Heading into my third year as an Abu Dhabi resident, I have learnt what may be the only truly global language: Ikeanese. I now converse fluently in the language of Hemnes, Ektorp, and Billy; I can make myself understood in Expedit and Solsta.
You can see the whole world in Ikea – although in Ikea, you could be anywhere in the world. Only the display wardrobes reveal cultural specifics: in Abu Dhabi, abayas and kanduras drape over Ikea hangers; in New York, Yankees and Mets baseball jerseys jostle for space. I imagine that in Paris, soigné scarves hang from the display hooks.
I expect, however, that by the next century, even these few particularities will have been erased. There will no longer be cities or countries, or even tribes. We will all have been herded into big blue-and-gold enclaves: the living roomians and the kitchonians, the bathroometi and the bedroomites. We will live in modular colour-coded pods, happy to clear our own trays.
We will all carry tiny pencil stubs in our back pockets so we can jot things down at a moment’s notice. And of course, when we travel from one pod to another we will carry our belongings in blue Tyvek satchels.
Those bright blue bags (admit it, you have at least one stashed somewhere) mark us all as Ikea speakers. Ikea is the great leveller, the lingua franca that everyone speaks at least a few times in their lives. Sometimes, if it’s been a particularly long morning out there in the land of the meatball and the weirdly shaped chicken nugget, I feel a tinge of pathos in this language: it is the language of the transient, the just-arrived or the soon-to-leave. It is not the language of permanence; it is not a language that gets handed down through the generations.
We reside in Ikea-land in the “just until we work things out” moments, when the shipment from home is three months late, or when we realise that good furniture for the soon-to-arrive baby would be really expensive. She’ll just grow out of it, we think, so why invest in Pottery Barn Kids? Just grab the Henvik crib and be done with it.
But perhaps you really want to splurge on the Pottery Barn crib, with its adorable carvings. Surely, you think, your child deserves the absolute best that money can buy. Your partner might mutter something about “college” or “orthodontia”, and then you might respond with terms such as “selfish” or “bad parent”. That’s when you need the one thing that Ikea stores do not yet have: a fight room.
The fight room idea comes from a wise friend, who says such a space would complement the child-minding room that Ikea already offers. Imagine: rather than modulating your annoyance at your spouse’s desire to ruin your child’s life with a cheap crib, you could book 15 minutes in the soundproofed Anger Chamber. (In extreme cases you could book a double slot.)
Then you could have the “why on earth would you buy that?” conversation, which might turn into the popular (and frequently loud) “it’s not my fault your mother is staying for an extra three weeks” discussion, all without the hissed whispers and gritted teeth that go with having a private fight in the public eye.
Emerging from the fight room, you would be ready for another round in the Market Hall, where you would realise that your life is not complete without a wall-sized poster of Paris’s Champs Elysées or New York’s Central Park. When you get home, of course, you’d realise that you don’t have a space big enough for this poster. That’s what happens in Ikea-land: the umlauts and diacritical circles numb you about the realities outside the blue walls.
That numbness sometimes leads to the moment known as the Valley of Ikea Despair: there you are in your front hall, having just lugged in your flat-packed purchases, or having received delivery of the it’s-not-great-but-it-will-do Ektorp, with everything smelling vaguely of meatballs, and you’ll realise that you forgot to buy an essential component. Maybe it’s the table legs, or the back of the bookcase, or the doors for the cabinet – and now you have no choice but to return to Ikea-land to collect the missing pieces.
On the other hand, maybe that oversight wasn’t such a bad idea. After all, the longer you can wait to attempt Ikea-assembly, the better. Because no one, no one, speaks fluent Assembly.
Deborah Lindsay Williams is a professor of literature at NYU Abu Dhabi
mannahattamamma.com
Mercer, the investment consulting arm of US services company Marsh & McLennan, expects its wealth division to at least double its assets under management (AUM) in the Middle East as wealth in the region continues to grow despite economic headwinds, a company official said.
Mercer Wealth, which globally has $160 billion in AUM, plans to boost its AUM in the region to $2-$3bn in the next 2-3 years from the present $1bn, said Yasir AbuShaban, a Dubai-based principal with Mercer Wealth.
“Within the next two to three years, we are looking at reaching $2 to $3 billion as a conservative estimate and we do see an opportunity to do so,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Mercer does not directly make investments, but allocates clients’ money they have discretion to, to professional asset managers. They also provide advice to clients.
“We have buying power. We can negotiate on their (client’s) behalf with asset managers to provide them lower fees than they otherwise would have to get on their own,” he added.
Mercer Wealth’s clients include sovereign wealth funds, family offices, and insurance companies among others.
From its office in Dubai, Mercer also looks after Africa, India and Turkey, where they also see opportunity for growth.
Wealth creation in Middle East and Africa (MEA) grew 8.5 per cent to $8.1 trillion last year from $7.5tn in 2015, higher than last year’s global average of 6 per cent and the second-highest growth in a region after Asia-Pacific which grew 9.9 per cent, according to consultancy Boston Consulting Group (BCG). In the region, where wealth grew just 1.9 per cent in 2015 compared with 2014, a pickup in oil prices has helped in wealth generation.
BCG is forecasting MEA wealth will rise to $12tn by 2021, growing at an annual average of 8 per cent.
Drivers of wealth generation in the region will be split evenly between new wealth creation and growth of performance of existing assets, according to BCG.
Another general trend in the region is clients’ looking for a comprehensive approach to investing, according to Mr AbuShaban.
“Institutional investors or some of the families are seeing a slowdown in the available capital they have to invest and in that sense they are looking at optimizing the way they manage their portfolios and making sure they are not investing haphazardly and different parts of their investment are working together,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Some clients also have a higher appetite for risk, given the low interest-rate environment that does not provide enough yield for some institutional investors. These clients are keen to invest in illiquid assets, such as private equity and infrastructure.
“What we have seen is a desire for higher returns in what has been a low-return environment specifically in various fixed income or bonds,” he said.
“In this environment, we have seen a de facto increase in the risk that clients are taking in things like illiquid investments, private equity investments, infrastructure and private debt, those kind of investments were higher illiquidity results in incrementally higher returns.”
The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, one of the largest sovereign wealth funds, said in its 2016 report that has gradually increased its exposure in direct private equity and private credit transactions, mainly in Asian markets and especially in China and India. The authority’s private equity department focused on structured equities owing to “their defensive characteristics.”
Real estate tokenisation project
Dubai launched the pilot phase of its real estate tokenisation project last month.
The initiative focuses on converting real estate assets into digital tokens recorded on blockchain technology and helps in streamlining the process of buying, selling and investing, the Dubai Land Department said.
Dubai’s real estate tokenisation market is projected to reach Dh60 billion ($16.33 billion) by 2033, representing 7 per cent of the emirate’s total property transactions, according to the DLD.
NO OTHER LAND
Director: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham, Rachel Szor, Hamdan Ballal
Stars: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham
Rating: 3.5/5
Quick pearls of wisdom
Focus on gratitude: And do so deeply, he says. “Think of one to three things a day that you’re grateful for. It needs to be specific, too, don’t just say ‘air.’ Really think about it. If you’re grateful for, say, what your parents have done for you, that will motivate you to do more for the world.”
Know how to fight: Shetty married his wife, Radhi, three years ago (he met her in a meditation class before he went off and became a monk). He says they’ve had to learn to respect each other’s “fighting styles” – he’s a talk it-out-immediately person, while she needs space to think. “When you’re having an argument, remember, it’s not you against each other. It’s both of you against the problem. When you win, they lose. If you’re on a team you have to win together.”
Company%20profile
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EName%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20JustClean%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EDubai%20with%20offices%20in%20other%20GCC%20countries%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ELaunch%20year%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%202016%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ENumber%20of%20employees%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20160%2B%20with%2021%20nationalities%20in%20eight%20cities%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3E%3Cbr%3ESector%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20online%20laundry%20and%20cleaning%20services%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFunding%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E%2430m%20from%20Kuwait-based%20Faith%20Capital%20Holding%20and%20Gulf%20Investment%20Corporation%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Abu Dhabi Desert Challenge – Rally schedule:
Saturday: Super Special Spectator Stage – Yas Marina Circuit – start 3.30pm.
Sunday: Yas Marina Circuit Stage 1 (276.01km)
Monday: Nissan Stage 2 (287.92km)
Tuesday: Al Ain Water Stage 3 (281.38km)
Wednesday: ADNOC Stage 4 (244.49km)
Thursday: Abu Dhabi Aviation Stage 5 (218.57km) Finish: Yas Marina Circuit – 4.30pm.
What are the influencer academy modules?
- Mastery of audio-visual content creation.
- Cinematography, shots and movement.
- All aspects of post-production.
- Emerging technologies and VFX with AI and CGI.
- Understanding of marketing objectives and audience engagement.
- Tourism industry knowledge.
- Professional ethics.
RECORD%20BREAKER
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EYoungest%20debutant%20for%20Barcelona%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%2015%20years%20and%20290%20days%20v%20Real%20Betis%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EYoungest%20La%20Liga%20starter%20in%20the%2021st%20century%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E16%20years%20and%2038%20days%20v%20Cadiz%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EYoungest%20player%20to%20register%20an%20assist%20in%20La%20Liga%20in%20the%2021st%20century%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E16%20years%20and%2045%20days%20v%20Villarreal%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EYoungest%20debutant%20for%20Spain%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%2016%20years%20and%2057%20days%20v%20Georgia%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EYoungest%20goalscorer%20for%20Spain%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%2016%20years%20and%2057%20days%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EYoungest%20player%20to%20score%20in%20a%20Euro%20qualifier%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%2016%20years%20and%2057%20days%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
THE SPECS
Engine: 6.75-litre twin-turbocharged V12 petrol engine
Power: 420kW
Torque: 780Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Price: From Dh1,350,000
On sale: Available for preorder now
Ain Issa camp:
- Established in 2016
- Houses 13,309 people, 2,092 families, 62 per cent children
- Of the adult population, 49 per cent men, 51 per cent women (not including foreigners annexe)
- Most from Deir Ezzor and Raqqa
- 950 foreigners linked to ISIS and their families
- NGO Blumont runs camp management for the UN
- One of the nine official (UN recognised) camps in the region
The specs
Engine: 3.0-litre six-cylinder turbo
Power: 398hp from 5,250rpm
Torque: 580Nm at 1,900-4,800rpm
Transmission: Eight-speed auto
Fuel economy, combined: 6.5L/100km
On sale: December
Price: From Dh330,000 (estimate)
Farasan Boat: 128km Away from Anchorage
Director: Mowaffaq Alobaid
Stars: Abdulaziz Almadhi, Mohammed Al Akkasi, Ali Al Suhaibani
Rating: 4/5
Uefa Nations League: How it works
The Uefa Nations League, introduced last year, has reached its final stage, to be played over five days in northern Portugal. The format of its closing tournament is compact, spread over two semi-finals, with the first, Portugal versus Switzerland in Porto on Wednesday evening, and the second, England against the Netherlands, in Guimaraes, on Thursday.
The winners of each semi will then meet at Porto’s Dragao stadium on Sunday, with the losing semi-finalists contesting a third-place play-off in Guimaraes earlier that day.
Qualifying for the final stage was via League A of the inaugural Nations League, in which the top 12 European countries according to Uefa's co-efficient seeding system were divided into four groups, the teams playing each other twice between September and November. Portugal, who finished above Italy and Poland, successfully bid to host the finals.
How much do leading UAE’s UK curriculum schools charge for Year 6?
- Nord Anglia International School (Dubai) – Dh85,032
- Kings School Al Barsha (Dubai) – Dh71,905
- Brighton College Abu Dhabi - Dh68,560
- Jumeirah English Speaking School (Dubai) – Dh59,728
- Gems Wellington International School – Dubai Branch – Dh58,488
- The British School Al Khubairat (Abu Dhabi) - Dh54,170
- Dubai English Speaking School – Dh51,269
*Annual tuition fees covering the 2024/2025 academic year
The National's picks
4.35pm: Tilal Al Khalediah
5.10pm: Continous
5.45pm: Raging Torrent
6.20pm: West Acre
7pm: Flood Zone
7.40pm: Straight No Chaser
8.15pm: Romantic Warrior
8.50pm: Calandogan
9.30pm: Forever Young
Citadel: Honey Bunny first episode
Directors: Raj & DK
Stars: Varun Dhawan, Samantha Ruth Prabhu, Kashvi Majmundar, Kay Kay Menon
Rating: 4/5
The specs
Engine: Dual 180kW and 300kW front and rear motors
Power: 480kW
Torque: 850Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Price: From Dh359,900 ($98,000)
On sale: Now
Specs
Engine: Dual-motor all-wheel-drive electric
Range: Up to 610km
Power: 905hp
Torque: 985Nm
Price: From Dh439,000
Available: Now
Celta Vigo 2
Castro (45'), Aspas (82')
Barcelona 2
Dembele (36'), Alcacer (64')
Red card: Sergi Roberto (Barcelona)
India Test squad
Virat Kohli (c), Mayank Agarwal, Rohit Sharma, Cheteshwar Pujara, Ajinkya Rahane, Hanuma Vihari, Rishabh Pant (wk), Wriddhiman Saha (wk), Ravichandran Ashwin, Ravindra Jadeja, Kuldeep Yadav, Mohammed Shami, Umesh Yadav, Ishant Sharma, Shubman Gill
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Kumulus Water
Started: 2021
Founders: Iheb Triki and Mohamed Ali Abid
Based: Tunisia
Sector: Water technology
Number of staff: 22
Investment raised: $4 million
How does ToTok work?
The calling app is available to download on Google Play and Apple App Store
To successfully install ToTok, users are asked to enter their phone number and then create a nickname.
The app then gives users the option add their existing phone contacts, allowing them to immediately contact people also using the application by video or voice call or via message.
Users can also invite other contacts to download ToTok to allow them to make contact through the app.
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
Correspondents
By Tim Murphy
(Grove Press)
If you go
The flights
There are direct flights from Dubai to Sofia with FlyDubai (www.flydubai.com) and Wizz Air (www.wizzair.com), from Dh1,164 and Dh822 return including taxes, respectively.
The trip
Plovdiv is 150km from Sofia, with an hourly bus service taking around 2 hours and costing $16 (Dh58). The Rhodopes can be reached from Sofia in between 2-4hours.
The trip was organised by Bulguides (www.bulguides.com), which organises guided trips throughout Bulgaria. Guiding, accommodation, food and transfers from Plovdiv to the mountains and back costs around 170 USD for a four-day, three-night trip.
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Xpanceo
Started: 2018
Founders: Roman Axelrod, Valentyn Volkov
Based: Dubai, UAE
Industry: Smart contact lenses, augmented/virtual reality
Funding: $40 million
Investor: Opportunity Venture (Asia)
Malcolm & Marie
Directed by: Sam Levinson
Starring: John David Washington and Zendaya
Three stars
Company Profile
Company name: Fine Diner
Started: March, 2020
Co-founders: Sami Elayan, Saed Elayan and Zaid Azzouka
Based: Dubai
Industry: Technology and food delivery
Initial investment: Dh75,000
Investor: Dtec Startupbootcamp
Future plan: Looking to raise $400,000
Total sales: Over 1,000 deliveries in three months