"You don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps!"
Readers of a certain vintage will remember that gag from posters and mugs brought into the workplace, usually by the self-styled "office joker".
One does not see them around so much nowadays, possibly because they have been deemed insensitive by the Political Correctness brigade or hopefully because someone has realised it is not that funny. Or because I work from home, and have neglected my duties as de facto office joker. (If it helps, I shall write the rest of this article while wearing a Homer Simpson tie.)
I still think of this phrase, however, when certain factoids about athletes are trotted out, usually for comedy value.
David Beckham arranges his cola cans so every label faces forward at the same angle.
Wayne Rooney burns through a new vacuum cleaner every few months because he leaves one running to help him sleep.
Peter Schmeichel, the former Manchester United goalkeeper, would insist on parrying exactly 100 shots before each game. We laugh at these mental ticks then admire their owner's sublime skills without stopping to link the two.
A compulsion to repeat the same action must be advantageous for a sportsman practising his craft. And an obsessive mind is more likely to seek total perfection than a well-balanced one, which is happier to make compromises. In short, you do not have to be mad to be a professional sportsman, but it helps.
It is strange, then, that we remain shocked when these mental ticks develop into mental illness. Players are allowed to be "madcap" - larking around with hilarious jokes and antics - but never actually "mad".
When Marcus Trescothick retired from international cricket in 2008 due to stress-related illness, he was initially said to be suffering from a virus. The implication was that mental illness was shameful, while physical illness was just unfortunate luck.
Thankfully, progress has been made, in cricket at least. Michael Yardy, the England all-rounder, flew home from the World Cup this week after explaining that he was suffering depression. He has been managing the illness for some time but it had worsened in recent days.
Yardy said he hoped to be fit to play for his county side, Sussex, and wanted to be honest about his reasons for leaving the England camp. And that was that. It was a simple statement of fact, delivered and reported in the same tones usually reserved for minor ligament damage.
Amid this newly mature approach, it was perhaps ironic that the most naive response came from the 70-year-old Geoffrey Boycott, the bumptious cricket legend turned commentator.
"He must have been reading my comments about his bowling," said Boycott, realising that this situation, like so many others, was all about Geoffrey Boycott. "If any blame is attached, it is partly to the selectors because, I am sorry, he is not good enough at this level."
Boycott's simplistic analysis of depression - that it is basically unhappiness caused by criticism - is exactly what we have come to expect from a man who decided several decades ago that he was right, and is yet to be persuaded otherwise.
Other sports pundits have been sacked for less but Boycott will survive, largely because our attitude to mental health has not moved far beyond those tasteless posters.
Time, perhaps, for a new one: "You don't have to be mad to be Geoffrey Boycott, but if you are belligerent, self-obsessed, witless, crass and ignorant, it helps!"
Fashion police should make stars perform in their offending attire
"Come on you lot, pull your socks up!" is one of the more repeatable phrases I remember being bellowed from the terraces of St Andrews when I first watched Birmingham City FC.
The meaning of this quaint idiom was not literal - not unless it was directed at Steve Claridge, the journeyman striker whose rumpled hosiery was his trademark.
No, the socks were a metaphor for the team's performance. The exhortation to pull them up represented the need to increase commitment, focus or energy.
Sadly for Dez Bryant, the Dallas Cowboys receiver, the same interpretation cannot be applied to the phrase "Pull your pants up!", which was shouted at him by security guards in a fancy Dallas mall this week. There was no metaphor.
They just wanted him to pull up his trousers, the waistband of which was riding somewhere around his thighs in that "gangsta" style beloved of jailbirds, idiots and potty-training children worldwide.
There followed a furious row which led to Bryant's ejection from the mall. This is not the first time an athlete's fashion sense has ruffled some feathers.
From David Beckham's sarong to Frank Lampard's hot-pink vest to Djibril Cisse's entire wardrobe, athletes can be scrutinised as much for their threads off the pitch as their threaded passes on it.
As ever, I have a solution.
Why not introduce a rule in which a player can be randomly stopped at any moment during the week and ordered to wear that exact outfit for their next match?
Who would not like to see Dez Bryant running for a pass with his jeans around his knees, or Beckham trying to deliver a free kick in a sarong?
Plus, the crowd could re-visit that quaint old saying of my youth: "Come on you lot, pull your socks up. And then, number 11, tuck your tie-dyed, bias-cut, silk harem pants into them - the drag is slowing you down."
sports@thenational.ae
Quick%20facts
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Read more from Johann Chacko
The smuggler
Eldarir had arrived at JFK in January 2020 with three suitcases, containing goods he valued at $300, when he was directed to a search area.
Officers found 41 gold artefacts among the bags, including amulets from a funerary set which prepared the deceased for the afterlife.
Also found was a cartouche of a Ptolemaic king on a relief that was originally part of a royal building or temple.
The largest single group of items found in Eldarir’s cases were 400 shabtis, or figurines.
Khouli conviction
Khouli smuggled items into the US by making false declarations to customs about the country of origin and value of the items.
According to Immigration and Customs Enforcement, he provided “false provenances which stated that [two] Egyptian antiquities were part of a collection assembled by Khouli's father in Israel in the 1960s” when in fact “Khouli acquired the Egyptian antiquities from other dealers”.
He was sentenced to one year of probation, six months of home confinement and 200 hours of community service in 2012 after admitting buying and smuggling Egyptian antiquities, including coffins, funerary boats and limestone figures.
For sale
A number of other items said to come from the collection of Ezeldeen Taha Eldarir are currently or recently for sale.
Their provenance is described in near identical terms as the British Museum shabti: bought from Salahaddin Sirmali, "authenticated and appraised" by Hossen Rashed, then imported to the US in 1948.
- An Egyptian Mummy mask dating from 700BC-30BC, is on offer for £11,807 ($15,275) online by a seller in Mexico
- A coffin lid dating back to 664BC-332BC was offered for sale by a Colorado-based art dealer, with a starting price of $65,000
- A shabti that was on sale through a Chicago-based coin dealer, dating from 1567BC-1085BC, is up for $1,950
More from our neighbourhood series:
RESULT
Bayern Munich 3 Chelsea 2
Bayern: Rafinha (6'), Muller (12', 27')
Chelsea: Alonso (45' 3), Batshuayi (85')
At a glance
Global events: Much of the UK’s economic woes were blamed on “increased global uncertainty”, which can be interpreted as the economic impact of the Ukraine war and the uncertainty over Donald Trump’s tariffs.
Growth forecasts: Cut for 2025 from 2 per cent to 1 per cent. The OBR watchdog also estimated inflation will average 3.2 per cent this year
Welfare: Universal credit health element cut by 50 per cent and frozen for new claimants, building on cuts to the disability and incapacity bill set out earlier this month
Spending cuts: Overall day-to day-spending across government cut by £6.1bn in 2029-30
Tax evasion: Steps to crack down on tax evasion to raise “£6.5bn per year” for the public purse
Defence: New high-tech weaponry, upgrading HM Naval Base in Portsmouth
Housing: Housebuilding to reach its highest in 40 years, with planning reforms helping generate an extra £3.4bn for public finances
Election pledges on migration
CDU: "Now is the time to control the German borders and enforce strict border rejections"
SPD: "Border closures and blanket rejections at internal borders contradict the spirit of a common area of freedom"
Dengue%20fever%20symptoms
%3Cp%3EHigh%20fever%20(40%C2%B0C%2F104%C2%B0F)%3Cbr%3ESevere%20headache%3Cbr%3EPain%20behind%20the%20eyes%3Cbr%3EMuscle%20and%20joint%20pains%3Cbr%3ENausea%3Cbr%3EVomiting%3Cbr%3ESwollen%20glands%3Cbr%3ERash%26nbsp%3B%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Profile
Company: Justmop.com
Date started: December 2015
Founders: Kerem Kuyucu and Cagatay Ozcan
Sector: Technology and home services
Based: Jumeirah Lake Towers, Dubai
Size: 55 employees and 100,000 cleaning requests a month
Funding: The company’s investors include Collective Spark, Faith Capital Holding, Oak Capital, VentureFriends, and 500 Startups.
NBA Finals results
Game 1: Warriors 124, Cavaliers 114
Game 2: Warriors 122, Cavaliers 103
Game 3: Cavaliers 102, Warriors 110
Game 4: In Cleveland, Sunday (Monday morning UAE)
A MINECRAFT MOVIE
Director: Jared Hess
Starring: Jack Black, Jennifer Coolidge, Jason Momoa
Rating: 3/5
'My Son'
Director: Christian Carion
Starring: James McAvoy, Claire Foy, Tom Cullen, Gary Lewis
Rating: 2/5
Armies of Sand
By Kenneth Pollack (Oxford University Press)
The%20Woman%20King%20
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EDirector%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Gina%20Prince-Bythewood%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EStars%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Viola%20Davis%2C%20Thuso%20Mbedu%2C%20Sheila%20Atim%2C%20Lashana%20Lynch%2C%20John%20Boyega%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%203%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
AndhaDhun
Director: Sriram Raghavan
Producer: Matchbox Pictures, Viacom18
Cast: Ayushmann Khurrana, Tabu, Radhika Apte, Anil Dhawan
Rating: 3.5/5
AVOID SCAMMERS: TIPS FROM EMIRATES NBD
1. Never respond to e-mails, calls or messages asking for account, card or internet banking details
2. Never store a card PIN (personal identification number) in your mobile or in your wallet
3. Ensure online shopping websites are secure and verified before providing card details
4. Change passwords periodically as a precautionary measure
5. Never share authentication data such as passwords, card PINs and OTPs (one-time passwords) with third parties
6. Track bank notifications regarding transaction discrepancies
7. Report lost or stolen debit and credit cards immediately
FIGHT%20CARD
%3Cp%3EAnthony%20Joshua%20v%20Otto%20Wallin%2C%2012%20rounds%2C%20heavyweight%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EDeontay%20Wilder%20v%20Joseph%20Parker%2C%2012%20rounds%2C%20heavyweight%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EDmitry%20Bivol%20v%20Lyndon%20Arthur%2C%2012%20rounds%2C%20light%20heavyweight%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EDaniel%20Dubois%20v%20Jarrell%20Miller%2C%2012%20rounds%2C%20heavyweight%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EFilip%20Hrgovic%20v%20Mark%20de%20Mori%2C%2012%20rounds%2C%20heavyweight%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EArslanbek%20Makhmudov%20v%20Agit%20Kabayel%2C%2012%20rounds%2C%20heavyweight%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EFrank%20Sanchez%20v%20Junior%20Fa%2C%2012%20rounds%2C%20heavyweight%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EJai%20Opetaia%20v%20Ellis%20Zorro%2C%2012%20rounds%2C%20cruiserweight%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
Book%20Details
%3Cp%3E%3Cem%3EThree%20Centuries%20of%20Travel%20Writing%20by%20Muslim%20Women%3C%2Fem%3E%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EEditors%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ESiobhan%20Lambert-Hurley%2C%20Daniel%20Majchrowicz%2C%20Sunil%20Sharma%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EPublisher%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EIndiana%20University%20Press%3B%20532%20pages%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
AS%20WE%20EXIST
%3Cp%3EAuthor%3A%20Kaoutar%20Harchi%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EPublisher%3A%20Other%20Press%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EPages%3A%20176%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EAvailable%3A%20Now%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Mercer, the investment consulting arm of US services company Marsh & McLennan, expects its wealth division to at least double its assets under management (AUM) in the Middle East as wealth in the region continues to grow despite economic headwinds, a company official said.
Mercer Wealth, which globally has $160 billion in AUM, plans to boost its AUM in the region to $2-$3bn in the next 2-3 years from the present $1bn, said Yasir AbuShaban, a Dubai-based principal with Mercer Wealth.
“Within the next two to three years, we are looking at reaching $2 to $3 billion as a conservative estimate and we do see an opportunity to do so,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Mercer does not directly make investments, but allocates clients’ money they have discretion to, to professional asset managers. They also provide advice to clients.
“We have buying power. We can negotiate on their (client’s) behalf with asset managers to provide them lower fees than they otherwise would have to get on their own,” he added.
Mercer Wealth’s clients include sovereign wealth funds, family offices, and insurance companies among others.
From its office in Dubai, Mercer also looks after Africa, India and Turkey, where they also see opportunity for growth.
Wealth creation in Middle East and Africa (MEA) grew 8.5 per cent to $8.1 trillion last year from $7.5tn in 2015, higher than last year’s global average of 6 per cent and the second-highest growth in a region after Asia-Pacific which grew 9.9 per cent, according to consultancy Boston Consulting Group (BCG). In the region, where wealth grew just 1.9 per cent in 2015 compared with 2014, a pickup in oil prices has helped in wealth generation.
BCG is forecasting MEA wealth will rise to $12tn by 2021, growing at an annual average of 8 per cent.
Drivers of wealth generation in the region will be split evenly between new wealth creation and growth of performance of existing assets, according to BCG.
Another general trend in the region is clients’ looking for a comprehensive approach to investing, according to Mr AbuShaban.
“Institutional investors or some of the families are seeing a slowdown in the available capital they have to invest and in that sense they are looking at optimizing the way they manage their portfolios and making sure they are not investing haphazardly and different parts of their investment are working together,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Some clients also have a higher appetite for risk, given the low interest-rate environment that does not provide enough yield for some institutional investors. These clients are keen to invest in illiquid assets, such as private equity and infrastructure.
“What we have seen is a desire for higher returns in what has been a low-return environment specifically in various fixed income or bonds,” he said.
“In this environment, we have seen a de facto increase in the risk that clients are taking in things like illiquid investments, private equity investments, infrastructure and private debt, those kind of investments were higher illiquidity results in incrementally higher returns.”
The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, one of the largest sovereign wealth funds, said in its 2016 report that has gradually increased its exposure in direct private equity and private credit transactions, mainly in Asian markets and especially in China and India. The authority’s private equity department focused on structured equities owing to “their defensive characteristics.”
Wenger's Arsenal reign in numbers
1,228 - games at the helm, ahead of Sunday's Premier League fixture against West Ham United.
704 - wins to date as Arsenal manager.
3 - Premier League title wins, the last during an unbeaten Invincibles campaign of 2003/04.
1,549 - goals scored in Premier League matches by Wenger's teams.
10 - major trophies won.
473 - Premier League victories.
7 - FA Cup triumphs, with three of those having come the last four seasons.
151 - Premier League losses.
21 - full seasons in charge.
49 - games unbeaten in the Premier League from May 2003 to October 2004.