The US suicide rate has risen dramatically in recent years, and certified money coach Tammy Lally is convinced money shame is a contributing factor.
Ms Lally’s brother died by suicide in 2007 after receiving a foreclosure notice. Shortly afterward, Ms Lally’s mortgage business collapsed in the global financial crisis. She says she went from driving a Mercedes and living in an oceanfront house to filing for bankruptcy.
“It blew me away, the level of pain and sadness that I was experiencing,” Ms Lally says. “I didn’t tell anybody. I was pretending like nothing was going on.”
She eventually realised she was experiencing shame – a deep sense that she was fundamentally flawed and unworthy because of her financial problems.
When she switched careers to become a financial adviser, she began to notice how pervasive those feelings were. Some clients were ashamed of their debts, or their wealth. Others lived beyond their means or “played the big shot”, picking up the tab at restaurants or constantly rescuing others.
“I’m seeing every one of my clients having shame around their money,” she says. “We live in a culture where our money is our worth.”
The origins of money shame
We aren’t born knowing how to manage money and everyone makes mistakes with their finances, says Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, a financial therapist. Plus, there are many factors beyond our control, such as the economy, industry trends and unemployment rates.
Too often, though, people feel there’s something deeply wrong with them if they struggle with their finances. They may feel they’re stupid, immoral, lazy or “bad with money”, or ruminate on what they should have done differently.
"When we make mistakes with money or things happen to us, we tend to internalise it and make it really personal," says Ms Bryan-Podvin, author of The Financial Anxiety Solution. "If you're beating yourself up, that's a good sign that there is money shame."
Money shame can lead us to overspend to “keep up with the Joneses”, avoid our finances or criticise others who are struggling, says certified financial planner Edward Coambs.
“Shame induces us to be judgmental,” Mr Coambs says. “Because when we see other people struggling with something, it creates discomfort for us.”
Many therapists and researchers say that shame differs from guilt: We feel guilt when we’ve done something bad, but feel shame when we believe we are bad or deeply flawed. People may believe they’re so defective that they are unworthy of ever being loved or connected to others, Mr Coambs says. In extreme cases, that could lead to thoughts of suicide.
When we make mistakes with money or things happen to us, we tend to internalise it and make it really personal
“Shame really is about loss of relationship,” Mr Coambs says. “It’s communicating to you that I’m not worthy or valuable of being in a relationship either with myself or with another person.”
Suicides rarely have a single cause, and researchers can only speculate about why the suicide rate rises and falls. Studies show that suicides tend to rise with the unemployment rate, and a 2020 study for the American Journal of Epidemiology found that financial strain is a significant risk factor for suicide attempts.
But in the past couple of decades, suicide rates have increased in good economic times and bad. The suicide rate rose 35 per cent from 1999 through 2018, according to the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention, before dropping in 2019 from 14.2 suicides per 100,000 people to 13.9. Statistics for 2020 are not yet available.
Ms Bryan-Podvin speculates that income stagnation and increased economic insecurity could be contributing factors.
“Men struggle more with their mental health [after financial setbacks], because they tend to associate their self-worth to their income or their net worth,” Mr Coambs says.
All this is scary stuff. But suicide is preventable and money shame can be tamed, financial therapists say. The first step is acknowledging what you’re feeling.
“The first and most pragmatic piece is being able to name it,” Mr Coambs says. “Having language to describe experiences does help to start to alleviate the distress.”
So can getting support. Being able to discuss money shame with a trusted person can help you feel less alone, Ms Bryan-Podvin says.
Men struggle more with their mental health [after financial setbacks], because they tend to associate their self-worth to their income or their net worth
“Many people think they’re the only person in the world or the only person in their community who has experienced money shame,” Ms Bryan-Podvin says.
Being compassionate with yourself and looking for lessons from the experience may also help. Ask yourself what you can learn, or what you can do differently next time.
Ms Lally turned her experience into a TED Talk that's been viewed more than 2 million times, Let's Get Honest About Our Money Problems and a book, Money Detox.
“I didn’t have a name for it until it happened to me,” Ms Lally says. “And my mission is to get people to talk about it.”
Associated Press
Real estate tokenisation project
Dubai launched the pilot phase of its real estate tokenisation project last month.
The initiative focuses on converting real estate assets into digital tokens recorded on blockchain technology and helps in streamlining the process of buying, selling and investing, the Dubai Land Department said.
Dubai’s real estate tokenisation market is projected to reach Dh60 billion ($16.33 billion) by 2033, representing 7 per cent of the emirate’s total property transactions, according to the DLD.
The biog
Age: 23
Occupation: Founder of the Studio, formerly an analyst at Cleveland Clinic Abu Dhabi
Education: Bachelor of science in industrial engineering
Favourite hobby: playing the piano
Favourite quote: "There is a key to every door and a dawn to every dark night"
Family: Married and with a daughter
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%3Cul%3E%0A%3Cli%3EThe%20loss%20of%20sodium%20chloride%20in%20our%20sweat%20can%20lead%20to%20confusion%20and%20an%20altered%20mental%20status%20and%20slurred%20speech%3C%2Fli%3E%0A%3Cli%3EBody%20temperature%20above%2039%C2%B0C%3C%2Fli%3E%0A%3Cli%3EHot%2C%20dry%20and%20red%20or%20damp%20skin%20can%20indicate%20heatstroke%3C%2Fli%3E%0A%3Cli%3EA%20faster%20pulse%20than%20usual%3C%2Fli%3E%0A%3Cli%3EDizziness%2C%20nausea%20and%20headaches%20are%20also%20signs%20of%20overheating%3C%2Fli%3E%0A%3Cli%3EIn%20extreme%20cases%2C%20victims%20can%20lose%20consciousness%20and%20require%20immediate%20medical%20attention%3C%2Fli%3E%0A%3C%2Ful%3E%0A
The Bio
Favourite place in UAE: Al Rams pearling village
What one book should everyone read: Any book written before electricity was invented. When a writer willingly worked under candlelight, you know he/she had a real passion for their craft
Your favourite type of pearl: All of them. No pearl looks the same and each carries its own unique characteristics, like humans
Best time to swim in the sea: When there is enough light to see beneath the surface
Benefits of first-time home buyers' scheme
- Priority access to new homes from participating developers
- Discounts on sales price of off-plan units
- Flexible payment plans from developers
- Mortgages with better interest rates, faster approval times and reduced fees
- DLD registration fee can be paid through banks or credit cards at zero interest rates
RESULTS
6.30pm Handicap (TB) US$65,000 (Dirt) 1,400m
Winner Golden Goal, Pat Dobbs (jockey), Doug Watson (trainer)
7.05pm Dubai Racing Club Classic Listed Handicap (TB) $88,000 (Turf) 2,410m
Winner: Walton Street, William Buick, Charlie Appleby.
7.40pm Dubai Stakes Group 3 (TB) $130,000 (D) 1,200m
Winner Switzerland, Tadhg O’Shea, Satish Seemar
8.15pm Singspiel Stakes Group 3 (TB) $163,000 (T) 1,800m
Winner Lord Giltters, Adrie de Vries, David O’Meara
8.50pm Al Maktoum Challenge Round-1 (TB) $228,000 (D) 1,600m
Winner Military Law, Antonio Fresu, Musabah Al Muhairi.
9.25pm Al Fahidi Fort Group 2 (TB) $163,000 (T) 1,400m
Winner Land Of Legends, Frankie Dettori, Saeed bin Suroor
10pm Dubai Dash Listed Handicap (TB) $88,000 (T) 1,000m
Winner Equilateral, Frankie Dettori, Charles Hills.
WHAT IS A BLACK HOLE?
1. Black holes are objects whose gravity is so strong not even light can escape their pull
2. They can be created when massive stars collapse under their own weight
3. Large black holes can also be formed when smaller ones collide and merge
4. The biggest black holes lurk at the centre of many galaxies, including our own
5. Astronomers believe that when the universe was very young, black holes affected how galaxies formed
Specs
Engine: 51.5kW electric motor
Range: 400km
Power: 134bhp
Torque: 175Nm
Price: From Dh98,800
Available: Now
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
Brief scoreline:
Liverpool 2
Keita 5', Firmino 26'
Porto 0
MATCH INFO
Fixture: Ukraine v Portugal, Monday, 10.45pm (UAE)
TV: BeIN Sports
Sholto Byrnes on Myanmar politics
Scoreline
Swansea 2
Grimes 20' (pen), Celina, 29'
Man City 3
Silva 69', Nordfeldt 78' (og), Aguero 88'
The specs
Engine: 3.8-litre, twin-turbo V8
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Power: 582bhp
Torque: 730Nm
Price: Dh649,000
On sale: now
The biog
Name: Fareed Lafta
Age: 40
From: Baghdad, Iraq
Mission: Promote world peace
Favourite poet: Al Mutanabbi
Role models: His parents
Read more about the coronavirus
'Project Power'
Stars: Jamie Foxx, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Dominique Fishback
Director: Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman
Rating: 3.5/5
'Unrivaled: Why America Will Remain the World’s Sole Superpower'
Michael Beckley, Cornell Press
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
Defence review at a glance
• Increase defence spending to 2.5% of GDP by 2027 but given “turbulent times it may be necessary to go faster”
• Prioritise a shift towards working with AI and autonomous systems
• Invest in the resilience of military space systems.
• Number of active reserves should be increased by 20%
• More F-35 fighter jets required in the next decade
• New “hybrid Navy” with AUKUS submarines and autonomous vessels
Ferrari 12Cilindri specs
Engine: naturally aspirated 6.5-liter V12
Power: 819hp
Torque: 678Nm at 7,250rpm
Price: From Dh1,700,000
Available: Now
Sole survivors
- Cecelia Crocker was on board Northwest Airlines Flight 255 in 1987 when it crashed in Detroit, killing 154 people, including her parents and brother. The plane had hit a light pole on take off
- George Lamson Jr, from Minnesota, was on a Galaxy Airlines flight that crashed in Reno in 1985, killing 68 people. His entire seat was launched out of the plane
- Bahia Bakari, then 12, survived when a Yemenia Airways flight crashed near the Comoros in 2009, killing 152. She was found clinging to wreckage after floating in the ocean for 13 hours.
- Jim Polehinke was the co-pilot and sole survivor of a 2006 Comair flight that crashed in Lexington, Kentucky, killing 49.
Company%20profile
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Company%20Profile
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EName%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20HyveGeo%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarted%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%202023%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounders%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Abdulaziz%20bin%20Redha%2C%20Dr%20Samsurin%20Welch%2C%20Eva%20Morales%20and%20Dr%20Harjit%20Singh%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ECambridge%20and%20Dubai%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ENumber%20of%20employees%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%208%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EIndustry%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ESustainability%20%26amp%3B%20Environment%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFunding%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E%24200%2C000%20plus%20undisclosed%20grant%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestors%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EVenture%20capital%20and%20government%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
More from Rashmee Roshan Lall
Planes grounded by coronavirus
British Airways: Cancels all direct flights to and from mainland China
Hong Kong-based Cathay Pacific: Cutting capacity to/from mainland China by 50 per cent from Jan. 30
Chicago-based United Airlines: Reducing flights to Beijing, Shanghai, and Hong Kong
Ai Seoul: Suspended all flights to China
Finnair: Suspending flights to Nanjing and Beijing Daxing until the end of March
Indonesia's Lion Air: Suspending all flights to China from February
South Korea's Asiana Airlines, Jeju Air and Jin Air: Suspend all flights
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
KILLING OF QASSEM SULEIMANI
The specs: 2019 Chevrolet Bolt EV
Price, base: Dh138,000 (estimate)
Engine: 60kWh battery
Transmission: Single-speed Electronic Precision Shift
Power: 204hp
Torque: 360Nm
Range: 520km (claimed)
Punchy appearance
Roars of support buoyed Mr Johnson in an extremely confident and combative appearance
