I once made the mistake of using the word "elderly" in a news story to describe someone aged in their sixties.
It's a mistake a journalist is only likely to make once, if the reaction to my use of the word is anything to go by: there was a deluge of mail slating me for the temerity of using "the E word" to describe someone of that age.
I was in my early thirties when I wrote that ill-considered adjective - still in the throes of youth, when reaching one's seventh decade seemed simultaneously inconceivable and abhorrent. (Fifteen years later, I've adopted a rather more pragmatic view that growing old is much better than the alternative.)
I have no doubt these sprightly letter-writing sexagenarians would consider themselves to be, at worst, middle aged. But possibly not even then. Nobody, it seems, gets old any more.
At the risk of incurring a new barrage of mail, it always seemed to me a matter of pure arithmetic: if youth, middle age and old age are of equal length, then you reach middle age one third of your way through your expected lifespan.
In the UAE, for example, the UN statistic for life expectancy is 78.7. The US expectation is a little lower, Australia and Britain a little higher. Based on that, middle age is from a little after your 26th birthday until about five months after you turn 52.
In Swaziland, which has the grim notoriety of having the world's shortest life expectancy, 39.6 years according to the UN, middle age kicks in just after the 13th birthday. The CIA World Factbook calculates the nation's citizens' chances far more pessimistically, with 31.88 years as the allotted lifespan. That would make middle age kick in a little over six months after one's 10th birthday.
Have you ever heard of anyone in their late twenties describing themselves as middle aged? Me neither, although I haven't been to Swaziland.
I've never even heard anyone in their thirties admit to it, when the only way you could statistically qualify to be still in the stage of youth is if you expect to live to 120.
Of course, the truth is that youth, middle age and old age are not deemed to be equal parts. Much like vanity sizing in the fashion industry - and equally driven by denial - youth seems to have ballooned to include people who are 45 and possibly even older.
Maybe it's best defined relatively. As Oliver Wendell Holmes famously put it: "Old age is 15 years older than I am."
So middle age could easily last up to the pension age. Even at that point, it seems that the E word could be used as an adjective. But anyone sensible will whisper it and not write it in a newspaper column.
Ms Yang's top tips for parents new to the UAE
- Join parent networks
- Look beyond school fees
- Keep an open mind
Defending champions
World Series: South Africa
Women’s World Series: Australia
Gulf Men’s League: Dubai Exiles
Gulf Men’s Social: Mediclinic Barrelhouse Warriors
Gulf Vets: Jebel Ali Dragons Veterans
Gulf Women: Dubai Sports City Eagles
Gulf Under 19: British School Al Khubairat
Gulf Under 19 Girls: Dubai Exiles
UAE National Schools: Al Safa School
International Invitational: Speranza 22
International Vets: Joining Jack
'Worse than a prison sentence'
Marie Byrne, a counsellor who volunteers at the UAE government's mental health crisis helpline, said the ordeal the crew had been through would take time to overcome.
“It was worse than a prison sentence, where at least someone can deal with a set amount of time incarcerated," she said.
“They were living in perpetual mystery as to how their futures would pan out, and what that would be.
“Because of coronavirus, the world is very different now to the one they left, that will also have an impact.
“It will not fully register until they are on dry land. Some have not seen their young children grow up while others will have to rebuild relationships.
“It will be a challenge mentally, and to find other work to support their families as they have been out of circulation for so long. Hopefully they will get the care they need when they get home.”
What is the FNC?
The Federal National Council is one of five federal authorities established by the UAE constitution. It held its first session on December 2, 1972, a year to the day after Federation.
It has 40 members, eight of whom are women. The members represent the UAE population through each of the emirates. Abu Dhabi and Dubai have eight members each, Sharjah and Ras al Khaimah six, and Ajman, Fujairah and Umm Al Quwain have four.
They bring Emirati issues to the council for debate and put those concerns to ministers summoned for questioning.
The FNC’s main functions include passing, amending or rejecting federal draft laws, discussing international treaties and agreements, and offering recommendations on general subjects raised during sessions.
Federal draft laws must first pass through the FNC for recommendations when members can amend the laws to suit the needs of citizens. The draft laws are then forwarded to the Cabinet for consideration and approval.
Since 2006, half of the members have been elected by UAE citizens to serve four-year terms and the other half are appointed by the Ruler’s Courts of the seven emirates.
In the 2015 elections, 78 of the 252 candidates were women. Women also represented 48 per cent of all voters and 67 per cent of the voters were under the age of 40.
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RESULTS
6.30pm Al Maktoum Challenge Round-2 – Group 1 (PA) $49,000 (Dirt) 1,900m
Winner RB Frynchh Dude, Pat Cosgrave (jockey), Helal Al Alawi (trainer)
7.05pm Al Bastakiya Trial – Conditions (TB) $50,000 (D) 1,900m
Winner El Patriota, Vagner Leal, Antonio Cintra
7.40pm Zabeel Turf – Listed (TB) $88,000 (Turf) 2,000m
Winner Ya Hayati, Mickael Barzalona, Charlie Appleby
8.15pm Cape Verdi – Group 2 (TB) $163,000 (T) 1,600m
Winner Althiqa, James Doyle, Charlie Appleby
8.50pm UAE 1000 Guineas – Listed (TB) $125,000 (D) 1,600m
Winner Soft Whisper, Frankie Dettori, Saeed bin Suroor
9.25pm Handicap (TB) $68,000 (T) 1,600m
Winner Bedouin’s Story, Frankie Dettori, Saeed bin Suroor
2025 Fifa Club World Cup groups
Group A: Palmeiras, Porto, Al Ahly, Inter Miami.
Group B: Paris Saint-Germain, Atletico Madrid, Botafogo, Seattle.
Group C: Bayern Munich, Auckland City, Boca Juniors, Benfica.
Group D: Flamengo, ES Tunis, Chelsea, Leon.
Group E: River Plate, Urawa, Monterrey, Inter Milan.
Group F: Fluminense, Borussia Dortmund, Ulsan, Mamelodi Sundowns.
Group G: Manchester City, Wydad, Al Ain, Juventus.
Group H: Real Madrid, Al Hilal, Pachuca, Salzburg.
Get inspired
Here are a couple of Valentine’s Day food products that may or may not go the distance (but have got the internet talking anyway).
Sourdough sentiments: Marks & Spencer in the United Kingdom has introduced a slow-baked sourdough loaf dusted with flour to spell out I (heart) you, at £2 (Dh9.5). While it’s not available in the UAE, there’s nothing to stop you taking the idea and creating your own message of love, stencilled on breakfast-inbed toast.
Crisps playing cupid: Crisp company Tyrells has added a spicy addition to its range for Valentine’s Day. The brand describes the new honey and chilli flavour on Twitter as: “A tenderly bracing duo of the tantalising tingle of chilli with sweet and sticky honey. A helping hand to get your heart racing.” Again, not on sale here, but if you’re tempted you could certainly fashion your own flavour mix (spicy Cheetos and caramel popcorn, anyone?).
More about Middle East geopolitics
RESULTS
Welterweight
Tohir Zhuraev (TJK) beat Mostafa Radi (PAL)
(Unanimous points decision)
Catchweight 75kg
Anas Siraj Mounir (MAR) beat Leandro Martins (BRA)
(Second round knockout)
Flyweight (female)
Manon Fiorot (FRA) beat Corinne Laframboise (CAN)
(RSC in third round)
Featherweight
Bogdan Kirilenko (UZB) beat Ahmed Al Darmaki
(Disqualification)
Lightweight
Izzedine Al Derabani (JOR) beat Rey Nacionales (PHI)
(Unanimous points)
Featherweight
Yousef Al Housani (UAE) beat Mohamed Fargan (IND)
(TKO first round)
Catchweight 69kg
Jung Han-gook (KOR) beat Max Lima (BRA)
(First round submission by foot-lock)
Catchweight 71kg
Usman Nurmogamedov (RUS) beat Jerry Kvarnstrom (FIN)
(TKO round 1).
Featherweight title (5 rounds)
Lee Do-gyeom (KOR) v Alexandru Chitoran (ROU)
(TKO round 1).
Lightweight title (5 rounds)
Bruno Machado (BRA) beat Mike Santiago (USA)
(RSC round 2).
The view from The National
MATCH INFO
Day 2 at the Gabba
Australia 312-1
Warner 151 not out, Burns 97, Labuschagne 55 not out
Pakistan 240
Shafiq 76, Starc 4-52
Directed by: Craig Gillespie
Starring: Emma Stone, Emma Thompson, Joel Fry
4/5
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World Cricket League Division 2
In Windhoek, Namibia - Top two teams qualify for the World Cup Qualifier in Zimbabwe, which starts on March 4.
UAE fixtures
Thursday February 8, v Kenya; Friday February 9, v Canada; Sunday February 11, v Nepal; Monday February 12, v Oman; Wednesday February 14, v Namibia; Thursday February 15, final