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This is not my fault; it is the fault, principally, of my revoltingly long fingernails and, secondly, of my friend Lucy.
Several months ago, Lucy took it upon herself to introduce me to the concept of gel manicures. "They're brilliant, darling," she said.
And indeed they are, in many ways. They are a beefier alternative to those brisk, 30-minute shape-and-polish affairs touted in nail salons across the land.
Known elsewhere as the "everlasting manicure", the gel process takes approximately an hour, involves placing your hands under a UV light at various intervals and, alarmingly, often sees the person administering the gel pull on an H1N1-type mask (the smell is not at all fragrant). The result, however, is a set of nails covered in a shiny gel polish that does not chip, crack or move at all. In fact, so indestructible is the gel that you should return to the salon when you wish to have it removed to avoid ripping off the poor nails.
In theory, wonderful. You can pretend to be a glossy, high-maintenance Jackie Collins heroine who spends her days sunbathing and flitting from nail appointment to lunch to facialist. You don't have to worry about smudging your colour mere seconds after departing from the salon and you can leave it for weeks without a care.
Except that is what I have lazily done, and now my nails have grown into long, vulgar talons. Perhaps I shall turn into that Indian man from my brother's Guinness World Records, whose nails grew so long that veins started pushing their way up them. I could whip my hands out at parties and claim them as my trick.
But what a nuisance long nails are. In their natural state they were always flaking and dropping off. Now I cannot type properly without hitting erroneous keys, wash my hair without slashing my scalp or even pick my nose.
I wore tights last week and laddered them before even getting into the office. And was the BlackBerry made for people with elfish hands? I have not been able to tap out a message on mine for weeks now, so disabled am I by these claws.
When I was a teenager, a rumour went round my school that anyone who grew her nails to one centimetre could clip them off and give them to the Body Shop in return for £1 a nail (Dh6). In its laboratories, little pieces of nail (instead of animals, you see) would be used for trying out fruity bath products.
Needless to say, none of us managed it, and yet what a bounty I could offer them now .
But in the unlikely event that the Body Shop is (or ever was) making such an offer, I shall this week soldier back to the salon. It is time, finally, for a cut-off job. Let's just hope those veins haven't quite made it yet, eh?
England v South Africa schedule:
- First Test: At Lord's, England won by 219 runs
- Second Test: July 14-18, Trent Bridge, Nottingham, 2pm
- Third Test: The Oval, London, July 27-31, 2pm
- Fourth Test: Old Trafford, Manchester, August 4-8
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
Real estate tokenisation project
Dubai launched the pilot phase of its real estate tokenisation project last month.
The initiative focuses on converting real estate assets into digital tokens recorded on blockchain technology and helps in streamlining the process of buying, selling and investing, the Dubai Land Department said.
Dubai’s real estate tokenisation market is projected to reach Dh60 billion ($16.33 billion) by 2033, representing 7 per cent of the emirate’s total property transactions, according to the DLD.
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Florida: The critical Sunshine State
Though mostly conservative, Florida is usually always “close” in presidential elections. In most elections, the candidate that wins the Sunshine State almost always wins the election, as evidenced in 2016 when Trump took Florida, a state which has not had a democratic governor since 1991.
Joe Biden’s campaign has spent $100 million there to turn things around, understandable given the state’s crucial 29 electoral votes.
In 2016, Mr Trump’s democratic rival Hillary Clinton paid frequent visits to Florida though analysts concluded that she failed to appeal towards middle-class voters, whom Barack Obama won over in the previous election.
The Uefa Awards winners
Uefa Men's Player of the Year: Virgil van Dijk (Liverpool)
Uefa Women's Player of the Year: Lucy Bronze (Lyon)
Best players of the 2018/19 Uefa Champions League
Goalkeeper: Alisson (Liverpool)
Defender: Virgil van Dijk (Liverpool)
Midfielder: Frenkie de Jong (Ajax)
Forward: Lionel Messi (Barcelona)
Uefa President's Award: Eric Cantona
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'Joker'
Directed by: Todd Phillips
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix
Rating: Five out of five stars
2025 Fifa Club World Cup groups
Group A: Palmeiras, Porto, Al Ahly, Inter Miami.
Group B: Paris Saint-Germain, Atletico Madrid, Botafogo, Seattle.
Group C: Bayern Munich, Auckland City, Boca Juniors, Benfica.
Group D: Flamengo, ES Tunis, Chelsea, (Leon banned).
Group E: River Plate, Urawa, Monterrey, Inter Milan.
Group F: Fluminense, Borussia Dortmund, Ulsan, Mamelodi Sundowns.
Group G: Manchester City, Wydad, Al Ain, Juventus.
Group H: Real Madrid, Al Hilal, Pachuca, Salzburg.
The specs
AT4 Ultimate, as tested
Engine: 6.2-litre V8
Power: 420hp
Torque: 623Nm
Transmission: 10-speed automatic
Price: From Dh330,800 (Elevation: Dh236,400; AT4: Dh286,800; Denali: Dh345,800)
On sale: Now