Should children share a bedroom? Benefits, drawbacks and tips

When Jeri Willmott posted an Instagram video of the bedroom that four of her five children share, it surpassed one million views and almost 6,000 comments. The room featured four beds (two on the ground, two elevated), a mini climbing wall and two firefighter’s poles – looking like a child’s dream bedroom. Having recently welcomed her fifth child, the digital creator in Dubai said: “One of those rattan beds will be replaced with the new baby’s cot.” “They said we need a bigger house with five kids but nah – we love our shared space!” she wrote on her account @my.wildtribe. “I gave Naya options for what set-up she'd like and she chose a climbing wall and a fireman pole. Of course, the boys got jealous and asked for a fireman pole too." While there were plenty of positive comments from parents who loved the child-friendly set-up, there were also dissenting voices. “Wait for them to get bigger and ask for their own space, or what to have their friends/partners over and can't cause they share a room with the other four,” wrote one commenter. Another added: “As teens they will hate it." Here, parents and experts speak to The National about the pros and cons of, as well as tips for, siblings sharing a bedroom. Room sharing has been the default for generations of families, but in modern times the subject has the power to ignite strong feelings on both sides. For many, the option for siblings to have individual rooms is one of privilege, causing more questions over why parents with the space would have their children share bedrooms. Some believe that if a family has the space available then they have to provide individual rooms for children. For others, siblings sharing a room fosters a sense of togetherness and teaches valuable lessons about sharing and respecting each other’s space. “I love the closeness and connection,” says ex-Paralympian Jessica Smith, a mother of three in Dubai. “In my opinion and experience, we all thrive when we have a safe and happy sleep environment.” Smith’s sons Reza, six, and Idris, four, share a room, while daughter Ayla, eight, has her own. “I think it definitely stems from my desire to co-sleep and keep my kids safe,” she says. “I have three younger brothers, so I didn’t share a room as a child but my brothers did and I always felt as though I was missing out on all the fun.” Research demonstrates there are numerous psychological and developmental benefits to siblings sharing a room. A 2022 study by the US's National Sleep Foundation, for example, found that more than half of those surveyed (all parents, guardians or caregivers) agreed children who share a room are better at socialising and getting along better, while 76.4 per cent said they believe their children comfort each other. But experts and parents interviewed also agree there can be practical benefits, too, as it can negate the need for different bedtimes and evening routines, while children who are afraid of the dark will take comfort in having companionship in the room if they wake up at night. “It strengthens the bond between siblings and improves interpersonal relationships and communication skills,” says Arfa Banu Khan, clinical psychologist at Aster Clinic, Bur Dubai. “Siblings become helpful and supportive towards each other, helps regulate better sleep as sharing a room with siblings provides a sense of reassurance and comfort, and it can also teach the value of sharing.” Experts agree that when sharing a room, it’s important to designate certain areas per child, as well as allow for common spaces. “I feel that we weren’t as clear as we should have been in the beginning when our daughters started sharing a room which led to a lot of arguments,” says Amal Al Henchiri, a stay-at-home mother to two daughters. “Our girls each had their own rooms, but when we had a family member come to stay for an extended length of time, they had to share. I think there is a big difference between kids asking to share a room and also when they think they are being forced to.” She adds: “We just kind of hoped they would get on with it and adapt to their shared space, but came to realise we had to step in to establish firm rules to which they could both agree.” There are no laws or age cut-offs for when children should stop sharing a room. When it comes to siblings of different genders experts agree that puberty is a natural marker to end co-sharing so children can have more privacy. For siblings of the same gender, experts say parents should let their wishes inform the decision based on needs and personalities. In the UK, the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children cites the government’s Housing Act 1985: “It’s recommended that children over the age of 10 should have their own bedrooms – even if they’re siblings or step-siblings.” Khan says: “It is based on many factors like the gender of siblings, space availability etc, but around the age of eight to 10 is usual to stop sharing a room. It may be a little earlier than this or extend beyond the years.” For Al Henchiri, her daughters shared a room for just over a year. “They were very happy to have their own space back, but they still hang out in each other’s rooms and I think they share more freely," she says. Smith calls her sons' shared room “a special bonding time” but admits “it does change as you get older and you need more privacy". As for what her children think, Reza says: “I love sharing with Idris because we get to play and read together and if we get scared we can sleep with each other. But sometimes he annoys me.” Many experts agree that, while there’s no designated age for children to start sharing a room, it works best once children can sleep through the night. For older children, clear divisions between their personal space and rules around their possessions can help to avert arguments. “Parents can help set boundaries for personal space,” says Khan. “Encouraging open communication can help to have clear communication and resolve conflict respectfully. Establishing a cleaning routine helps promote cooperation and respect for each other's space.” For Smith, the move towards her two sons sharing a room felt organic, but they still needed guidance from mum and dad. “I think issues arise when we feel we don’t have boundaries or privacy,” she says. “The boys each have their own bed and they also have a section in the room that they helped decorate. Reza has a reading corner with books he doesn’t want Idris to have, and Idris has an area with his Paw Patrol toys that he doesn’t like Reza touching.” She adds: “Sharing is a concept that kids don’t really grasp until they are older. So, in my opinion, sharing rooms helps my kids to navigate their feelings and emotions while also learning to establish boundaries.”

Should children share a bedroom? Benefits, drawbacks and tips

Firm boundaries, personal space and a sense of agency are all important, say UAE parents and experts