I am grieving for my father, but a powerful pilgrimage to Makkah is helping the pain

Losing a parent is one of the most challenging experiences a person can face in life, especially if it is unexpected. The impact of such a loss is complex and multifaceted.

It elicits an array of reactions, and can affect one emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.

As I navigate through the various stages of grieving the loss of my father, who passed away in August at the age of 65, one of the first things I realised was that it transforms every aspect of life.

Life becomes centred around this loss, and thoughts can surface unexpectedly, even during the most random moments.

The bereaved navigate this difficult journey in many ways. And one of these is finding comfort in faith and spirituality.

In times of loss and grief, Islam encourages Muslims to recite this verse: "Those who, when afflicted by a calamity, say: 'To Allah, we belong, and to Him, we are returning.' Upon these are blessings and mercy from their Lord. These are the guided ones."

This expression is also one of the first things people usually say to those who just lost a loved one, as it encourages faith, patience and guidance on how to deal with the inevitable trials in life. It provides a broader perspective on the human experience, loss and how resilience is needed in the most difficult times.

As I was reading the Quran, I also noticed that this verse is directly followed by another famous one: “Safa and Marwah are among the rites of Allah. Whoever performs the Pilgrimage to the [Sacred] House, or performs the Minor Pilgrimage, must stride between them.”

I read that as a message to go to Makkah and perform Umrah, or the minor pilgrimage, to seek solace.

Muslims can also perform Umrah on behalf of someone who is deceased, which to me is one of the most compassionate acts that gives the bereaved a sense of connection with the deceased.

Unlike Hajj, Umrah can be performed at any time of the year, so I decided to go. The rituals are less in number and simpler than Hajj, but there are certain similarities as they’re both performed in the same place.

The journey of performing Umrah starts even before reaching Makkah. The decision itself, the intention to do it and the act of travelling to a sacred place all count as part of the process.

All pilgrims travelling to Makkah, whether by air or land, inside or outside Saudi Arabia, pass through specific locations where they must prepare themselves for the pilgrimage by making an intention to perform the Hajj or Umrah.

They change their clothes and recite the famous line “Labbayka Allahumma Labbayk”, which means "I respond to your call, O Allah".

This specific sentence carries a deep sense of mindfulness as it allows pilgrims to really focus on how they are responding to a call they felt, how they need this Umrah to help them face any adversity they’re going through, and the reasons they are coming all this way for.

To me, this was a clear exhibit of emotional awareness.

All pilgrims to Makkah arrive wearing similar clothes: white robes for men and modest clothing for women, symbolising equality and unity among Muslims, regardless of their nationality, status or even wealth. It was another reminder that we all came here seeking the same thing – guidance and mercy.

The next step in Umrah rituals was entering the Masjid Al Haram, the holy mosque, and performing the tawaf, which is circling the Kaaba seven times in an anti-clockwise direction.

This is the popular scene many know – hundreds of thousands of men and women wearing black and white circling the Kaaba and praying. This is where pilgrims usually pray for what they want and need, feeling a deep state of solitude with Allah, believing that all their prayers are being heard.

In Islam, it is considered a sign of respect and love to pray for the deceased as Muslims believe that continuous prayers, good deeds and charity done on behalf of the deceased can benefit them.

Being in a holy place, pilgrims feel their prayers hold more significance and hope that Allah will grant mercy and blessings to the departed soul.

The next step in Umrah was the Sa’i – walking back and forth seven times between the two hills of Safa and Marwah.

This commemorates the story of Hajar, Ibrahim's wife, who was in the same place when it was desert, running in panic to search for water for her son Ismail.

She climbed the hills to get a better view of the area as she was looking for wells of water, and she did that seven times until the Well of Zamzam burst open.

Performing this act as part of the rituals reflects that struggle and life’s hardships are integral parts of life and that people must trust in Allah’s provision and mercy.

The last step of the Umrah is hair-cutting where men usually shave their heads and women cut a small portion of their hair, in a move that symbolises a fresh start in life.

It wasn’t my first Umrah, but it was different in so many ways. The act of travelling to a sacred place, engaging in prescribed rituals and being among other people brought me a great sense of consolation.

It also reminded me that experiencing loss and adversity is part of the human experience that people must go through while maintaining their faith.