No more stale Swedish fish, beef jerky or tears of Chios. No more crusty heels of sourdough and definitely no more gum. The whole world, now divided into the few things I could chew and everything else, had obviously been made for people without braces. Glorious shards of caramelised sugar that decorated the griddle were now shrapnel. A lone potato chip was lodged perilously in the obstacle course of barbed wire and gluey silicone. Tissue damage, tender and rust-flavoured, fluttered inside my cheeks like lace curtains.
As a free-thinking adult, I’m unencumbered by the duality of freedom and oppression that comes with being, a choiceless and buck-toothed adolescent coerced into orthodontic headgear. No, I volunteered autonomously to have a steel trap placed on the inner and outer surfaces of my teeth, to readjust a badly offset bite that has me gnashing my molars into oblivion.
While poaching quince last month, it failed to take on the rosy hue I'm used to seeing, but I worried about cooking it any longer. Not even my inner child is interested in baby food. Then I got the braces, and after a week of soft foods, I rediscovered my food processor and the genius of a book called The Best Homemade Baby Food on the Planet.
There’s a lot more to soft foods than, well, softness. Food rheology is the study of how food moves and flows. The success of the entire diet industry rests on deliberate acts of self-deception. So while we might describe the body of full-fat milk, ice cream or Greek yogurt as rich or creamy in the mouth, the sensory characteristics that make those foods appealing are a much more complex equation. The non-fat alternatives to these products look different in the container, pour differently, yield differently to a spoon, swirl differently into coffee and cling differently to fruit, feel different against your lips, coat your teeth and tongue differently, leave a different coating in your mouth when you swallow, feel different in your throat and, of course, taste different.
Texture and mouthfeel aren’t synonymous. Think of texture as the way a creamy or crunchy nut butter feels when you spread it on toast and mouthfeel as the way it behaves while you’re chewing it, and how it lingers when you’re finished. Psychorheology is the study of how food feels in our mouths. What texture and mouthfeel have in common is that they’re both subjective experiences, measured by human perception, not laboratory devices. With or without braces, predicting how food will feel to eat is an intuitive science, not an exact one, despite the capacity of research equipment to mimic our senses.
Yesterday, while waiting to board a plane, I sipped on a brothy spoonful of soup floating with chicken the consistency of cat food. Unable to withstand the force of my geriatric lunch, the landmine in my mouth dismantled into the ultimate liability. The adhesive failed. Titanium braces dislodged from my teeth and took up residence, instead, in my oesophagus. I spent the evening in the emergency room trying to avoid a dangerous perforation.
Luckily, my travel companion was a total peach, but I don’t recommend swallowing metal as a bonding exercise. And since one of the prerequisites for mouthfeel is actually have a living, breathing mouth with which to feel, I had the braces removed today.
Nouf Al-Qasimi is an Emirati food analyst who cooks and writes in New Mexico
'Skin'
Dir: Guy Nattiv
Starring: Jamie Bell, Danielle McDonald, Bill Camp, Vera Farmiga
Rating: 3.5/5 stars
Test
Director: S Sashikanth
Cast: Nayanthara, Siddharth, Meera Jasmine, R Madhavan
Star rating: 2/5
Specs
Engine: Duel electric motors
Power: 659hp
Torque: 1075Nm
On sale: Available for pre-order now
Price: On request
How being social media savvy can improve your well being
Next time when procastinating online remember that you can save thousands on paying for a personal trainer and a gym membership simply by watching YouTube videos and keeping up with the latest health tips and trends.
As social media apps are becoming more and more consumed by health experts and nutritionists who are using it to awareness and encourage patients to engage in physical activity.
Elizabeth Watson, a personal trainer from Stay Fit gym in Abu Dhabi suggests that “individuals can use social media as a means of keeping fit, there are a lot of great exercises you can do and train from experts at home just by watching videos on YouTube”.
Norlyn Torrena, a clinical nutritionist from Burjeel Hospital advises her clients to be more technologically active “most of my clients are so engaged with their phones that I advise them to download applications that offer health related services”.
Torrena said that “most people believe that dieting and keeping fit is boring”.
However, by using social media apps keeping fit means that people are “modern and are kept up to date with the latest heath tips and trends”.
“It can be a guide to a healthy lifestyle and exercise if used in the correct way, so I really encourage my clients to download health applications” said Mrs Torrena.
People can also connect with each other and exchange “tips and notes, it’s extremely healthy and fun”.
City's slump
L - Juventus, 2-0
D - C Palace, 2-2
W - N Forest, 3-0
L - Liverpool, 2-0
D - Feyenoord, 3-3
L - Tottenham, 4-0
L - Brighton, 2-1
L - Sporting, 4-1
L - Bournemouth, 2-1
L - Tottenham, 2-1
The specs
Engine: 4.0-litre flat-six
Torque: 450Nm at 6,100rpm
Transmission: 7-speed PDK auto or 6-speed manual
Fuel economy, combined: 13.8L/100km
On sale: Available to order now
Mercer, the investment consulting arm of US services company Marsh & McLennan, expects its wealth division to at least double its assets under management (AUM) in the Middle East as wealth in the region continues to grow despite economic headwinds, a company official said.
Mercer Wealth, which globally has $160 billion in AUM, plans to boost its AUM in the region to $2-$3bn in the next 2-3 years from the present $1bn, said Yasir AbuShaban, a Dubai-based principal with Mercer Wealth.
“Within the next two to three years, we are looking at reaching $2 to $3 billion as a conservative estimate and we do see an opportunity to do so,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Mercer does not directly make investments, but allocates clients’ money they have discretion to, to professional asset managers. They also provide advice to clients.
“We have buying power. We can negotiate on their (client’s) behalf with asset managers to provide them lower fees than they otherwise would have to get on their own,” he added.
Mercer Wealth’s clients include sovereign wealth funds, family offices, and insurance companies among others.
From its office in Dubai, Mercer also looks after Africa, India and Turkey, where they also see opportunity for growth.
Wealth creation in Middle East and Africa (MEA) grew 8.5 per cent to $8.1 trillion last year from $7.5tn in 2015, higher than last year’s global average of 6 per cent and the second-highest growth in a region after Asia-Pacific which grew 9.9 per cent, according to consultancy Boston Consulting Group (BCG). In the region, where wealth grew just 1.9 per cent in 2015 compared with 2014, a pickup in oil prices has helped in wealth generation.
BCG is forecasting MEA wealth will rise to $12tn by 2021, growing at an annual average of 8 per cent.
Drivers of wealth generation in the region will be split evenly between new wealth creation and growth of performance of existing assets, according to BCG.
Another general trend in the region is clients’ looking for a comprehensive approach to investing, according to Mr AbuShaban.
“Institutional investors or some of the families are seeing a slowdown in the available capital they have to invest and in that sense they are looking at optimizing the way they manage their portfolios and making sure they are not investing haphazardly and different parts of their investment are working together,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Some clients also have a higher appetite for risk, given the low interest-rate environment that does not provide enough yield for some institutional investors. These clients are keen to invest in illiquid assets, such as private equity and infrastructure.
“What we have seen is a desire for higher returns in what has been a low-return environment specifically in various fixed income or bonds,” he said.
“In this environment, we have seen a de facto increase in the risk that clients are taking in things like illiquid investments, private equity investments, infrastructure and private debt, those kind of investments were higher illiquidity results in incrementally higher returns.”
The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, one of the largest sovereign wealth funds, said in its 2016 report that has gradually increased its exposure in direct private equity and private credit transactions, mainly in Asian markets and especially in China and India. The authority’s private equity department focused on structured equities owing to “their defensive characteristics.”
At a glance
Global events: Much of the UK’s economic woes were blamed on “increased global uncertainty”, which can be interpreted as the economic impact of the Ukraine war and the uncertainty over Donald Trump’s tariffs.
Growth forecasts: Cut for 2025 from 2 per cent to 1 per cent. The OBR watchdog also estimated inflation will average 3.2 per cent this year
Welfare: Universal credit health element cut by 50 per cent and frozen for new claimants, building on cuts to the disability and incapacity bill set out earlier this month
Spending cuts: Overall day-to day-spending across government cut by £6.1bn in 2029-30
Tax evasion: Steps to crack down on tax evasion to raise “£6.5bn per year” for the public purse
Defence: New high-tech weaponry, upgrading HM Naval Base in Portsmouth
Housing: Housebuilding to reach its highest in 40 years, with planning reforms helping generate an extra £3.4bn for public finances
A Dog's Journey
Directed by: Gail Mancuso
Starring: Dennis Quaid, Josh Gad, Marg Helgenberger, Betty Gilpin, Kathryn Prescott
3 out of 5 stars
Various Artists
Habibi Funk: An Eclectic Selection Of Music From The Arab World (Habibi Funk)