It has been a week of apologies from HSBC. First by Stuart Gulliver, boss of the bank which, apparently, has in the past had an open-arms policy towards tax dodgers, arms or drugs traders, or sanctions busters.
Then, in a development not quite as well publicised as Mr Gulliver’s “sincere apologies” trailed across the pages of the UK Sunday newspapers, I won my own personal apology from HSBC UAE after a bitter confrontation with the bank. Let me explain.
I’ve banked with HSBC ever since I came to the UAE eight years ago, and on the whole have been satisfied with the service provided. Yes, the phone banking apparatus is tortuous, yes there are lots of hidden charges for everyday banking, and yes there aren’t enough branches or customer service centres.
But low standards seem par for the course in UAE retail banking and I was happy enough with what I got at HSBC, until a couple of weeks ago. I made out a cheque for quite a big amount of money as payment for a regular bill. After a couple of days, the payee contacted me with the bizarre message that my cheque dated 1 Feb, 15 has been returned because the date was unclear. Well, it was clear enough to be read by the payee, but not apparently clear enough to some functionary in HSBC head office in Bur Dubai.
I called the branch and was informed that the cheque had been sent back because my F in Feb looked like a 7. If I wanted to confirm this, I should go to a customer service centre and examine a copy of the cheque.
I did. At Mall of the Emirates service centre I had a chat with the chap behind the counter and expressed my frustration that the cheque had not been honoured for a very minor and debatable infringement of good cheque-writing conventions.
He, I will not repeat his name although I made a note of it, printed a copy of the cheque and showed it to me.
Nothing wrong I could see. “That’s how I do my F’s”, I told him. “Look, there’s a similar one there at the F beginning my signature.”
He openly laughed at me. “That is not English, that is a different language,” he sniggered, showing my cheque to his colleague. “Look, is this English to you?” he asked her. She didn’t seem to have an opinion one way or the other, and went back to her Facebook page.
By this time I was apoplectic. No explanation, no empathy, certainly no apology for the inconvenience. Just ridicule. I felt publicly humiliated.
And I did what I have never done before in many decades of shoddy banking. I lodged an official complaint with the bank, got a file reference number, and waited for a response.
It came a couple of days later. A young lady called Amira phoned me to express her apologies at the misunderstanding, assured me my custom was of the highest value to HSBC, and vowed to me that there would never be a repetition. I accepted her apology, partly because she was so polite, and partly because she had the same name as my daughter.
But the issue, as far as I’m concerned, is not really closed. HSBC is now telling me how to write English.
It can only be a matter of time before another “error” is exposed in my handwriting and a cheque returned. In fact, I wrote four cheques just a couple of days ago, all with the same style of “F”.
Go on HSBC … make my day.
fkane@thenational.ae
Follow The National's Business section on Twitter
