It was the great Samuel Johnson who said: "Nothing is more hopeless than a scheme for merriment." The truth of the maxim is never more apparent than at the end of the year.
It's an endearing aspect of the indomitable human spirit that, however lousy the last 12 months have been, the final few moments of December 31 are always the signal for a worldwide epidemic of optimism. Symptoms of this baffling psychological condition include the need to put on silly hats, endlessly blow party horns and embrace complete strangers.
The absurdity of organised frivolity was never more grotesquely exposed than in the UK at the advent of 2000. What had been advertised as the party of a lifetime, staged at the specially constructed Millennium Dome in London's docklands, turned into a grim ordeal as logistical cock-ups, transport delays and an overlong ceremony transformed New Year's Eve into the night of the living dead.
The abiding image was of then-Prime Minister Tony Blair, looking chilled and dispirited, stiffly singing the traditional anthem Auld Lang Syne next to an equally pinched and distinctly unamused Queen Elizabeth. Even the fireworks display on the River Thames failed to ignite.
My own appetite for celebrating with people I neither know, nor wish to know, was cured after a New Year's shindig at a friend's house a few years ago. No sooner had the chimes of Big Ben struck midnight and I'd popped my obligatory party balloon than I was accosted by a complete stranger who knew me from the stage. "So what happened to your career?" she said the moment the last bell had struck. "You were doing so well." As a start to the new year, her damning pronouncement had at least one benefit, in that things could only get better.
New Year's resolutions are equally difficult to explain. Oscar Wilde observed that "good resolutions are simply cheques that men draw on a bank where they have no account".
In the US, where obesity remains a massive problem facing society, three of the most common resolutions for 2012 remain the same as a decade ago: become more physically fit, eat more healthily and give up smoking. Indeed, fitness clubs use this time of year to lure new customers with membership deals, safe in the knowledge that up to 60 per cent will go unused after February 1.
In the UK, resolutions reflect not so much the desire to keep fit as the wish to keep ourselves out of bankruptcy court. Only four years, the most popular resolution was "to do something to save the planet", but such lofty ambitions are now just a distant dream.
Instead, with the economy tottering and families struggling with record levels of debt, the insurance company GoCompare found that 75 per cent of respondents had as their top priority for 2012 to take control of their financial affairs.
Looking back at my own dog-eared diaries, I'm forced to admit they make for doleful reading. All the old favourites are present, year upon year, decade after decade, none of them lasting more than a few days into January - be a better husband, go to bed earlier, eat less chocolate. They stare balefully out from the pages of my diaries, each broken pledge a silent testimony to my pitiful lack of will power.
So this time around, I've resolved to become more practical. No more pounding the streets in Lycra or eschewing seconds at the dinner table (and in any case, the last time I told my wife I had resolved to lose two stone of ugly fat, she asked if I was planning to cut my head off.)
Instead, I've determined that my resolutions for 2012 will not only be more practical, but will improve the quality of my life in one stroke. They include banishing wire coat hangers from my wardrobe, learning how to open the bonnet of my car and ensuring that I always have a coin in hand for a supermarket trolley. Little victories perhaps, but ones that I can at least attempt with some footling chance of success.
In the meantime, I'm content to make do with an old eastern motto I keep by my bedside: "The secret of health for both body and mind is not to mourn for the past, or anticipate troubles, but live in the present moment, wisely and earnestly." This simple dictum will surely do more for me in the months ahead than any tinpot resolutions I might make in the giddy whirl of one minute to midnight.
Michael Simkins is an actor and writer based in London
Electric scooters: some rules to remember
- Riders must be 14-years-old or over
- Wear a protective helmet
- Park the electric scooter in designated parking lots (if any)
- Do not leave electric scooter in locations that obstruct traffic or pedestrians
- Solo riders only, no passengers allowed
- Do not drive outside designated lanes
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
Directed by Sam Mendes
Starring Dean-Charles Chapman, George MacKay, Daniel Mays
4.5/5
SM Town Live is on Friday, April 6 at Autism Rocks Arena, Dubai. Tickets are Dh375 at www.platinumlist.net
Specs
Engine: Dual-motor all-wheel-drive electric
Range: Up to 610km
Power: 905hp
Torque: 985Nm
Price: From Dh439,000
Available: Now
The specs: 2018 Volkswagen Teramont
Price, base / as tested Dh137,000 / Dh189,950
Engine 3.6-litre V6
Gearbox Eight-speed automatic
Power 280hp @ 6,200rpm
Torque 360Nm @ 2,750rpm
Fuel economy, combined 11.7L / 100km
The rules on fostering in the UAE
A foster couple or family must:
- be Muslim, Emirati and be residing in the UAE
- not be younger than 25 years old
- not have been convicted of offences or crimes involving moral turpitude
- be free of infectious diseases or psychological and mental disorders
- have the ability to support its members and the foster child financially
- undertake to treat and raise the child in a proper manner and take care of his or her health and well-being
- A single, divorced or widowed Muslim Emirati female, residing in the UAE may apply to foster a child if she is at least 30 years old and able to support the child financially
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
If you go...
Fly from Dubai or Abu Dhabi to Chiang Mai in Thailand, via Bangkok, before taking a five-hour bus ride across the Laos border to Huay Xai. The land border crossing at Huay Xai is a well-trodden route, meaning entry is swift, though travellers should be aware of visa requirements for both countries.
Flights from Dubai start at Dh4,000 return with Emirates, while Etihad flights from Abu Dhabi start at Dh2,000. Local buses can be booked in Chiang Mai from around Dh50
Sri Lanka World Cup squad
Dimuth Karunaratne (c), Lasith Malinga, Angelo Mathews, Thisara Perera, Kusal Perera, Dhananjaya de Silva, Kusal Mendis, Isuru Udana, Milinda Siriwardana, Avishka Fernando, Jeevan Mendis, Lahiru Thirimanne, Jeffrey Vandersay, Nuwan Pradeep, Suranga Lakmal.
Election pledges on migration
CDU: "Now is the time to control the German borders and enforce strict border rejections"
SPD: "Border closures and blanket rejections at internal borders contradict the spirit of a common area of freedom"
The smuggler
Eldarir had arrived at JFK in January 2020 with three suitcases, containing goods he valued at $300, when he was directed to a search area.
Officers found 41 gold artefacts among the bags, including amulets from a funerary set which prepared the deceased for the afterlife.
Also found was a cartouche of a Ptolemaic king on a relief that was originally part of a royal building or temple.
The largest single group of items found in Eldarir’s cases were 400 shabtis, or figurines.
Khouli conviction
Khouli smuggled items into the US by making false declarations to customs about the country of origin and value of the items.
According to Immigration and Customs Enforcement, he provided “false provenances which stated that [two] Egyptian antiquities were part of a collection assembled by Khouli's father in Israel in the 1960s” when in fact “Khouli acquired the Egyptian antiquities from other dealers”.
He was sentenced to one year of probation, six months of home confinement and 200 hours of community service in 2012 after admitting buying and smuggling Egyptian antiquities, including coffins, funerary boats and limestone figures.
For sale
A number of other items said to come from the collection of Ezeldeen Taha Eldarir are currently or recently for sale.
Their provenance is described in near identical terms as the British Museum shabti: bought from Salahaddin Sirmali, "authenticated and appraised" by Hossen Rashed, then imported to the US in 1948.
- An Egyptian Mummy mask dating from 700BC-30BC, is on offer for £11,807 ($15,275) online by a seller in Mexico
- A coffin lid dating back to 664BC-332BC was offered for sale by a Colorado-based art dealer, with a starting price of $65,000
- A shabti that was on sale through a Chicago-based coin dealer, dating from 1567BC-1085BC, is up for $1,950
MATCH INFO
Uefa Champions League quarter-final, second leg (first-leg score):
Manchester City (0) v Tottenham Hotspur (1), Wednesday, 11pm UAE
Match is on BeIN Sports
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%3Cp%3EEncourage%20innovation%20in%20the%20metaverse%20field%20and%20boost%20economic%20contribution%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EDevelop%20outstanding%20talents%20through%20education%20and%20training%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EDevelop%20applications%20and%20the%20way%20they%20are%20used%20in%20Dubai's%20government%20institutions%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EAdopt%2C%20expand%20and%20promote%20secure%20platforms%20globally%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EDevelop%20the%20infrastructure%20and%20regulations%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
The biog
Hobby: "It is not really a hobby but I am very curious person. I love reading and spend hours on research."
Favourite author: Malcom Gladwell
Favourite travel destination: "Antigua in the Caribbean because I have emotional attachment to it. It is where I got married."
Mercer, the investment consulting arm of US services company Marsh & McLennan, expects its wealth division to at least double its assets under management (AUM) in the Middle East as wealth in the region continues to grow despite economic headwinds, a company official said.
Mercer Wealth, which globally has $160 billion in AUM, plans to boost its AUM in the region to $2-$3bn in the next 2-3 years from the present $1bn, said Yasir AbuShaban, a Dubai-based principal with Mercer Wealth.
“Within the next two to three years, we are looking at reaching $2 to $3 billion as a conservative estimate and we do see an opportunity to do so,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Mercer does not directly make investments, but allocates clients’ money they have discretion to, to professional asset managers. They also provide advice to clients.
“We have buying power. We can negotiate on their (client’s) behalf with asset managers to provide them lower fees than they otherwise would have to get on their own,” he added.
Mercer Wealth’s clients include sovereign wealth funds, family offices, and insurance companies among others.
From its office in Dubai, Mercer also looks after Africa, India and Turkey, where they also see opportunity for growth.
Wealth creation in Middle East and Africa (MEA) grew 8.5 per cent to $8.1 trillion last year from $7.5tn in 2015, higher than last year’s global average of 6 per cent and the second-highest growth in a region after Asia-Pacific which grew 9.9 per cent, according to consultancy Boston Consulting Group (BCG). In the region, where wealth grew just 1.9 per cent in 2015 compared with 2014, a pickup in oil prices has helped in wealth generation.
BCG is forecasting MEA wealth will rise to $12tn by 2021, growing at an annual average of 8 per cent.
Drivers of wealth generation in the region will be split evenly between new wealth creation and growth of performance of existing assets, according to BCG.
Another general trend in the region is clients’ looking for a comprehensive approach to investing, according to Mr AbuShaban.
“Institutional investors or some of the families are seeing a slowdown in the available capital they have to invest and in that sense they are looking at optimizing the way they manage their portfolios and making sure they are not investing haphazardly and different parts of their investment are working together,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Some clients also have a higher appetite for risk, given the low interest-rate environment that does not provide enough yield for some institutional investors. These clients are keen to invest in illiquid assets, such as private equity and infrastructure.
“What we have seen is a desire for higher returns in what has been a low-return environment specifically in various fixed income or bonds,” he said.
“In this environment, we have seen a de facto increase in the risk that clients are taking in things like illiquid investments, private equity investments, infrastructure and private debt, those kind of investments were higher illiquidity results in incrementally higher returns.”
The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, one of the largest sovereign wealth funds, said in its 2016 report that has gradually increased its exposure in direct private equity and private credit transactions, mainly in Asian markets and especially in China and India. The authority’s private equity department focused on structured equities owing to “their defensive characteristics.”
At a glance
Global events: Much of the UK’s economic woes were blamed on “increased global uncertainty”, which can be interpreted as the economic impact of the Ukraine war and the uncertainty over Donald Trump’s tariffs.
Growth forecasts: Cut for 2025 from 2 per cent to 1 per cent. The OBR watchdog also estimated inflation will average 3.2 per cent this year
Welfare: Universal credit health element cut by 50 per cent and frozen for new claimants, building on cuts to the disability and incapacity bill set out earlier this month
Spending cuts: Overall day-to day-spending across government cut by £6.1bn in 2029-30
Tax evasion: Steps to crack down on tax evasion to raise “£6.5bn per year” for the public purse
Defence: New high-tech weaponry, upgrading HM Naval Base in Portsmouth
Housing: Housebuilding to reach its highest in 40 years, with planning reforms helping generate an extra £3.4bn for public finances