It's coming up to a year since the passing of my grandmother. This was a woman who clearly had my corner in life, my biggest cheerleader in every situation. A simple chat with her could restore me back to my positive, cheerful, happy self.
When I was a child, she bathed me, cared for me and fed me the special vegetable meals I loved (I was a kid who adored steamed veggies). She was unconditional with her love and taught me how to love in return. But it's in her absence that she taught me probably the greatest lesson of all: gratitude.
A child's relationship with their grandmother is like no other. Unlike the disciplinarian role of the parents, grannies can be more generous, more forgiving and more understanding. My grandmother took on a much larger role though - she filled the void when my mum, her daughter-in-law, left this world. At a time when she must have been dealing with her own cycle of grief and mourning, she became like a second mother to me. Through her love and empathy, I knew that I belonged on this earth. My faith in her made the grief and pain of losing my mother almost bearable. With her by my side, I knew that I could survive anything.
And so, as the anniversary of her passing looms, I find myself grieving again; this time for both of my childhood matriarchs. In her work entitled On Death and Dying, the Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross divided the process of grieving into five distinct stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I cannot say for certain where in this cycle I currently am, but I am clear on one thing - I need to move past it in a way that is less painful than before - and the cost it had on my life.
I look at my life today in comparison with the girl I was eight years ago when my mother passed away. Following her death, the sudden absence and loss of our once-inseparable family unit was all too much for me. My basic reaction? I ran away from it; first to Sydney and then again, within one year, to Dubai. In many ways, the change of environment helped me to live and laugh again.
Today, eight years on, my priorities and my perspective have changed. Seeing my life with the advantage of hindsight, I realise what a costly effect grief can have on our lives - both financially and emotionally. In a column for The New York Times entitled "The Trauma of Being Alive", the psychiatrist Mark Epstein points out that, when it comes to mourning, there is no such thing as normal. "Grief is not the same for everyone. And it does not always go away," he says. "The healthiest way to deal with trauma is to lean into it, rather than try to keep it at bay."
But what cost does it have on your work life - not being able to deal with grief?
You only need to go to Google and type in "the cost of grief in the workplace" and hit the "enter" button. You are likely to find many articles quoting the cost of bereavement for the corporate sector. The most reliable study, conducted by the Grief Recovery Institute in the United States, estimated grief costs American companies more than US$75 billion a year.
Many companies only offer up to five days of compassionate leave for individuals. In this short amount of time, mourners must organise a funeral and deal with the legal ramifications of death. As a result, they're likely to feel depressed, overworked and misunderstood upon returning to their jobs.
Grief does cost society at large.
Talking with my sister recently, I realised I am one step closer to discovering my own truth to avoid this personal cost. I told her I don't feel the pain anymore. Instead, I've found the answers I've been seeking through gratitude. Books have come into my life, which have made me reflect upon the things that I have, rather than the things I do not. I have started collecting my thoughts in a gratitude journal. I am OK without my mum and grandmother. I have so much else to be thankful for. Life may have dealt me a heavy blow, but I can choose to be worse off or better because of it. Since coming to this epiphany of sorts, I have felt the grief slowly start to slip away.
They say time is the best healer and I agree with that. The reality is most of us will have to deal with grief at some point. The key is in how we choose to receive it. As Mr Epstein says: "The willingness to face traumas - be they large, small, primitive or fresh - is the key to healing from them. They may never disappear in the way we think they should, but maybe they don't need to. Trauma is an ineradicable aspect of life. We are human as a result of it, not in spite of it."
My advice? Choose gratitude. This is a lesson that was passed on to me by my first teacher in life - my grandmother. And by living with kindness, generosity and appreciation, I know that she will never truly leave me as I live my life in honour of her and live rich.
Janelle Malone is a wealth commentator, writer and author. You can read her blog at www.womenmoneyandstyle.com
Why your domicile status is important
Your UK residence status is assessed using the statutory residence test. While your residence status – ie where you live - is assessed every year, your domicile status is assessed over your lifetime.
Your domicile of origin generally comes from your parents and if your parents were not married, then it is decided by your father. Your domicile is generally the country your father considered his permanent home when you were born.
UK residents who have their permanent home ("domicile") outside the UK may not have to pay UK tax on foreign income. For example, they do not pay tax on foreign income or gains if they are less than £2,000 in the tax year and do not transfer that gain to a UK bank account.
A UK-domiciled person, however, is liable for UK tax on their worldwide income and gains when they are resident in the UK.
MATCH INFO
Champions League quarter-final, first leg
Ajax v Juventus, Wednesday, 11pm (UAE)
Match on BeIN Sports
The rules on fostering in the UAE
A foster couple or family must:
- be Muslim, Emirati and be residing in the UAE
- not be younger than 25 years old
- not have been convicted of offences or crimes involving moral turpitude
- be free of infectious diseases or psychological and mental disorders
- have the ability to support its members and the foster child financially
- undertake to treat and raise the child in a proper manner and take care of his or her health and well-being
- A single, divorced or widowed Muslim Emirati female, residing in the UAE may apply to foster a child if she is at least 30 years old and able to support the child financially
La Mer lowdown
La Mer beach is open from 10am until midnight, daily, and is located in Jumeirah 1, well after Kite Beach. Some restaurants, like Cupagahwa, are open from 8am for breakfast; most others start at noon. At the time of writing, we noticed that signs for Vicolo, an Italian eatery, and Kaftan, a Turkish restaurant, indicated that these two restaurants will be open soon, most likely this month. Parking is available, as well as a Dh100 all-day valet option or a Dh50 valet service if you’re just stopping by for a few hours.
Best Academy: Ajax and Benfica
Best Agent: Jorge Mendes
Best Club : Liverpool
Best Coach: Jurgen Klopp (Liverpool)
Best Goalkeeper: Alisson Becker
Best Men’s Player: Cristiano Ronaldo
Best Partnership of the Year Award by SportBusiness: Manchester City and SAP
Best Referee: Stephanie Frappart
Best Revelation Player: Joao Felix (Atletico Madrid and Portugal)
Best Sporting Director: Andrea Berta (Atletico Madrid)
Best Women's Player: Lucy Bronze
Best Young Arab Player: Achraf Hakimi
Kooora – Best Arab Club: Al Hilal (Saudi Arabia)
Kooora – Best Arab Player: Abderrazak Hamdallah (Al-Nassr FC, Saudi Arabia)
Player Career Award: Miralem Pjanic and Ryan Giggs
A MINECRAFT MOVIE
Director: Jared Hess
Starring: Jack Black, Jennifer Coolidge, Jason Momoa
Rating: 3/5
THE BIO
Bio Box
Role Model: Sheikh Zayed, God bless his soul
Favorite book: Zayed Biography of the leader
Favorite quote: To be or not to be, that is the question, from William Shakespeare's Hamlet
Favorite food: seafood
Favorite place to travel: Lebanon
Favorite movie: Braveheart
RESULTS
Men
1 Marius Kipserem (KEN) 2:04:04
2 Abraham Kiptum (KEN) 2:04:16
3 Dejene Debela Gonfra (ETH) 2:07:06
4 Thomas Rono (KEN) 2:07:12
5 Stanley Biwott (KEN) 2:09:18
Women
1 Ababel Yeshaneh (ETH) 2:20:16
2 Eunice Chumba (BRN) 2:20:54
3 Gelete Burka (ETH) 2:24:07
4 Chaltu Tafa (ETH) 2:25:09
5 Caroline Kilel (KEN) 2:29:14
JAPAN SQUAD
Goalkeepers: Masaaki Higashiguchi, Shuichi Gonda, Daniel Schmidt
Defenders: Yuto Nagatomo, Tomoaki Makino, Maya Yoshida, Sho Sasaki, Hiroki Sakai, Sei Muroya, Genta Miura, Takehiro Tomiyasu
Midfielders: Toshihiro Aoyama, Genki Haraguchi, Gaku Shibasaki, Wataru Endo, Junya Ito, Shoya Nakajima, Takumi Minamino, Hidemasa Morita, Ritsu Doan
Forwards: Yuya Osako, Takuma Asano, Koya Kitagawa
Real estate tokenisation project
Dubai launched the pilot phase of its real estate tokenisation project last month.
The initiative focuses on converting real estate assets into digital tokens recorded on blockchain technology and helps in streamlining the process of buying, selling and investing, the Dubai Land Department said.
Dubai’s real estate tokenisation market is projected to reach Dh60 billion ($16.33 billion) by 2033, representing 7 per cent of the emirate’s total property transactions, according to the DLD.
The biog
Name: Timothy Husband
Nationality: New Zealand
Education: Degree in zoology at The University of Sydney
Favourite book: Lemurs of Madagascar by Russell A Mittermeier
Favourite music: Billy Joel
Weekends and holidays: Talking about animals or visiting his farm in Australia
Mica
Director: Ismael Ferroukhi
Stars: Zakaria Inan, Sabrina Ouazani
3 stars
Election pledges on migration
CDU: "Now is the time to control the German borders and enforce strict border rejections"
SPD: "Border closures and blanket rejections at internal borders contradict the spirit of a common area of freedom"
Glossary of a stock market revolution
Reddit
A discussion website
Redditor
The users of Reddit
Robinhood
A smartphone app for buying and selling shares
Short seller
Selling a stock today in the belief its price will fall in the future
Short squeeze
Traders forced to buy a stock they are shorting
Naked short
An illegal practice