As articulated in the first column in this series, A day in the life of a working dad, my wife and I chose to raise our son as true 50/50 co-parents, a split down the middle when it comes to child-rearing responsibilities (without a full-time nanny). This is not a weekend dad kind of deal, and I’m not doing my wife any favours. I see this as my minimum responsibility.
I can also see how the co-parenting framing can be misleading. It feels transactional, like we’re two separate entities executing our part of the deal, as opposed to fluidly sharing this responsibility together. However, the choice is deliberate, as it is exactly this kind of fluid model that leaves the woman with the greater burden of responsibility, as gender roles continue to lag behind labour force trends.
I had to crowbar my way in as a dad, by which I mean gently and fearfully offer help despite having no clue sometimes
In an ideal world, the terms parenting and co-parenting would be synonymous, but in reality many mothers end up being the primary caregivers, often because of their ability to breastfeed and the longer duration of maternity leave compared to paternity leave granted in most countries; and eventually because a pattern forms, one promoted by centuries of societal expectations and pressures.
To be accurate, when I say “we chose”, the truth is my wife made her expectations clear and I agreed. In my case, I don’t think I would have fallen naturally into the co-parenting model without that nudge, primarily because of the demands of my job. And so, I left said job and chose to be a work-from-home father in a more autonomous set-up. I am now an aspiring entrepreneur as well as an independent adviser (and weekend columnist), as opposed to a partner in a professional firm, a move I do realise isn't available to everyone.
Even so, it took about a year of perseverance to deservedly retain the title of co-parent. I found I had to crowbar my way in as a dad, by which I mean gently and fearfully offer help despite having no clue sometimes and failing consistently. My wife was breastfeeding, I did not hear my baby stir in the middle of the night and, generally, my wife’s instincts were sharper than mine.
There were moments it felt a bit isolating, like a wannabe groupie trying to get picked for the A team. You’re eager, you’ve got the T-shirt, but no one throws you the ball. Out in the world, I’ve found myself occasionally lost between socially stereotypical norms. I recently attended the birthday party of a two-year-old (a manic dystopian world you should never invite non-parent friends to unless they are already sure parenting is not for them), and within the hour the segregation between dads and mums had already taken place. The dads were talking shop on the balcony and the mums were dealing with the mayhem that is 10 toddlers running around with a sugar rush, looking for their next scuffle. I remained inside, self-aware of the social divide but refusing to comply.
The lack of physical separation (office and home) means it is still extremely difficult to separate professional and personal worlds
Eventually, though, responsibilities grow and your own role in parenthood takes shape. The benefits are hugely rewarding. My bond to my son runs deep. I now know his every laugh, cry and mood. I am with him when he wakes up and I am with him when he closes his eyes at night (including through the two hours of delay tactics he employs).
Parenting is at once rewarding and exhausting, but there are few activities that offer a greater sense of purpose, few experiences that can produce more joy, and very few vocations that can sustain more pride. It drives me to succeed, but to succeed in a way that will make me a better person, and a better enabler of the life my family wants to live.
So, am I happy? To that I have to say a resounding “yes”. Instead of adapting my family life to accommodate my professional life, I have approached it another way. By clocking out of the traditional office space, I have been able to have a hands-on role throughout the day.
However, with the lack of physical separation (office and home), it is still extremely difficult to separate professional and personal worlds. The high-pressure stress of constant delivery and execution is not conducive to the patience required to parent. And vice versa, the stress of solving a seemingly irrational toddler tantrum is not conducive to strategic and thoughtful reflection ahead of an important meeting. Both realms of reality need a corridor of transition, which is difficult to achieve when all you have is a makeshift office door separating both worlds.
As to how I’ll hold up my end of the co-parenting gig, if and when I choose to, or have to, go back to that corner office … watch this space.
Tristan Hills-Bos is the former head of Brunswick Arts, Gulf, and has helped to launch some of the region’s most significant cultural institutions, including Louvre Abu Dhabi, Qasr Al Hosn and the Royal Opera House Muscat. He continues to help governments and foundations build communities through large-scale cultural projects, and sits on the board of the Jean Paul Najar Foundation. He will write a weekly series of three columns on his decision to co-parent
Rashid & Rajab
Director: Mohammed Saeed Harib
Stars: Shadi Alfons, Marwan Abdullah, Doaa Mostafa Ragab
Two stars out of five
Scores
Oman 109-3 in 18.4 overs (Aqib Ilyas 45 not out, Aamir Kaleem 27) beat UAE 108-9 in 20 overs (Usman 27, Mustafa 24, Fayyaz 3-16, Bilal 3-23)
Test squad: Azhar Ali (captain), Abid Ali, Asad Shafiq, Babar Azam, Haris Sohail, Imam-ul-Haq, Imran Khan, Iftikhar Ahmed, Kashif Bhatti, Mohammad Abbas, Mohammad Rizwan(wicketkeeper), Musa Khan, Naseem Shah, Shaheen Afridi, Shan Masood, Yasir Shah
Twenty20 squad: Babar Azam (captain), Asif Ali, Fakhar Zaman, Haris Sohail, Iftikhar Ahmed, Imad Wasim, Imam-ul-Haq, Khushdil Shah, Mohammad Amir, Mohammad Hasnain, Mohammad Irfan, Mohammad Rizwan (wicketkeeper), Musa Khan, Shadab Khan, Usman Qadir, Wahab Riaz
Zayed Sustainability Prize
MATCH INFO
Norwich 0
Watford 2 (Deulofeu 2', Gray 52')
Red card: Christian Kabasele (WatforD)
MATCH INFO
Qalandars 112-4 (10 ovs)
Banton 53 no
Northern Warriors 46 all out (9 ovs)
Kumara 3-10, Garton 3-10, Jordan 2-2, Prasanna 2-7
Qalandars win by six wickets
Zayed Sustainability Prize
Results
2.15pm: Maiden (PA) Dh40,000 1,700m; Winner: AF Arrab, Antonio Fresu (jockey), Ernst Oertel (trainer).
2.45pm: Maiden (PA) Dh40,000 1,700m; Winner: AF Mahaleel, Antonio Fresu, Ernst Oertel.
3.15pm: Sheikh Ahmed bin Rashid Al Maktoum handicap (TB) Dh200,000 2,000m; Winner: Dolmen, Richard Mullen, Satish Seemar.
3.45pm: Handicap (PA) Dh40,000 1,200m; Winner: Amang Alawda, Sandro Paiva, Bakhit Al Ketbi.
4.15pm: The Crown Prince of Sharjah Cup Prestige (PA) Dh200,000 1,200m; Winner: AF Alwajel, Tadhg O’Shea, Ernst Oertel.
4.45pm: Handicap (PA) Dh40,000 2,000m; Winner: Al Jazi, Jesus Rosales, Eric Lemartinel.
Lexus LX700h specs
Engine: 3.4-litre twin-turbo V6 plus supplementary electric motor
Power: 464hp at 5,200rpm
Torque: 790Nm from 2,000-3,600rpm
Transmission: 10-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 11.7L/100km
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh590,000
Richard Jewell
Director: Clint Eastwood
Stars: Paul Walter Hauser, Sam Rockwell, Brandon Stanley
Two-and-a-half out of five stars
More on animal trafficking
RESULTS
6.30pm Al Maktoum Challenge Round-1 Group One (PA) US$65,000 (Dirt) 1,600m
Winner RB Money To Burn, Fabrice Veron (jockey), Eric Lemartinel (trainer).
7.05pm Handicap (TB) $175,000 (Turf) 1,200m
Winner Ekhtiyaar, Jim Crowley, Doug Watson.
7.40pm UAE 2000 Guineas Trial Conditions (TB) $100,000 (D) 1,600m
Winner Commanding, Richard Mullen, Satish Seemar.
8.15pm Singspiel Stakes Group Two (TB) $250,000 (T) 1,800m
Winner Benbatl, Christophe Soumillon, Saeed bin Suroor.
8.50pm Handicap (TB) $135,000 (T) 1,600m
Winner Zakouski, William Buick, Charlie Appleby.
9.25pm Al Maktoum Challenge Round-1 Group Two (TB) $350,000 (D) 1,600m
Winner Kimbear, Pat Dobbs, Doug Watson.
10pm Dubai Trophy Conditions (TB) $100,000 (T) 1,200m
Winner Platinum Star, Christophe Soumillon, Saeed bin Suroor.
10.35pm Handicap (TB) $135,000 (T) 1,600m
Winner Key Victory, James Doyle, Charlie Appleby.
More from Neighbourhood Watch:
RESULTS
5pm: Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 2,200m
Winner: Arjan, Fabrice Veron (jockey), Eric Lemartinel (trainer).
5.30pm: Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 1,400m
Winner: Jap Nazaa, Royston Ffrench, Irfan Ellahi.
6pm: Al Ruwais Group 3 (PA) Dh300,000 1,200m
Winner: RB Lam Tara, Fabrice Veron, Eric Lemartinal.
6.30pm: Shadwell Gold Cup Prestige Dh125,000 1,600m
Winner: AF Sanad, Bernardo Pinheiro, Khalifa Al Neyadi.
7pm: Shadwell Farm Stallions Handicap (PA) Dh70,000 1,600m
Winner: Jawal Al Reef, Patrick Cosgrave, Abdallah Al Hammadi.
7.30pm: Maiden (TB) Dh80,000 1,600m
Winner: Dubai Canal, Harry Bentley, Satish Seemar.
Overview
What: The Arab Women’s Sports Tournament is a biennial multisport event exclusively for Arab women athletes.
When: From Sunday, February 2, to Wednesday, February 12.
Where: At 13 different centres across Sharjah.
Disciplines: Athletics, archery, basketball, fencing, Karate, table tennis, shooting (rifle and pistol), show jumping and volleyball.
Participating countries: Algeria, Bahrain, Comoros, Egypt, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Libya, Morocco, Oman, Palestine, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Syria, Tunisia, Qatar and UAE.
RESULTS
5pm: Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 1,400m, Winner SS Lamea, Saif Al Balushi (jockey), Ibrahim Al Hadhrami (trainer).
5.30pm: Wathba Stallions Cup Handicap (PA) Dh70,000 1,400m, Winner AF Makerah, Sean Kirrane, Ernst Oertel
6pm: Handicap (PA) Dh80,000 1,600m, Winner Maaly Al Reef, Brett Doyle, Abdallah Al Hammadi
6.30pm: Handicap (PA) Dh90,000 1,600m, Winner AF Momtaz, Antonio Fresu, Musabah Al Muhairi
7pm: Handicap (PA) Dh80,000 2,200m, Winner Morjanah Al Reef, Brett Doyle, Abdallah Al Hammadi
7.30pm: Handicap (TB) Dh100,000 2,200m, Winner Mudarrab, Jim Crowley, Erwan Charpy
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
In numbers: China in Dubai
The number of Chinese people living in Dubai: An estimated 200,000
Number of Chinese people in International City: Almost 50,000
Daily visitors to Dragon Mart in 2018/19: 120,000
Daily visitors to Dragon Mart in 2010: 20,000
Percentage increase in visitors in eight years: 500 per cent
TUESDAY'S ORDER OF PLAY
Centre Court
Starting at 2pm:
Malin Cilic (CRO) v Benoit Paire (FRA) [8]
Not before 4pm:
Dan Evans (GBR) v Fabio Fogini (ITA) [4]
Not before 7pm:
Pablo Carreno Busta (SPA) v Stefanos Tsitsipas (GRE) [2]
Roberto Bautista Agut (SPA) [5] v Jan-Lennard Struff (GER)
Court One
Starting at 2pm
Prajnesh Gunneswaran (IND) v Dennis Novak (AUT)
Joao Sousa (POR) v Filip Krajinovic (SRB)
Not before 5pm:
Rajeev Ram (USA) and Joe Salisbury (GBR) [1] v Marin Cilic v Novak Djokovic (SRB)
Nikoloz Basilashvili v Ricardas Berankis (LTU)
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
The years Ramadan fell in May
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%3Cp%3EAuthor%3A%20S%20Frederick%20Starr%3Cbr%3EPublisher%3A%20Oxford%20University%20Press%3Cbr%3EPages%3A%20290%3Cbr%3EAvailable%3A%20January%2024%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Ahmed Raza
UAE cricket captain
Age: 31
Born: Sharjah
Role: Left-arm spinner
One-day internationals: 31 matches, 35 wickets, average 31.4, economy rate 3.95
T20 internationals: 41 matches, 29 wickets, average 30.3, economy rate 6.28
KILLING OF QASSEM SULEIMANI
The burning issue
The internal combustion engine is facing a watershed moment – major manufacturer Volvo is to stop producing petroleum-powered vehicles by 2021 and countries in Europe, including the UK, have vowed to ban their sale before 2040. The National takes a look at the story of one of the most successful technologies of the last 100 years and how it has impacted life in the UAE.
Read part four: an affection for classic cars lives on
Read part three: the age of the electric vehicle begins
Read part one: how cars came to the UAE
Where to donate in the UAE
The Emirates Charity Portal
You can donate to several registered charities through a “donation catalogue”. The use of the donation is quite specific, such as buying a fan for a poor family in Niger for Dh130.
The General Authority of Islamic Affairs & Endowments
The site has an e-donation service accepting debit card, credit card or e-Dirham, an electronic payment tool developed by the Ministry of Finance and First Abu Dhabi Bank.
Al Noor Special Needs Centre
You can donate online or order Smiles n’ Stuff products handcrafted by Al Noor students. The centre publishes a wish list of extras needed, starting at Dh500.
Beit Al Khair Society
Beit Al Khair Society has the motto “From – and to – the UAE,” with donations going towards the neediest in the country. Its website has a list of physical donation sites, but people can also contribute money by SMS, bank transfer and through the hotline 800-22554.
Dar Al Ber Society
Dar Al Ber Society, which has charity projects in 39 countries, accept cash payments, money transfers or SMS donations. Its donation hotline is 800-79.
Dubai Cares
Dubai Cares provides several options for individuals and companies to donate, including online, through banks, at retail outlets, via phone and by purchasing Dubai Cares branded merchandise. It is currently running a campaign called Bookings 2030, which allows people to help change the future of six underprivileged children and young people.
Emirates Airline Foundation
Those who travel on Emirates have undoubtedly seen the little donation envelopes in the seat pockets. But the foundation also accepts donations online and in the form of Skywards Miles. Donated miles are used to sponsor travel for doctors, surgeons, engineers and other professionals volunteering on humanitarian missions around the world.
Emirates Red Crescent
On the Emirates Red Crescent website you can choose between 35 different purposes for your donation, such as providing food for fasters, supporting debtors and contributing to a refugee women fund. It also has a list of bank accounts for each donation type.
Gulf for Good
Gulf for Good raises funds for partner charity projects through challenges, like climbing Kilimanjaro and cycling through Thailand. This year’s projects are in partnership with Street Child Nepal, Larchfield Kids, the Foundation for African Empowerment and SOS Children's Villages. Since 2001, the organisation has raised more than $3.5 million (Dh12.8m) in support of over 50 children’s charities.
Noor Dubai Foundation
Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum launched the Noor Dubai Foundation a decade ago with the aim of eliminating all forms of preventable blindness globally. You can donate Dh50 to support mobile eye camps by texting the word “Noor” to 4565 (Etisalat) or 4849 (du).
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
Who is Allegra Stratton?
- Previously worked at The Guardian, BBC’s Newsnight programme and ITV News
- Took up a public relations role for Chancellor Rishi Sunak in April 2020
- In October 2020 she was hired to lead No 10’s planned daily televised press briefings
- The idea was later scrapped and she was appointed spokeswoman for Cop26
- Ms Stratton, 41, is married to James Forsyth, the political editor of The Spectator
- She has strong connections to the Conservative establishment
- Mr Sunak served as best man at her 2011 wedding to Mr Forsyth
More from Neighbourhood Watch
Countdown to Zero exhibition will show how disease can be beaten
Countdown to Zero: Defeating Disease, an international multimedia exhibition created by the American Museum of National History in collaboration with The Carter Center, will open in Abu Dhabi a month before Reaching the Last Mile.
Opening on October 15 and running until November 15, the free exhibition opens at The Galleria mall on Al Maryah Island, and has already been seen at the Jimmy Carter Presidential Library and Museum in Atlanta, the American Museum of Natural History in New York, and the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine.
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
More on animal trafficking
UAE tour of Zimbabwe
All matches in Bulawayo
Friday, Sept 26 – UAE won by 36 runs
Sunday, Sept 28 – Second ODI
Tuesday, Sept 30 – Third ODI
Thursday, Oct 2 – Fourth ODI
Sunday, Oct 5 – First T20I
Monday, Oct 6 – Second T20I
Read more from Johann Chacko
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