Fighting about money is common among couples. Why? Firstly, two thirds of us rate money as a significant source of stress. When we’re stressed, we no longer talk like adults.
Secondly, money is considered taboo. Everyone is a little odd about it. We all have different backgrounds and money histories. We also tend to push our own views of money on to our partners.
Finally, it’s deeply personal and emotional.
The key to better conversations about money is to stop trying to win the conversation. Stop trying to prove how right you are. Instead, seek to understand your partner’s point of view and perhaps consider drafting a simple financial purpose statement. This should state the purpose of money in your life.
That’s it. It’s simple, yet profound. Rework this as often as you need, but keep it genuine and easy to remember.
It becomes a lens through which to view your financial life and focus your attention on the role money needs to play for you.
Let’s look at some examples.
The overspender: Money was very tight in Omar’s family when he was growing up. He made his way to the UAE and became a successful professional, earning a six-figure salary. Now that he finds himself with an upper-middle-class lifestyle, it’s easy for him to justify buying things that he could never have when he was growing up.
Omar knows he should be spending less and saving more, but information alone hasn’t been enough to help. He lives from one paycheque to the next.
He works on his statement and it reads: “Money’s purpose in my life is to provide security and peace of mind to my family and me.”
This helps him understand how to differentiate between impulse and necessity by asking himself if the purchase he’s about to make aligns with his financial purpose.
The underspender: James has been saving his whole life and is proud of his nest egg. He grew up watching his father make some bad financial decisions and vowed he would be different.
Now that he’s approaching retirement, it’s hard for him to imagine not being able to save and even harder to imagine relying on his savings.
He and his wife fight regularly because he believes she spends too much, while she believes he is too cheap. Although they have an eight-figure net worth, James still stresses over relatively small purchases such as restaurant bills.
A financial purpose statement becomes a lens through which to view your financial life and focus your attention on the role money needs to play for you
Sam Instone,
co-chief executive, AES
Intentionality here can help the two of them realise that life is short, they don’t have many more active years left and that leaving millions to their children wasn’t the main goal.
Their combined statement reads as follows: “Money’s purpose in our lives is to share our fortune with family and community and to enable happy, meaningful times for the two of us.”
Now, James and his wife can enjoy holidays, renovations to their house and even date nights without fighting about overspending.
The social comparer: Phil is a real estate broker and has trouble avoiding social comparison. He doesn’t want to just keep up with the Joneses, he wants to be the Joneses. When he sees other people with a newer phone, fancier gadget or other luxuries that he doesn’t have, he has an immense feeling of deprivation.
He works in an industry that focuses heavily on status and his career makes him feel compelled to impress potential clients and other agents.
After some self-introspection, his statement reads: “Money’s purpose in my life is to help me connect and create.”
This helps Phil ground his identity to his personal values. It made him realise he’d been using his money, time and energy in ways that didn’t align with what was important to him. Instead, he feels happiest when he’s connecting with other people and engaging in creative pursuits.
Phil has learnt to compare himself with prior versions of himself, rather than with others. It has taken practice but when he feels a sense of deprivation, Phil checks in with his statement and lets that feeling pass.
Here are some other real-life examples of financial purpose statements:
- Money’s purpose in my life is to support a calm, fulfilling and enjoyable lifestyle.
- Money’s purpose in my life is to allow me to share experiences with my family and raise responsible, independent children.
- Money’s purpose in my life is to live life fully and contribute generously.
- Money’s purpose in my life is to provide security and stability to my family. It should never be valued over relationships or my values. Excess should be freely and joyfully shared with others in need.
- Money’s purpose in our lives is to allow us to spend quality time together as a family, supporting a lifestyle that satisfies our needs with opportunities to give, travel and save.
- Money’s purpose in my life is to enable me to live life to the fullest.
Once you know your financial purpose, write it down. Stick it on your fridge. Carry it with you. Memorise it. Use it whenever you need to make sure you’re using your money as a tool to support the life you want to live.
We get one shot. Spend time deciding what you want out of life and choose how to use your money to support it. Live the life you’ll be proud to look back on without regret or remorse.
Sam Instone is co-chief executive of wealth management company AES
The specs: 2018 Volkswagen Teramont
Price, base / as tested Dh137,000 / Dh189,950
Engine 3.6-litre V6
Gearbox Eight-speed automatic
Power 280hp @ 6,200rpm
Torque 360Nm @ 2,750rpm
Fuel economy, combined 11.7L / 100km
Story of 2017-18 so far and schedule to come
Roll of Honour
Who has won what so far in the West Asia rugby season?
Western Clubs Champions League
Winners: Abu Dhabi Harlequins
Runners up: Bahrain
Dubai Rugby Sevens
Winners: Dubai Exiles
Runners up: Jebel Ali Dragons
West Asia Premiership
Winners: Jebel Ali Dragons
Runners up: Abu Dhabi Harlequins
UAE Premiership Cup
Winners: Abu Dhabi Harlequins
Runners up: Dubai Exiles
Fixtures
Friday
West Asia Cup final
5pm, Bahrain (6pm UAE time), Bahrain v Dubai Exiles
West Asia Trophy final
3pm, The Sevens, Dubai Hurricanes v Dubai Sports City Eagles
Friday, April 13
UAE Premiership final
5pm, Al Ain, Dubai Exiles v Abu Dhabi Harlequins
How to donate
Send “thenational” to the following numbers or call the hotline on: 0502955999
2289 – Dh10
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Our legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
Huddersfield Town permanent signings:
- Steve Mounie (striker): signed from Montpellier for £11 million
- Tom Ince (winger): signed from Derby County for £7.7m
- Aaron Mooy (midfielder): signed from Manchester City for £7.7m
- Laurent Depoitre (striker): signed from Porto for £3.4m
- Scott Malone (defender): signed from Fulham for £3.3m
- Zanka (defender): signed from Copenhagen for £2.3m
- Elias Kachunga (winger): signed for Ingolstadt for £1.1m
- Danny WIlliams (midfielder): signed from Reading on a free transfer
Top 10 in the F1 drivers' standings
1. Sebastian Vettel, Ferrari 202 points
2. Lewis Hamilton, Mercedes-GP 188
3. Valtteri Bottas, Mercedes-GP 169
4. Daniel Ricciardo, Red Bull Racing 117
5. Kimi Raikkonen, Ferrari 116
6. Max Verstappen, Red Bull Racing 67
7. Sergio Perez, Force India 56
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9. Carlos Sainz Jr, Toro Rosso 35
10. Nico Hulkenberg, Renault 26
Our family matters legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
Traits of Chinese zodiac animals
Tiger:independent, successful, volatile
Rat:witty, creative, charming
Ox:diligent, perseverent, conservative
Rabbit:gracious, considerate, sensitive
Dragon:prosperous, brave, rash
Snake:calm, thoughtful, stubborn
Horse:faithful, energetic, carefree
Sheep:easy-going, peacemaker, curious
Monkey:family-orientated, clever, playful
Rooster:honest, confident, pompous
Dog:loyal, kind, perfectionist
Boar:loving, tolerant, indulgent
It's Monty Python's Crashing Rocket Circus
To the theme tune of the famous zany British comedy TV show, SpaceX has shown exactly what can go wrong when you try to land a rocket.
The two minute video posted on YouTube is a compilation of crashes and explosion as the company, created by billionaire Elon Musk, refined the technique of reusable space flight.
SpaceX is able to land its rockets on land once they have completed the first stage of their mission, and is able to resuse them multiple times - a first for space flight.
But as the video, How Not to Land an Orbital Rocket Booster, demonstrates, it was a case if you fail, try and try again.
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Company%20Profile
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Lexus LX700h specs
Engine: 3.4-litre twin-turbo V6 plus supplementary electric motor
Power: 464hp at 5,200rpm
Torque: 790Nm from 2,000-3,600rpm
Transmission: 10-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 11.7L/100km
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh590,000
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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From Zero
Artist: Linkin Park
Label: Warner Records
Number of tracks: 11
Rating: 4/5
Company profile
Company: Rent Your Wardrobe
Date started: May 2021
Founder: Mamta Arora
Based: Dubai
Sector: Clothes rental subscription
Stage: Bootstrapped, self-funded
More from Rashmee Roshan Lall
French business
France has organised a delegation of leading businesses to travel to Syria. The group was led by French shipping giant CMA CGM, which struck a 30-year contract in May with the Syrian government to develop and run Latakia port. Also present were water and waste management company Suez, defence multinational Thales, and Ellipse Group, which is currently looking into rehabilitating Syrian hospitals.
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The bio
Date of Birth: April 25, 1993
Place of Birth: Dubai, UAE
Marital Status: Single
School: Al Sufouh in Jumeirah, Dubai
University: Emirates Airline National Cadet Programme and Hamdan University
Job Title: Pilot, First Officer
Number of hours flying in a Boeing 777: 1,200
Number of flights: Approximately 300
Hobbies: Exercising
Nicest destination: Milan, New Zealand, Seattle for shopping
Least nice destination: Kabul, but someone has to do it. It’s not scary but at least you can tick the box that you’ve been
Favourite place to visit: Dubai, there’s no place like home
Stree
Producer: Maddock Films, Jio Movies
Director: Amar Kaushik
Cast: Rajkummar Rao, Shraddha Kapoor, Pankaj Tripathi, Aparshakti Khurana, Abhishek Banerjee
Rating: 3.5
Bugatti Chiron Super Sport - the specs:
Engine: 8.0-litre quad-turbo W16
Transmission: 7-speed DSG auto
Power: 1,600hp
Torque: 1,600Nm
0-100kph in 2.4seconds
0-200kph in 5.8 seconds
0-300kph in 12.1 seconds
Top speed: 440kph
Price: Dh13,200,000
Bugatti Chiron Pur Sport - the specs:
Engine: 8.0-litre quad-turbo W16
Transmission: 7-speed DSG auto
Power: 1,500hp
Torque: 1,600Nm
0-100kph in 2.3 seconds
0-200kph in 5.5 seconds
0-300kph in 11.8 seconds
Top speed: 350kph
Price: Dh13,600,000
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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SPEC SHEET
Display: 10.4-inch IPS LCD, 400 nits, toughened glass
CPU: Unisoc T610; Mali G52 GPU
Memory: 4GB
Storage: 64GB, up to 512GB microSD
Camera: 8MP rear, 5MP front
Connectivity: Wi-Fi, Bluetooth 5.0, USB-C, 3.5mm audio
Battery: 8200mAh, up to 10 hours video
Platform: Android 11
Audio: Stereo speakers, 2 mics
Durability: IP52
Biometrics: Face unlock
Price: Dh849
Director: Laxman Utekar
Cast: Vicky Kaushal, Akshaye Khanna, Diana Penty, Vineet Kumar Singh, Rashmika Mandanna
Rating: 1/5
Super heroes
Iron Man
Reduced risk of dementia
Alcohol consumption could be an issue
Hulk
Cardiac disease, stroke and dementia from high heart rate
Spider-Man
Agility reduces risk of falls
Increased risk of obesity and mental health issues
Black Panther
Vegetarian diet reduces obesity
Unknown risks of potion drinking
Black Widow
Childhood traumas increase risk of mental illnesses
Thor
He's a god
US Industrial Market figures, Q1 2017
Vacancy Rate 5.4%
Markets With Positive Absorption 85.7 per cent
New Supply 55 million sq ft
New Supply to Inventory 0.4 per cent
Under Construction 198.2 million sq ft
(Source: Colliers)
