And then she added, "Of course, 'crème' and 'American cheese' don't really belong in the same sentence, do they?"
My experiences with fake cheese have been mostly memorable and occasionally sordid. During the 1980s and 1990s in the UAE, the trusty blue box of Kraft processed cheese provided a lurid orange glow to much of what we ate. Velveeta's brilliant marketing campaign had me convinced, at one point, that it was as good as cheese could possible get. I coveted it long before I ever tasted it, but eventually grew to associate the flavour with candle wax bred with old gym socks.
In college, I worked on a project with a hulking linebacker who paused to squirt towering mouthfuls of Kraft Easy Cheese from an aerosol can directly into his mouth. Then there was the summer when my beloved fry shack on Nauset Beach tacked up a handwritten sign that announced, "We now serve CHEESE FRIES". I'd never had cheese fries, but they sounded great. Sadly, the fries were smothered with Cheez Whiz, a thick, plasticky sauce. Least palatable of all to my young palate was Puck, a processed cream cheese spread from Denmark that is ubiquitous throughout the Arab world.
Last year, pandemonium ensued when a series of ads featuring the disgruntled ursine mascot for The Arab Dairy Products Company went viral on YouTube. If you haven't seen the videos, do a search for "panda cheese" and prepare to fall in love, if only with the dreamy crooner Buddy Holly's perpetual serenade of True Love Ways. The Egyptian company's "triangle cheese" production lines produce five Panda and Dairy lines of wedge cheeses: Panda Triangles, Dairy Triangles, Wonder Cow Triangles and The Two Cows Triangles.
The Laughing Cow (La vache qui rit) is a brand of cheese products made by Fromageries Bel, but commonly refers to the most popular item in the line: the spreadable wedge, a staple in many Emirati homes. It is valued for its stability: it can be left safely unrefrigerated in an air-conditioned room for days at a time. The success of Bel is largely due to its five core brands: The Laughing Cow, Mini Babybel, Kiri, Boursin and Leerdammer. Mini Babybel, known for its signature wax shell, was my sister's primary source of nourishment during her adolescence. I preferred Kiri, a foil-wrapped square of white, salty cream cheese that was "the result of several years of research spent seeking a cheese whose taste and texture are perfectly suited to a child's palate".
It never occurred to me at the time that Velveeta and Cheez Whiz were euphemisms for "not cheese". The name "American cheese" has a legal definition under the US Code of Federal Regulations: if a product doesn't contain the requisite ingredients and ratios, the name has to reflect that. Sure enough, when I took my bag of Land O'Lakes deli-sliced cheese out of the fridge to make my first grilled cheese sandwich, I noticed with no small amount of dismay that the sticker on it said "American Cheese Product". So perhaps American ersatz cheese is more Milli Vanilli than Billy Idol. Either way, it's time for another grilled cheese sandwich.
10 tips for entry-level job seekers
- Have an up-to-date, professional LinkedIn profile. If you don’t have a LinkedIn account, set one up today. Avoid poor-quality profile pictures with distracting backgrounds. Include a professional summary and begin to grow your network.
- Keep track of the job trends in your sector through the news. Apply for job alerts at your dream organisations and the types of jobs you want – LinkedIn uses AI to share similar relevant jobs based on your selections.
- Double check that you’ve highlighted relevant skills on your resume and LinkedIn profile.
- For most entry-level jobs, your resume will first be filtered by an applicant tracking system for keywords. Look closely at the description of the job you are applying for and mirror the language as much as possible (while being honest and accurate about your skills and experience).
- Keep your CV professional and in a simple format – make sure you tailor your cover letter and application to the company and role.
- Go online and look for details on job specifications for your target position. Make a list of skills required and set yourself some learning goals to tick off all the necessary skills one by one.
- Don’t be afraid to reach outside your immediate friends and family to other acquaintances and let them know you are looking for new opportunities.
- Make sure you’ve set your LinkedIn profile to signal that you are “open to opportunities”. Also be sure to use LinkedIn to search for people who are still actively hiring by searching for those that have the headline “I’m hiring” or “We’re hiring” in their profile.
- Prepare for online interviews using mock interview tools. Even before landing interviews, it can be useful to start practising.
- Be professional and patient. Always be professional with whoever you are interacting with throughout your search process, this will be remembered. You need to be patient, dedicated and not give up on your search. Candidates need to make sure they are following up appropriately for roles they have applied.
Arda Atalay, head of Mena private sector at LinkedIn Talent Solutions, Rudy Bier, managing partner of Kinetic Business Solutions and Ben Kinerman Daltrey, co-founder of KinFitz
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
What can you do?
Document everything immediately; including dates, times, locations and witnesses
Seek professional advice from a legal expert
You can report an incident to HR or an immediate supervisor
You can use the Ministry of Human Resources and Emiratisation’s dedicated hotline
In criminal cases, you can contact the police for additional support
NO OTHER LAND
Director: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham, Rachel Szor, Hamdan Ballal
Stars: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham
Rating: 3.5/5
A MINECRAFT MOVIE
Director: Jared Hess
Starring: Jack Black, Jennifer Coolidge, Jason Momoa
Rating: 3/5
The National's picks
4.35pm: Tilal Al Khalediah
5.10pm: Continous
5.45pm: Raging Torrent
6.20pm: West Acre
7pm: Flood Zone
7.40pm: Straight No Chaser
8.15pm: Romantic Warrior
8.50pm: Calandogan
9.30pm: Forever Young
Du Football Champions
The fourth season of du Football Champions was launched at Gitex on Wednesday alongside the Middle East’s first sports-tech scouting platform.“du Talents”, which enables aspiring footballers to upload their profiles and highlights reels and communicate directly with coaches, is designed to extend the reach of the programme, which has already attracted more than 21,500 players in its first three years.
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Election pledges on migration
CDU: "Now is the time to control the German borders and enforce strict border rejections"
SPD: "Border closures and blanket rejections at internal borders contradict the spirit of a common area of freedom"
Specs
Engine: Dual-motor all-wheel-drive electric
Range: Up to 610km
Power: 905hp
Torque: 985Nm
Price: From Dh439,000
Available: Now
Score
Third Test, Day 1
New Zealand 229-7 (90 ov)
Pakistan
New Zealand won the toss and elected to bat
Most match wins on clay
Guillermo Vilas - 659
Manuel Orantes - 501
Thomas Muster - 422
Rafael Nadal - 399 *
Jose Higueras - 378
Eddie Dibbs - 370
Ilie Nastase - 338
Carlos Moya - 337
Ivan Lendl - 329
Andres Gomez - 322
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hall of shame
SUNDERLAND 2002-03
No one has ended a Premier League season quite like Sunderland. They lost each of their final 15 games, taking no points after January. They ended up with 19 in total, sacking managers Peter Reid and Howard Wilkinson and losing 3-1 to Charlton when they scored three own goals in eight minutes.
SUNDERLAND 2005-06
Until Derby came along, Sunderland’s total of 15 points was the Premier League’s record low. They made it until May and their final home game before winning at the Stadium of Light while they lost a joint record 29 of their 38 league games.
HUDDERSFIELD 2018-19
Joined Derby as the only team to be relegated in March. No striker scored until January, while only two players got more assists than goalkeeper Jonas Lossl. The mid-season appointment Jan Siewert was to end his time as Huddersfield manager with a 5.3 per cent win rate.
ASTON VILLA 2015-16
Perhaps the most inexplicably bad season, considering they signed Idrissa Gueye and Adama Traore and still only got 17 points. Villa won their first league game, but none of the next 19. They ended an abominable campaign by taking one point from the last 39 available.
FULHAM 2018-19
Terrible in different ways. Fulham’s total of 26 points is not among the lowest ever but they contrived to get relegated after spending over £100 million (Dh457m) in the transfer market. Much of it went on defenders but they only kept two clean sheets in their first 33 games.
LA LIGA: Sporting Gijon, 13 points in 1997-98.
BUNDESLIGA: Tasmania Berlin, 10 points in 1965-66
The specs
Engine: 2.3-litre, turbo four-cylinder
Transmission: 10-speed auto
Power: 300hp
Torque: 420Nm
Price: Dh189,900
On sale: now
Specs
Engine: Duel electric motors
Power: 659hp
Torque: 1075Nm
On sale: Available for pre-order now
Price: On request
AL%20BOOM
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