I was recently invited to give a talk to bank staff about money and life. You'd think they, of all people, would have certain things sussed out. Far from it. They have the same issues as the rest of us: living beyond their means, not planning for the future and more.
I asked the audience their reasons for deciding to attend - it's voluntary and part of the bank's continuous education and expanding of minds (love it) - and the resounding answer was to seek balance in work, life and money.
They, just like the rest of us, struggle with our man-made daily existence.
On the whole, they appear to have missed out on the opportunity to learn from what happens to their clients - the unexpected, the debt and many other money and life-related shocks and mishaps. Perhaps they suffer an overconfidence effect and believe these things will never happen to them. How wrong we can be.
I thoroughly enjoy these sessions. You see all the quirks of mankind in a room: the typical excuses and justifications - a veritable melting pot of cognitive and social psychology.
People who attend generally fall into two camps: there are those who are sensitised to the money-life equation and want to be even better at figuring out how to make it work in their favour. They go along to touch base with themselves and see if there's anything else they could do to hit their targets.
They are usually the quieter bunch who nod knowingly and will go out and implement what they take on board.
The second group is loud(er), conflicted and picks holes in what is being put across. These are people who spend what they earn and equate money with love, fun and fear - the fear of being accountable or of thinking through what they are doing with their lives. They are "here and now" people, where want overtakes need, and for whom "tomorrow" is not tangible.
These are phrases that floated around that day:
"I deserve it." When referring to treats and spending on things that are not needed - said by those who don't have savings or anything to show for their years of labour.
"I am the boss" (money is not my boss). This from someone who also has no savings and believes they are in charge because they decide where their hard-earned cash goes - ie what latest thing they are going to spend it on.
"How can I have fun without spending money?"
"I have to buy things for my children because I want them to know I love them." To make up for time away from them.
One person in particular intrigued me. He was the head of a team that dealt with credit cards. At the start I thought he'd be a poster boy for the messages we were going to explore that day: it's about how much money you keep, not spend; fads and fashion do not make for financial freedom. And more.
He shared some of the horrors that the bank's credit card clients go through. But as the session progressed, he too opted for U-turns, extolling the right to have fun and enjoy spending at the expense of covering life's basics. These sessions invariably turn into people literally talking to, and contradicting, themselves. Group therapy big time.
I'm grateful we had a lot of honesty and openness that day.
Most - if not all - the participants were digging deep within themselves and realising some uncomfortable truths.
These sessions are not about wagging a finger and preaching. They are about coming together, exploring and learning from each other. We each left with our own realistic, reasonable pledge that relates back to money and life. Not only with the view to controlling it more, but to know its place in our lives.
The pledges made during these types of sessions invariably include specific investment targets, but most end up focusing on daily lifestyle choices that will make them happier, fitter, life-embracing people.
It's not about people who spend mindlessly - it's about developing a healthier relationship with ourselves. One gentleman admitted he needed to loosen up and allow himself to enjoy his money more and deprive himself less. He was greatly amused by, but also grateful to, his "spend, spend, spend" colleagues who presented the flip side of the coin.
It all comes back to balance - the very reason people chose to be there.
Each of our lives is unique - your goals are just that: yours. Does the way you handle money mean that you are working towards them?
Nima Abu Wardeh is the founder of the personal finance website cashy.me. You can reach her at nima@cashy.me.
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