Despite struggling through a book that contains a little too much detail on what can go wrong with a pregnancy (instead of confirming my suspicions that being pregnant is a miserable experience that leaves you with a body you do not recognise, devoid of any sort of "glow"), I insisted that Mr T and I head to the cinema to watch What to Expect When You're Expecting. It seemed the movie was marketed more as a comedy, and less as a manual on child bearing - safe enough. We were due for some comic relief when it came to this pregnancy, which happens to be more punctuated with indigestion than with any sort of baby movement.
Although mediocre, the movie did elicit some laughs, mostly because 75 per cent of the audience seemed to be expectant couples just like us. The material was relatable: raging hormones, waddling, the uncontrollable urge to vomit in the most inopportune of times and the intense fear that a 3.5kg tiny being was about to turn our lives upside down.
I do wish, however, that the script had touched upon what I've noticed is the most popular question asked of expectant couples: "Have you picked a name yet?" Nevermind that we don't yet know the baby's gender; we're expected to have names picked out either way.
In and of itself, the question is innocent, perhaps well meaning even, exemplifying genuine interest, innocent curiosity. The problem is in the varied reactions raised by our reply to that question.
Most popular response? "You're going to name the baby (insert name here)? But I know someone with that name, I hate him/her, he/she is so annoying!"
Other reactions? "But that name is so old fashioned. But that's a prostitute's name. But that name is geeky. But that name is for old people. But the name you picked is going to make the baby seem dumb. But doesn't that name sound Russian/Greek/Italian/strange?"
Opinions are readily branded, their owners oblivious to the fact that we might truly end up with a child bearing the name we had just shared. I will be forever in awe of almost every response we get to this most inevitable of questions. And for the rare times a tongue is held, the person's facial expression says it all: a mixture of surprise and displeasure at our limited imaginations when it comes to baby names.
The raging hormones that come hand in hand with pregnancy mean that I do not take the reactions lightly, and spend a lot of time crying to Mr T that no one seems to realise they have no right to shoot down our precious list of baby names, especially not to our faces.
Mr T thinks I'm making too much out of this, and should learn to ignore anything that bothers me and "not make a big deal out of it"; another example of an absolutely outrageous reaction, in my opinion.
I'm pregnant, I informed him, which means I get to blow things out of proportion, and his job is to back me up, not calm me down. "If a pregnant lady says something is a big deal, then it's a big deal," is our household's new mantra.
NO OTHER LAND
Director: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham, Rachel Szor, Hamdan Ballal
Stars: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham
Rating: 3.5/5
Company profile
Date started: 2015
Founder: John Tsioris and Ioanna Angelidaki
Based: Dubai
Sector: Online grocery delivery
Staff: 200
Funding: Undisclosed, but investors include the Jabbar Internet Group and Venture Friends
hall of shame
SUNDERLAND 2002-03
No one has ended a Premier League season quite like Sunderland. They lost each of their final 15 games, taking no points after January. They ended up with 19 in total, sacking managers Peter Reid and Howard Wilkinson and losing 3-1 to Charlton when they scored three own goals in eight minutes.
SUNDERLAND 2005-06
Until Derby came along, Sunderland’s total of 15 points was the Premier League’s record low. They made it until May and their final home game before winning at the Stadium of Light while they lost a joint record 29 of their 38 league games.
HUDDERSFIELD 2018-19
Joined Derby as the only team to be relegated in March. No striker scored until January, while only two players got more assists than goalkeeper Jonas Lossl. The mid-season appointment Jan Siewert was to end his time as Huddersfield manager with a 5.3 per cent win rate.
ASTON VILLA 2015-16
Perhaps the most inexplicably bad season, considering they signed Idrissa Gueye and Adama Traore and still only got 17 points. Villa won their first league game, but none of the next 19. They ended an abominable campaign by taking one point from the last 39 available.
FULHAM 2018-19
Terrible in different ways. Fulham’s total of 26 points is not among the lowest ever but they contrived to get relegated after spending over £100 million (Dh457m) in the transfer market. Much of it went on defenders but they only kept two clean sheets in their first 33 games.
LA LIGA: Sporting Gijon, 13 points in 1997-98.
BUNDESLIGA: Tasmania Berlin, 10 points in 1965-66
In numbers: PKK’s money network in Europe
Germany: PKK collectors typically bring in $18 million in cash a year – amount has trebled since 2010
Revolutionary tax: Investigators say about $2 million a year raised from ‘tax collection’ around Marseille
Extortion: Gunman convicted in 2023 of demanding $10,000 from Kurdish businessman in Stockholm
Drug trade: PKK income claimed by Turkish anti-drugs force in 2024 to be as high as $500 million a year
Denmark: PKK one of two terrorist groups along with Iranian separatists ASMLA to raise “two-digit million amounts”
Contributions: Hundreds of euros expected from typical Kurdish families and thousands from business owners
TV channel: Kurdish Roj TV accounts frozen and went bankrupt after Denmark fined it more than $1 million over PKK links in 2013
About Housecall
Date started: July 2020
Founders: Omar and Humaid Alzaabi
Based: Abu Dhabi
Sector: HealthTech
# of staff: 10
Funding to date: Self-funded
The Year Earth Changed
Directed by:Tom Beard
Narrated by: Sir David Attenborough
Stars: 4
Honeymoonish
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Small Victories: The True Story of Faith No More by Adrian Harte
Jawbone Press
Election pledges on migration
CDU: "Now is the time to control the German borders and enforce strict border rejections"
SPD: "Border closures and blanket rejections at internal borders contradict the spirit of a common area of freedom"
Cinco in numbers
Dh3.7 million
The estimated cost of Victoria Swarovski’s gem-encrusted Michael Cinco wedding gown
46
The number, in kilograms, that Swarovski’s wedding gown weighed.
1,000
The hours it took to create Cinco’s vermillion petal gown, as seen in his atelier [note, is the one he’s playing with in the corner of a room]
50
How many looks Cinco has created in a new collection to celebrate Ballet Philippines’ 50th birthday
3,000
The hours needed to create the butterfly gown worn by Aishwarya Rai to the 2018 Cannes Film Festival.
1.1 million
The number of followers that Michael Cinco’s Instagram account has garnered.