Money is a taboo topic in many cultures. We may become uncomfortable when it’s brought up, change the subject or find a way to leave the room. Why? Because money touches every area of our life.
Like it or not, we are susceptible to social comparison and money acts as a kind of benchmark. We default to money as our measuring stick because it’s easy to do so, but this creates a vicious cycle that ends with us being petrified to talk about finances.
Once we start talking about money, we open ourselves to being judged and nobody likes that.
A negative consequence of this is that it’s hard for us to talk about money with important people in our lives. It becomes easier to avoid the conversation, keep secrets and end up fighting about finances.
Then comes our default communication style. Most of us approach conversations from the standpoint of getting our message across. This is driven into us from an early age and continues through to our adult life as we learn how to articulate our messages, be more concise and become better communicators.
It’s no wonder, then, that the default mode for many people is to jump into a conversation to try to prove how smart they are, offer unsolicited advice or “win” the conversation.
Taking all this into account, money conversations can be stressful and when stress runs too high, we run the risk of our emotions taking over. We act without the “thinking” aspect of our brain.
Instead, we default to the more primitive part of our brain, which provides a fight, flight, or freeze response.
This emotional takeover happens because one or more of our basic needs isn’t being met. At this time you are far more likely to be aggressive (fight), leave the room or change the subject (flight) or mentally check out of the conversation (freeze).
So, what are our basic needs? There are six.
The first is “belonging” — feeling as though you are part of a group. In tribal times, it was dangerous not to belong to a group.
The second is “autonomy”, feeling in control of your life and able to make your own decisions. If this is not met, you may feel you are being told what to do.
“Safety” or “security” comes next. This can be a literal feeling of safety (shelter, food and water) or relate to the non-survival aspects of our lives, such as unemployment or having insufficient retirement savings.
“Self-expression” is the fourth basic need — when you feel heard and understood. The fifth is “connection”, in which you have healthy, close relationships.
While our need for “belonging” is about being a part of a group, our need for “connection” is about having relationships within that. The consequence of this not being fulfilled is a feeling of being isolated or alone.
Changing our mindset from trying to convey a point to listening with the intent to understand can be a game-changer.
Sam Instone,
co-chief executive of AES
Finally, there is the need for “purpose” or “significance” — feeling as though you have a direction in life. When this need is not met, you’re more likely to feel sad or even depressed.
Changing our mindset from trying to convey a point to listening with the intent to understand can be a game-changer.
So, how can we structure our conversations around money better?
Try to articulate your thoughts for the listener so they can interpret what you mean. There is a lot of potential for misunderstanding when talking about emotional topics. You can end up in a vicious cycle and fight based on a few misunderstandings.
One way to avoid this is to check that what you thought the person meant is correct. This is called reflective listening.
Get comfortable with hearing “no” for an answer. This allows the speaker to rearticulate and, most importantly, prevents you from making faulty assumptions.
This is the basis of successful conversations about money.
Focusing on fully understanding what the other person is trying to say before responding will prevent a headache later on.
Reflective listening, paired with your mindset change of putting understanding at the top of your list, helps you to stay on the same page.
When you are on the same page, you turn the situation away from “you versus your partner” towards “you and your partner versus the problem”.
Sam Instone is co-chief executive of wealth management company AES
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SPECS
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Polarised public
31% in UK say BBC is biased to left-wing views
19% in UK say BBC is biased to right-wing views
19% in UK say BBC is not biased at all
Source: YouGov
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COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Kumulus Water
Started: 2021
Founders: Iheb Triki and Mohamed Ali Abid
Based: Tunisia
Sector: Water technology
Number of staff: 22
Investment raised: $4 million
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One in nine do not have enough to eat
Created in 1961, the World Food Programme is pledged to fight hunger worldwide as well as providing emergency food assistance in a crisis.
One of the organisation’s goals is the Zero Hunger Pledge, adopted by the international community in 2015 as one of the 17 Sustainable Goals for Sustainable Development, to end world hunger by 2030.
The WFP, a branch of the United Nations, is funded by voluntary donations from governments, businesses and private donations.
Almost two thirds of its operations currently take place in conflict zones, where it is calculated that people are more than three times likely to suffer from malnutrition than in peaceful countries.
It is currently estimated that one in nine people globally do not have enough to eat.
On any one day, the WFP estimates that it has 5,000 lorries, 20 ships and 70 aircraft on the move.
Outside emergencies, the WFP provides school meals to up to 25 million children in 63 countries, while working with communities to improve nutrition. Where possible, it buys supplies from developing countries to cut down transport cost and boost local economies.
KEY DEVELOPMENTS IN MARITIME DISPUTE
2000: Israel withdraws from Lebanon after nearly 30 years without an officially demarcated border. The UN establishes the Blue Line to act as the frontier.
2007: Lebanon and Cyprus define their respective exclusive economic zones to facilitate oil and gas exploration. Israel uses this to define its EEZ with Cyprus
2011: Lebanon disputes Israeli-proposed line and submits documents to UN showing different EEZ. Cyprus offers to mediate without much progress.
2018: Lebanon signs first offshore oil and gas licencing deal with consortium of France’s Total, Italy’s Eni and Russia’s Novatek.
2018-2019: US seeks to mediate between Israel and Lebanon to prevent clashes over oil and gas resources.
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
AGL AWARDS
Golden Ball - best Emirati player: Khalfan Mubarak (Al Jazira)
Golden Ball - best foreign player: Igor Coronado (Sharjah)
Golden Glove - best goalkeeper: Adel Al Hosani (Sharjah)
Best Coach - the leader: Abdulaziz Al Anbari (Sharjah)
Fans' Player of the Year: Driss Fetouhi (Dibba)
Golden Boy - best young player: Ali Saleh (Al Wasl)
Best Fans of the Year: Sharjah
Goal of the Year: Michael Ortega (Baniyas)
Who has lived at The Bishops Avenue?
- George Sainsbury of the supermarket dynasty, sugar magnate William Park Lyle and actress Dame Gracie Fields were residents in the 1930s when the street was only known as ‘Millionaires’ Row’.
- Then came the international super rich, including the last king of Greece, Constantine II, the Sultan of Brunei and Indian steel magnate Lakshmi Mittal who was at one point ranked the third richest person in the world.
- Turkish tycoon Halis Torprak sold his mansion for £50m in 2008 after spending just two days there. The House of Saud sold 10 properties on the road in 2013 for almost £80m.
- Other residents have included Iraqi businessman Nemir Kirdar, singer Ariana Grande, holiday camp impresario Sir Billy Butlin, businessman Asil Nadir, Paul McCartney’s former wife Heather Mills.
Hunting park to luxury living
- Land was originally the Bishop of London's hunting park, hence the name
- The road was laid out in the mid 19th Century, meandering through woodland and farmland
- Its earliest houses at the turn of the 20th Century were substantial detached properties with extensive grounds
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
The candidates
Dr Ayham Ammora, scientist and business executive
Ali Azeem, business leader
Tony Booth, professor of education
Lord Browne, former BP chief executive
Dr Mohamed El-Erian, economist
Professor Wyn Evans, astrophysicist
Dr Mark Mann, scientist
Gina MIller, anti-Brexit campaigner
Lord Smith, former Cabinet minister
Sandi Toksvig, broadcaster
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