My mum died at the age of 61, when I was 31. Seeing her headstone in a field of others hit me with a brutal if obvious fact: everyone, including everyone’s parents, will die.
I want to prepare you as this loss can happen sooner than you’d expect. And when parents die, it’s often up to their children to manage not just grief but also financial tasks.
Planning for those to-dos now could help later, when you experience what may be some of your hardest days.
“We surely ought to have some idea of what we’re facing,” says Melanie Cullen, San Francisco-based author of Get It Together: Organise Your Records So Your Family Won’t Have To.
“On the other side of it, our parents need to know we’re interested, we care, we’re there to help,” she says.
Here’s why, how and what to talk about with your parents.
Why must I discuss this morbid topic?
Without documented plans for your parents’ end-of-life finances, you may wind up scraping for cash.
Imagine you weren’t given access to your parents’ financial accounts in the case of incapacity or death. What would happen if your parents were too sick to manage their finances?
You would need to pay their bills but couldn’t tap their money to do so. Then you couldn’t use their money for their funeral, which could cost thousands of dollars.
Many caregivers wind up “digging into their own money”, says family caregiving expert Amanda Singleton.
You can’t save or invest money that’s covering your parents’ expenses, she adds. And if you’re short on cash, you may take on debt.
Beyond this potential financial hit, your parents’ plans and wishes are less likely to be fulfilled if you don’t know what they are.
How do I frame the conversation?
Broach the subject with sensitivity and respect. Personal finance is an uncomfortable topic for many. Now your parents must talk about both money and death with their kid.
Your parents are likely to have attended more funerals than you and may have managed their own parents’ deaths. Consider tapping those experiences to start your conversation, Ms Singleton says. Ask how they handled their loved ones’ end-of-life care.
Did grandma have an up-to-date will and make her financial information easy for your parents to find? Maybe they can follow her lead. Or if your parents had to sort out messy finances, recalling that experience could prompt them to get organised.
Another option is to lead with a topical or personal prompt. That’s what Mark Schrader, a North Carolina-based certified financial planner, did with his mum.
When his CFP courses covered certain planning-related topics, he would bring up what he was learning and ask about her intentions.
If you’ve learnt about end-of-life planning on your own — say, in an article — or are making your own arrangements, let your parents know and ask for their point of view.
“Make it a planning and preparation conversation,” says Mr Schrader, who’s also a financial planning strategist at TIAA, a retirement planning organisation.
“It’s not as much about the numbers or ‘How much do you have in these accounts?’ but ‘What accounts do you have, and 'How can I help if for some reason you couldn’t be there?’”
What should we cover?
Ask if your parents have a power of attorney for finances. This legal document names someone who can make money decisions on their behalf.
Also learn whether they have similar documents for medical care, such as an advanced care directive, health care proxy or power of attorney for health care.
A living will can be helpful, since this document outlines what they might want for end-of-life care.
Learn whether or not your parents have an up-to-date estate plan. This might include a will or a living trust that specifies how they want their assets distributed. Assets would include their house, vehicle, stocks and money in various accounts.
If your parents don’t have an estate plan, consider looking for an estate planning attorney or low-cost will services.
When do I bring this up?
Discuss this topic now as loved ones can die sooner than you’d imagine.
And your parents’ lives and plans will change, so Mr Cullen suggests you “go into it as a lifelong conversation”.
The specs: 2018 Maserati Ghibli
Price, base / as tested: Dh269,000 / Dh369,000
Engine: 3.0-litre twin-turbocharged V6
Transmission: Eight-speed automatic
Power: 355hp @ 5,500rpm
Torque: 500Nm @ 4,500rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 8.9L / 100km
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Our legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
The specs
Engine: 2.0-litre 4-cyl turbo
Power: 247hp at 6,500rpm
Torque: 370Nm from 1,500-3,500rpm
Transmission: 10-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 7.8L/100km
Price: from Dh94,900
On sale: now
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TICKETS
Tickets start at Dh100 for adults, while children can enter free on the opening day. For more information, visit www.mubadalawtc.com.
Zayed Sustainability Prize
Our legal columnist
Name: Yousef Al Bahar
Advocate at Al Bahar & Associate Advocates and Legal Consultants, established in 1994
Education: Mr Al Bahar was born in 1979 and graduated in 2008 from the Judicial Institute. He took after his father, who was one of the first Emirati lawyers
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KILLING OF QASSEM SULEIMANI
'Worse than a prison sentence'
Marie Byrne, a counsellor who volunteers at the UAE government's mental health crisis helpline, said the ordeal the crew had been through would take time to overcome.
“It was worse than a prison sentence, where at least someone can deal with a set amount of time incarcerated," she said.
“They were living in perpetual mystery as to how their futures would pan out, and what that would be.
“Because of coronavirus, the world is very different now to the one they left, that will also have an impact.
“It will not fully register until they are on dry land. Some have not seen their young children grow up while others will have to rebuild relationships.
“It will be a challenge mentally, and to find other work to support their families as they have been out of circulation for so long. Hopefully they will get the care they need when they get home.”
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
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Du Football Champions
The fourth season of du Football Champions was launched at Gitex on Wednesday alongside the Middle East’s first sports-tech scouting platform.“du Talents”, which enables aspiring footballers to upload their profiles and highlights reels and communicate directly with coaches, is designed to extend the reach of the programme, which has already attracted more than 21,500 players in its first three years.
Dubai Rugby Sevens
November 30, December 1-2
International Vets
Christina Noble Children’s Foundation fixtures
Thursday, November 30:
10.20am, Pitch 3, v 100 World Legends Project
1.20pm, Pitch 4, v Malta Marauders
Friday, December 1:
9am, Pitch 4, v SBA Pirates
UAE tour of Zimbabwe
All matches in Bulawayo
Friday, Sept 26 – UAE won by 36 runs
Sunday, Sept 28 – Second ODI
Tuesday, Sept 30 – Third ODI
Thursday, Oct 2 – Fourth ODI
Sunday, Oct 5 – First T20I
Monday, Oct 6 – Second T20I
What can you do?
Document everything immediately; including dates, times, locations and witnesses
Seek professional advice from a legal expert
You can report an incident to HR or an immediate supervisor
You can use the Ministry of Human Resources and Emiratisation’s dedicated hotline
In criminal cases, you can contact the police for additional support
Fifa Club World Cup quarter-final
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(Yale University Press)
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UAE v Gibraltar
What: International friendly
When: 7pm kick off
Where: Rugby Park, Dubai Sports City
Admission: Free
Online: The match will be broadcast live on Dubai Exiles’ Facebook page
UAE squad: Lucas Waddington (Dubai Exiles), Gio Fourie (Exiles), Craig Nutt (Abu Dhabi Harlequins), Phil Brady (Harlequins), Daniel Perry (Dubai Hurricanes), Esekaia Dranibota (Harlequins), Matt Mills (Exiles), Jaen Botes (Exiles), Kristian Stinson (Exiles), Murray Reason (Abu Dhabi Saracens), Dave Knight (Hurricanes), Ross Samson (Jebel Ali Dragons), DuRandt Gerber (Exiles), Saki Naisau (Dragons), Andrew Powell (Hurricanes), Emosi Vacanau (Harlequins), Niko Volavola (Dragons), Matt Richards (Dragons), Luke Stevenson (Harlequins), Josh Ives (Dubai Sports City Eagles), Sean Stevens (Saracens), Thinus Steyn (Exiles)
Expo details
Expo 2020 Dubai will be the first World Expo to be held in the Middle East, Africa and South Asia
The world fair will run for six months from October 20, 2020 to April 10, 2021.
It is expected to attract 25 million visits
Some 70 per cent visitors are projected to come from outside the UAE, the largest proportion of international visitors in the 167-year history of World Expos.
More than 30,000 volunteers are required for Expo 2020
The site covers a total of 4.38 sqkm, including a 2 sqkm gated area
It is located adjacent to Al Maktoum International Airport in Dubai South
Profile of Foodics
Founders: Ahmad AlZaini and Mosab AlOthmani
Based: Riyadh
Sector: Software
Employees: 150
Amount raised: $8m through seed and Series A - Series B raise ongoing
Funders: Raed Advanced Investment Co, Al-Riyadh Al Walid Investment Co, 500 Falcons, SWM Investment, AlShoaibah SPV, Faith Capital, Technology Investments Co, Savour Holding, Future Resources, Derayah Custody Co.
HAJJAN
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The specs
Engine: 2.0-litre 4cyl turbo
Power: 261hp at 5,500rpm
Torque: 405Nm at 1,750-3,500rpm
Transmission: 9-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 6.9L/100km
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh117,059
The Pope's itinerary
Sunday, February 3, 2019 - Rome to Abu Dhabi
1pm: departure by plane from Rome / Fiumicino to Abu Dhabi
10pm: arrival at Abu Dhabi Presidential Airport
Monday, February 4
12pm: welcome ceremony at the main entrance of the Presidential Palace
12.20pm: visit Abu Dhabi Crown Prince at Presidential Palace
5pm: private meeting with Muslim Council of Elders at Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque
6.10pm: Inter-religious in the Founder's Memorial
Tuesday, February 5 - Abu Dhabi to Rome
9.15am: private visit to undisclosed cathedral
10.30am: public mass at Zayed Sports City – with a homily by Pope Francis
12.40pm: farewell at Abu Dhabi Presidential Airport
1pm: departure by plane to Rome
5pm: arrival at the Rome / Ciampino International Airport
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Director: Laxman Utekar
Cast: Vicky Kaushal, Akshaye Khanna, Diana Penty, Vineet Kumar Singh, Rashmika Mandanna
Rating: 1/5
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Grand Slam Los Angeles results
Men:
56kg – Jorge Nakamura
62kg – Joao Gabriel de Sousa
69kg – Gianni Grippo
77kg – Caio Soares
85kg – Manuel Ribamar
94kg – Gustavo Batista
110kg – Erberth Santos
Women:
49kg – Mayssa Bastos
55kg – Nathalie Ribeiro
62kg – Gabrielle McComb
70kg – Thamara Silva
90kg – Gabrieli Pessanha
