I remember pulling a knife on my older sister once. I was about 5 years old, and it was a tiny, folding blade on a Swiss Army penknife, so she was never in any real danger. To say that I was in big trouble would be an understatement, although it made a change from being told off for leaving teeth marks in the heat of an argument. Years later, when we'd made up and my parents went away on holiday, my mother hid all the sharp knives in the house. The realisation made for a week of laughter and poorly cut bread. I'm still not sure whether she was worried about burglars or a resumption in hostilities.
A generation later, and nothing much has changed: there’s only 18 months between my two girls, and they’re constantly trying to outdo each other, bickering and crying out for my attention. I’m sure that they’ll grow out of it, but how to live with the terrible twosome in the meantime?
Well, life’s unfair
Perceived inequalities are a critical flashpoint in sibling rivalry. Anyone who has more than one child will have served up this little gem at some point, cringing all the while. And, yes, life is unfair, but your child isn’t asking for a lesson in realism when he or she is questioning why their elder sibling is allowed to go to bed half an hour later than they are. It’s more constructive to point out that fairness isn’t the law of family life, because sometimes, one child (or parent) needs something more than the other – and more sleep for a younger child is a good case in point.
Don’t play favourite
It's asking for trouble to spend time comparing your children and it's guaranteed to stoke long-lasting resentments that may cause a rift in adulthood. In Adult Sibling Relationships, academic co-authors Geoffrey Greif and Michael Woolley, from the school of social work at the University of Maryland, studied 260 siblings to determine how family dynamics play out among forty-somethings. They found that "if adults report that they did not feel jealousy between themselves and their siblings when they were young, they are more likely to be close to those siblings".
The trouble starts with child no 2
There are no prizes for guessing that sibling rivalry begins with the birth of a brother or sister. It’s important to soften this fundamental change in the family dynamic by making the older child feel secure and loved. Make sure, for example, that the family bookshelf features equal numbers of photographs of each sibling. In later years, don’t give the eldest child responsibility for his or her brothers or sisters because it sets them apart from their sibling peers and stops them all rubbing along together – for good and bad.
More than just a petty squabble
If you'd like future family get-togethers to be jolly rather than frosty affairs, it's worth investing in your children's relationship rather than always leaving kids to work it out for themselves. A good sibling relationship serves as a useful template for later friendships and more intimate relationships, according to Laurie Kramer, a psychologist at Northeastern University, who started the More Fun with Sisters and Brothers Program, an online tutorial to help children between the ages of 4 and 8 years get along, coached by their parents. It encourages parents to step in and mediate in sibling rows, help children to see each other's point of view and encourage kids to control their anger. As always, communication is crucial.
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Read more:
Take time out to enjoy the parenting process
Talking to kids about their listening skills - and improving yours
How to talk to kids about: building confidence
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It’s not all bad news
When the war of the worlds breaks out in the living room, it feels like everyone piles in to add to the drama, but what about when silence reigns? If your children are getting on well together, don’t take it for granted and take the opportunity to praise their efforts instead.
Try not to take it all personally
It’s tempting to see constantly brawling kids as evidence that you have somehow failed as a parent, but the family home is necessarily a testing ground for some useful life skills, such as negotiation and compromise. Sometimes, you need to step back and watch your kids put those skills into practice on their own terms. Then, there’s your own sanity: it might be that parents should break the pack and spend time with siblings separately to give everyone a break from the tensions on daily display. One-on-one time with friends and separate hobbies will also provide some welcome respite.
Parents, it’s time to grow up
If mum and dad’s “discussions” take the form of shouting at each other, it should be no surprise when kids follow suit – with a door slam thrown in for good measure. On the flip side, kids will also learn from parents showing love and respect for one another – and should be praised accordingly – and that should be your secret weapon.
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Emirates Cricket Board Women’s T10
ECB Hawks v ECB Falcons
Monday, April 6, 7.30pm, Sharjah Cricket Stadium
The match will be broadcast live on the My Sports Eye Facebook page
Hawks
Coach: Chaitrali Kalgutkar
Squad: Chaya Mughal (captain), Archara Supriya, Chamani Senevirathne, Chathurika Anand, Geethika Jyothis, Indhuja Nandakumar, Kashish Loungani, Khushi Sharma, Khushi Tanwar, Rinitha Rajith, Siddhi Pagarani, Siya Gokhale, Subha Srinivasan, Suraksha Kotte, Theertha Satish
Falcons
Coach: Najeeb Amar
Squad: Kavisha Kumari (captain), Almaseera Jahangir, Annika Shivpuri, Archisha Mukherjee, Judit Cleetus, Ishani Senavirathne, Lavanya Keny, Mahika Gaur, Malavika Unnithan, Rishitha Rajith, Rithika Rajith, Samaira Dharnidharka, Shashini Kaluarachchi, Udeni Kuruppuarachchi, Vaishnave Mahesh
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Election pledges on migration
CDU: "Now is the time to control the German borders and enforce strict border rejections"
SPD: "Border closures and blanket rejections at internal borders contradict the spirit of a common area of freedom"
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
The Prison Letters of Nelson Mandela
Edited by Sahm Venter
Published by Liveright
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Mercer, the investment consulting arm of US services company Marsh & McLennan, expects its wealth division to at least double its assets under management (AUM) in the Middle East as wealth in the region continues to grow despite economic headwinds, a company official said.
Mercer Wealth, which globally has $160 billion in AUM, plans to boost its AUM in the region to $2-$3bn in the next 2-3 years from the present $1bn, said Yasir AbuShaban, a Dubai-based principal with Mercer Wealth.
“Within the next two to three years, we are looking at reaching $2 to $3 billion as a conservative estimate and we do see an opportunity to do so,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Mercer does not directly make investments, but allocates clients’ money they have discretion to, to professional asset managers. They also provide advice to clients.
“We have buying power. We can negotiate on their (client’s) behalf with asset managers to provide them lower fees than they otherwise would have to get on their own,” he added.
Mercer Wealth’s clients include sovereign wealth funds, family offices, and insurance companies among others.
From its office in Dubai, Mercer also looks after Africa, India and Turkey, where they also see opportunity for growth.
Wealth creation in Middle East and Africa (MEA) grew 8.5 per cent to $8.1 trillion last year from $7.5tn in 2015, higher than last year’s global average of 6 per cent and the second-highest growth in a region after Asia-Pacific which grew 9.9 per cent, according to consultancy Boston Consulting Group (BCG). In the region, where wealth grew just 1.9 per cent in 2015 compared with 2014, a pickup in oil prices has helped in wealth generation.
BCG is forecasting MEA wealth will rise to $12tn by 2021, growing at an annual average of 8 per cent.
Drivers of wealth generation in the region will be split evenly between new wealth creation and growth of performance of existing assets, according to BCG.
Another general trend in the region is clients’ looking for a comprehensive approach to investing, according to Mr AbuShaban.
“Institutional investors or some of the families are seeing a slowdown in the available capital they have to invest and in that sense they are looking at optimizing the way they manage their portfolios and making sure they are not investing haphazardly and different parts of their investment are working together,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Some clients also have a higher appetite for risk, given the low interest-rate environment that does not provide enough yield for some institutional investors. These clients are keen to invest in illiquid assets, such as private equity and infrastructure.
“What we have seen is a desire for higher returns in what has been a low-return environment specifically in various fixed income or bonds,” he said.
“In this environment, we have seen a de facto increase in the risk that clients are taking in things like illiquid investments, private equity investments, infrastructure and private debt, those kind of investments were higher illiquidity results in incrementally higher returns.”
The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, one of the largest sovereign wealth funds, said in its 2016 report that has gradually increased its exposure in direct private equity and private credit transactions, mainly in Asian markets and especially in China and India. The authority’s private equity department focused on structured equities owing to “their defensive characteristics.”
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