For the past two years the banksters have ruled the world, brought it to the brink of ruin, and emerged not only unscathed, but in many cases, with bulging pockets and bigger bonuses. Can nothing derail them? Now at last they look like they have been cut down to size, and by an unlikely source.
When the Telecommunications Regulatory Authority ruled that Research in Motion, the Canadian-based manufacturers of the BlackBerry, must either make its data available to the authorities or it would suspend their services, the banking industry must have taken immediate notice.
For the BlackBerry is the device that most defines the past two years. No trader, banker or hedge fund fellow is far from his "CrackBerry". I know frustrated wives who have picked up the machines and hurled them into swimming pools during summer holidays. These are not unattractive women, but they felt they could no longer compete with the little black beeping device.
Now a BlackBerry is about as desirable in this country as a sub-prime mortgage. I couldn't help feeling sorry for the chap who wrote in a letter to this paper admitting that he bought a BlackBerry a few days before the suspension was announced. He reminds me of one of those soldiers who got shot on the last day of the First World War.
What will become of banksters now? How will they communicate with their peers? How will they get through lunch? I hear that some canny firms have already equipped their staff with iPhones. Standard Chartered has handed out hundreds of the cool gizmos to its staff. Now instead of sending out classified messages to each other, the bank's workers can download all the songs they used to sing along to in their youth. This at least prevents them from causing stock market panics.
Most of the bankers will struggle to operate an iPhone anyway, even if they can get a signal. One executive of my acquaintance wails that his "thumbs are too big". I recommended that he turn the device sideways, but bankers are very methodical fellows, so I doubt whether he feels he can do this until instructions come from the chief executive or the human resources department.
You might think this uncertainty would all be good news for Apple, but I suspect the reverse might be true. Once the pinstriped brigade starts using a product, almost inevitably it sheds any pretence of cool. In fact, it becomes distinctly uncool.
Imagine, for a moment, that Robin Hood had lived in the age of the smartphone. Until last weekend, he would have communicated with Little John and Maid Marion on his iPhone. They would share songs and photos of the Sheriff of Nottingham in absurd poses. But now any outlaw worth his salt would want a device that has been outlawed. BlackBerry, for so long so uncool, is suddenly developing a bit of street cred. Che Guevara, if he were still alive, would communicate with Fidel Castro on his BlackBerry Storm.
My teenage children, arbiters of cool in south London, are already on to this. They have avoided the iPhone, plumping instead for the charms of the renegade BlackBerry. What they like is the instant messaging system, that means they can exchange pointless chitchat, rather like bankers, with their peers. They can create groups so that wherever they are in the world they can simultaneously receive messages such as "what u doin?"
There is of course a third player in this phone war. It is Google's Android. As far as I can tell, nobody knows anything about this, but even so it is selling well, especially in the US. One of our telecoms men got hold of a device. He was terribly excited and showed us all one of its features with much glee. What he did was to take a picture of something, a water bottle for example, or a book. Using some internal trickery, the phone could then tell you all about the book, and even connect you to Amazon so you could buy a copy. This was all marvellous, although I did point out to him that as we already had the book, maybe we did not need another one.
If I had my way, I would ban all communication devices bar the carrier pigeon. The only messages I ever receive are either from my wife, demanding why I am somewhere or with someone I shouldn't be, or from my boss asking why I'm not on the same golf course as him.
If they had to go to the effort of first writing out a message by hand and tying it to the foot of a pigeon, then unleashing the poor bird in the hope that it might find me somewhere on the golf course, I suspect they wouldn't bother.
This would be good news for me, because there are few things more irritating than a "ping" in your pocket when you are lining up a tricky left to right-breaking putt, or a bird fluttering around on your backswing.
rwright@thenational.ae
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The Greatest Royal Rumble card as it stands
The Greatest Royal Rumble card as it stands
50-man Royal Rumble - names entered so far include Braun Strowman, Daniel Bryan, Kurt Angle, Big Show, Kane, Chris Jericho, The New Day and Elias
Universal Championship Brock Lesnar (champion) v Roman Reigns in a steel cage match
WWE World Heavyweight ChampionshipAJ Styles (champion) v Shinsuke Nakamura
Intercontinental Championship Seth Rollins (champion) v The Miz v Finn Balor v Samoa Joe
United States Championship Jeff Hardy (champion) v Jinder Mahal
SmackDown Tag Team Championship The Bludgeon Brothers (champions) v The Usos
Raw Tag Team Championship (currently vacant) Cesaro and Sheamus v Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt
Casket match The Undertaker v Chris Jericho
Singles match John Cena v Triple H
Cruiserweight Championship Cedric Alexander v tba
Batti Gul Meter Chalu
Producers: KRTI Productions, T-Series
Director: Sree Narayan Singh
Cast: Shahid Kapoor, Shraddha Kapoor, Divyenndu Sharma, Yami Gautam
Rating: 2/5
Skewed figures
In the village of Mevagissey in southwest England the housing stock has doubled in the last century while the number of residents is half the historic high. The village's Neighbourhood Development Plan states that 26% of homes are holiday retreats. Prices are high, averaging around £300,000, £50,000 more than the Cornish average of £250,000. The local average wage is £15,458.
The smuggler
Eldarir had arrived at JFK in January 2020 with three suitcases, containing goods he valued at $300, when he was directed to a search area.
Officers found 41 gold artefacts among the bags, including amulets from a funerary set which prepared the deceased for the afterlife.
Also found was a cartouche of a Ptolemaic king on a relief that was originally part of a royal building or temple.
The largest single group of items found in Eldarir’s cases were 400 shabtis, or figurines.
Khouli conviction
Khouli smuggled items into the US by making false declarations to customs about the country of origin and value of the items.
According to Immigration and Customs Enforcement, he provided “false provenances which stated that [two] Egyptian antiquities were part of a collection assembled by Khouli's father in Israel in the 1960s” when in fact “Khouli acquired the Egyptian antiquities from other dealers”.
He was sentenced to one year of probation, six months of home confinement and 200 hours of community service in 2012 after admitting buying and smuggling Egyptian antiquities, including coffins, funerary boats and limestone figures.
For sale
A number of other items said to come from the collection of Ezeldeen Taha Eldarir are currently or recently for sale.
Their provenance is described in near identical terms as the British Museum shabti: bought from Salahaddin Sirmali, "authenticated and appraised" by Hossen Rashed, then imported to the US in 1948.
- An Egyptian Mummy mask dating from 700BC-30BC, is on offer for £11,807 ($15,275) online by a seller in Mexico
- A coffin lid dating back to 664BC-332BC was offered for sale by a Colorado-based art dealer, with a starting price of $65,000
- A shabti that was on sale through a Chicago-based coin dealer, dating from 1567BC-1085BC, is up for $1,950
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The specs
Engine: Four electric motors, one at each wheel
Power: 579hp
Torque: 859Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Price: From Dh825,900
On sale: Now
The specs: 2019 Subaru Forester
Price, base: Dh105,900 (Premium); Dh115,900 (Sport)
Engine: 2.5-litre four-cylinder
Transmission: Continuously variable transmission
Power: 182hp @ 5,800rpm
Torque: 239Nm @ 4,400rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 8.1L / 100km (estimated)
In numbers: PKK’s money network in Europe
Germany: PKK collectors typically bring in $18 million in cash a year – amount has trebled since 2010
Revolutionary tax: Investigators say about $2 million a year raised from ‘tax collection’ around Marseille
Extortion: Gunman convicted in 2023 of demanding $10,000 from Kurdish businessman in Stockholm
Drug trade: PKK income claimed by Turkish anti-drugs force in 2024 to be as high as $500 million a year
Denmark: PKK one of two terrorist groups along with Iranian separatists ASMLA to raise “two-digit million amounts”
Contributions: Hundreds of euros expected from typical Kurdish families and thousands from business owners
TV channel: Kurdish Roj TV accounts frozen and went bankrupt after Denmark fined it more than $1 million over PKK links in 2013
Western Clubs Champions League:
- Friday, Sep 8 - Abu Dhabi Harlequins v Bahrain
- Friday, Sep 15 – Kandy v Abu Dhabi Harlequins
- Friday, Sep 22 – Kandy v Bahrain
The specs
AT4 Ultimate, as tested
Engine: 6.2-litre V8
Power: 420hp
Torque: 623Nm
Transmission: 10-speed automatic
Price: From Dh330,800 (Elevation: Dh236,400; AT4: Dh286,800; Denali: Dh345,800)
On sale: Now
Four motivational quotes from Alicia's Dubai talk
“The only thing we need is to know that we have faith. Faith and hope in our own dreams. The belief that, when we keep going we’re going to find our way. That’s all we got.”
“Sometimes we try so hard to keep things inside. We try so hard to pretend it’s not really bothering us. In some ways, that hurts us more. You don’t realise how dishonest you are with yourself sometimes, but I realised that if I spoke it, I could let it go.”
“One good thing is to know you’re not the only one going through it. You’re not the only one trying to find your way, trying to find yourself, trying to find amazing energy, trying to find a light. Show all of yourself. Show every nuance. All of your magic. All of your colours. Be true to that. You can be unafraid.”
“It’s time to stop holding back. It’s time to do it on your terms. It’s time to shine in the most unbelievable way. It’s time to let go of negativity and find your tribe, find those people that lift you up, because everybody else is just in your way.”
Electric scooters: some rules to remember
- Riders must be 14-years-old or over
- Wear a protective helmet
- Park the electric scooter in designated parking lots (if any)
- Do not leave electric scooter in locations that obstruct traffic or pedestrians
- Solo riders only, no passengers allowed
- Do not drive outside designated lanes
Formula Middle East Calendar (Formula Regional and Formula 4)
Round 1: January 17-19, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 2: January 22-23, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 3: February 7-9, Dubai Autodrome – Dubai
Round 4: February 14-16, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 5: February 25-27, Jeddah Corniche Circuit – Saudi Arabia
Mohammed bin Zayed Majlis
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